FR Good feelings gone :( 9/13

[TomGray]

I'm doing a project at the same time so I'm encumbered with some stuff. That didn't look too smooth. But, honestly, it was all my fault. All my easy vibe and good feelings were absent today and it just snowballed. I got worse and worse.

Girl 1: okay enough approach. She smiles. I smile. I kind of make fun of her for eating her junk food (that was stupid). She declines. I jokingly say "You're breaking my heart".

Girl 2: sitting on a bench. I say that she has beautiful hair. We make small talk about the project I'm doing and what she studies. She gives me her number to meet up later and mentions her boyfriend so nonchalantly that I know she isn't considering me for anything. I asked her before the number what she thought of me: "You're sociable" Sociable. Great. I deleted her number next day.

Girl 3: it's super awkward. We confuse the hell out of each other on the approach. I try to deep dive but she is obviously uncomfortable.Towards the end she speeds up and practically runs off.

Girl 4: I thought that it went well when I complimented her, but as it goes on I realize that it sucks ass as I follow her while she gets lunch. I ask her "Do you like me?" I get the usual response when they don't: "I don't know you well enough" even though I KNOW that's not what matters in how much they like me.

Girl 5: she starts to walk off AS I APPROACH HER. I turn my body, not wanting to be beaten so easily, but it's so brutal that I just depart.

Girl 6: She just says: "I have...to go"

Summary: I don't even fucking know. I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why am I mediocre some days and garbage other days?

 

[Mr.Rob]

I know your probably already aware and in the process of getting a handle on but you obviously have a vibe problem dude. If you still have A.A. even slightly it's going to affect your vibe thus prevent the interaction from blossoming as well as it potentially could. What I noticed from my own endeavors the less A.A. I had the easier it was to focus on and project the right vibe. This has to be something coming from deep down and you must be generally happy with where you are and where your going in order for you to radiate properly (I'm still working on this daily). I try and enjoy life and radiate a good vibe displaying my overall enjoyment to be alive (this is needed because so many people are just not happy to be alive). We can't let something that's out of our control (like learning to become a pickup artist) dictate our happiness as long as we try our hardest to overcome it. Which seems to be like your doing. I mean it's bullshit what if we are super slow to progress in our endeavors and it takes 3 years of training before we get laid does that mean our happiness will be dampened for the next 3 years. Not if I can help it, whether I get laid soon or not is not going to control my happiness. Im happy enough seeing constant progression (even if it's small) and making womens days (whether they view it as awesome, sweet, awkward, annoying) and giving them something actually interesting to post on fb "OMG! this guy at college came up and started hitting on me eww! Im not a slut thankyou very much random guys! Why is it so hard being pretty :/!!!!" trumps "just got the new Justin Timberlake CD bow chicka wow wow" yeah cool fucking boring.

What worked for me to get out of this slump was a couple things.

First off I took one day where I had nothing to do and went on an adventure out of my city (or to a different part of city if you live in a big city) to another city that I knew would be populated with women this way I knew I had nothing to fear (There was no way in hell that I would see any of these girls again so I could literally say whatever with no consequence). Here I approached as many girls as humanly possible with complete outcome independence (because my only agenda was to mass approach women specifically to trounce my A.A.). Seriously like 20 + girls just fucking annihilate the A.A. by the 8th approach you get addicted to approaching and start approaching in places/situations you normally wouldn't, thus pushing your comfort zone. After I did this my A.A. has not been as bad and I look forward to outings now.

Secondly your not the only guy out there who has as much trouble. Read through some of Chase and Ricardus's old post specifically the ones talking about their original dabblings in approaching where they sucked eggs. I like the post where Ricardus talks about him going out to do daygame and literally being so racked with A.A. that he couldn't ask a girl for the time. Go on youtube and look up some seducers that do PUA vids a lot of them have vids that talk about how they started and how bad they sucked and what they did to overcome there suckiness. Find your own inspirational material and realize your exactly where your supposed to be and your actually not as shitty as your ego makes your out to be. Although you'll have to do some searching I find it extremely beneficial to gain inspiration of such.

The last thing I did was I did part V of the X-factor, Maybe it was part IV idk. The part where you take a role model of someones vibe you see fit to imitate and then implement the different fundamentals and mindsets of that person to better your own vibe. For example I really like Liam Mc Rae's vibe when approaching women and I feel it easy to implement to my personality and style http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9ga_xjX3hs. This was a really big help to me because this guy radiate warmth and flirtatiousness that is almost impossible to not enjoy (if your the girl being hit on) and it also draws and attracts women. I feel the big thing here is that instead of imitating the person action for action you get an idea of how this person interacts in the environment and what mindsets allow you to do this. Once you do it a couple times you kind of automate it to your subconscious and you start acting like your role model.

I don't know if this will work for you or not but I'm willing to bet it will as it's pretty basic and relatively universal. That's just my theory though. Anyway Tom you just need to get this vibe thing under control and you should start killing it soon afterward.

