LR-: CMB S------------, 2016.07.13
I hardly use dating apps (tinder, etc), my match rate is atrocious, maybe 5-10 matches a month. At the same time, I've been slowly figuring out how to do this properly for the few matches I do get.
Set Up:
This girl is Chinese from the mainland, works in Finance, hardly had information in her profile. Matched. Nice look. But the Coffee Meets Bagel app suggested intro said
"I like jazz," and she had a sexy picture of her and a friend in black dresses on a staircase.
7.7
ME: Hey S--------, that's a sexy second pic. Jazz performance?
HER: Haha
HER: Thanks
HER: It was for a charity party
7.11
ME: Oh, that's cool, you must be a very generous person then
ME: Let's get off this silly app, hardly check it but I'd like to get to know you. Got a number or fb messenger?
7.13
<She sent this at 6:45am>
HER: xxx.xxx.xxxx
Switched to texting at 12:30p that day:
ME: Hi S---------, it's ------- from CMB. Let's grab a coffee or drink and get to know each other. How's your week?
HER: Hi Osama! It's been good. I'm actually more interested in architecture. Will you still want to meet?
ME: It's ------...not Osama. Good day.
HER: Sorry ---------
HER: Good day
ME: Free tonight?
HER: I have a work event. Maybe after 8
ME: Let me know when you're free after 8, if I'm free too we'll meet up.
Then I forgot about her.
At 6:15 I got a call from a mysterious number. It went something like this:
ME: Hello?
HER: Hey, it's S---------.
ME: Huh? Oh, hey, what's up.
HER: So I just finished work but I'm not going to my work event. I'm near <uptown>, are you done with work?
ME: Oh okay, yeah I'm almost done, you can meet me here then near <downtown>. We'll get coffee.
HER: Do you have a coffee place in mind?
ME: Yeah it's <coffee place>, but I'll text you.
HER: Can you text me the address please?
ME: Yeah cool, see you soon.
I texted her:
ME: <address>
ME: I have orange pants on.
I left twenty minutes later and texted her when I arrived:
ME: I'm here.
HER: 5-10 mins
Coffee, 6:50pm:
I happened to wearing an outfit almost exactly like below, but with no tie and a pinstripe white shirt. Orange pants.
She came up to me inside, gave me a hug, I was kind of quiet, we went to the front and she paid for my coffee, and then I led her to the back to sit on a couch together.
I used a totally different strategy than normal - an implementation of Hector's 24 Way to be a Lovable Dick article. I cursed, I disagreed with her, I didn't answer most of her questions about me or I made shit up.
She loved it, she was laughing constantly, and her body language matched mine.
At times she'd say something like
"Oh my God I'm telling you so much about myself, let's talk about you! I want to learn about you!" I used to tell girls about myself a bit here and then switch back to talking about her. This time, every time she asked me that I'd either deflect it and change the subject back to her or something around the environment, or I'd make something up about myself on the spot while giving a non-answer - i.e. What do you do? I work a block away. What about you? I'm homeless, I'm unemployed, I just dress well so that I fit in with the real city folk, etc.
Also, my posture was different than normal - I saw a black guy with a sexy white girl in a club in DC a few weekends ago and just watched them while lounging out - I noticed his posture, and I also was watching how the was listening to her. It was them two sitting together on the same seat, but his legs were facing out in front of him while crossed over each other. The upper body facing to the girl to his side, with a slight lean into her but not too much, hands to the side facing her, and full attention with a blank expression with eyes. The eye contact was intense, totally focused, no smile or anything, just full, wide eyed focus.
So I copied this, but with more of a lean in so that my face is in plane with my knee cap:
We talked about where she's from, how she ended up in New York, the kinds of friends she has and her roommate, what she does for fun, and through all this I'd guess ridiculous things about her. She said she's from a 2mil Chinese city, I told her that's just a town, she needs to check her facts. I told her I've lived her half a decade, she said six years confusing dozens and decades, and I inquired how she cheated her way through college to work in Finance if she doesn't even know basic math. When she asked me what I do, I told her I'm a boytoy, and she was floored laughing. She sometimes said she's gotten fat, I'd pinch her skin in her arm and stomach when she did and agree with her, then say
"gotta work on that."
