got a date planned tomorow but unsure, please help fast? :)

[letsdoit]

OK, so there is this hot girl that I known for years. she is a model and a student. she is like 26 or something, I'm 32.

I've always fancied her somewhat and we've been somewhat in an extended social circle. but we've really talked just a few times. I've mostly been in a relationship and she has as well. And our social circle is not that connected or close. But we have talked and hanged out some times both IRL and online. I broke up with my ex 1,5 years ago and somewhere this summer I actually asked her out. she said BIG yes at first but then backed out, saying the circle is too small for her, meaning we both knew our exes (and she probably knew I had a bad breakup and possibly even some details about it.) I also didn't ask her in person but via chat. not good idea anyway, I saw her after that once at a party and flirted, was friendly but acted alfa and she actually messaged me later that it was so good to see me and talk to me and that it's a pity that we do that so rarely. We kind of arranged to meet up a bit later but she wanted me to come somewhere where she was hanging out with her best friend, so I skipped that politely.

Meanwhile I've had other women but nothing long-term. I'm still somewhat recovering from a bad break-up.
I haven't been following her doings at all since the summer.

Anyway, at this Christmas I randomly saw and in some reason commented on her social media photo. She instantly started to message me privately how I'm doing and how my year was. I replied it was too awesome to put it in one text, so if she'd wanna know that, we should do it over drinks. She said she'd like that very much. We weren't in the same town a that moment so, the meet-up was postponed a bit and we've been juggling our shcedule a bit (both I had to cancel once when she wanted to meet up the same day and she as well the other weekend when she had her mother BF), so tomorrow finally it seems we will meet....

but the thing is I'm not in the best of shape or condition I was some months ago. Physically. I was in really good shape but let myself a bit go a few months ago. So I don't feel especially good about myself right now. And mentally too. Feeling a bit tired and down. Not sure if I should sill meet her at this moment. but postponing this ever more doesn't seem to make sense too?
I should at least do the date, build some rapport and get her chase maybe?

and also, not sure where I should take here? any good idea?

like shoot some pool, drinks next door bar, take a walk? Really out of ideas..
I know we shouldn't do any movies or such. Should I try to take her home the same night?

I don't have much problems getting girls I'm not super into, but I'm afraid I might be a bit too into her.
After my breakup I've usually been messing up things with girls I'm into after some dates.

 

[letsdoit]

after my breakup I've been reading on an off quite a lot of dating/pickup/relationship advice.
But I'm not sure if it has got me better as the there's so much stuff it's a bit overwhelming and makes me a bit apprehensive...

I know I'm quite a catch and it's mostly my mind state that is holding me back.

 

[Fuck This]

OK, so there is this hot girl that I known for years. she is a model and a student. she is like 26 or something, I'm 32.


I should at least do the date, build some rapport and get her chase maybe?

Relax and go in with no expectations.

and also, not sure where I should take here? any good idea?

like shoot some pool, drinks next door bar, take a walk? Really out of ideas..
I know we shouldn't do any movies or such. Should I try to take her home the same night?

You will know if you should pull her home by how she reacts during the date. Generally SNL's are not condusive to LTR's

I don't have much problems getting girls I'm not super into, but I'm afraid I might be a bit too into her.
After my breakup I've usually been messing up things with girls I'm into after some dates.

If you go on a date being genuine and behaving in a manner you respect yourself, and it doesn't "work" with the girl then it is HER problem not yours. If you try to fit to HER ideal, you are chasing. I thing being confident and genuine is more attractive to girls than whether you fit their preconceived notions.

Believe me, Women can sense when you are comfortable with who you are and that they are "welcome to come along for the ride, but the bus is leaving whether she is on it or not." to turn a metaphor...

 

[letsdoit]

ok, so I was feeling low energy, sluggish and a bit unsure but thought whatever, I'll pull myself together and have that date.
but the situation "resolved" itself, she messaged me during the day that she is feeling sick and that she feels bad for postponing again, but we probably should and she is gonna get in touch when she feels better.

we didn't have time and place agreed but we agreed we'll meet up on Wed. I think she got cold feet or whatever. Anyway, it feels she blew me off, haha.
I don't think I'll hear from her again. Maybe in a year again, haha.

 

[JimmyB]

This didn't pan out. In the future, suck it up and just relax. It doesn't matter who she is or how hot she is, it's just a date. Maybe you get lucky and have sex and maybe nothing more ever comes of it. Who knows what will happen so there's no need to get so worried.

 

[letsdoit]

yeah, I actually am now relaxed about this.
and boom she just messaged that "how are you. the days are going so fast lately for me. what are your plans for the weekend?" a week after cancelling due to sickness.
I didn't reply right away as I was busy. I actually have bunch of stuff planned this weekend. so should I postpone again now to next week?
There's a big party at the place where I have a studio and I open my studio for a party as well and DJ there. But I don't think it's wise to invite her there before we even had a single date.
Next week I also have stuff planned actually but I could make room for her. Should I pick the date or let her pick it? Let her know that I available on this and this day, to give her some options?

Any ideas?

Currently I'm so busy, that I just don't have time to meet many new girls.

 

[letsdoit]

Should I expect now her to ask me out?

