Grass is Greener?

[Zoro]

I'm sick of hearing people tell me, "oh yeah, the grass is always greener on the other side," when I mention I'm moving because I don't like my city.

In the new area I am in, there are more girls (more cute ones as well), much more to do, much better weather year-round, and when you ask people around there if they like where they live, they will say "yeah!"

Now I'm not really choosing this new area so much as I'm escaping my old city. My hometown is small, not so good for day game, has terrible winters, and most people you ask do not like living here.

I'm still in search of the right place to call home (I love the idea of living over seas in eastern Europe, South America, or Asia, where cities are walk-able), but hearing so much of this, "no don't go because everywhere has its issues" is a bit disconcerting.

Of course, everywhere has its issues, but do they not have their own unique strengths, cons, and flavors?

If I am leaving a city because I am bored and tired of bitter cold and lack of women and ambitious people, is there something wrong with that? If I'm looking for a city with issues I can tolerate that best meets what I desire in an environment, am I delusional?

I think I know the answer, but I'd like to see if I am indeed missing the point here.

 

[Zoro]

The tone of this post is a bit sour. Wrote it after a long night with some drinks in me.

If I could, I would edit it so the question would be clearer and also edit out the complaining lol

My question is,

Is moving to a new location in search of certain qualities a realistic goal? Are there really places that have some culture/history/architecture and are better for the ambitious minded, who want to meet attractive cool people?

Like I said, I think I know the answer. Yet, doubts are creeping in, since it is indeed more of a risk than the beaten path and its easy to see the nay sayer's logic. The few people who I've spoke to who have moved in search of greener grass tell me that it is in fact greener and understand and support my decisions.

It's easy to say, "no don't do it," so I could use some more "Well if you are going to do it, be mindful of this..."

 

[Lotus]

Your "grass is always greener responses" may be due in part to the way the conversation arises. As a way of escape from bad rather than moving to look for something new, which is really the same thing, but the way it's communicated changes the way people respond.

"this place sucks. I hate it here. I want to get the hell out of dodge"

vs.

"I want to move to a bigger, warmer place and meet lots of new people."

Those statements are essential the same but will provoke very different responses.. also if you are venting to the people that live in the place you are unhappy with they may take it personally.

There's also the fact that people will shoot down your plans for selfish reason, because they want to keep you around. The thought of you moving makes them jealous.

If I am leaving a city because I am bored and tired of bitter cold and lack of women and ambitious people, is there something wrong with that? If I'm looking for a city with issues I can tolerate that best meets what I desire in an environment, am I delusional?

I don't see any problems with it. I did the same thing and it was worth it. There was always something to do and I met a ton of awesome people.

So yeah I think the grass is greener if you know what you are looking for, which I believe you do.

you already know my story but I figured i'd weigh in anyway!

 

[PrettyDecent]

I'm with Lotus' opinion.

If where you were was cold and boring, and now you're in a place that's warmer and has cute girls, that sounds like a good move!

I think people who love to travel are different from those who don't in the same way that people who prefer to master their skill sets are different from those who decide being OK is good enough.

And there's a decent chance you keep traveling, find the perfect city that suits all your needs, and then just keep traveling anyway. It's great, though only people in a certain niche are going to understand your reasoning.

~Nick

 

[Zoro]

Thanks for the responses guys.

I'll doubt my decisions at times with thoughts like, "I want to put my roots down somewhere, but if I keep moving and traveling how will I?"

And then I walk the streets devoid of women and think back on the horrors of winter, -10 degrees for weeks on end... And then I'm like yup I'm out of here

My head is pretty clear at the moment. I know I can come back to these places, see my family and still search for a place that I want to live. A big game changer would be building a location independent income, then the world is my home.

My brain is programmed for success.

PS I might be confusing you since I'll say I'm in the new city and other times I'll say I'm back in the old city. I've been bouncing back and forth, tying up loose ends. I'm in the old city now, so maybe that's why I've been a bit doubtful. Its all sunshine and babes in the new one!

 

[Drck]

Great topic, quite important as it seem that many times all girls are thrown into one bag and guys into another one, regardless of our background...

My experience is that grass is greener on the other site. I've been to different areas, different cities, in different groups of people, and even though there are lots of similarities between people, there are also lots of differences.


For example, your behavior or vibes might be different in:

* Group that has more guys vs groups where there are most girls. Or in group with only guys vs only girls. You may not feel attractive at all in a group of 10 guys, but if you are in a group of 10 girls your attraction may shoot up 300%

* Group of highly intelligent, critical and high motivated/performing people vs average/fun oriented group of people. When somebody overlooks at you and criticizes you, intimidates you with IQ or knowledge, has much higher work or educational performance, your self esteem goes naturally down (unless you are an idiot or you live in blissful ignorance). On the other hand, if you are the one with higher performance or IQ, experience and knowledge, your self esteem may shoot up in no time

* Group that has a structure, hierarchy, social ladder vs where you are more independent or at higher position. You also behave differently when you start and are at lower step of a ladder vs when you are assigned position at the top of social ladder. You behave differently in a company where you are following your job description vs when you own your own business and work for yourself. In the former you are simply a replaceable number in HR department, whereas in the later you are at the top of - your - world.

* Different cultures, e.g. American, European, Latino (eg in USA you may find lots of assholes vs Latinos have lots of nice guys). I personally vibe much better with European or Latinos in comparison to Americans.

* Different cities, different cultures, races, religious believes.... A conservative and introverted girl with firm church believes is simply different than liberal and outgoing non-believer. White girls are different than Asian, Latino or blacks... Depending on your personality, you may just "fit" particular "type" of girl much better, that's just a common sense

* Different competitiveness levels. You might feel quite confident and competitive if you bench press 300 pounds several times just for fun in an average fitness amongst fitness rats who can't do 200. But your confidence might be gone amongs guys who don't even register guys with less than 450 and work out 3x more than you do.

* Your age and overall social status. Girls just perceive you totally differently if you are a 20 year old guy with no experience, no money, no social status and running your mommas milk down the chin, vs if you are 30 year old with own place, car, good job, independent thinking and decent social status (not talking about being a provider)


And so on, but there is definitely a huge difference between different groups of people that you join. In some groups you'll have lots of difficulties with lots of work, and you end up with minimal success anyway, vs in another group you do nothing and 'things' simply just happen...