i realized as i started thinking about writing this how fucking much of a mess i made of this date. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuk
it's long. but i think it's worth the read. there's a lot of detail and it's juicy. should give you a chuckle or two.
my last few dates i've failed to sex up the interaction. one girl got cold feet in my pad. one girl friended me and one was just shit but all of them failed because i didn't sex it up enough. so long story short, met girl on okc. teased her relentlessly. got her on a date. wait ... let's slow down,
i arranged for us to meet at a park for coffee. but i steal a lot of stuff from krauser. i'm all like "dress pretty and laugh at my jokes" so she rocks up fifteen minutes early all decked out in a slutty nightclub style outfit and high heels. full on face paint and all that. great. so she's cool, chatty as anything, laughing at my jokes. we're walking around the park and i'm laughing at her about struggling to get up the hill in the high heeled shoes. she tells me i gotta talk louder because she's got a dodgy ear, like water trapped or something and i tell her no, i'm gonna be talking in my sexiest, charmingest voice. we sit for a while in the park getting to know each other. i sit on the side with the good ear. she's telling me stories about being a flight attendant and i'm generally doing ok i think. i gotta tell ya, i ate a hash brownie before i went on the date so i'm kinda high and everything's generally awesome. but i'm sure she was expecting to be fucking whisked off her feet in a limousine for lunch in a hotel or something. she's used to getting pampered. whatever.
she's told me all kindsa shit already. about having an english boyfriend, and moving to holland when she's 18, fiercely independent girl. she asked if i have siblings and i told her how fucking not cool it was for a boy growing up with three sisters. i asked her what the best compliment she'd ever received and she asked me the same. "my ex girlfriend told me that she thought i'd be really a pussy because i have three sisters, but was surprised because i was the most manly man she'd met. she told me that since being with me all other guys looked gay" this is totally genuine and i could see from her reaction she was impressed. i forgot to tell her about my girlfriend's " when i'm with you i feel like a woman". probably for the best, i'm already probably bragging a bit. i stand up and take her hand and say let's get a coffee. she takes my hand to help her up, i always play on the english gentleman bullshit but she let's go my hand and won't take it to 'help her down the steps'
i ignore this and we continue on. we go to donut king for coffee, i take all my dates there. shit i'm laughing as i write this but i'm gonna have to start mixing it up. she says something like 'oh, blalbla is a nice place" i guess some kinda upmarket place i just said i don't know it let's go and we go into donut king. which is ok, in fact. it's got some nice views of the park.
so in donut king they give you a disk which vibrates when your coffee's ready and you have to go get it. so i asked the girl, let's call her Q, if she knew what it was and made her guess. then i told her "this tells you it's ready and you have to go get our coffee. i'm gonna test your skills. make you work on your day off". she gave some objections but i knew she was gonna go. which she did. then i sent her back for some cream which i forgot to ask for. she did it in good grace. i shoulda sent her back for the stirrer but i let her off.
i took off my cap and said, i believe humourously, is my hair ok? she lauged and said no. i said wanna fix it for me? and bent toward her and she was just definitely not gonna do that. not after she wouldn't take my hand. i just sat back and ruffled my hair up. i don't give a shit what it looks like. pretty sure it looked fine.
now, i don't know what happened, i was starting to get pretty high by this time and i felt the vibe go flat. she was blathering on about her job and i was getting lost. she was all like " i'm an AP not a FP" and i had no fucking clue what she was saying. i was trying to compliment her on her ambition or whatever, "you made FP in a year? you're so ambitious, what will you do after this? blabla bla " and anyway then i realised, that as well as the conversation not going too well, she had really closed body language and i kinda got lost for words, there were a few awkward moments of silence. at one point i said "it's not going great is it" and immediately regretted it and she was like "huh?" !! the dodgy ear saved me! so i decided to fight on. i think i went to the bathroom then. it was a real lowpoint. i went and washed my face and fucking psyched myself up. gotta sex it up i told myself.
