Group Dates: Yay or Nay?

[Bboy100]

So i'll often get conversations on Tinder which will often go along the lines of:

I ask her out--> She counter proposes that we go out as a group or on a double date (e.g. I bring a friend and she brings a friend). --> I decline by politely telling he that I'm sure her friend(s) are great, but I'd rather get to know her one on one first--> usually she doesn't reply after that.

I understand that there are a variety of very good safety reasons for why women would want to bring a friend to a Tinder date. Theoretically, allowing this to happen is not a very effective strategy in terms of completing a seduction because it adds a variety of other factors (including the need to isolate our respective girls away from each other...which is huge). Having said that, I've never actually tested this myself. So, for those of you who have had experience on double dates or group dates...how do they usually go? I'm guessing they're less effective than an actual date. But are they so ineffective that they're not even worth doing, or is it still worth giving it a try if the girl insists on it?

 

[lao che]

ordinarily it's a straight up no for me. either matter of fact - "i don't wanna/i'm not sure i'm ready to meet your friends." or making a joke about her needing a chaperone or asking if her mum will be there to hold her hand. 4
however it's so seldom happened to me that i wouldn't even consider giving it a thought.
i would be up for a double date though. that would be cool if you have a guy friend you could hook up. i would do that. there are some ifs and buts though, of course. e.g you must have a cool friend! the girl can't be the "ugly friend" and your buddy is "taking one for the team" and so on

meh, i wouldn't voluntarily go with it but i'd work with it if it was thrown my way.

there's also the small possibility that if she wants to bring a friend they could be down with some kinky stuff. i would counter with "i'm not sure i can handle two wildcats together but let's give it a shot!" sth like that, roll with it see what happens. you might be surprised. anyway, everything is a filter

 

[Bboy100]

Tried it last night just to be an empiricist. Never doing that again ahaha. I went alone and I met her and a friend of hers. Admittedly, I was feeling a little anxious, it was a new situation, and I was kinda tired so my fundamentals were off. But 5 mins into the date, I went to get a drink (they were already seated and drinking when I got there). By the time I got back, they were gone. They ditched me without saying a word.

When I texted the one who invited me, she said that her friend was "throwing up from alcohol and wasn't feeling well" which is why they left. There is a possibility that this is true because they had just arrived, so it wouldn't be in their interest to leave that quickly. Also, another friend of theirs was supposed to be coming. And frankly if they did ditch me only because they didn't like what they saw so far...that would be the bitchiest, most inconsiderate thing a girl has ever done on a date with me. Short of not showing up at all. So I'm also going off pure faith that people just don't do stuff like that lol. Especially since I hadn't done anything bad other than give out a slightly anxious/nervous vibe.

Not that any of this has to do with them being in a group, but I still feel like even if things did go well, it would have been way too much work given the amount of dates I get these days haha.

 

[lao che]

how did you frame your agreement to the date? it was supposed to be 3 onto 1? that's like "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"

 

[lao che]

here's a LR by seppuku which you might find interesting

https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=14119

 

[Seppuku]

Hey BBoy,

I have already done a few "dates with a friend". It's usually for exactly the same reason you mention - addressing the girl's safety concern, when she won't meet without a friend.

Exactly as you say, the "date on her terms" with a girlfriend will lead nowhere: it's like she's going out with her friend and you're welcome to join them by the way. Zero investment from her, pure waste of time. You absolutely need to be in control and have them date on your terms: their investment in you, not the other way around.

One way to turn this into a big win, is to take advantage that they are two of them and ask them both directly at your place. There, you work at building comfort with both girls - remember you need to win the friend, too. This way, you achieve two things:

• 1. massive pre-selection from the friend
  2. make your target comfortable with being with you at your place

Doing so, you're preparing the ground work for the next date, which should be both of you alone at your place. However, keep an open mind for a possible threesome. In the link provided by Lao Che (thanks Lao Che!) I could probably have tried pushing for a threesome. The girlfriend was very flirty and sexual with me in spite of her claiming to be a lesbian.

For reference, I did the same last year: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=11599#p58234

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Bboy100]

If you're getting that response frequently, it means you're probably not portraying yourself correctly before you ask.

Can you post a couple sample conversations that ended that way? I'll probably be able to diagnose the issue if you do.

I guess I shouldn't have used the word "often" in my OP. Realistically, I only get this response every once in a while.

Unfortunately, I unmatched the girl from the above conversation after she ditched me, so I don't have that convo. I still have our text messages, but unfortunately, they don't cover the part of the interaction when she counter proposed to bring a friend. I also just looked through my other matches, and it seems that all other recent cases of this have either unmatched me or deleted their Tinders (probably the latter). Having said that, I'll do my best to rescript the one I can best remember from memory. But I'm pretty sure some details are wrong or missing.:/

Me: Soo, now that we're a Tinder match, should we go ahead and get married?
Her: [Some form of sarcastic agreement]
Me: [A GIPHY of a dude proposing]
Her: [Laughing emoji]
Her: What are you up to tonight?
Me: I don't have any solid plans yet. We'll see.
Me: Actually, want to go out for drinks? I feel like Tinder isn't a very good way of getting to know each other anyways.
Her: Yeah, sure! I'll be around Cap hill (Cap hill is where the bar/club scene in Seattle is)tonight with some friends.
Me: Actually, I'd rather it just be you and me. I'm sure your friends are great, but I feel like getting to know each other one on one is a little different than a social setting.


