FR Going on date with a japanese girl and failing to kiss close

[Sergioss]

Background
This is my first time writing a field report. I don't have a lot of experience in the game and never really had a relationship in my life. This is why I am here - to correct my mistakes of not socializing enough in the past.

Backstory
So last Saturday my friend invited me to play with him on guitar in the center of the city in some japanese restaurant. It was a nice place which basically hosts events like jazz jam sessions. It is also has a broad community of people from Japan.
Before I went on the stage I made friend with a few people including this cute looking japanese girl in her 20s who was a little tipsy at the time. We chatted a bit and I showcased my basic knowledge in japanese she was impressed by that but to the degree I hoped.
After my performance I had a few dialogues with other people including her. We exchanged number and then I was off and took my friend back home and then got home myself.
So we have been texting each other a couple of days and I set her a date on Tuesday. Initially she said yes but then said that she has another appointment at that day she has to attend and we settled for Friday. However, the next day she said that her appointment was canceled and we agreed to meet on Tuesday at 7. I was going to pick her up but had some problems with the car so I took taxi to her place.

Date
I decided to take her to the cinema and was hoping to go for a horror movie (So it would be easier for me to kino her). We arrived at the mall went to the cinema and it turned out she was extremely scared of horrors (there goes my plan) so we decided to go for action movie instead. (I paid for tickets)
We had some time before the start and she admitted she was hungry so we went to a place which serves dumpling. There I was trying to deep dive her asking about her passion - her own brand of kimono designs. She was responding but the environment was busy and we had a time limit because the movie was about to start so I could not go deep enough with my question. We finished our food (I paid again) and went off to watch a movie.
Before the actual movie I tried to run self-control is sexy gambit but it appeared lame and she was a little confused I think it was too early for that and she was not ready for any sexual frames.

So we were late for the movie for about 20 minutes. First 20 minutes we just sat there watching the screen. I noticed that every time killing happened she tensed up and covered her mouth - girl was not used to violence in movies apparently. After that I tried to ger should to shoulder contact with her which for start I thought she didn't mind but then I got a sense that sometimes she was dodging that. Anyway I decided to escalate and went for a bold move - I asked:
- "Are your palms sweaty?" (trying to tease her on the fact that she was tensed up)
She said:
- "No"
- "Let me check that"
And then I grabbed her hand by which she was very surprised. She looked at me for some time but complied although from now on she was much less responsive and I could fell she was closing on me despite us holding hands. After some time I waited for the proper moment on the screen and asked her to close eyes and said that I want to try something. She rejected my proposal firmly - she was not ready at all for kiss close. So there we sat till the end of the movie, sometimes I would lay my hand on her knee, sometimes holding hands but I could feel that this was not going anywhere.
When movie ended we went outside I confronted her that she was quite distant after I tried to kiss her. She replied that everything was to fast and she was not expecting that and not used to it as in Japan it takes at least 3 dated for a kiss. To which I said that sometimes it is enough just one gaze to understand that it is the right person and that building physical connection prior to emotional is also normal for me. She said that for her its not normal. So we went to taxi and it dropped her off. We had a small talk in the vehicle about her and my family and other bullshit. I was left alone high and dry.

Conclusion
I think I should have build up connection more before attempting any kiss close and properly deep dive her. Because I haven't physical escalation felt off for her and made her distant. And probably cinema was not ideal variant for first date setting.
Thank you anyone for reading that I hope for your advices.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Hey Sergioss:
You have the background knowledge and seem to understand what you're doing and what you're doing wrong. That's a big start.

That she called you back to re-set the date for Tuesday is an excellent indication of her interest. That you met while playing guitar in public doesn't hurt either. She obviously likes you.

Movies are, in my experience, terrible for first dates. A walk in the park is a much better, and cheaper, option. Dinner is better, too. Anywhere where you can talk, run The Cube or another fun game, banter and flirt, deep dive, etc.

The fact that you are paying for everything isn't ideal. But that's just the way it is often, especially with the younger girls. She may have slotted you into the boyfriend frame, which is why she avoided the kiss. Three dates? The question you have to ask yourself, is she worth it?

 

[Gorili]

@Sergioss,

Like what @Casanova Newhouse said, I think choosing to go the movies was perhaps the biggest factor that led to this outcome. The movie setting makes you two sit there not talking and severely limits what you could do. Here's one article from the site on date plans / selection: https://www.girlschase.com/content/perfect-date-romantically-fun

We had some time before the start and she admitted she was hungry so we went to a place which serves dumpling. There I was trying to deep dive her asking about her passion - her own brand of kimono designs. She was responding but the environment was busy and we had a time limit because the movie was about to start so I could not go deep enough with my question.