not sure how it happened but i managed to pull it out of the weeds and now i'm seeding a drink in a bar, which is explicitly near my home. fuck knows how i managed it. then i think i mentioned her clothes and how she was gonna have a hard time on the back of my scooter. but she's down. awesome. we walk out the coffee bar and stroll down the street to where i'm parked. she refuses my hand again
i think i told her she'd better ride side saddle because i don't know what she'd do once she had her legs wrapped round me.
so we ride to the bar, i'm real safe and slow, of course. she says she's never been on a scooter before! i make jokes about being a virgin and "how are you enjoying your first time". thought better of saying "how does it compare to your first time fucking?" she goes inside, i park. we order drinks and blather on and i'm really not sure where it's at. theres' ups and downs. not great. but shit, guys, she just rode on the back of my scooter to go throw drinks down our neck. i mean, anytime a girl gets on the back of my bike that's a green fucking light.
before we met she'd asked my name on okc, but i'd already given it, in a way (i said "you've forgotten about you're old pal johnny). so i told her she'd have to figure it out.
so i realised we hadn't been formally introduced and i said "hey, you even know my name?" she said my name. "say it again", she did (i just read that somewhere recently, can't remember why it's a good idea but it made sense at the time). and i asked, but i already knew she'd got it my name from wechat (an app and my name is displayed, which is how we communicated after okc messaging) i knew she hadn't found it from okc. she said i hadn't told her my name. we made a bet about it and i said "what do i get if i win?" she said she'll cook me dinner. so if she wins i'll cook her dinner. win win. i teased her about this on and off for quite some time. just didn't show her the proof. but the proof is the okc conversation we had. so i look it up on my phone while she's in the bathroom, and i start laughing about the stupid cocky shit i had been saying.
thank god for smart phones and data plans!
this is where things turned around. she comes back from the bathroom, and reading that had put my mood right up, i was gonna show her the proof but instead i started reading the stuff we'd said to each other and we were laughing and i was busting on her about her big stupid eyes and how she was a cheeky little fox and shit and things took off
i think things are getting pretty risque by this time. she confessed to having had a threesome. and fucking anal sex too already. we're sitting kinda side by side, i'm trying to let my leg touch hers. i'm wearing shorts. she doesn't seem to be stopping it. i got the feeling that she didn't want any kind of public displays but not that she was blocking me directly. with the not taking my hand and so on. so we're ramping up the sex talk.
i tell her we're gonna play the true questions game. i'm not sure the order of events, some of the above might happen in a different order. i know though, that she confessed to anal and threesome before i started the questions game. she told me all about it. hot as fuck. come to think of it the questions game was a stupid idea. completely unnecessary. i start with something mundane and she fired back "how often you have sex". fuck. i promised honesty.
once or twice a week.
who with
friends
you have lots of friends
some
we talked about sex fantasies. hers "outside"
me: have you ever?
"once. blowjob. you"
"yes, parks and stuff. beach "
this might have been before the questions game. shit i'm stupid for suggesting that game. completely unnecessary. i asked about losing her virginity (22). asked about how many guys (6) favourite sex positions we both asked about. i missed an opportunity here to describe in more detail but fuck it man it was already full on. anyway she asked my number and i told her i don't know probably less than 50 should have lied but in fact i showed her the math, i'm 39 so it's not that much. she asked about a threesome and i almost did have a threesome, so i said yes and embellished the story. this was the right lie. and the way that happened was awesome and makes me look like a badass so i was happy to tell that story.
in the meanwhile, speaking of threesomes. i have a fuckbuddy who wants to. in fact i put an add on craigslist and things are moving in the right direction. it's funny how easy you can make things happen when you decide what you want and put a plan into action. thanks chase! really, from the bottom of my heart you opened my eyes.
