Gotta push myself

[RicoLeon]

So I've always got my dates from online dating websites and apps. Just recently got out of 4 year relationship. I have little to no experience doing day game. All I got is Sundays and some Thursdays to go out and approach. We have mask mandates in my state if that's important to mention. I'm trying not to use it as an excuse so I only mention it since it does play a role in approaching.

I come from a sales background so I know it's a numbers game. You will approach girls and some will hook others will flat out reject me and others will love me.

My question is because I don't wanna go back to having sex with fatties or not so cute girl's from online anymore, especially since I stopped masturbating and boy is that hard no pun intended being 20 years of age.

How much time am I looking at here before I can pick up a decent girl from day game and bring her back to my place? Does it take 4-6months of constantly approaching girls at least once a week for 2 hours to get there? Or can I speed up the process to make it so that in 3 months I can pick up a girl during day game and get her on a date etc...

 

[fog]

ive seen fast risers get good in about 6 months with consistent effort and coaching.

otherwise, 1.5-2 years to get good, consistent results...even longer, if youre dabbling.

theres also other factors at play like your market and fundamentals.

its a skill like any other. skills take time to develop.

go approach 100 good looking girls. im sure you will get a couple dates and a lay, but it might be luck.

bacchus had an article out that answered your question pretty well but i cant find it. i think 12-15 girls a week or something is what he recommended at the beginner level

 

[ulrich]

Experience in sales is going to give you some advantage.
By now you should be more or less comfortable talking to strangers.

 

[RicoLeon]

ive seen fast risers get good in about 6 months with consistent effort and coaching.

otherwise, 1.5-2 years to get good, consistent results...even longer, if youre dabbling.

theres also other factors at play like your market and fundamentals.

its a skill like any other. skills take time to develop.

go approach 100 good looking girls. im sure you will get a couple dates and a lay, but it might be luck.

bacchus had an article out that answered your question pretty well but i cant find it. i think 12-15 girls a week or something is what he recommended at the beginner level

I'm gonna be super serious on this. My market I would consider it meh 500K people live in the city so plenty of fish I would say.

I would then wanna set myself up to approach 12-15 girls a week would mean that I have to really push on Sunday to get maybe 6 approaches and squeeze around 4 on a Thursday.

Man it's a tall order but if I want results I gotta do it. Might not sound like much but to me it's gonna take every last ounce of confidence and will I have to pull it off. I will write a FR this Sunday on how it goes. I'm glad to know if do this in 6 months I could be looking at decent results.

 

[RicoLeon]

Experience in sales is going to give you some advantage.
By now you should be more or less comfortable talking to strangers.

Yes I am... when it comes to sales lmao. Idk why when the reason for my approach changes I get all nervous. I approached customers all the time with 100 percent confidence to greet them to the dealership or in the mall to get a sale.

When I'm telling myself alright it's time to get her number it's like everything changes. I must find a way to change my mindset because if I can feel like I'm approaching a customer I will thrive. I'm always top 20 percent in sales so this is like sales right??? Why do I feel so weird about it then

 

[ulrich]

Yes I am... when it comes to sales lmao. Idk why when the reason for my approach changes I get all nervous. I approached customers all the time with 100 percent confidence to greet them to the dealership or in the mall to get a sale.

When I'm telling myself alright it's time to get her number it's like everything changes. I must find a way to change my mindset because if I can feel like I'm approaching a customer I will thrive. I'm always top 20 percent in sales so this is like sales right??? Why do I feel so weird about it then

Well, it’s not exactly the same.

You still need to believe in the product you sell (in this case, yourself) and feel confident that you can handle the objections.

But your emotional progression is going to be much smoother than for a total beginner.
You won’t get that easily discouraged for rejection and you will know better to read the interest of the girls.

 

[RicoLeon]

Well, it’s not exactly the same.

You still need to believe in the product you sell (in this case, yourself) and feel confident that you can handle the objections.

But your emotional progression is going to be much smoother than for a total beginner.
You won’t get that easily discouraged for rejection and you will know better to read the interest of the girls.

I get rejected on a daily basis now with my new sales job selling to inbound calls. Takes me around 8-12 offers to get 1 yes. Then even after that cross my fingers their card goes thru and they sign the paperwork via email.

