Girls who respond super-slow on text - what to do?

[DarkJedi]

So I've been trying the "low-effort open -> talk/banter -> soft close -> hard close" for the last few numbers and its going better than before.

But I'm getting stumped with some girls who take ages to respond, like once a day. I do tend to overthink my texting, so need some help guys

For example:

Girl 1
We had a decent interaction and exchanged numbers. She responded a day later to my open with enthusiasm and emojis. => good sign.
I do some callback-humor and she responds enthusiastically same day (it was Sunday) around end of day. But the next reply is again next day end of day, but with enthusiasm.

DJ: Hey - DJ (Sat night)
HB: Hey - HB (Sunday afternoon)
DJ: <callback-humour> (Sunday eve)
HB: <agree and amplify>, talks about her friend coming (Sunday eve) <- Replied within minutes, this one, but I didn't see
DJ: relate to her friend coming and tease her (Sunday night)
HB: <responds positive to tease and adds to it>, ask question back (Monday night)
DJ: <Answer question with humor>, ask about her plans with her friend to get an idea of how busy she is (Monday midnight)

No response till now.

Little note on humor: I'd have preferred to use less humor, coz our original conversation had nice amounts of tension, but this slow response makes me concerned that too dry texting might make her not reply.

She said she has a friend visiting her and living with her for the coming few days, so I'm thinking of not trying to ask for a meet right now, in case she says no and I get negative compliance.

But past experience suggests if we continue like this it'll peter off if we don't meet. Also, we had a pretty good interaction with lots of intrigue and this slow conversation could reduce this nice tension.

What would you do in this case?

Girl 2
Had a very short interaction but she was visibly nervous-excited. Sent her "Hey. It was nice to meet you" at night and she didn't reply for 2 days. Finally she replies at night "Hey!! It was nice to meet you as well!!" (and I suppose she's now saved my number coz I can see her last seen now)
I'm thinking so many exclamation marks must be good
And since she took long to respond, I was like this is gonna take ages too! I kinda jumped the gun and made a hard close

DJ: Hope you had a good day! How's your schedule like this week? Let's get a drink, say sometime this weekend

And as expected she's "busy"

HB: Good morning! Unfortunately I'm busy this week, but another time for sure!

I don't take the "another time for sure" very positively and I haven't replied. In the past I would just forget about these numbers and not bother, but I think that's a cop-out. Thinking of saying "no worries" and have some kind of minimal conversation ("Exciting plans this week? Or just normal life things?". But might be too rapport-seeking. Argh!! Hate texting lol.

What to do with this one?

 

[gameboy]

Girl 1: "Hey we should totally meet up and grab a drink one of these days. What do you think?"

Girl 2: "No problem, just let me know when you're free! "

Always keep it open ended until she agrees to meet, then find out when she is free, then tell her when an where to meet. At least that's how I do it. Not an expert but seems to be giving decent results.

 

[DarkJedi]

Girl 1: "Hey we should totally meet up and grab a drink one of these days. What do you think?"

Sounds good. I'll wait till she replies and then send this

Girl 2: "No problem, just let me know when you're free! "

This is what I'm thinking with this one: This will leave it up to her to text me when she's free. If she does in a few days, then its good compliance, nice. If she doesn't I'll be having to poke her again, while I told her to "let me know". And without much to work with (~5 min interaction and no texting rapport), it'll be swimming against the flow, too much investment against too little from her side

 

[gameboy]

Sounds good. I'll wait till she replies and then send this


This is what I'm thinking with this one: This will leave it up to her to text me when she's free. If she does in a few days, then its good compliance, nice. If she doesn't I'll be having to poke her again, while I told her to "let me know". And without much to work with (~5 min interaction and no texting rapport), it'll be swimming against the flow, too much investment against too little from her side

Yeah if girl 2 doesn't reply, just send her "Hey what are you up to?" like 3 days later or so and see where it goes from there.