.anyway, that 3some thing is another story but i think this had come up in the conversation with Q and i had stopped myself from talking about it. things were fucking on fire by now but there's not enough touching, again, for the best, i think. it was the middle of the afternoon.
in the end i can't help myself she fucking wanted me to ask i'm sure, she led me with her question so my next question, "do you wanna have a threesome with me and my friend."
is she beautiful?
no (shoulda lied) she's fucking sexy though, and very feminine. big crazy eyes like you.
she's chinese? no i might do it with a white girl. is that why you're on okc?
no? (we'd already talked about why. my reason, to entertain myself. my profile's pretty funny. and i like to talk random shit to people. )
is that why you asked me on a date?
no. not at all. i didn't plan on that it just was a natural part of the conversation. my plan was quite different.
i decided it was time to show her the proof that she owed me a cooked dinner. i won. i'm sure this shit's in the bag. i'm looking forward to having this girl up at my place to "cook" but shit's not gonna get that far. for sure i was gonna be bending her over in the kitchen and doing some quite naughty things. i told her she was in trouble though coz my place is the top floor of a 7 storey walkup. she said "no problem, my place is too". i said "you gonna be alright in those shoes?' and she looked confused:"what you mean? dinner today? i'm talking about another time. i can't tonight i have plans"
oh fuck. there's my plan out the window. i thought it was a home run.
it's early yet. 4 or 5 maybe. her plans are meeting someone at 8.30. i think some rich businessman is gonna buy her dinner and introduce her to some colleague
"forget dinner then let's go have a drink"
"no i'm not coming to your place."
"well you might change your mind."
i try this a little later too but she refuses again. i asked her to remind me what time her plans and she said, "oh late. really late. like 8.30." . i dunno, the way she said it i took it as a way of saying we've got plenty of time. so i try to pull again.
"i'm not coming to your place"
"wanna go to the park"?
**laughs at obvious impossibility of park sex in the afternoon** "no"
it's all in a very quiet sexy way all the time really lots of full on eye contact and such. she's implied more than once that she has to at least try to take it slow. can't remember her exact words but i'm not taking no for an answer so easily.
anyway things wind down i don't know what to do she's clearly not gonna come back to my place today but she owes me a dinner. i excuse myself to the bathroom and while i'm pissing suddenly realize the time. shit! i forgot i was supposed to be somewhere. go out of the bathroom and tell her "i've got a meeting soon so we gotta go. i'm gonna pay for this coz you're gonna go shopping and cook me some delicious food."
we drive down to the corner and she can't get a taxi. things are tanking now. she orders a taxi but get's the address wrong and we have to run over the road. no touching. in fact i called her out about leaving me hanging as i walked across the road with my hand out for her to take. it was all pretty good humoured. i can't wait so i just kinda dumped her there on the corner. it was pretty funny she's definitely not used to being just suddenly dumped in the street. i think she saw the funny side. i kinda walked around her checking her out as i said good bye. we were still eye fucking and shit but no touching. i didn't think a hug or kiss on the cheek was a good idea.
come to think of it the ending was probably the best part of the whole date. hahahahaha i would never have had the balls to just cut it like that if i hadn't been late. i kept blaming her for hypnotizing me with her crazy big eyes.
what else? at one point in the bar i mentioned my South Aftican buddy had just come back from home and he'd been hunting and stuff when he was there, he lives on a giant ranch/farm and they have giraffes and fucking hyenas and shit. i told her i had only ever killed one thing on purpose (a rat at work not long ago) but that i'd killed my pet chinchilla. this was on my okc profile. it's a horrible story man and it made me cry. not on the date. i think this confession was a huge turning point. added an emotional depth that was missing. in fact the first people i ever told were these two dutch girls i nearly had a threesome with and i think it really helped with that.
so... learning points? ermmm way too full on. shoulda toned down the sex talk. way to much pull and no push besides teasing. i basically told her everything about myself in the questions game. in the end the vibe was like so this is me and you can totally be a part of my harem, whaddaya say?
i dunno if this can be saved
on the other hand, she is a flight attendant so she's coming and going all the time probably wouldn't mind a semi boyfriend to fuck and cuddle once a fortnight.
