FU got stood up ... or did i reject her ?

[lao che]

tinder girl. talking for one week. scheduling prevented a meet last weekend. didn't talk from sunday to thursday. thursday was a no-go for meeting so on to friday ..

lots of pre-amble and then i tell her

me: hey let's meet up for a drink or two. what's your favourite cocktail?

her: whiskey. i like whiskey.

me: perfect. ever have an old-fashioned?

her: what do you like?

me: it's a cocktail with whiskey, called old-fashioned. delicious

her: you must be old.

me: yeah. let's go then. i know a great place

her: i didn't say i was going ..... what great place?

me: cocktail saloon

her: sounds great. sure i'm safe? i'm curious how can we communicate? (we are talking on wechat with a translate function but i'm sure she can speak english well)

me: we'll be ok ... as long as you keep your hands off me

her: haha i won't. but how to communicate?

me: like this

haha

[send screenshot of address of cocktail lounge]

her: i saw it [sends her own screenshot] not far from me. close to you?

me: close enough. see you at .... 9. dress pretty and laugh at my jokes

her: i just finished dinner.

me: hope you're not fat now

her: plump

her: i ate too much

i arrive at the saloon

me: it's not easy to find. let me know when you're close

her: what? you mean ask me to go to that bar?

me: tell me when you're near. yeah. hurry up

her: oh... i'm blowing my hair

me: hurry up girl. i said 9. thought you were out having dinner

her: i didn't confirm it with you. i finished eating and went home. i'm going to blow my hair

me: so be quick

her: send a selfie. half an hour

me: i'm not sending a picture. half an hour

her: you're fierce. don't you have a scooter?

me: so...?

her: might be faster if you pick me up

no fucking way i'm gonna do that but

me: you just wanna get me in your lair ... where's your place?

sends a pin and sends address [quite far]

me: you're having a laugh. far!

her: ?

me: how is my scooter gonna be quicker than a taxi?

her: without doubt. and you're scooter is cooler

me: now you're just teasing with me. i'm gonna go do something else instead. have yourself a good night.

her: are you kidding me? see ya! i think i'll go to the movies [screenshot of some tv or something. looks like from inside her apartment]

so, at first glance i think i handled that well. but..... did she just invite me to her place? and i completely rejected her? that's the thought i had on my miserable way home

 

[lostnumber]

You didn't get your logistics figured out beforehand and as she explicitly stated, she never agreed to meet you there. When you are physically with a girl it's ok to take a wishy washy answer as a yes and keep moving the interaction forward, but not for something like this. Even when you explicitly agree on a time/place girls will flake out, and that definitely didn't happen here.

And then she invited you to come pick her up and you turned her down. I don't know the transportation logistics in the country/city you are in, but here in America it would be ridiculous to expect someone to take a taxi out just to meet you on a Tinder date. Although uber/lift are a thing now I guess. Rule #1 is never lose your cool when things don't go according to plan. I think you let your frustration get the better of you here. She clearly was willing to meet, you could have driven up to meet her and taken her to a bar near her place, or taken her back near yours and then had her catch a taxi back if things didn't work out. Shit like this happens out in the wild, and you have to be able to adjust your plans. I'm sure the language barrier wasn't helping matters either

I don't know what your living situation looks like, but the only date I'll go on these days is a girl meeting me at my place and walking to a bar. That way when she is running an hour late, or cancels at the last minute, or whatever, I'm at my place chilling out and it's no big deal, instead of by myself getting increasingly flustered and frustrated as I imagine you were in this scenario. If you have the logistical setup to run things this way I highly recommend giving it a try

 

[lao che]

my logisitics were fine. i was finishing work, the bar is on my way home. this is nothing to do with frustration

it certainly wouldn't be ridiculous to expect her to take a taxi, esp when she'd told me it was close. when she sent me her home address it wasn't close at all. it would have taken me 30 minutes each way to go to pick her up on my scooter, maybe longer, as it is unfamiliar territory. so going to get her and then taking her back to the original destination would be retarded. and waiting a half an hour for her to arrive (it's 9.20 by now, so ... let's face it she's still drying her fucking her so it'll be at least 10pm before she arrives) means i've waited an hour already, this does not put a guy in a strong position. that's why i decided to call it a day.

the only question is: does "come pick me up" mean "i'm inviting you to my place but i don't wanna make it more blatant than that"?

edit: i'd already invited myself to her place, more than once, over the course of the previous few days. she does not live alone.
it is possible that she may have had the place to herself tonight (but i have no evidence of that) so if i went there i could finagle my way inside, but that can't possibly be planned for

 

[lostnumber]

I guess my read of the situation is very different than yours. Maybe I'm missing something because I dont have the context of your previous interactions. It could also be that since there is a different language involved here things aren't translating perfectly. To me it sounds like she isn't even 100% on meeting up with you yet, hence her not committing to meet you when you were trying to set things up. This would seem to be born out if you've tried to invite yourself over and she has said no. In the convo you post this girl asks how she knows she is safe, ignored your direct request to meet up, didn't respond directly when you tried to set the date at 9, asked you for a selfie (probably to prove you are real and really at the location). Finally she invited you to come pick her up at her place, likely because she feels more comfortable and in control there and is clearly nervous about the prospect of meeting up. I don't interpret any of this as her inviting you over to have sex.