I would have just asked her more basic questions and teased her if there's a strong time constraint. If you guys need to hurry and eat and catch a movie right after, the mood doesn't seem right for a deep dive with all the rush in the background.

Before the actual movie I tried to run self-control is sexy gambit but it appeared lame and she was a little confused I think it was too early for that and she was not ready for any sexual frames.

How was this topic introduced? Breaking out a deeper gambit out of nowhere without having some type of sexual framing beforehand seems risky, unless there was a good transition.

After that I tried to ger should to shoulder contact with her which for start I thought she didn't mind but then I got a sense that sometimes she was dodging that. Anyway I decided to escalate and went for a bold move - I asked:
- "Are your palms sweaty?" (trying to tease her on the fact that she was tensed up)
She said:
- "No"
- "Let me check that"
And then I grabbed her hand by which she was very surprised. She looked at me for some time but complied although from now on she was much less responsive and I could fell she was closing on me despite us holding hands.

If she's acting dodgy on the shoulder, that's a sign to not escalate further. Holding hands is higher up the intimacy ladder, so she would've felt more uncomfortable if she wasn't ok with shoulders to begin with.

After some time I waited for the proper moment on the screen and asked her to close eyes and said that I want to try something. She rejected my proposal firmly - she was not ready at all for kiss close. So there we sat till the end of the movie, sometimes I would lay my hand on her knee, sometimes holding hands but I could feel that this was not going anywhere.

Same logic as above. The kiss close was a significant escalation, way beyond holding hands.

When movie ended we went outside I confronted her that she was quite distant after I tried to kiss her. She replied that everything was to fast and she was not expecting that and not used to it as in Japan it takes at least 3 dated for a kiss.

Good thing she's explaining to you what's going on in her head and her take on the interaction. Since you guys barely know each other, she thinks you jumped the gun.

I think I should have build up connection more before attempting any kiss close and properly deep dive her. Because I haven't physical escalation felt off for her and made her distant. And probably cinema was not ideal variant for first date setting.

Yes, the date setting you chose dictated what you could do with her. She was probably more focused on watching the movie than opening up to you.

 

[Sergioss]

Hey Sergioss:
You have the background knowledge and seem to understand what you're doing and what you're doing wrong. That's a big start.

That she called you back to re-set the date for Tuesday is an excellent indication of her interest. That you met while playing guitar in public doesn't hurt either. She obviously likes you.

Movies are, in my experience, terrible for first dates. A walk in the park is a much better, and cheaper, option. Dinner is better, too. Anywhere where you can talk, run The Cube or another fun game, banter and flirt, deep dive, etc.

The fact that you are paying for everything isn't ideal. But that's just the way it is often, especially with the younger girls. She may have slotted you into the boyfriend frame, which is why she avoided the kiss. Three dates? The question you have to ask yourself, is she worth it?

Thank you for reply. Yeah going to movie was not ideal, at least not for the first date. Next time I will try so stick to some place where we can connect more and build attraction by conversating

 

[Sergioss]

I would have just asked her more basic questions and teased her if there's a strong time constraint. If you guys need to hurry and eat and catch a movie right after, the mood doesn't seem right for a deep dive with all the rush in the background.

That is ultra true, time constraint was not working in my favor. Should have probably take later session for cinema so we have time to get to know each other better and have a proper dining

How was this topic introduced? Breaking out a deeper gambit out of nowhere without having some type of sexual framing beforehand seems risky, unless there was a good transition.

So after the restaurant I realised that I have to move further and started cold reading the gambit without leading it from anywhere. I think this was a mistake - going from nowhere to sexual talk. Should have set things up before that, slowly leading to sexual frame. As a result girl was confused and was like wtf are you talking about?

If she's acting dodgy on the shoulder, that's a sign to not escalate further. Holding hands is higher up the intimacy ladder, so she would've felt more uncomfortable if she wasn't ok with shoulders to begin with.

Yeah I figured that afterwards. But at the moment I felt that maybe she is just playing shy and hard-to-get like a lot of asian girls do and so I pushed

Same logic as above. The kiss close was a significant escalation, way beyond holding hands.



Good thing she's explaining to you what's going on in her head and her take on the interaction. Since you guys barely know each other, she thinks you jumped the gun.



Yes, the date setting you chose dictated what you could do with her. She was probably more focused on watching the movie than opening up to you.

Yeah overhaul it was a failure but at least I it was good experience. I think I am going to text her and see whats up and if she is up for another date (probably no)