who knows?
it's long. but i think it's worth the read. there's a lot of detail and it's juicy. should give you a chuckle or two.
my last few dates i've failed to sex up the interaction. one girl got cold feet in my pad. one girl friended me and one was just shit but all of them failed because i didn't sex it up enough. so long story short, met girl on okc. teased her relentlessly. got her on a date. wait ... let's slow down,
i arranged for us to meet at a park for coffee. but i steal a lot of stuff from krauser. i'm all like "dress pretty and laugh at my jokes" so she rocks up fifteen minutes early all decked out in a slutty nightclub style outfit and high heels. full on face paint and all that. great. so she's cool, chatty as anything, laughing at my jokes. we're walking around the park and i'm laughing at her about struggling to get up the hill in the high heeled shoes. she tells me i gotta talk louder because she's got a dodgy ear, like water trapped or something and i tell her no, i'm gonna be talking in my sexiest, charmingest voice. we sit for a while in the park getting to know each other. i sit on the side with the good ear. she's telling me stories about being a flight attendant and i'm generally doing ok i think. i gotta tell ya, i ate a hash brownie before i went on the date so i'm kinda high and everything's generally awesome. but i'm sure she was expecting to be fucking whisked off her feet in a limousine for lunch in a hotel or something. she's used to getting pampered. whatever.
she's told me all kindsa shit already. about having an english boyfriend, and moving to holland when she's 18, fiercely independent girl. she asked if i have siblings and i told her how fucking not cool it was for a boy growing up with three sisters. i asked her what the best compliment she'd ever received and she asked me the same. "my ex girlfriend told me that she thought i'd be really a pussy because i have three sisters, but was surprised because i was the most manly man she'd met. she told me that since being with me all other guys looked gay" this is totally genuine and i could see from her reaction she was impressed. i forgot to tell her about my girlfriend's " when i'm with you i feel like a woman". probably for the best, i'm already probably bragging a bit. i stand up and take her hand and say let's get a coffee. she takes my hand to help her up, i always play on the english gentleman bullshit but she let's go my hand and won't take it to 'help her down the steps'
i ignore this and we continue on. we go to donut king for coffee, i take all my dates there. shit i'm laughing as i write this but i'm gonna have to start mixing it up. she says something like 'oh, blalbla is a nice place" i guess some kinda upmarket place i just said i don't know it let's go and we go into donut king. which is ok, in fact. it's got some nice views of the park.
so in donut king they give you a disk which vibrates when your coffee's ready and you have to go get it. so i asked the girl, let's call her Q, if she knew what it was and made her guess. then i told her "this tells you it's ready and you have to go get our coffee. i'm gonna test your skills. make you work on your day off". she gave some objections but i knew she was gonna go. which she did. then i sent her back for some cream which i forgot to ask for. she did it in good grace. i shoulda sent her back for the stirrer but i let her off.
i took off my cap and said, i believe humourously, is my hair ok? she lauged and said no. i said wanna fix it for me? and bent toward her and she was just definitely not gonna do that. not after she wouldn't take my hand. i just sat back and ruffled my hair up. i don't give a shit what it looks like. pretty sure it looked fine.
now, i don't know what happened, i was starting to get pretty high by this time and i felt the vibe go flat. she was blathering on about her job and i was getting lost. she was all like " i'm an AP not a FP" and i had no fucking clue what she was saying. i was trying to compliment her on her ambition or whatever, "you made FP in a year? you're so ambitious, what will you do after this? blabla bla " and anyway then i realised, that as well as the conversation not going too well, she had really closed body language and i kinda got lost for words, there were a few awkward moments of silence. at one point i said "it's not going great is it" and immediately regretted it and she was like "huh?" !! the dodgy ear saved me! so i decided to fight on. i think i went to the bathroom then. it was a real lowpoint. i went and washed my face and fucking psyched myself up. gotta sex it up i told myself.
