Girls who date you but aren't over their previous loss?

[mkivtt]

Here's my situation. I' met this girl twice and flirted with her both times for ~30 minutes. Got her email, and she told me in her 1st message that she recently had her heart broken and is fragile. After some mails I got her #. Our texts were very flirty and teasing, however, on occasional days she was feeling down and sad.

We went on a 1st date last Sat and I felt it went well. Not perfectly great, but definitely good by any standard. She was smiling, laughing, enjoying herself, I deep dived, and she did not object when I grabbed her hand for palm reading, touched her hand/arm later, and kissed her (on the cheek, alas) at the end.

I called her Sun night to tease about some things from the date, make her laugh, and then hang up without asking for a 2nd date. However, she didn't answer and texted 10 mins later she was with friends and couldn't talk. Then another 10 mins later she texted "I need to tell you something... I like your company and would love you to be your friend. I am in a phase in my life where that is all I have to offer." I called her again Mon night, but no answer again. Tue morning, she texted "After evaluating how I feel, unfortunately I do not feel I have the right chemistry to move forward with a dating relationship. I think you are an attractive, wonderful, kind and giving person. So it has nothing to do with you personally. It's just one of those things that's either there or not. You deserve someone very special." That's pretty clear I thought... friend zoned, for whatever reason.

However. She called me shortly after, and said she had a great time and it wasn't anything I did. I then said something I really felt about her: "when I look at you, I don't see a 40 year old woman, but I see a little girl who just wants to be loved and be happy." At this, she started to cry.

Anyway. I knew she had been hurt, and knew she was still fragile and feeling sad, but now I am not sure how that affects what she texted me.

Your opinion: was I friend zoned, or is she not ready to see someone else? Is it worth giving her some space and reaching out again in 2-3 weeks? Or should I suck it up and move on. FYI, she is a HB9, 43 years old, and a totally sweet girl that I am rather attracted to for possible LTR.

Thanks.

 

[Novacane]

The aim is to be that person she can't quite figure out. No doubt she's keeping you on the back burner while doing whatever she can to feel better, I'd recommend dropping out of contact for a bit & investing energy in new prospects.

 

[mkivtt]

Yeah, I'll give it 2-3 weeks. Thanks.

Second question... what would you suggest for a meeting at that point? I don't think I should pick up where I left off and invite her for a fun activity or cooking/movie at my place. It might be too much and scare her away. A short, innocent lunch might be better, to reconnect, see how she's doing emotionally and gauge my options.

Opinions? Assuming of course she doesn't ignore me when I reach out to her again...

 

[Novacane]

Refrain from contact, she probably has roped more than one guy into pitying her, focus on bettering yourself and being the object of desire. Not the person shes familiar and secure with, ambiguity and uncertainty drive woman crazy. aha hope I have helped in some way.

 

[mkivtt]

Sure, that helps. However, the part I don't understand is if I never contact her again, and neither does she, then it's a lose/lose situation. I'm guessing there isn't much hope of anything working out at this point, but as Chase wrote in one of his articles: persevere. I understand the refrain from contact part, and will leave her alone for a while, but I DO want to eventually contact her again if she doesn't contact me. I don't think one "rejection" in a case like this where she's clearly going through emotional issues is a definive, final, "don't ever contact her again" case. Or is it? A second attempt might fail, but if I don't do it then I haven't even tried and it's a failure for sure...