- Joined
- May 22, 2016
- Messages
- 86
Back in my country, young people around my age are dying due to terrorist attacks, having financial troubles, working long hours for very little pay, have to put up with societal pressure against sex and relationships in their teens and beyond. That is the situation back home.
For me, I'm studying abroad, I use to be an avid video game player, playing Runescape, Counter-Strike and CoD for most of the day. Nowadays, I only study, read, meditate or do game. I've stopped cold turkey playing video games, watching TV, series or movies. Not buying or using refined sugar, no chocolate, cookies or pastries or any junk food. No more fast food, no KFC or pizzas. Stopped adding salt to my dishes, first it tasted bland but now I'm getting used to it, and getting enough sodium through cheese and other products.
I know this sounds like weird ramblings, but what I'm trying to say is, I've been both testing my willpower and trying to live a healthy albeit minimalist lifestyle here. I don't watch porn and only masturbate once every 8 days (if I hadn't had sex) to maximize my testosterone levels. My only enjoyment in life comes from reading and pickup. And I love women, I go crazy sometimes because I've never felt so passionate about a skill set such as seduction ever before. I'm actually afraid I might lose my drive in the future because I just want to experience lots of girls and crazy adventures and mastering seduction.
However, I sometimes feel guilty that what I'm doing is "immoral", and that I shouldn't be enjoying life, let alone be pursuing women with the way things are back home. I feel powerless because I can not do anything about those behind and I feel like I have to make excuses or be ashamed because I'm "enjoying" worldly desires here. I think even some of my self-restraint comes as a self-defense mechanism, i.e. I'm trying to make up for my "bad" behavior by letting go of other desires, so as to lessen the total amount of pleasure I'm getting. And it's not like it's a utopia here as well, far from it, since I'm in a technical university, there are around 15% women and absolute abundance is literally impossible.
Even today, more than ten people died in an attack and I could've been one of them had I been born in a different city to a different set of parents. And maybe I'll die in 2 weeks when I go back to visit my parents because terrorists are even attacking airports. This just sucks the life out of me, and these things will continue to happen because of awful governmental policies and more people will die and I'll be lucky if I'm not one of them. I don't know what to do. Simply ignoring it feels disrespectful and grieving after every event will make sure I'll never be out of gloom because of how dreadfully often these things happen.
Can anyone relate remotely?
For me, I'm studying abroad, I use to be an avid video game player, playing Runescape, Counter-Strike and CoD for most of the day. Nowadays, I only study, read, meditate or do game. I've stopped cold turkey playing video games, watching TV, series or movies. Not buying or using refined sugar, no chocolate, cookies or pastries or any junk food. No more fast food, no KFC or pizzas. Stopped adding salt to my dishes, first it tasted bland but now I'm getting used to it, and getting enough sodium through cheese and other products.
I know this sounds like weird ramblings, but what I'm trying to say is, I've been both testing my willpower and trying to live a healthy albeit minimalist lifestyle here. I don't watch porn and only masturbate once every 8 days (if I hadn't had sex) to maximize my testosterone levels. My only enjoyment in life comes from reading and pickup. And I love women, I go crazy sometimes because I've never felt so passionate about a skill set such as seduction ever before. I'm actually afraid I might lose my drive in the future because I just want to experience lots of girls and crazy adventures and mastering seduction.
However, I sometimes feel guilty that what I'm doing is "immoral", and that I shouldn't be enjoying life, let alone be pursuing women with the way things are back home. I feel powerless because I can not do anything about those behind and I feel like I have to make excuses or be ashamed because I'm "enjoying" worldly desires here. I think even some of my self-restraint comes as a self-defense mechanism, i.e. I'm trying to make up for my "bad" behavior by letting go of other desires, so as to lessen the total amount of pleasure I'm getting. And it's not like it's a utopia here as well, far from it, since I'm in a technical university, there are around 15% women and absolute abundance is literally impossible.
Even today, more than ten people died in an attack and I could've been one of them had I been born in a different city to a different set of parents. And maybe I'll die in 2 weeks when I go back to visit my parents because terrorists are even attacking airports. This just sucks the life out of me, and these things will continue to happen because of awful governmental policies and more people will die and I'll be lucky if I'm not one of them. I don't know what to do. Simply ignoring it feels disrespectful and grieving after every event will make sure I'll never be out of gloom because of how dreadfully often these things happen.
Can anyone relate remotely?
