- Joined
- Jan 24, 2016
- Messages
- 2
Hi guys,
I need your help with this one:
I have been in a relationship with a girl for a year, and out of the blue, she have dumped me.
A little background:
Me:
I’m 29 from Israel, working full time a good boring office job with a decent pay, and all the benefits. My hobbies include martial arts (which I have neglected few years ago because of a back injury) and motorcycles- this is how I met her. For the past 5 years, I been living with my parents, after traveling Europe and the US and a few bad investments. In this time I have let myself go a bit, and became lazy and sort of a introvert.
She is 23, very outgoing, always want to have fun and go out and do stuff, she is sporty and into crossfit, currently in the military, to which she went about 6 months after we started dating, in order to save money to study. She lives with her mom. When we met, she was 6 months after a-5 year long relationship with her first serious BF, who was treating her like shit. And before we met, she had a reboud relationship, and also some non-commitment relationships.
Before I met her, I have been in non-commitment relationships for almost 10 years, after I caught my second GF cheating. We started as a one night stand, and I thought she is going one of those short, non-commitment relationships, but almost right away we both realized it’s going to be much more.
We been in a relationship for a year, which was great, we always were all over each other and loved it. We hang out with her friends, who liked me a lot, and my friend, who liked her a lot, and had a lot of fun together. My parents accepted her to the family and always showed love to her, and so does her parents to me. We had a lot in common, we both love motorcycles, and working on them, same musical taste and a lot, lot more. The sex was awesome, I thought her a lot in bed, and so does she thought me. She said many times that she never had a lover like me, never any one went down on her like I did, no one ever fucked her like I did (her words), she said that she never reached an orgasm, but she felt that I have brought her closest to it. She always said she love me, and showed it, and so did i.
About 5 months into our relationship we started talking about moving together, but since she said she have signed a contract with the military for half a year, we decided that first she will finish with the military, and then we will move in together. And so she went to the military. Her service is a full week there, and then full week home. She used to call me every day she was there, and I have sent her “good night” massages. The weeks she was home, we were together every Thursday evening to Saturday in my place.
One month before her service was supposed to end, she told me “just a little more, the military will end, and we will find ourselves a cute apartment, and move in there together”. The last time we were together, she was cold and guarded, but she said that she’s not feeling well, and she said that she have decided to extend the military contract for 6 more months. That was the last time we have seen each other as couple, before she went for another week to the military.
Suddenly, few days later, all of the communication from her side became very official, she started calling me by my name, and not the nickname as she always used to call me. The massages I got back from her were very official and with no hearts or smiles as they always were- I have realized something is wrong, but I decided not to confront her on this until she will get home.
When I saw her, I went to kiss her, and after a brief kiss, she gave me the chick, and she said we need to talk- BOOM, I immediately realized what just happened. It felt like a 10” blade to the guts.
She said she had a lot of time to think in the army, and she have decided that she doesn’t sees me as a future partner and a father to her children. That I’m not what she needs, and she doesn’t want me anymore. When I tried to push her to tell me what happened she said it became too heavy too early, and she felt like my parents have cornered her, and the very first time we slept that she got introduced to them (which is not true) , and that she is “ only a 23 year old stupid girl, who have not experienced anything in her life yet” (her words), She said that if she will continue to tell me she loves me, she will be lying. I asked her if what she wants is a brake, and she said no- she does not want to keep me on a short leash- she wants to break up I almost started crying. At a certain point, we just started repeating ourselves, and she said that we are repeating. So I took my coat and thanked her for wonderful year, and walked out the door. As I was walking down the stairs, she was standing at the door with a hand over her mouth and watching me walking down the stairs. I got into my car, parked under her house, and start driving away, all the time I have seen her standing in the window and watching me drive away- something she have never done when we were together.
I talked to her father, who have a lot of respect for me, and me for him, he said that it was a surprise for him, as it was for me- because when she told him that she has news for him, he expected to hear that we are getting married, or she is pregnant. He told me, that the felt cornered by my parents, and the way they loved her, and by me. In addition, she said that she quit the crossfit because of me, and that when we played pool, I used to kiss her after each ball (both no true).
I tried to talk to her once afterwards to ask her for the real reasons, and she said that she felt like I have dragged her into my family, she felt pressure from my parents, and she got cold feet. She said that at some point, she noticed that she become less and less attracted to me.
Since the brake-up talk, it has been almost 2 months, and since that phone call, it has been over a month of complete radio silence between us. We still friends on facebook, and she kept all of our photos together. She still talks to my friends, and I to her friends, but we have not been talking to each other.
I have read Chases’ article on “how to get your girlfriend back” and it seems to be #2. I became a boring, grey high-tech office worker.
I truly want her back, and I’m willing to commit to go through the change to get her back, and I understand what I have done that have led to the brake-up. I already signed up back to the gym, I got back to learning to play the guitar, I’m fixing my bike to ride it again, and this week I will sign up to MMA again, and I’m starting to work on the rest of the things on the article to get them handled to become the man I need to be- to become the man she fell in love with initially, only better in every way- the man dreamed meeting of when she broke up with me.
She fell for me, because i was a "bad boy" with her when i met her, i let her chase me, but once she started to tell me how she loves me and that she is mine' i let my guard down, and started acting too warm, too loving towards her, too "nice guy-ish". and she became bored.
Is there anything I’m missing? Any comments?