not sure how it happened but i managed to pull it out of the weeds and now i'm seeding a drink in a bar, which is explicitly near my home. fuck knows how i managed it. then i think i mentioned her clothes and how she was gonna have a hard time on the back of my scooter. but she's down. awesome. we walk out the coffee bar and stroll down the street to where i'm parked. she refuses my hand again
i think i told her she'd better ride side saddle because i don't know what she'd do once she had her legs wrapped round me.
so we ride to the bar, i'm real safe and slow, of course. she says she's never been on a scooter before! i make jokes about being a virgin and "how are you enjoying your first time". thought better of saying "how does it compare to your first time fucking?" she goes inside, i park. we order drinks and blather on and i'm really not sure where it's at. theres' ups and downs. not great. but shit, guys, she just rode on the back of my scooter to go throw drinks down our neck. i mean, anytime a girl gets on the back of my bike that's a green fucking light.
before we met she'd asked my name on okc, but i'd already given it, in a way (i said "you've forgotten about you're old pal johnny). so i told her she'd have to figure it out.
so i realised we hadn't been formally introduced and i said "hey, you even know my name?" she said my name. "say it again", she did (i just read that somewhere recently, can't remember why it's a good idea but it made sense at the time). and i asked, but i already knew she'd got it my name from wechat (an app and my name is displayed, which is how we communicated after okc messaging) i knew she hadn't found it from okc. she said i hadn't told her my name. we made a bet about it and i said "what do i get if i win?" she said she'll cook me dinner. so if she wins i'll cook her dinner. win win. i teased her about this on and off for quite some time. just didn't show her the proof. but the proof is the okc conversation we had. so i look it up on my phone while she's in the bathroom, and i start laughing about the stupid cocky shit i had been saying.
thank god for smart phones and data plans!
this is where things turned around. she comes back from the bathroom, and reading that had put my mood right up, i was gonna show her the proof but instead i started reading the stuff we'd said to each other and we were laughing and i was busting on her about her big stupid eyes and how she was a cheeky little fox and shit and things took off
i think things are getting pretty risque by this time. she confessed to having had a threesome. and fucking anal sex too already. we're sitting kinda side by side, i'm trying to let my leg touch hers. i'm wearing shorts. she doesn't seem to be stopping it. i got the feeling that she didn't want any kind of public displays but not that she was blocking me directly. with the not taking my hand and so on. so we're ramping up the sex talk.
i tell her we're gonna play the true questions game. i'm not sure the order of events, some of the above might happen in a different order. i know though, that she confessed to anal and threesome before i started the questions game. she told me all about it. hot as fuck. come to think of it the questions game was a stupid idea. completely unnecessary. i start with something mundane and she fired back "how often you have sex". fuck. i promised honesty.
once or twice a week.
who with
friends
you have lots of friends
some
we talked about sex fantasies. hers "outside"
me: have you ever?
"once. blowjob. you"
"yes, parks and stuff. beach "
this might have been before the questions game. shit i'm stupid for suggesting that game. completely unnecessary. i asked about losing her virginity (22). asked about how many guys (6) favourite sex positions we both asked about. i missed an opportunity here to describe in more detail but fuck it man it was already full on. anyway she asked my number and i told her i don't know probably less than 50 should have lied but in fact i showed her the math, i'm 39 so it's not that much. she asked about a threesome and i almost did have a threesome, so i said yes and embellished the story. this was the right lie. and the way that happened was awesome and makes me look like a badass so i was happy to tell that story.
in the meanwhile, speaking of threesomes. i have a fuckbuddy who wants to. in fact i put an add on craigslist and things are moving in the right direction. it's funny how easy you can make things happen when you decide what you want and put a plan into action. thanks chase! really, from the bottom of my heart you opened my eyes.