I read this conversation and see a failed date attempt where you pushed hard and never got the necessary buy-in from her. Since the interaction ended on a negative note my experience tells me it's over and the odds of up meeting up are practically nil now.

But again, I don't have the context of your previous conversations. If you guys are exchanging naked pics and talking about meeting up to fuck then obviously my analysis is missing some important information. And maybe there are some cultural/language elements that are escaping me as well. Have the two of you talked since this? If so how did it go?

PS

The taxi thing could be a cultural difference. Here in America to get a taxi you would likely have to call one to pick you up and then for a 30 minute taxi drive it might be $40-50. No one would ever do that for a first date and it would be an unrealistic expectation for a girl you met on Tinder. But where you live it could be normal and taxis are much cheaper

 

[Sandman]

I usually pick somewhere close to where I am (usually my office) before I meet up with a girl. If a girl wants me to pick her up I'll just do it if it's not far away but I can see if it was too much of a hassle for you especially in a scooter and not in a car. It's better to meet up in a slightly less powerful position than not to meet up at all because you can always turn that around.

I understand why lostnumber thought you were frustrated. She was showing you a lot of interest, asking you to send a pic, telling you your scooter would be cooler... And imagine driving a scooter with her, her hands would be all over you, touch barrier broken very easily, close proximity... You just sound like you autorejected :/ You could have definetely met up with her if you were warmer and handled it better.

I think she didn't invite you to her place as girls will do that rarely on the first date, before you even met up with her (unless you already had some sexting and she was dtf, never happened to me) but you could have definetely scored had you met up.

 

[lao che]

I never felt ambiguity. Was surprised when she said she wasn't on her way and had never agreed to meet. We'd already talked about her having no plans for the evening so let's make some.

Going to her area from the bar would be weak, low value, and almost impossible on am electric scooter with limited battery life. Unless I specifically was going to her place - with no intention of meeting outside or going outside (I don't know the area bars, etc, everything would be in her hands) then I made the right decision to bail. I found it most disrespectful and took the right course of action.

Only doubt is that perhaps she wanted me to say, "ok I'll come get you" and then take control, invite myself up to her place while she finished getting ready, and seduce her there. It's not outside the realm of possibility, but It's all a lot of what-ifs, including her being alone without her room mate.
And upon reflection I believe I made the right move. I waited 20 minutes for her. That's plenty

 

[lao che]

p.s. I already knew which area she lives in, prior to this happening. I know it's not close to the bar. she looked up the place, told me it was close to her, she was having dinner somewhat nearby (it's quite central)

The logistics convo took place around 8.15-8.30, talking about meeting very soon.

Taxi is a non-issue. And would be at most a fifteen minute journey, door to door.

The " sure I'm safe" line is ( I thought obvious) call back humour, not an actual concern


Have not spoken since. It's lunch time Saturday now. I'm wondering whether to re engage. There's no reason not to, I guess. A simple misunderstanding. I'm gonna give her a what's up

 

[andersen09]

me: it's not easy to find. let me know when you're close

her: what? you mean ask me to go to that bar?

me: tell me when you're near. yeah. hurry up

her: oh... i'm blowing my hair

me: hurry up girl. i said 9. thought you were out having dinner

her: i didn't confirm it with you. i finished eating and went home. i'm going to blow my hair

me: so be quick

her: send a selfie. half an hour

me: i'm not sending a picture. half an hour

her: you're fierce. don't you have a scooter?

me: so...?

her: might be faster if you pick me up



no fucking way i'm gonna do that but

me: you just wanna get me in your lair ... where's your place?



sends a pin and sends address [quite far]

me: you're having a laugh. far!

her: ?

me: how is my scooter gonna be quicker than a taxi?

her: without doubt. and you're scooter is cooler

me: now you're just teasing with me. i'm gonna go do something else instead. have yourself a good night.

her: are you kidding me? see ya! i think i'll go to the movies [screenshot of some tv or something. looks like from inside her apartment]

This could've worked out another way.
When she sent you a pin, and it's far away, you should've made her invest her part if you were to come over.

You're right about it could've been "lower value" but as another said, better to come in lower value a bit than no meet up.

Lose the battle but win the war.

That's the first thing.

Second thing, even if you were to go lower value, you can soften the blows of it.
So if she wants you to come pick her up, you can make her invest in some way before you agree.


I'll come pick you up.. but I'm hungry, so have some food ready for me.
I'll come pick you up.. but (You also need to do this if I'm to come over)

This could've been very beneficial, as you could've just skipped the whole bar thing and just chill at her place straight up.

Just my 2 cents.
It's not about ego, but making sure she's willing back up what's she's saying with investment instead of "playing you", in which could be. But you never know until you try to make it into a collaborative effort.

If she's not willing to put in the work, then by all means, tell her to go fuck her own dildo.

 

[lao che]

I don't disagree with this. And it's pretty much what I would have done if..... I didn't even think about the possibility until I was on the way home when I had a forehead smacking moment.

Going to get her was an impossibility and I just thought gib it, I'm not waiting around for her, she clearly isn't serious about meeting up. I'm not gonna waste any more time might as well go do something else

i still believe it was the right thing to do. Going to her had too many variables, not least of which is the roommate



We talked the next day. I still think it's gonna happen.

 

[andersen09]

We talked the next day. I still think it's gonna happen.

If you say so, best luck.

 

[lao che]

+1

,)