I'd say everything with a totally straight face too, sometimes while touching her in very sexual places like right above her ass while making a point. Once in a while I'd smile and look away when she laughed.
She found everything absolutely hilarious, was laughing constantly.
Move to my area; the waterfront park, 7:30pm:
After talking to her over coffee for about thirty minutes or so, I started talking about cool places where we have visited in the city. I then started talking about another neighborhood, and how there are cool spots abound there too - like one city for Korean food, another for fun bars, and a third where i live for it's waterfront. Then I prompted her: let's go see the waterfront in the third place and watch the sunset together! Now? Yes, right now, let's just go, the station is a block away. She was sold after thinking it over for ten seconds.
The subway ride was more quiet, I have gotta get used to being quiet around girls.
Read her hands and palms while sitting together, and then softly held hands.
When we got to the area I took her along the waterfront for a 15minute walk.
We started talking about sex and she got really excited, and reveals she's bisexual. I talked with her for like ten minutes about men, women, and sexuality and sexual views in America. Basically talking about sex, pleasure, people's attitudes, being open minded, and what people really think about sex here and elsewhere.
We sat on a pier at a waterfront park briefly, I led her around with my hands.
Move Home, 8:10pm:
I told her after showing her the waterfront that we should get drinks nearby, I know a nice chill place with good drinks a few blocks away. She agreed.
I was now slowly walking five blocks home, still haven't told her where I live or what I do for work.
At the first block she started to yawn, saying she is tired and asks how far away this bar is. Energy is waning, she's getting impatient.
Correctly recognized that the escalation window is closing.
So a few minutes later after some more silence and complaints that she's tired, I walk in my apartment building.
"You live here? Aiya!" and then followed me up more alive and with a vibrant smile.
At Home into Morning, 8:20pm-7:30am:
We got home, I had her take off shoes and went to the bathroom. Came back, she said she's tired, I showed her a spicy beer I had in the fridge and we tried it. Moved her to my couch, and I could feel that she knew was was coming but also wasn't sure about it. Rather than go for the kiss I sat her down and talked to her for a few more minutes with my arm around her.
After about five minutes of us talking on the couch, I went for it. She dodges my kiss and I tried to manhandle, but she kept on moving back and just was sinking into the couch. I felt like I was a snake chasing her down, and she was compressing her body to maintain an inch between our lips and dodge the kiss.
Before I used to think of this as game over, and I would pull back and not escalate again and the girl would leave within a few minutes. But I wanted to try something new and I also felt a sexual tension there.
So I touched the inside of her left leg after pulling back slightly on my upper body and just looking at her with a smile. She didn't move or try to push me away. And then I moved my hand up her skirt and started touching her pussy. And she didn't move or try to push me away, she let me touch her pussy and started to relax. So then I started rubbing over her clit, and she started to sink into the couch and flipped into sex mode instead. After some time I pulled her panties a little bit out and actually started to finger her and play with her clit. She was soaking wet and moaning, very horny, yet was just laying back and enjoying it.
I picked her up and threw her on the bed and continued, and though she was moaning hard and moving her body like she's fucking, she wouldn't take off any clothes what so ever. Still getting fingered with my hand under her skirt and past her panties, which was very uncomfortable for both of us, but everytime I motioned to take off clothes or started doing it, she'd grab them and pull them back on while saying she didn't want to do anything. Sometimes used physical force, so I didn't push anything, and after she came once or twice we stopped.
I'd playfully make fun of her too when she said no, look at her with puppy eyes going
"awwwww, why not?" and then resume escalating.
Right afterwards it was a little after 9:00pm, she was about to leave but I suggested she stay and watch a tv show with me. She was very tired, but agreed after I persisted a few times, I put on my tv and we got in bed and started to watch Batman The Dark Knight. Great film, but this girl just fell asleep in the first five minutes in my bed.
I tried escalating twice during the movie, but it was exactly like before.