Hope this helped,
Rob

 

[Marty]

TomGray,

You are doing great. Doing far better than 95% of men, just by trying. I agree with most of what Mr. Rob says, actually. Remember this will take effort and hard work, and a lot of failure first, before you start to see the glimmer of results.

I had quite a few similar experiences to the ones you described in my first few approaches. Similar to you, I have had many days when I spot half a dozen girls I intend to approach but due to circumstances only go through with one or two. The first 20 or so times I actually went through with the approach, right up to requesting a date, can be viewed in my journal (which is not up to date): see approaches #7 and #15 for examples of when I felt absolutely horrible. Your report reminded me of a lot of these embarrassing moments!

Girl 5: she starts to walk off AS I APPROACH HER. I turn my body, not wanting to be beaten so easily, but it's so brutal that I just depart.

I've had a few like this. One blonde in an outdoor shopping mall once looked like she was running for her life when she saw me notice her! Another time is described here.

What helped me was just thinking through my life and where I have initially failed, but persisted to achieve success:

• - Rejected for a top European university in 1994, admitted to an even finer one in 1995
  
  - Employer declined to give me business experience in an emerging part of the world I was interested in during 2001; resigned and found a job there with another company in 2002 that completely transformed my career
  
  - Failed to complete a move to the USA in 2007; succeeded in 2011

...the list goes on. I am sure you can recall similar instances yourself.

As far as daytime approach numbers go (actually completed and followed through), I am now into the 60s and the last five have been smooth as silk. It does get easier, but like with anything else, you have to keep up your determination and go through the tough part before you realize how much better you have become.

-Marty

 

[Verisimilitude]

I'm gonna echo what everyone else has said here, just because this is what this site is for: You have people to support you when you are feeling down and people to congratulate you when you succeed. But in no way shape or form is this a failure. Its progress. Failure is not approaching. You are learning. But you aren't good at first, and that's normal. Results will come man.

Why am I mediocre some days and garbage other days?

Two reasons: social momentum and state control. Social momentum is tough to describe, but its basically the "snowball effect" you described. Good interactions get better and bad ones get worse. Maybe try having a conversation with a friend or family member before you go out and meet girls. Or even someone on the job. It'll be easier and give you some good social momentum. State control is the other half. You got rejected, so you felt bad and then it spiraled into bad non-verbals. The way to fix this is by doing more approaches and not getting thrown off by rejection. One rejection from a girl isn't a big deal. Girls are cute and silly and there's tons of them. This mentality will develop as you approach more girls.

Keep at it man.

 

[TomGray]

Thanks for the support guys. I didn't expect to get such a response. I think that there are two major components to a good vibe: outcome independence or a "devil-may-care" attitude and sexiness. The first makes her comfortable and the second gets her chasing. Yesterday, before I went to work, I relaxed myself mentally by imagining myself acting relaxed and felt really good when I was working, smiling at everybody, easy, not caring if I did something wrong. I've never been high but I think that it's kind of like that.

This will take some more meticulous work. I think I need a system or something. Let's hope tomorrow's FRs go well!

 

[Marty]

TomGray:

Another important area is realizing what is under your control and what isn't. Chase goes into a lot of detail on this in various articles on the site.

• - To take a typical example, many inexperienced men will blame themselves when they get rejected by a girl, when the rejection may have had nothing whatsoever to do with the man as such: see Troubleshooting Your Opening.
  
  - At the other end of the spectrum, a man may not realize that by failing to pick up on a girl's signals and being hesitant to act, he is in fact totally at fault that nothing happens: see for example Get a Girl Alone Today with These 7 Tips.

In some cases, girls may not open for reasons entirely beyond your control. I was just in the grocery store (barely a half-hour ago) and saw a good-looking young girl of about 22 with very long hair and wearing a very unusual and eye-catching dress. Having picked up a little bit of experience, something about her demeanor made me 95% sure that she would not open. I had to walk past her anyway to get what I needed, so I thought "what the hell" and gave it a go... "That's a magnificent dress you're wearing".

Sure enough, she acknowledged the compliment with a curt thank-you and turned away to continue browsing the shelves: unmistakable body language signaling a lack of interest. There would have been no point in continuing with: "...and you're very pretty yourself. What's your name?" which is what I'd have done if I'd got the response I've often seen to such an opener, that is to say immediate full-gaze eye contact and a beaming, delighted smile.

Now it may well be that Chase, Ricardus or Franco would have been able to open that girl, but I just knew that she wouldn't open for me, so I walked off unfazed. As you begin to adjust your expectations to your revised model of reality, you don't experience such extreme disappointment, nor, might I say, such obvious, off-putting excitement when you are making headway: see Your Mental Model is Flawed and Outcome Independence; or, Not Missing a Beat.

Hope this helps too.

-Marty