Going in for the kiss with a girl in a relationship

[4AllEternity]

I'm interested in a woman who's seeing another guy. They've been dating for 2 months, but due to distance have only seen each other probably around 6 times or so.

I don't really care she's seeing someone else; I won't cuckold the guy, it'll either come down to me or him. Nothing "on the side".

Anyways, to the question; I have a solid idea of how to demonstrate my worth and get her interest, but I have no idea how to break out of the friendship facade in a case like this. I know I shouldn't operate under the friendship facade for too long, as I could easily get friendzoned, but I'm curious as to how to position a frank romantic intent.

In cases like this, would you just go on a few "friend dates" (flirting a bit, but holding back a little), and then go in for a kiss? I feel like most girls would have a lot of resistance to this tactic, no matter how into the guy they are. From their perspective, the heavy seduction would make it feel too much like they are "betraying" the person they're dating by having feelings for someone else. But at the same time the girl is also not going to just up and dump him for a guy she's had some friendly lunches with, so I feel like I have to make clear moves.

Any tips?

 

[Franco]

4AllEternity,

In cases like this, would you just go on a few "friend dates" (flirting a bit, but holding back a little), and then go in for a kiss?

Well, you certainly still want to have as few "dates" as possible, and you want to isolate her somewhere that you can actually escalate with the girl all the way to sex when you first makeout with her. When a girl is in a relationship, everything needs to happen extremely fast (meaning your kiss NEEDS to lead to sex) because, if she has time to reflect on the fact that you desire her sexually in between meetings, she's going to shoot herself in the foot by overthinking it and being too afraid to go through with it. For girls, it just has to happen "suddenly" and "naturally," and then she can decide afterward whether or not she wants to continue seeing you or seeing the other guy.

With that being said, you should be aware of whether or not this girl actually loves the other guy before you proceed. Generally if a girl is rather unhappy with her relationship (or even the circumstances of it being long distance), she'll flirt pretty hard with guys she finds attractive because she feels like she can do better and WANTS to do better. However, if she's very platonic in her actions and tries to keep things platonic whenever you try to get sexual, then there's a good chance she's not only in love with her boyfriend but also already friend-zoned you and is just trying to prevent things from getting awkward by full-on rejecting you.

So I think you should first focus on getting her in a situation where you can sexually escalate with her and then start trying to turn the topic sexual (preferably with witty sexual innuendos) and see how she responds. If she's VERY flirtatious and begins to even hit you (playfully) and return the sexual vibe back, then that's when you should make your move. Of course, when you do kiss her, you should very much focus on taking it all the way right then and there. Your chances of something happening between you two if you don't close on the first sexual interaction with a girl (post kissing) who has a boyfriend go to pretty much zero afterward.

NOTE: If you feel like isolating her at the moment will be a problem, then you should just focus on making sexual innuendos and witty banter and see how she responds. If it's not really your style, you can also try being more physical by touching her and see if she responds well (by touching you back).

- Franco

 

[PinotNoir]

4AllEternity, is this the same girl from your other post?

If so, Franco has solid advice, of course. But, at the same time, it sounds like you've been "chasing" this girl for a while. I still say go for it.... get her alone and try to escalate and make your conversations sexual, etc, like Franco said.

However, any time you are not talking with this girl and/or on a date with this girl, you need to be out meeting new women. You have to be getting out and meeting new women and going on dates with different women. Like, today, are you going to see her? If not, approach some women on the street or use Tinder. Just don't get stuck on her.

 

[4AllEternity]

Franco, thank you for the solid advice. My gut agrees with you, I can just tell that if things do get sexual, but I leave it at a kiss, she's going to flip out after unsure of who to go with and probably default to the person she's already dating. All the way definitely seems to fit.

Now as to the question of whether they're in love, from our conversation the last time I know she's getting flustered that he's already saying the big L-word all of the time as if it's the same as "Hey! How are you". She also had a few other complaints she kept telling me about, but as you said I could also simply be friendzoned. I definitely get a feeling like I have an in, but this is a girl who lacks a lot of conviction, and so can act pretty erratically when it comes to her feelings.

I'm going to try and get maybe one flirty but still platonic date in, and then go for a real date after that leads to my apartment with a movie. I'll try and escalate physically there (playfully), but if I get a no-go I'll respect that and we'll just be friends.

PinotNoir, yes this is the girl from the other post. My last post was admittedly very specific, which as I learned goes against the point of this forum, so I distilled a single question from it that can hopefully benefit others in similar situations as well.

Don't worry about my investment in this girl being too high. I find her very attractive on a compatibility level, but at the same time I'm not going to sit around trying to get her. If it's not going to happen, then she can just keep doing what she's doing, and I'll leave it to the future to see if we re-rendezvous at more ideal points in our lives (and maybe never).

The way I look at it, I can walk out of this in 30 seconds if I want and never talk to her again. As I said, I like her very much, but it's also work to even be friends with her at this point, our friendship is a bit complicated. So if my best efforts don't work out, that's cool, the chemistry just isn't there, and I can accept that.

As for other girls, I am on that right now. I've dated on and off during the last while, and it's only recently she sprung back into my mind. Even still, I'm pursuing a few other avenues as well. I also am content with my non-romantic life, I have some solid friends and a lot of good things coming up on the horizon, so I'm alright.