Well eventually I just let her sleep in my bed with all her clothes on, and then when the movie ended she woke up around 11:30pm saying she wants to go home. I was doing work on my computer, so I told her she can go if she wants, or she can stay here for the night and go tomorrow. I handed her basketball shorts and a t shirt, and a toothbrush, and she went to the bathroom, came back and passed out.
I went to bed shortly after and tried escalating again, no avail. We were cuddling sleeping and she was holding my hands, very close, but every time I went to escalate and take off her panties she'd stop me. This was a really bad cycle.
By the morning she was just in her panties and otherwise naked, soaking wet, moving with my cock hard over her pussy and feeling it, motioning it in place, but still wouldn't move her panties past the point of us fucking and would resist hard.
"I just don't want to," and in the morning I asked her
"awww, why are you so cold to me? I know you're a horny devil and you love sex, and you clearly want it now," when she got quiet, thought, and replied
"I think I like someone else." Anyway, I was quiet for a minute and then smiled, said
"Well, I'm not going to try to steal you from someone else, but we're still enjoying each other right now and I like you." Still no dice.
We grabbed coffee in the morning as late as I could, but while we were cuddling before getting up to change I told her a few things that she laughed about:
ME: I like hanging out with you, you're a lot of fun, but something tells me you're the kind of girl that disappears.
HER: Hahahaha, I might be like that.
ME: Haha such a player! Well I hope we see each other again, and if we don't that's too bad.
HER: Okay, maybe.
Then we went out and grabbed coffee nearby, holding hands on the walk. Over coffee talked more about where she lives and her work, and also talked about her bisexuality. She loves women but could never be sexual with only a woman. We talked about threesomes, agreed that it would be tough to do one because of everything happening between people, but very fun.
At coffee I again said:
ME: Well S-------, I enjoyed the night, and I hope I see you soon.
HER: Umm, maybe we'll hang out soon, maybe another day not so soon, maybe we will, maybe we won't, yes, no, who knows! Hahaha.
ME: Wow, I didn't realize you're so decisive!
HER: Hahaha.
Sent her on her way with a lyft. She didn't really want to kiss at the end, despite holding hands.
<Some bad frame control above, it seems.>
Texting Thursday:
ME: Glad we got to know each other a little bit, S-----------, fun architecture talks
HER: Haha
ME: Good ferry?
HER: Yea I like it
ME: Have you ever been to a DJ boat party?
HER: No
ME: They leave one block from your place, I'm going to two this weekend. Super fun, imagine a club on a boat seeing the sights at sunset. Come with me to one.
HER: Nice Have fun without me
Fucked this up. Pretty cold.
What I should have done is, rather than describe it to her, ask her "free Sat or Sun eve?" and if she replied yes to one of those, I'd say, "Cool, we're going Saturday/Sunday."
Gotta match a girl's texts better - mine were way too long, I caught this too late.
----
Good:
- Not giving a fuck with a woman is way, way, wayyyy more fun than being a nice, accommodating guy. I love disagreeing with a girl, I love making fun of her when she screws something up (this girl is in finance but confused the values of dozens and decades - I teased her mercilessly all night that she doesn't know math even though she has a Masters), and I love pinching her skin when she asks if she's fat.
- The unique thing about our coffee time was I was saying assholey things that made her laugh, but with a totally straight, blank expression. Sometimes I'd crack a statement and smile to myself a little bit as she laughs (it's pretty fun and funny) but being quiet is also something to do more of.
- Have noticed sometimes I take this overboard and push her into autorejection, need to calibrate that line.
- Still trying to understand better how to balance my desire for a girl (and thus leading her along the process) while not giving a fuck about the girl (and thus being outcome independent and an asshole).
Bad:
- The main issue here was the incongruency in my behavior - because I was at home rather warm and chill, as opposed to the cocky, ridiculous and dominant person I was early on, she didn't trust me and she wasn't turned on.
- This girl was hoping that I'd behave in a more dominating fashion, like I see in a lot of Oh Pry's reports. Basically she wanted to fuck the dominant asshole, and at home I became a laid back warmer guy.
- I have to be congruent until after we sleep together.
- Better escalation technique needed