Going direct troubleshooting.

[Zoro]

My go to opener when I don't have a situational one is "Hey, I thought you were cute so I wanted to say hi." Sometimes I might tell her I thought she was cute a little bit further into the interaction.

So far, I feel like I take a big loss in being a challenge and flirtatiousness. I have a feeling I'm doing something wrong, maybe even my word choice is lackluster, but more likely I'm not strong enough in some intriguing, sexy, mysterious aspect. Although I'm not sure because I've put in a lot of work into my fundamentals, so I wonder if I am overlooking something big.

On the other hand, I've had much better results using an opener like, "Hey how are you? I wanted to come meet you because I think I'd regret it if I didn't." Girls will typically give me more time of day and I had my first instadate after using this, hooking her hard within 1-2 minutes.

I also noticed something when attempting to pick up girls at work. Since I'm wary of getting in trouble at work, I nix anything direct or overt and focus on building a common connection and setting up a meet based on that connection (yet ideally sub communicating sexually). I've just started doing it like this, but I've already noticed a different and more productive vibe than my typical direct day gaming approach.

So please help me with my woes.

What are my direct opening issues?

Should I drop it, in favor of nonverbal and connection building?

 

[HellAtlantic]

I don't like "I wanted to meet cuz I'd regret it if I didn't". That signifies you already have placed her on a higher level. Maybe you would be better off not meeting her. You don't know. She could be boring or not up to your standards. Until proven otherwise she's your equal and hasn't yet shown whether she's someone that you should regret not meeting. But that's a good line to use after you hit it off with her and got her number and a pull isn't likely. "Listen I gotta go but nice meeting you, I would've regretted not meeting you - you turned out to be a pretty chill girl. Let's hang soon." That's you qualifying her afterwards, not before.

You take a hit approaching no matter what - you're the one approaching her. They know why you're talking to them. This is for nite game mind you.

I like to make observational approaches. Like I'll point out a group of ppl to a girl and make a comment. Or my gold standard go-to: "I'm gonna step away for a minute - can you watch my drink and make sure no one puts a roofy in it?" and then engage them when I come back.

The "I think you're cute" should already be implied - in how you look at her and how you start touching her.

 

[HellAtlantic]

Ohhhh I just realized the "going direct" part of this thread. Gotcha. I don't use a direct opener in my approach. I like to think certain things are implied and thus no need verbalize some stuff right off the bat. That's just me. Experts - guys far better at this than I - will all be able to have success with both direct and indirect.

 

[Zoro]

Thanks for the responde HA,

I don't like "I wanted to meet cuz I'd regret it if I didn't".

The times I've used it, it worked well and much better than a direct opener.

I would agree that nonverbals can communicate this stuff and I'm working on that. Richard's style of flirting is also something I want to remember to experiment with...

I think maybe I'm relying too much on the direct opener because I feel like I need to let the girl know why I am talking to her and have her pay a little more attention. Most of the time when I don't go direct, the conversation dies soon into the interaction. It's the "lucky" times I run into girls who naturally vibe with me or girls who are intrigued by my directness that stay to chat.

It seems I just need more experience. Maybe I'm just experiencing why its called a numbers game, the normal fact that most girls just aren't available or interested. I can tell my ice breaking could use some work, and that I'm just not meeting enough women to practice and improve. Social momentum makes a huge difference for me.

 

[HellAtlantic]

You are absolutely right - some girls just aren't available or interested. You could be doing everything correctly and it still won't matter with some girls. They also get to decide who they are attracted to, it's their lives and prerogative.