With girls making the offer aka approaching comes with thay fear of rejection that I have known to deal with but not on this level.

I'm excited and nervous haha for this Sunday let's just say that much. Gotta build thick skin like I have for sales as where speaking I have offered 4 times today and gotten no bites nor much good candidates to sell to.

 

[Yaxir]

sales background kills the fear factor

and kills the anxiety too

thinking out loud here

just my 2 cents

 

[RicoLeon]

sales background kills the fear factor

and kills the anxiety too

thinking out loud here

just my 2 cents

I don't get then why I'm all of sudden wary of people around me and approaching someone, in this case a girl.

After the approach I actually get really chill and relax, but that moment to go and say hi and start the conversation I feel like I did when I first started sales.

In the dealership when I approached customers on the lot I was happy and excited to think about the possible sale and commission I was gonna make. I think since I'm not thinking of the what if but instead thinking about my ego yknow getting rejected and such I'm not as confidence. A customer saying no thanks is no problem, a girl tho and all of a sudden it's not the same.

Yet it is, isn't? Rejection is rejection.

She's rejecting my game just like the customer rejected my pitch.

Gotta cope with that.

Funny thing. I know how it's like to make a lot of money every now and then in a sale. I'm thinking just how similar I could score a personal 9 out 10 in looks by approaching. Just the fact that the chances are there excites me.

 

[Yaxir]

I don't get then why I'm all of sudden wary of people around me and approaching someone, in this case a girl.

After the approach I actually get really chill and relax, but that moment to go and say hi and start the conversation I feel like I did when I first started sales.

In the dealership when I approached customers on the lot I was happy and excited to think about the possible sale and commission I was gonna make. I think since I'm not thinking of the what if but instead thinking about my ego yknow getting rejected and such I'm not as confidence. A customer saying no thanks is no problem, a girl tho and all of a sudden it's not the same.

Yet it is, isn't? Rejection is rejection.

She's rejecting my game just like the customer rejected my pitch.

Gotta cope with that.

Funny thing. I know how it's like to make a lot of money every now and then in a sale. I'm thinking just how similar I could score a personal 9 out 10 in looks by approaching. Just the fact that the chances are there excites me.

i am a total beginner myself

i am YET to approach a girl and i am scared as fuck to do it ( too many limiting beliefs that i need to kill first )

what you mention is basically approach anxiety

that breathlessness around a girl , getting all nervous, cold and sweaty palms, increased heart rate

yeah , all that sucks and i don't know what possible evolutionary reason was there for such stupid anxiety in men but that's what keeps guys like me from approaching women

tell me to approach the SAME woman to talk about an intellectual subject or to talk about work and i would pretty much ace it ! in fact, i would call her out with the confidence of a lion !

but ask me to approach her , to flirt with her or just talk to her for simply practicing pick up .. and i would be VERY VERY scared lol

see how that works ?

 

[ulrich]

In the dealership when I approached customers on the lot I was happy and excited to think about the possible sale and commission I was gonna make. I think since I'm not thinking of the what if but instead thinking about my ego yknow getting rejected and such I'm not as confidence. A customer saying no thanks is no problem, a girl tho and all of a sudden it's not the same.

Yet it is, isn't? Rejection is rejection.

You’re neglecting the effect of momentum.

The first approach is always harder than the second... and the second is harder than the third... and so on.
When you were approaching on the floor, you were doing that many times a day. And doing that month after month.
So at that point you were just flowing. Your subconscious was on the zone and very aware what to expect.

This is the same.

The more often you do it, the easier it gets to keep flowing.

(And also the reason why you get rusty if you spend a long time without approaching)

 

[RicoLeon]

i am a total beginner myself

i am YET to approach a girl and i am scared as fuck to do it ( too many limiting beliefs that i need to kill first )

what you mention is basically approach anxiety

that breathlessness around a girl , getting all nervous, cold and sweaty palms, increased heart rate

yeah , all that sucks and i don't know what possible evolutionary reason was there for such stupid anxiety in men but that's what keeps guys like me from approaching women

tell me to approach the SAME woman to talk about an intellectual subject or to talk about work and i would pretty much ace it ! in fact, i would call her out with the confidence of a lion !

but ask me to approach her , to flirt with her or just talk to her for simply practicing pick up .. and i would be VERY VERY scared lol

see how that works ?