.anyway, that 3some thing is another story but i think this had come up in the conversation with Q and i had stopped myself from talking about it. things were fucking on fire by now but there's not enough touching, again, for the best, i think. it was the middle of the afternoon.
in the end i can't help myself she fucking wanted me to ask i'm sure, she led me with her question so my next question, "do you wanna have a threesome with me and my friend."
is she beautiful?
no (shoulda lied) she's fucking sexy though, and very feminine. big crazy eyes like you.
she's chinese? no i might do it with a white girl. is that why you're on okc?
no? (we'd already talked about why. my reason, to entertain myself. my profile's pretty funny. and i like to talk random shit to people. )
is that why you asked me on a date?
no. not at all. i didn't plan on that it just was a natural part of the conversation. my plan was quite different.
i decided it was time to show her the proof that she owed me a cooked dinner. i won. i'm sure this shit's in the bag. i'm looking forward to having this girl up at my place to "cook" but shit's not gonna get that far. for sure i was gonna be bending her over in the kitchen and doing some quite naughty things. i told her she was in trouble though coz my place is the top floor of a 7 storey walkup. she said "no problem, my place is too". i said "you gonna be alright in those shoes?' and she looked confused:"what you mean? dinner today? i'm talking about another time. i can't tonight i have plans"
oh fuck. there's my plan out the window. i thought it was a home run.
it's early yet. 4 or 5 maybe. her plans are meeting someone at 8.30. i think some rich businessman is gonna buy her dinner and introduce her to some colleague
"forget dinner then let's go have a drink"
"no i'm not coming to your place."
"well you might change your mind."
i try this a little later too but she refuses again. i asked her to remind me what time her plans and she said, "oh late. really late. like 8.30." . i dunno, the way she said it i took it as a way of saying we've got plenty of time. so i try to pull again.
"i'm not coming to your place"
"wanna go to the park"?
**laughs at obvious impossibility of park sex in the afternoon** "no"
it's all in a very quiet sexy way all the time really lots of full on eye contact and such. she's implied more than once that she has to at least try to take it slow. can't remember her exact words but i'm not taking no for an answer so easily.
anyway things wind down i don't know what to do she's clearly not gonna come back to my place today but she owes me a dinner. i excuse myself to the bathroom and while i'm pissing suddenly realize the time. shit! i forgot i was supposed to be somewhere. go out of the bathroom and tell her "i've got a meeting soon so we gotta go. i'm gonna pay for this coz you're gonna go shopping and cook me some delicious food."
we drive down to the corner and she can't get a taxi. things are tanking now. she orders a taxi but get's the address wrong and we have to run over the road. no touching. in fact i called her out about leaving me hanging as i walked across the road with my hand out for her to take. it was all pretty good humoured. i can't wait so i just kinda dumped her there on the corner. it was pretty funny she's definitely not used to being just suddenly dumped in the street. i think she saw the funny side. i kinda walked around her checking her out as i said good bye. we were still eye fucking and shit but no touching. i didn't think a hug or kiss on the cheek was a good idea.
come to think of it the ending was probably the best part of the whole date. hahahahaha i would never have had the balls to just cut it like that if i hadn't been late. i kept blaming her for hypnotizing me with her crazy big eyes.
what else? at one point in the bar i mentioned my South Aftican buddy had just come back from home and he'd been hunting and stuff when he was there, he lives on a giant ranch/farm and they have giraffes and fucking hyenas and shit. i told her i had only ever killed one thing on purpose (a rat at work not long ago) but that i'd killed my pet chinchilla. this was on my okc profile. it's a horrible story man and it made me cry. not on the date. i think this confession was a huge turning point. added an emotional depth that was missing. in fact the first people i ever told were these two dutch girls i nearly had a threesome with and i think it really helped with that.
so... learning points? ermmm way too full on. shoulda toned down the sex talk. way to much pull and no push besides teasing. i basically told her everything about myself in the questions game. in the end the vibe was like so this is me and you can totally be a part of my harem, whaddaya say?
i dunno if this can be saved
on the other hand, she is a flight attendant so she's coming and going all the time probably wouldn't mind a semi boyfriend to fuck and cuddle once a fortnight.
who knows?