 

[JimmyB]

That's good. If you're busy this weekend, just say that and be open about it. You're right - don't invite her to a big party. "I'd like to do something but I'm busy all weekend. How about something next weekend?"
If she responds (probably) with "That'd be great! I'd love to!" just go something like "awesome, I'll text you later in the week about plans" she'll say ok, and then you can set something up. Be definitive in your plans but leave it open to her input. "I was thinking dinner at 8 on friday, work for you?" and then she can counter if she has other ideas. Very simple process if she's interested and you're clear about communication. MAKE ALL THE DECISIONS! Girls hate making decisions. But allow her to add input and make suggestions.
It's also ok to make a plan if you're unsure if you'll be busy (rather than being non-committal) and then cancel if it doesn't pan out. That's your best strategy because if it does work out, you're set up with no frills. And if it doesn't, you can just reschedule for another time.

If she responds something lukewarm or "Well I'll be out Saturday, you should come join us if you're free!" or non-committal just shrug it off and something like "Sounds fun but I don't think I'll be able to make it".

Only be going out with her if it's on a date and you plan the date. Otherwise you're probably getting friendzoned and wasting time.

 

[letsdoit]

haha, still asking some advice.
I just like this girl and would want to get her out. but this texting game is getting to me... This game of getting everything right. I know I've been doing things far from right before in my life and still get the girl. So I'm a bit thinking that me wanting to play this right, actually makes me play it weird and mess up.

she messaged me Thu after 6pm, I replied on Fri at 3pm that "hey ..., I got weekend planned. how about next Wed or Fri"
she saw the message but didn't reply. I later started to think maybe I was a bit cold and sent at 2am a short message "are you healthy again/or are you ok " (in this meaning, we're not native English speakers, she said she was sick last week). She hasn't replied back yet.

Parts of me wanted to invite her to this party. But I know it's not a good idea.

 

[letsdoit]

she replied with a positive reply about next week.
but I'd really like to invite her to this party today. I need to do stuff here though some times, so I'm not always feee. Then again all my new learnings say to me I shouldn't invite her, huh.....

 

[JimmyB]

What did she reply? Positive is good but depends what she's saying.
Man I think you should just invite her to this party and learn for yourself why it's not a good idea. A party is not a good place to bring a girl if you want to date her. It just doesn't make any sense. What's your end goal? Sleep with her, date her, just be friends? Inviting her to a party takes the friends route. Theres a long road to success that is paved with failure. There's no problem with inviting this girl if you want to or texting her 5 times a day if you want to, but the reason it feels wrong to you is because IT IS. You need to learn to trust your intuition and what it's telling you about what to do in these interactions.
You want to spend time and probably have sex with this girl? You need to take her on a date that's conducive to that and stick to your plan. Realize that your whole interaction is involving around you chasing this girl - lot's of effort and worry on your part and no face time.

 

[letsdoit]

Thanks to all for your feedback and helping a rusty man out, haha.

well, it was like that – she texted me on Thursday 6pm. "hey there! Ouch, my days are going so fast these days. What are your plans for the weekend?"
(she might actually be busy as I know there's a lot going on right now in that school she's going right now. And she is still also actively modelling).

I replied next day afternoon that "hey .... It's going awesome as always. I got weekend planned. How's next week Wed or Thu?"
(I had actually the whole weekend planned).

She didn't reply at first. During the night when I was out and I somehow started to think I might have been a bit rude. As I didn't even ask how she is doing. And she had been sick (supposedly).
So I sent another short text (damn, double text...), "How's your health btw?"

She replied the next day at noon that. "Yesss" Let's try next week, haha. Thu is better I think. But yea, my health is again great. Actually since the end of last week, I was then visiting parents in another town"

I replied. "Let's do that then. Thu it is".

She replied with a big smiley and "let's do it"

So, I came to my senses and didn't invite her to this party on the weekend.
The party was super fun. I was DJing until 8 in the morning. I hadn't been DJing for a long time. People were dancing and stoked on my set and said how good it was. I went to an afterparty as well and hooked up with a social circle chick and stayed at her place later the whole Sunday.

I'd still really like to go out with the "texting chick" and feel I should do it sooner rather than later, as that texting and bouncing around the clock is going on too long already.
And yeah, I'd like to just do that date, act my best (hopefully) and stop chasing. Let her do that. If she is gonna do that of course.

What is not that great, is that I found out by accident that her ex might still be chasing her. But they've been broken up for years already. Damn that small town that i live in. Everyone knows everyone and that sometimes is quite weird..

Any date ideas? We didn't agree time and place. Should I text her during Thursday day-time to meet at such and such bar at 8pm and then just take it from there.

I guess when she cancels again then it's time to leave her alone and next her. Then again we've been rescheduling (on both end) for so many times already, so it feels a bit forced or on pressure somehow..

 

[letsdoit]

I texted her today asking if it'd be cool with her to meet tomorrow instead as it turns out I'm a bit busy today.
she replied that. haha, the same here. much to do for Friday and that she might not otherwise make it with that.
and that she'd text me later, whether she'd be free tomorrow as she had some girls dinner planned but not anything concretely.

I feel my acting is making me less and less priority and I think I should just stop scheduling with her