 

[Skills]

Darkjedy you made couple of mistakes like following up opening with a hard close on girl 2.... Please try to post the whole text convos vs what you did is the best way to learn fast and I can link you to specific articles that address the specific issue... girl 1 looks promising but again post the whole convo.

 

[DarkJedi]

Darkjedy you made couple of mistakes like following up opening with a hard close on girl 2.... Please try to post the whole text convos vs what you did is the best way to learn fast and I can link you to specific articles that address the specific issue... girl 1 looks promising but again post the whole convo.

For Girl 2 that was actually the full convo. So:

DJ: Hey. It was nice to meet you - DJ
HB: Hey!! It was nice to meet you as well!! <- After 2 days
DJ: Hope you had a good day!
DJ: How's your week looking like? Let's get a drink, say sometime this weekend
HB: Good morning! Unfortunately I'm busy this week, but another time for sure!

Girl 1
Full convo:

--Day 1--
DJ: Hey -DJ
--Day 2--
HB: Hey! - HB
DJ: So, how's mountain girl doing today? Had her daily hike up the stairs? (She'd mentioned missing mountains and hiking up the stairs)
HB: Yes even more than once, since 6AM My friend's visitng and was picking her up from X
DJ: Good job keeping so active
DJ: Friend from Y?
HB: Thanks!
HB: Yes I have known her since 16 - which was a long time ago
DJ: That's super sweet. When you have a friend you know for a long time
DJ: And I bet she's seen you in all your phases: the good, the not-so-good and the crazy
--Day 3--
HB: Hahaha, yes, sometimes on the same day
HB: You have any friends like that here?
DJ: Yeah, some of my uni friends
DJ: And yes, they've seen too much
DJ: What are you gonna show your friend on her trip btw?

What do you think?

 

[Skills]

For Girl 2 that was actually the full convo. So:


Girl 1
Full convo:

What do you think?

for girl 2 first it was not a strong interaction so it was quick one, so by text you need to make her think you are actually a cool dude, but it was just horrible, first the opener was super weak:

DJ: Hey. It was nice to meet you - DJ

^ i have never open a girl in my life like this, it was nice to meet you, weak what everyone else does, i don't even get why people say it was nice to meet you, is like meh does not mean anything no shit! so weak.... I would rather to open with follow convo thread, or something low effort but more unique.... Ideally i like to text right then and there to get the momentum going....

HB: Hey!! It was nice to meet you as well!! <- After 2 days

see i don't blame her 2 days to text is almost super low interest, but your opener does not help

DJ: Hope you had a good day!

^ nice guy all over the sub, i would never text that crap, you screaming nice guy in the picture she is forming of the guy she met... I have never in my life texted to anybody even girls i am fucking that.... Scream nice guy mamas boy...

DJ: How's your week looking like? Let's get a drink, say sometime this weekend

^ horrible, she is barely investing, you don't get any investment or compliance and you go for a hard close HORRIBLE....

HB: Good morning! Unfortunately I'm busy this week, but another time for sure!

^ of course, but i can't believe she is giving you an in for another time...I suspect she is just being nice.... But try to do things properly, this is horrible texting.... Brah! thing is will be much harder to work from negative compliance.... Follow proper structure


Now girl 1

DJ: Hey -DJ

I actually like this opener wayyyyyyyyyyy better than nice to meet you but i would get rid of Hey..... I would just text "dj" hey is unnecessary, but no biggie just nitpicking...

--Day 2--
HB: Hey! - HB

Her emoji is sub communicating interest...

DJ: So, how's mountain girl doing today? Had her daily hike up the stairs? (She'd mentioned missing mountains and hiking up the stairs)

^ this is great using a nickname based on events that are related to the meet in a cool playful way... I actually would have use a variation of this as the opener....

HB: Yes even more than once, since 6AM My friend's visitng and was picking her up from X

^ good she is enthusiastic and investing...

DJ: Good job keeping so active
DJ: Friend from Y?