And she didn't reply after that.

However, keep an open mind for a possible threesome.

Yeah, in this case, that's actually what I was going for. Cause based on our texting, it seemed that she and her friend had literally spent at least the last two full days together. So they were probably pretty close. And they both seemed to be party girls. So its not too much of a stretch haha.

how did you frame your agreement to the date? it was supposed to be 3 onto 1? that's like "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"

Well, I didn't know there was going to be a third until I arrived. In fact originally, thought it was going to be just her. It went like this:

Her: What are your plans now?
Her: Come to Ballard please! <---this was kind of out of the blue. Up till now, we had been texting about arbitrary things. There was no plan for us to meet that day. Given that she was asking me out, it seemed she genuinely wanted to meet me one on one.
Me: Sure.
Her: Ok, I"ll message you when we get there. <--It was only now that I find out she still intends to bring her friend. I could have just said I'm not down. But I decided fuck it...I'll try this out and see how it goes.

This exchange happened after I had agreed to meet her and her friend with a friend of mine the previous night. But they flaked on us.

 

[lao che]

Soo, now that we're a Tinder match, should we go ahead and get married?
Her: [Some form of sarcastic agreement]
Me: [A GIPHY of a dude proposing]
Her: [Laughing emoji]
Her: What are you up to tonight?
Me: I don't have any solid plans yet. We'll see.
Me: Actually, want to go out for drinks? I feel like Tinder isn't a very good way of getting to know each other anyways.
Her: Yeah, sure! I'll be around Cap hill (Cap hill is where the bar/club scene in Seattle is)tonight with some friends.
Me: Actually, I'd rather it just be you and me. I'm sure your friends are great, but I feel like getting to know each other one on one is a little different than a social setting.

this is great. i'm totally stealing your opener.

 

[lao che]

If you're going for fast sex, then never....

EVER....

EVER...

EVER...

this is point taken but, in the interest of science, i'm gonna experiment with it anyway.

" Soo, now that we're a Tinder match, should we go ahead and ...."



it's a handy generic opener, for if you can't think of anything tailored to the girl. i think it'll work better than "oh oh here comes trouble" which has not gotten me good results.

 

[Bboy100]

If you're going for fast sex, then never....

EVER....

EVER...

EVER...

joke about or even MENTION "dates" "relationships" or "marriage."

Even if you're just kidding, you don't want those words associated with you in the woman's mind.

Yeah, I get the idea behind this. But do the things we say online even matter one she meets us IRL? I feel like once she feels out my energy, fundamentals etc., that'll be 10x more impactful than anything I said online. Am I wrong about this?

 

[lao che]

i lean more towards that point of view, too. i've told girls i'm a virgin and that if they wanna get a piece of me they gotta put a ring on it first. 100% sure none of them believed they would actually have to marry me before i let them have it. have the D, that is )

i'm liking "now that we're a tinder match should i go ahead and call a divorce lawyer?" but there are many possibilities

"now that we're a tinder match should we go ahead and start house hunting?" which could in fact be an interesting first date idea

i think it's funny we'll see if it's effective. at the moment i get so few responses it could barely do worse.

 

[Seppuku]

Yeah, I get the idea behind this. But do the things we say online even matter one she meets us IRL? I feel like once she feels out my energy, fundamentals etc., that'll be 10x more impactful than anything I said online. Am I wrong about this?

From my experience of online dating, I also find that what is said via text is less impactful.

@Lao che: let us know how it works! It's a funny opener, I'm curious too.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[ray_zorse]

One exception might be in chase framing girls from conservative cultures, you can sometimes go too far by accusing them of wanting sex and cause offense, especially in the early part of a conversation. Accusing her of wanting marriage or a boyfriend is the next best thing. For example one memorable pickup occurred on a street corner in my home city, a pretty Chinese woman playing with her phone, I opened in a teasing manner "texting your boyfriend again!" ... Right now I'm in Thailand and I teased a pretty nurse in the hospital the other day, that she has the hots for a Norwegian patient she talks to a bit (I refer to him as "your boyfriend from Norway" and get a lot of laughs). Et cetera... A girl kindly offered to take me on her motorbike to the supermarket as it turns out she worked in the same place I was going... Arrive there, meet her colleagues and they ask how we know each other "She is my girlfriend" I reply with a big grin, then kiss her on the cheek... Et cetera, it's all good fun and just teasing and kidding around, so I do not think it is positioning me as a boyfriend in any way.
Ray