Yeah that's exactly how I feel. You tell me to go up to a girl to ask for directions boom no problem, confidence of a lion. Tell me to ask her out on a date and boom scared as a mouse.

What if we told ourselves I'm asking for directions then last second told ourselves your actually gonna tell her how pretty she is. I wonder if I change the way I think when I approach this Sunday after I buy some clothes if it will work.

Or where just overthinking it and need to approach girls we think are cute and grow a pair. If we wanna have sex with a 10 then the least we could pay in tribute is the overcoming of approach anxiety. Right?

Easier said then done...

 

[RicoLeon]

You’re neglecting the effect of momentum.

The first approach is always harder than the second... and the second is harder than the third... and so on.
When you were approaching on the floor, you were doing that many times a day. And doing that month after month.
So at that point you were just flowing. Your subconscious was on the zone and very aware what to expect.

This is the same.

The more often you do it, the easier it gets to keep flowing.

(And also the reason why you get rusty if you spend a long time without approaching)

Makes sense more you do it easier it gets even if it's a good 1 percent. Just gotta keep my head up and continue pushing even when I see no results.

I haven't approached in 4 years so rusty as hell.

Now the thing is that I feel like I get better like 15 percent better in the day I'm approaching but when I come back I only keep like 2-3 percent of improvement. Is that just social momentum for the day assisting with a temporary boost and is their any way to retain more of what I learned and confidence gained in a single day?

So like instead of just keeping 2 percent of improvement any way I can keep 4.

 

[ulrich]

Now the thing is that I feel like I get better like 15 percent better in the day I'm approaching but when I come back I only keep like 2-3 percent of improvement. Is that just social momentum for the day assisting with a temporary boost and is their any way to retain more of what I learned and confidence gained in a single day?

Yes, it’s social momentum.

I don’t do cold approach very often because my life is somewhat hectic.
Also there’s times when I get 1 or 2 numbers from girls I like, then I spend some weeks following up with them and I stop cold approaching at all.
This is a bad habit of me.

What I notice if I go weeks without cold approaching is that the next time, it takes me 30 minutes to an hour of walking aimlessly until I muster the courage to go and say hi to a new girl. After that I’m on fire.
This doesn’t happen if I was approaching a couple of days ago.

Im not sure there is a way to speed it up (or at least I haven’t found it)... but it will be a good idea to just accept that momentum is a thing that exists and drop the unreal expectation of approaching every 5 minutes (at the beginning).

 

[ulrich]

This is me keyjocking here but I guess that some things that could speed up momentum are:

1) Doing something social that involves talking to many people JUST before cold approaching. That way you are already in a social mood.

2) Actually ask for help on something you need in your first approaches.
I mean no bullshit questions or comments. Ask for some information you are actually planning to use (instead of checking your phone).

“Hey, do you know if there’s an ice cream shop around here, I’m dying for one?”
“Do you know where is the closest metro station?”
“Hey, I’m not from around here. Do you know a good place with regional food?”

 

[Toby2030]

Everyone will have time for cold approach if they just plan it out. It's all about making it a natural part of your day-to-day life. If you spot an opportunity you approach. 15 approaches per week as you guys talk about are only 2 approaches per day. It's very doable. At first, of course, you will have to go out specifically to cold approach and work through the worst part of your approach anxiety. But once your approach anxiety is on a level where you feel like you can control it, you should make it a daily occurrence. By talking to strangers daily you'll have a much more consistent momentum. Saying "I don't have time for cold approach" is a bad excuse in my book.

At first, your approach might be just doing a speaker-centered opener and talking about what's around you and that's it. When you feel comfortable with that, you might do the same but follow it up with a statement about her. Then towards qualification etc. etc. You just add one step to your approach when you feel comfortable during the previous step. By doing that, you will slowly but surely start getting results.

 

[Skjöldr]

When gyms are closed here i go for a run to an outdoors calisthenics ground. Running there and back plus the traffic passing me while i was working out i would do like 3-5 approaches every day just from that. I like to do daygame sessions however. Where you dress up, clean your place up, everything ready and prepared and then you hit the town up. This also opens the possibility for instant-dates. Also with daygame sessions is if you do 5< approaches per outing, if you make a mistake on the first couple of approaches or something you wanna fix, then you can focus on it with fresh memory on the following approaches.

