Drama Great Relationship turning into a nightmare - how honest should one be?
- Thread starter REM050
- Start date
Thanks guys! I think I got the point 
And this is what I suspected mostly. Thanks for the confirmation.
As for the others: I'll drop it now. It's just that I learned that if intelligent people have something to say about you it's usually a good idea to pay attention as you might learn something from it.
Cheers! Out.
And this is what I suspected mostly. Thanks for the confirmation.
As for the others: I'll drop it now. It's just that I learned that if intelligent people have something to say about you it's usually a good idea to pay attention as you might learn something from it.
Cheers! Out.
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2012
- Messages
- 6,352
@REM050,
This remark from @gameboy is dead-on, as far as the textbook definition of narcissism goes.
Narcissists can never accept blame for anything. They do not look inward (scared what they might find). Always pass blame & project. It's impossible to bludgeon them into introspection no matter how hard you try. So, definitely not you.
To add:
Women call you a narcissist when they want you to stop thinking about what you want for yourself and start thinking about what they want you to do.
"You're a narcissist" = "Focus on me."
Yeah...
For some reason narcissists always want you to focus on their wants, never your own...
Go figure...!
-C
This remark from @gameboy is dead-on, as far as the textbook definition of narcissism goes.
Narcissists can never accept blame for anything. They do not look inward (scared what they might find). Always pass blame & project. It's impossible to bludgeon them into introspection no matter how hard you try. So, definitely not you.
To add:
Women call you a narcissist when they want you to stop thinking about what you want for yourself and start thinking about what they want you to do.
"You're a narcissist" = "Focus on me."
Yeah...
For some reason narcissists always want you to focus on their wants, never your own...
Go figure...!
-C
Last edited:
I've been a bit quiet for a mont or two, but as expected the relationship ended and not much later I went to visit some friends abroad. Fitting her personality she broke (blocked) all links and ties to me and though sad as well I mostly felt relieved after as little as a day or two. Good riddance. Thanks for the help.
Since then I have met and talked to a lot of cute, sweet and gorgeous women, but I find myself grabbing any excuse whatsoever to bail out on them wherever I am in the seduction phase. A test? I'm not even trying. Logistical objections? Too bad. Too young, too old, or otherwise not 'right'? Let's just leave it.
When in the right mood I used to be very good at persisting and jumping on even the smallest escalation windows and in a way I still am, as I do notice them, but these days I am just not acting on them... The result: small talk and a dying flame.
Some reflecting on what's happening made me realise that there's a voice in the back of my head warning me very persistently for not letting another source of chaos into my life - which is very enjoyable and going extremely well at the moment, as opposed to a year ago, so that's a plus.
In short: I am traumatised. And even though I consciously know most women are sweet and loving beyond what us guys can even imagine, this newly developed safety switch in my brain is not buying it. The result: two months of 'safe' but not really desired celibacy. The fact that the ex was more or less all I ever wanted in a girl on the looks department (and beyond) doesn't help either: the more the girl I meet is my type, the louder the alarm bells..
I really have no time for therapy - and not much interest either, honestly. Also, I know time heals all wounds, but I'm afraid by then it will be winter again and I will have wasted lots of very nice opportunities with very nice women.
Of course this whole issue is worth another thread, but I'm not sure if something similar already exists (the search engine didn't get me what I needed, although that doesn't say much as I'm notoriously impatient with search engines). Looking for an article on the main website didn't yield exactly what I am looking for either.
So, how would or did you guys rise from your own ashes after being burned by a cluster B? How did you pull yourself out of the swamp of self sabotage and auto rejection? By pulling your own hair - if you still have it - like the Baron of Munchhausen?
I want to go from auto rejection and unnecessary bailing to 'what the hell, who cares, let's find out how amazing this girl can be and give her a good time in the process' again.
Since then I have met and talked to a lot of cute, sweet and gorgeous women, but I find myself grabbing any excuse whatsoever to bail out on them wherever I am in the seduction phase. A test? I'm not even trying. Logistical objections? Too bad. Too young, too old, or otherwise not 'right'? Let's just leave it.
When in the right mood I used to be very good at persisting and jumping on even the smallest escalation windows and in a way I still am, as I do notice them, but these days I am just not acting on them... The result: small talk and a dying flame.
Some reflecting on what's happening made me realise that there's a voice in the back of my head warning me very persistently for not letting another source of chaos into my life - which is very enjoyable and going extremely well at the moment, as opposed to a year ago, so that's a plus.
In short: I am traumatised. And even though I consciously know most women are sweet and loving beyond what us guys can even imagine, this newly developed safety switch in my brain is not buying it. The result: two months of 'safe' but not really desired celibacy. The fact that the ex was more or less all I ever wanted in a girl on the looks department (and beyond) doesn't help either: the more the girl I meet is my type, the louder the alarm bells..
I really have no time for therapy - and not much interest either, honestly. Also, I know time heals all wounds, but I'm afraid by then it will be winter again and I will have wasted lots of very nice opportunities with very nice women.
Of course this whole issue is worth another thread, but I'm not sure if something similar already exists (the search engine didn't get me what I needed, although that doesn't say much as I'm notoriously impatient with search engines). Looking for an article on the main website didn't yield exactly what I am looking for either.
So, how would or did you guys rise from your own ashes after being burned by a cluster B? How did you pull yourself out of the swamp of self sabotage and auto rejection? By pulling your own hair - if you still have it - like the Baron of Munchhausen?
I want to go from auto rejection and unnecessary bailing to 'what the hell, who cares, let's find out how amazing this girl can be and give her a good time in the process' again.
I'm not sure therapy would help you much. I may be wrong but I don't think you are traumatised, you are just still grieving the ideas and dreams of what could have been, if she was the perfect girl without certain negatives.
Over time, you'll stop comparing other girls to her and get your fire back. It took me 6 months when I broke up with my ex gf who was my first relationship. Probably too long but I'm glad I took the time to reflect. It wasn't so much that I missed her, but I wanted to learn what I did wrong, what boundaries I must have to ensure I don't get too close to girls who are not compatible with me and so on.
That said, after that 6 month celibacy period, having a few flings and 1NS really did help so even if you are not totally into it, that kind of IDGAF energy can be very attractive to girls...
I know time wasn't the answer that you wanted but it really often is the only answer. The only other way is to find a girl who is better than your ex in pretty much every way but that's hard to do because it takes time to build an emotional connection to someone, inside jokes etc.