Give it to me straight, guys; can I succeed without being a party animal?

[Animatronic_Squirrel]

This has been bothering me for a while.

I'm not a club guy - not just as in 'clubs aren't my favorite thing, but I can have fun' - but I can't get into the energy of a club. The loud music, the dancing, - cutting loose enough to lose yourself in the music and the beat. Never happens, no matter how much I do to try to cut loose, or how much I drink.

I'm recalling a few girls I knew weren't satisfied because I was reluctant to go out clubbing with them, which inevitable meant that we'd do other things or be indoors a lot - which eventually led to some boredom.

Anyway, the thing that bothers me isn't really the clubs, its that the guys who CAN enjoy clubs have enormous amounts of energy, and just 'joie de vivre' - and it really shows in other areas of their lives. My question is; how the hell do I get that? CAN I develop that?

 

[Lotus]

It seems like those girls don't match your personality. As they are looking to be high energy and you are not. Their are definitley plently of girls who are not into those types of venues... so do not worry you are not alone.

Have you tried going to smaller bar style venues as opposed to larger club style venues?

If you have and still no success you might want to try day game, a lot of the women you will find during the day do not go out at all.

 

[luego]

Everyone (even girls) also outgrow clubs. At 21, you'll have tougher times finding pretty girls who don't want to go out partying relatively frequently. At 25, most are past it, and while there's still a little partying, pubs and the like are frequented more often.

And you can have the enthusiasm and zest for life without clubs. Find your own passions, and share them, or at least let her see you experience them.

 

[sneaky_charm]

Well, don't think about it as getting some pussy. Instead, think about it as 'sleeping with girls I like'. If you are not the clubbing type, you will not really bond with those girls on a real level. Ask yourself what you really want. Do you want a girlfriend? Do you want some hookups? What are you comfortable doing in exchange of what you want?

It is alright to extend your comfort zone a bit, but do not attempt to change your personality completely because that is what you think will impress others. I think you will be able to find girls who don't like much clubbing even in your age. Try to frequent book stores. Maybe join a music club, go to deep seminars that interest you. You seem like the type who does not have much tolerance for BS. If that is the case, then your best bet is trying to find girls who are smart, intelligent and have goals in life. Maybe check out a science fair, book fair or a music school. Or you can go language learning. Go to places where only motivated people will go, and I think you will find people who match your personality.

For now, make a list of all the things that interest you, like:

1. Photography
2. Books
3. Cycling
4. Painting
etc. etc.

And then, go from there!

Hope I helped!

EDIT: Oh sorry. I see that your main concern was developing that energy. Well, in that case, I can tell from personal experience that first you will have to pretend. Act like confident people do, go clubbing, push your limits. AT FIRST, IT WILL NOT FEEL 'REAL', NOT BY A LONG SHOT! YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOU'RE FAKING IT, AND THAT'S TRUE. You will dislike it and want to leave at first, but keep pushing and after a while you will start enjoying the things! That is because when you do something many times, the anxiety goes away, and all that stays is fun!

 

[ray_zorse]

Well definitely if you're not into clubs you'll want to look into daygame, I love clubs but I'm more of a daygamer myself.

What you said about girls wanting you to go to clubs with them... this is fine in social circle (and may give you a little preselection) but if you're into those girls don't go to clubs with them, as one of the article writers on the main site put it, this is like bringing food to a restaurant... I did it recently (for reasons I won't go into, suffice it to say there were extenuating circumstances) and it's a dampener, you have a much better time going by yourself or with some male friends and spending the time putting all your energy into the hunt and having a good time

Another way to handle clubbing is just treat it like daygame with annoying background noise... it is kind of fun seeing the girls all dressed up and made up!

-Ray