FU Grocery Store and Bookstore

[Marty]

I've decided to post a (double) "fuck-up report". Most of the time I reserve field reports for my "best" interactions, which may not be very good by others' standards but at least I know I was pushing my limits. That is all very well, but occasionally I think it might be wise to report on some (even) less successful approaches in the hope that others may be able to see where I'm going wrong.

There is an abundance of interactions where I don't even get as far as a phone number... I don't report on those. Here I'm posting two recent ones where I did number-close, but things went awry nonetheless. While the reasons are not apparent to me, they will likely be very obvious to more experienced men.

FU #1

Friday 1/10, 8:20 PM

I see a lady in the grocery store; I estimate she is about 36, but she has no marriage or betrothal ring. She has a magnificent figure for her age, slender and enticing with all the right curves in all the right places. Her hair is very dark and a little wavy, and her complexion is pale and creamy. I stand beside her at the shelf in an otherwise empty aisle, not looking at her, and open: "You have a beautiful figure!"

She thanks me and I turn to engage her. We introduce ourselves; I ask if she lives nearby, and she tells me she has recently bought a condo in a fashionable, central location that I am very familiar with. She has not yet transferred to the city from her old job which is located over 80 miles away in the same state, so she spends only Thursday through Saturday in the city, otherwise she is at work. She plans to move here permanently within the next couple months.

I suggest that we get together for tea next time she is in town. She agrees and gives me her number; we part.

Saturday 1/11, 11:40 AM

I leave the lady a simple voice mail message identifying myself and saying that I enjoyed meeting her and look forward to our further contact. The greeting on her voice mail includes her name, confirming that the number she gave me is correct.

Tuesday 1/14, 4:05 PM

Again she does not answer my call and I leave another voice mail saying that I would like to fix up a time for that cup of tea and would she please return my call. I leave my number.

She has not called me back and by this time, I doubt she will.

__________

FU #2

Thursday 1/16, 1:10 PM

Taking a break between meetings, I am in a Barnes & Noble bookstore on the campus of a technical university in our city. It is within walking distance of my workplace, and the bookstore is attached to a Starbucks which makes it a doubly good location for meeting women. I don't see any promising prospects in the coffee shop this time, so I browse the bookshelves and soon I find myself in the bargain books section, close to a petite, cute young girl who is examining the books in a leisurely, unhurried manner.

If I was being fussy I'd say she could possibly benefit from losing around 10 pounds, but there's something about her lips that turns me on and I also find the look in her eye attractive, if you know what I mean. We circle and move past each other a few times without acknowledging each other directly... I cannot catch her eye to open easily, but after about five minutes, she briefly picks up a novel by Louis de Bernières that I had looked at a moment ago, before returning it. I open situationally: "I picked up that book and put it back too."

She engages me easily and we start talking about the book; I tell her I have read others by the same author and she asks me about them. I tell her that the author tells beautiful stories but that I had found one book tough-going because the level of violence was disturbing. We start talking about the arts in general (literature, music) and how certain works can evoke different emotions from what the creator intended (thanks Zphix). She is open about her preferences. Before things get too deep I ask her name.

I then ask whether she studies at the adjoining university and she says she has been admitted, but hasn't started her course yet—she only graduated from high school last year. Surprised, I ask her age and she tells me she is 18. With a little further prodding, she reveals that she hasn't yet quite decided between two possible majors and we briefly discuss the merits of each; I am able to relate as I did my undergrad in one of these subjects, back in the 90s. She plans to audit a course with a friend who is already attending, right after she leaves the bookstore, to help her with her decision.

I go direct and tell her she has pretty eyes. I ask her on a date and she accepts; since she has the lecture coming up (and I am already late for a meeting!) I take a phone number and wish her well.

Thursday 1/16, 5:00 PM

Presumably her lecture is over by now so I call from my office before leaving for the day, but she does not answer. I leave a voice message saying that it was nice meeting a fellow lover of books and that I look forward to our further contact.

Saturday 1/18, 1:25 PM

I call again and this time she picks up. She says she's having quite a busy weekend and asks about mine. I briefly respond and turn the conversation back to her, but she says she has another call coming in and hangs up. This spectacularly rude behavior I can only interpret as a change of mind, so I don't plan to pursue.

__________

Any idea where I might have gone wrong with these two women?

Thanks!

-Marty

 

[Mr.Rob]

She has a magnificent figure for her age, slender and enticing with all the right curves in all the right places. Her hair is very dark and a little wavy, and her complexion is pale and creamy.

This is what I'm talking about your vivid descriptions of the girls you chat up! I can't ever seem to be able to describe any of the women I meet I'm like "She's older than me, has brown hair and nice ass... So I told her I liked her ass". Yes something to work on.

With the first girl it seems like you didn't do much wrong she just didn't bite after you gave her a ring. Pretty normal stuff unless you have your fundamentals handled to the T. I think I've only had one or two numbers come through in my entire seduction deal, I do better on instant dates. I think I have a better presentation.

With the last girl I'm assuming you didn't have enough time to go on an instant date? Though Chase and Franco say that if you don't have enough time to close/bad logistics it's better to have a short interaction and leave then go on an instant date and not close.