^ good paying attention to what she says and using that as convo thread... good job keeping so active, then here i would have say I find a girl that can hike and be active attractive... (subtle hitting or flirting)

HB: Thanks!
HB: Yes I have known her since 16 - which was a long time ago
DJ: That's super sweet. When you have a friend you know for a long time
DJ: And I bet she's seen you in all your phases: the good, the not-so-good and the crazy

^ this is good...

--Day 3--

HB: Hahaha, yes, sometimes on the same day
HB: You have any friends like that here?
DJ: Yeah, some of my uni friends
DJ: And yes, they've seen too much

^ good

DJ: What are you gonna show your friend on her trip btw?

^ this was meh, I would have gotten intelligence on when her friend is leaving.... And then i would have soft close on we should go hiking sometime... Just to soft close...

Girl 1 interaction was 6 out of 10 (almost no mistake but you did not flirt to gauge reactions or move things forward and the last question was meh as fuck)....

Girls 2 interaction was 1 out of 10 the one is me being nice....

 

[Will_V]

So I've been trying the "low-effort open -> talk/banter -> soft close -> hard close" for the last few numbers and its going better than before.

But I'm getting stumped with some girls who take ages to respond, like once a day. I do tend to overthink my texting, so need some help guys

For example:

Girl 1
We had a decent interaction and exchanged numbers. She responded a day later to my open with enthusiasm and emojis. => good sign.
I do some callback-humor and she responds enthusiastically same day (it was Sunday) around end of day. But the next reply is again next day end of day, but with enthusiasm.

No response till now.

Little note on humor: I'd have preferred to use less humor, coz our original conversation had nice amounts of tension, but this slow response makes me concerned that too dry texting might make her not reply.

She said she has a friend visiting her and living with her for the coming few days, so I'm thinking of not trying to ask for a meet right now, in case she says no and I get negative compliance.

But past experience suggests if we continue like this it'll peter off if we don't meet. Also, we had a pretty good interaction with lots of intrigue and this slow conversation could reduce this nice tension.

What would you do in this case?

Girl 2
Had a very short interaction but she was visibly nervous-excited. Sent her "Hey. It was nice to meet you" at night and she didn't reply for 2 days. Finally she replies at night "Hey!! It was nice to meet you as well!!" (and I suppose she's now saved my number coz I can see her last seen now)
I'm thinking so many exclamation marks must be good
And since she took long to respond, I was like this is gonna take ages too! I kinda jumped the gun and made a hard close

And as expected she's "busy"

I don't take the "another time for sure" very positively and I haven't replied. In the past I would just forget about these numbers and not bother, but I think that's a cop-out. Thinking of saying "no worries" and have some kind of minimal conversation ("Exciting plans this week? Or just normal life things?". But might be too rapport-seeking. Argh!! Hate texting lol.

What to do with this one?

@Skills nailed it. The main issue I see in both conversations is friendly, polite, unexciting conversation. This makes her feel like she's maintaining a social interaction with someone she barely knows, ergo her unwillingness to invest.

Some of these questions you are asking, although to us dudes it feels like we're just trying to establish rapport, for her it's weird. Why does this dude I barely know want to know what I want to show my friend? Not even her mum is that interested.

That's why being more assertive or teasing works well even though it feels a bit pushy, because it rebalances the investment even when it's you that's investing.

I recommend that if you don't know what to ask a girl, always default to asking something that reveals something about her, or commenting an implication about what sort of girl she is in a teasing way that she can then engage with. That way the frame remains in the zone of her qualifying rather than heading off somewhere unproductive. Because really, if you're a dude who is confident and knows what he wants, your primary goal is to see if she's the girl for you, and you are busy with shit to do and don't want to waste too much time.

 

[DarkJedi]

Thanks Skills for a play by play breakdown

^ i have never open a girl in my life like this, it was nice to meet you, weak what everyone else does, i don't even get why people say it was nice to meet you, is like meh does not mean anything no shit! so weak.... I would rather to open with follow convo thread, or something low effort but more unique.... Ideally i like to text right then and there to get the momentum going....