Please advise.
Thanks,
Dima.
I need your help with this one:
I have been in a relationship with a girl for a year, and out of the blue, she have dumped me.
A little background:
Me:
I’m 29 from Israel, working full time a good boring office job with a decent pay, and all the benefits. My hobbies include martial arts (which I have neglected few years ago because of a back injury) and motorcycles- this is how I met her. For the past 5 years, I been living with my parents, after traveling Europe and the US and a few bad investments. In this time I have let myself go a bit, and became lazy and sort of a introvert.
She is 23, very outgoing, always want to have fun and go out and do stuff, she is sporty and into crossfit, currently in the military, to which she went about 6 months after we started dating, in order to save money to study. She lives with her mom. When we met, she was 6 months after a-5 year long relationship with her first serious BF, who was treating her like shit. And before we met, she had a reboud relationship, and also some non-commitment relationships.
Before I met her, I have been in non-commitment relationships for almost 10 years, after I caught my second GF cheating. We started as a one night stand, and I thought she is going one of those short, non-commitment relationships, but almost right away we both realized it’s going to be much more.
We been in a relationship for a year, which was great, we always were all over each other and loved it. We hang out with her friends, who liked me a lot, and my friend, who liked her a lot, and had a lot of fun together. My parents accepted her to the family and always showed love to her, and so does her parents to me. We had a lot in common, we both love motorcycles, and working on them, same musical taste and a lot, lot more. The sex was awesome, I thought her a lot in bed, and so does she thought me. She said many times that she never had a lover like me, never any one went down on her like I did, no one ever fucked her like I did (her words), she said that she never reached an orgasm, but she felt that I have brought her closest to it. She always said she love me, and showed it, and so did i.
About 5 months into our relationship we started talking about moving together, but since she said she have signed a contract with the military for half a year, we decided that first she will finish with the military, and then we will move in together. And so she went to the military. Her service is a full week there, and then full week home. She used to call me every day she was there, and I have sent her “good night” massages. The weeks she was home, we were together every Thursday evening to Saturday in my place.
One month before her service was supposed to end, she told me “just a little more, the military will end, and we will find ourselves a cute apartment, and move in there together”. The last time we were together, she was cold and guarded, but she said that she’s not feeling well, and she said that she have decided to extend the military contract for 6 more months. That was the last time we have seen each other as couple, before she went for another week to the military.
Suddenly, few days later, all of the communication from her side became very official, she started calling me by my name, and not the nickname as she always used to call me. The massages I got back from her were very official and with no hearts or smiles as they always were- I have realized something is wrong, but I decided not to confront her on this until she will get home.
When I saw her, I went to kiss her, and after a brief kiss, she gave me the chick, and she said we need to talk- BOOM, I immediately realized what just happened. It felt like a 10” blade to the guts.
She said she had a lot of time to think in the army, and she have decided that she doesn’t sees me as a future partner and a father to her children. That I’m not what she needs, and she doesn’t want me anymore. When I tried to push her to tell me what happened she said it became too heavy too early, and she felt like my parents have cornered her, and the very first time we slept that she got introduced to them (which is not true) , and that she is “ only a 23 year old stupid girl, who have not experienced anything in her life yet” (her words), She said that if she will continue to tell me she loves me, she will be lying. I asked her if what she wants is a brake, and she said no- she does not want to keep me on a short leash- she wants to break up I almost started crying. At a certain point, we just started repeating ourselves, and she said that we are repeating. So I took my coat and thanked her for wonderful year, and walked out the door. As I was walking down the stairs, she was standing at the door with a hand over her mouth and watching me walking down the stairs. I got into my car, parked under her house, and start driving away, all the time I have seen her standing in the window and watching me drive away- something she have never done when we were together.
I talked to her father, who have a lot of respect for me, and me for him, he said that it was a surprise for him, as it was for me- because when she told him that she has news for him, he expected to hear that we are getting married, or she is pregnant. He told me, that the felt cornered by my parents, and the way they loved her, and by me. In addition, she said that she quit the crossfit because of me, and that when we played pool, I used to kiss her after each ball (both no true).
I tried to talk to her once afterwards to ask her for the real reasons, and she said that she felt like I have dragged her into my family, she felt pressure from my parents, and she got cold feet. She said that at some point, she noticed that she become less and less attracted to me.
Since the brake-up talk, it has been almost 2 months, and since that phone call, it has been over a month of complete radio silence between us. We still friends on facebook, and she kept all of our photos together. She still talks to my friends, and I to her friends, but we have not been talking to each other.
I have read Chases’ article on “how to get your girlfriend back” and it seems to be #2. I became a boring, grey high-tech office worker.
I truly want her back, and I’m willing to commit to go through the change to get her back, and I understand what I have done that have led to the brake-up. I already signed up back to the gym, I got back to learning to play the guitar, I’m fixing my bike to ride it again, and this week I will sign up to MMA again, and I’m starting to work on the rest of the things on the article to get them handled to become the man I need to be- to become the man she fell in love with initially, only better in every way- the man dreamed meeting of when she broke up with me.
She fell for me, because i was a "bad boy" with her when i met her, i let her chase me, but once she started to tell me how she loves me and that she is mine' i let my guard down, and started acting too warm, too loving towards her, too "nice guy-ish". and she became bored.
Is there anything I’m missing? Any comments?
Please advise.
Thanks,
Dima.