Also with the last girl on the phone call. You have balls my friend, or rather your probably good on the phone. I can't stand talking on the phone it just rattles my nerves off the hinges. Though I did leave a voicemail yesterday! First time in my life and she bit so maybe I'm movin on up.

I had a girl I met at my school about a year ago and I remember pacing in my backyard for a good 30 minutes trying to mentally prepare myself for the phone call before hitting send. Which of course just made me even more nervous on the phone. I'm talking to her and being way too entertaining and try hard and awkward and after 3 minutes she just hangs up midsentence. Bitch slap to the face. Then she texts me a minute later and says "Btw I forgot to mention I have a boyfriend so I can't talk to you anymore". But that's when that stuff used to bother me a lot.

All and all I don't think you really had any bad errors. I think its pretty baller that you can even get numbers from girls that are 20 years younger than you. Most girls get creeped out by older men so you must have your shit put together to make it like that Marty.

Keep em coming.

-Rob

 

[Grand Pooba]

Marty,

I am out right now so I'll write in detail later this evening. But two things I noticed (up to you to judge the validity):

1. No compliance tests besides getting their contact info.
2. You didn't try to move either girl.

Of course, correct me if I read it incorrectly, or perhaps you just didn't have the time since you were in between meetings. I know its tough when you're in either of these situations and you have to go. One subtle compliance test might just be to move as you're talking to her and see if she follows (requires you to hook her first).

 

[Marty]

Ozzo:

Great point, especially this:

One subtle compliance test might just be to move as you're talking to her and see if she follows (requires you to hook her first).

I am going to try to work this into my next interaction. After all, if she won't, she's hardly likely to give me the time of day later, so it would save me wasting mental energy. I like it (and it shows confidence and dominance). Thanks for the tip!

Rob:

This is what I'm talking about your vivid descriptions of the girls you chat up!

I love women. That's all there is to it

I think I've only had one or two numbers come through in my entire seduction deal, I do better on instant dates. I think I have a better presentation.

This is food for thought. What I'm going to try to do is run my day game at times when I know I can potentially make time for any and/or all of the following: tea, coffee, ice-cream, make-out session, etc. =) LOL

In all seriousness, I think there's a lot in that, keeping the momentum going and building comfort, rather than leaving off and having to start again (remotely, against all the odds—all you have on the phone is tone of voice; no body language, facial expressions etc.). This has made me think seriously that I want to push each interaction as far as I can (ideally work up all the way to a kiss) right from the opener. Work can wait

You have balls my friend, or rather you're probably good on the phone. I can't stand talking on the phone it just rattles my nerves off the hinges.

When I was dating around in my youth in the mid-Nineties, cell phones in Europe were the preserve of the very well-off or very ahead of the curve, neither of which applied to a student on a tight budget. I had actually not even heard of text messaging at that time, if it existed (not sure). I found the (fixed-line) phone an excellent tool for dating and had one installed in my student dorm-room within a couple weeks of starting college.

One girl from peripheral social circle (sister of an ex-boyfriend of a girl who was platonic pals with one of my friends from high school—how "peripheral" can you get?) commented that I was extremely persistent when I kept calling, her housemates kept telling me she was not at home, and recounted to her that I had called. We became lovers soon after, remained friends-with-benefits for a year or so, and she was awfully good in bed.

So I just grew accustomed to this method of communication, and after a 12-year period of pseudo-monogamy I confess I'm not really very smart about the whole SMS and iMessage thing, at least when it comes to seduction. I suppose it's a question of sticking to what I do well.

I think its pretty baller that you can even get numbers from girls that are 20 years younger than you. Most girls get creeped out by older men so you must have your shit put together to make it like that Marty.

Thanks for your encouragement, Rob! I think that last point is just a question of "I didn't know it couldn't be done, so I went ahead and did it"... I grew up from the age of six in a shitty all-male environment, so I am quite clueless about how women (especially younger women) think and frankly have no idea what does or does not creep them out. Nor do I really understand what "creep out" actually means, nor do I particularly care so long as the girl is prepared to escalate with me.

-Marty

 

[Grand Pooba]

I am going to try to work this into my next interaction. After all, if she won't, she's hardly likely to give me the time of day later, so it would save me wasting mental energy. I like it (and it shows confidence and dominance). Thanks for the tip!

Okay, there are numerous ways of doing something like this. One thing that has worked well for me is something as simple as "let's move here out of the way really quick." You can also ask her to show you something, like some trinket she's wearing, or something on her phone, or a cool ring, some accessory. Perhaps you're at a grocery store and she's looking at an item; you can have her show it to you or explain it to you and give her opinion.

I've noticed PrettyDecent do these remarkably well in his FRs, by doing things like trying a girl's drinks or having a girl move with him to a cool place. The former of these I've recently been experimenting with and it's surprising that most girls are totally cool with you trying out their drink (tea, coffee, etc).

One FR I had, I was at the airport and to move her I was talking to her and midway just threw in "why don't we go move over here?" and she complied.