Yeah I agree its a very shitty opener, but I couldn't think of anything better. Think we had such a short interaction I didn't have anything to call back on.

And thought that the "Hi - DJ" for this one would be too low effort for such a short interaction and she wouldn't reply at all. Am I thinking backwards here?

^ of course, but i can't believe she is giving you an in for another time...I suspect she is just being nice.... But try to do things properly, this is horrible texting.... Brah! thing is will be much harder to work from negative compliance.... Follow proper structure

Think so as well lol. She didn't reply anymore. Too bad, she was hot af. Should have had a longer interaction.

Update on Girl 1
So she replied at the same time exactly last night. I should have done a soft close but messed up. Since I was online at the same time, I thought I can get her to do back and forth a bit and soft close. But she replied only once and now my texts look weak I think.

HB: Wonder what is too much
HB: I'm not sure she's on a trip. She might decide to stay a while.
DJ: Good question (reply to 1st)
DJ: ohh. Fell in love with X already!

These texts are now weak enough to not even warrant a reply if she chooses to, and she also did less emojis.

I'm thinking 2 things:

• Should I wait to see if she replies or do a soft-close type double text now?
• Should I do a soft close like "I have a great idea: let's continue this convo over drinks soon" or do a bait like "i have a great idea for you " and wait for her response to soft close?

What do you think?

 

[DarkJedi]

That's why being more assertive or teasing works well even though it feels a bit pushy, because it rebalances the investment even when it's you that's investing.

I remember you mention this in the context of real life interactions and I've incorporated it with good effect.

The thing that makes me hesitate about teasing in text is that some girls don't seem to respond to being teased on text even when they were responsive to teasing in person. How would you approach that? Or was my tease frame not strong enough for them in person?

Also, there's some interactions where the girl is clearly attracted and receptive. I don't do teases then, just a seductive vibe with tension and getting-to-know questions. How should I be texting then? Coz in my head it seems incongruent that I didn't tease in real life while I'm leading with teases on text.

I recommend that if you don't know what to ask a girl, always default to asking something that reveals something about her, or commenting an implication about what sort of girl she is in a teasing way that she can then engage with. That way the frame remains in the zone of her qualifying rather than heading off somewhere unproductive. Because really, if you're a dude who is confident and knows what he wants, your primary goal is to see if she's the girl for you, and you are busy with shit to do and don't want to waste too much time.

Very good insight. Thanks!

 

[Skills]

Thanks Skills for a play by play breakdown


Yeah I agree its a very shitty opener, but I couldn't think of anything better. Think we had such a short interaction I didn't have anything to call back on.

And thought that the "Hi - DJ" for this one would be too low effort for such a short interaction and she wouldn't reply at all. Am I thinking backwards here?


Think so as well lol. She didn't reply anymore. Too bad, she was hot af. Should have had a longer interaction.

Update on Girl 1
So she replied at the same time exactly last night. I should have done a soft close but messed up. Since I was online at the same time, I thought I can get her to do back and forth a bit and soft close. But she replied only once and now my texts look weak I think.

These texts are now weak enough to not even warrant a reply if she chooses to, and she also did less emojis.

I'm thinking 2 things:

• Should I wait to see if she replies or do a soft-close type double text now?
• Should I do a soft close like "I have a great idea: let's continue this convo over drinks soon" or do a bait like "i have a great idea for you " and wait for her response to soft close?

What do you think?

You can't really force a soft close, but if you get stuck and want to force just say: "montain girl i think you are cool and someone worth getting to know" "we should have a quick meet and greet to see if the vibe is there"

^ since you like to force softcloses use that.... But sofcloses should not really be force is done at high point of investment/compliance/interaction, not cause she responds and you get anxious.... in other words have to follow flow....