Personally, i think the whole "be a high value dude and just go about your day and approach as the oppurtunity arises" is kinda meh. And to beginners it is a no-go, you have to plunge in, or you will pass opportunities up from AA/inexperience. However even for intermediate and advanced daygamers, i believe sessions definitely have their place. The more you put in, the more you get out. Simple. These days my everyday life doesn't allow me to get enough approaches in per week, so i do a few sessions per week to boost it up.

So far in May, i have done 27 approaches. Aim for 100 per month, minimum 20 per week

 

[Toby2030]

@Phoenix "be a high value dude and just go about your day and approach as the oppurtunity arises"

It's a matter of self-discipline and routine. I agree that newbies with approach anxiety have to do daygame/nightgame sessions until they have their approach anxiety under control. When I started out only had multiple sessions throughout the week as well but it's not something, in my experience, that you are able to hold up consistently for the rest of your life if your priorities are right. Pick-up should never be your main priority for too long of a period. With time and enough training, you will become a sociable high-value guy. In other words, it will become natural for you to talk to everyone you meet on your way and when you spot an opportunity you like, you just approach naturally without anxiety holding you back. That's at least my experience.

 

[Starboy]

Makes sense more you do it easier it gets even if it's a good 1 percent. Just gotta keep my head up and continue pushing even when I see no results.

I haven't approached in 4 years so rusty as hell.

Now the thing is that I feel like I get better like 15 percent better in the day I'm approaching but when I come back I only keep like 2-3 percent of improvement. Is that just social momentum for the day assisting with a temporary boost and is their any way to retain more of what I learned and confidence gained in a single day?

So like instead of just keeping 2 percent of improvement any way I can keep 4.

Hey man i'm a beginner like you. I just came from a bootcamp in Vegas so I understand your concerns about daygaming and approaching. Before I got to Vegas I had only done a few approaches cuz I was nervous as hell going up to women and complimenting them. I was worried so much what the girl would think of me, her friends, what people around me would think of me if they see and hear me approach ,but by the end of the bootcamp I did close to 55 approaches and gave 0 fucks. I approached all kinds of groups and all types of situations walking two sets,three sets,sitting down in a casino machine,sitting in a restaurant/bar, girls whose bf would pullup after approaching. When you think about approaching is what makes it the hardest. By the end of each night I was in a zone and I had built up social momentum which is your friend. Every approach builds up social momentum.

Your sales background won't help you as much with AA as people might suggest. I had 2 jobs where I was required to approach people ,be outgoing and promote a web app. Those positions I held years ago so the social momentum and confidence from going up to people and interacting with them weared off. It's a whole another game to interacting with people trying to sell a product and earning money to making yourself vulnerable to women and sharing your intent in order to try and date and sleep with women.

First approach of the day will always be the hardest one and the second one might give you some trouble too. What helped me was dropping the mindset of "I hope this girl likes me or wants me" when I go up to approach. When you think like that you put so much pressure on an outcome that you either opt out of approaching or you make yourself even more nervous when you approach. Just say a compliment to a girl walking by or go up to a woman and compliment them and you can eject if you feel they're not interested.

You almost want to not care how this girl recieves you and ironically that might lead to her liking your compliment or you. However you can overdo this because if you tell yourself you don't care at all you might decide you don't have to do it in the first place. When you approach take a deep breath,focus on what's in front of you,get present in the moment and just walk up to her and say what you like about her. You could say "hey I just wanna say I like your hair" or "hey I think you look very cute". You can get creative with it and find something unique about her that you like.

If you don't have a lot of daygame experience you might still have to go through the stage of desensitizing yourself to rejection and approaching. I'm still probably in that stage after 60ish approaches so anxiety and fear can still hinder me. But after enough approaches you will just do it and when you find a woman who's really into you it'll be worth it.

 

[Yaxir]

What if we told ourselves I'm asking for directions then last second told ourselves your actually gonna tell her how pretty she is. I wonder if I change the way I think when I approach this Sunday after I buy some clothes if it will work.

ohawhaw .. this is pretty nice actually

good idea !

i am not sure if i can try this out in Istanbul, but we'll see !

did you try it out btw ? what were the results ?