One thing I also do well in nite game is playing up age differences. I'm 38. Couple months back I was standing at a bar and two younger girls set up shop next to me. The bartender asked to see their ID. I get mock "angry" and make a comment about why I wasn't carded and they were (I have a fun relationship with the female bartender cuz I go to this bar a lot). They giggle. I then start talking to them. I had every intention on talking to them but I waited to have "an angle". The carding/not getting carded was it. After a minute or two I ask them how old they think I am. They say 34. I slightly wince and say ok I guess that's not that bad. They're surprised to hear I'm older. They then ask how old I think they are. Bingo!! I look the first one in the eyes and then I ask to see her hand. They look at me very puzzled. I touch her hand and study the back of it. They are clueless why im looking at her hands to guess her age. I was off by one yr. They were thoroughly entertained. I could've gone further but alas my female coworker who I was trying to bang but never did showed up. I turned my attention to her and I could see out of the corner of my eyes the disappointment in the two girls that I basically ditched them.

Anyway the point is I went indirect. I waited for the theme of what I'd be taking to them about by staying patient and waiting for a relevant topic. This way I'd have talking points already set up for me. My going direct would've come across as too pick-uppy. Some guys are pros at it and more power to whoever has success with direct. When you go direct it's pretty hard to have a follow up to "I saw you standing over here and I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you." "Ok, nice to meet you," she'll respond. Ok what now? I guess exchange names? Ok. And...? You see how you continuously need to have a follow up and response ready?

 

[Smith]

J Wick,

Focus on your masculine edge. Make sure your intention is clear, and I mean 100% clear. You're not holding back even 1%. Unclarity is icky. Breath deeply into your balls as you walk up and notice her as a whole. Does she look like she has a lot on her mind? Does she look relaxed? What is she wearing? Make laser eye contact, then calibrate to her once you said hi. Anything other than a pleasant reaction..call it out, but remain unreactive. You'll soon find that you'll be able to engage girls who aren't so receptive initially. Yesterday, a girl who thought I was creepy in the initial 30 seconds turned around and said I made her day after chatting to her. I made my intention clear while showing I'm aware of how she's feeling. I found out she was engaged but she was flattered. This just shows you that social calibration can get you a long way. So don't worry about your opener. Focus on what you want to say and what you want to do. If you want to tell her she has a great ass, tell her. Conviction is very important.

Most of the time when I don't go direct, the conversation dies soon into the interaction. It's the "lucky" times I run into girls who naturally vibe with me or girls who are intrigued by my directness that stay to chat.

I feel like that's very natural sometimes, unless the conversation was going really well, and it just seems like you both click.

 

[Suave]

I think going direct is the best, it clearly states you intentions, which is VERY important! And I've seen complimenting a girl and labelling her as "attractive" gets her smiling like nothing else. The beauty of direct is confidence and the fact that nobody does it!

Now, if she isn't attracted to you, then she obviously won't really respond in an amazing way, but when she does, it's because she's kinda attracted.

It's the Dobler Dahmer theory.

Interesting thread btw, looking for some creative replies!

 

[windsofchange]

I can confirm what Smith says is true.

I've had girls who completely closed up and seemed 'creeped out' by my initial opener; but who then reopened me saying 'they were surprised and didn't know how to react because it was so flattering'. When you choose to go direct, you have to be completely committed to it WHEN you approach. And you have to gauge your response to her reaction. She's receptive? You're good.

She closes up? Give her space, don't completely focus all your attention on her, don't give her the 'death stare', etc. As Smith says, remain unreactive.

Also, don't be afraid to try new and different approaches to your openers. Don't be afraid to mix it up, and combine things to experiment. Remember, seduction is an art. Have fun with it.

 

[Zoro]

Thanks for all the responses guys.

J Wick,

Focus on your masculine edge. Make sure your intention is clear, and I mean 100% clear. You're not holding back even 1%. Unclarity is icky. Breath deeply into your balls as you walk up and notice her as a whole.

I think this is something I SHOULD have been doing all along. I tell myself I'm into exploring my masculinity and it's polarity with the feminine (which I do in relationships), but then drop the balls when I approach? That's not cool.

A lot of this has to do with a lack in practice.

 

[Zoro]

Direct opened a cutie last week and she was instantly down. Got her number in 30 seconds and a date the next day.

Now I just need to quit being a puss during the date.