Guys! Conflicts in advices about calibrating things are driving me crazy!

[Ezio]

Seriously.

1.
One day i read here that you should really express and transmit your sexual energy, to not be ashamed of your sexual intentions, literally letting her see the hunger for sex through your eyes because this way you ll increase attraction, while the other day, somebody else says that you shouldn't go like this because you ll risk of being seen as needy or desperate for sex thus decreasing attraction.

How i am supposed to express my sexual desires, intention and needs properly? Is it wrong if i check out directly a girl's tits or ass? Is it wrong if i make a comment about how sexy her tits are or her ass? Where is the line between expressing your sexual openly and going explicit on that? What is the balance?

2.

Actually, i'm finding it hard to connect the inner game with the outer game. Actually, these are two different schools of thought in themselves and being so, creates conflicts between them. Chase is the best one so far that i have seen to create a balance between these schools but he is still "an outer game guru" - then there are people for example like Sasha Daygame or Leo Gura( Leo Gura is mostly a life teacher than seduction one, even though he gave some thoughts in seduction - however, life and seduction are corely connected, i believe, so you get me), who have a different approach - not denying outer game but with major differences.

To clarify my thoughts, this is how the advices sound to me - Chase vs Sasha Daygame:

Chase: Go approach the girl but use this or that opener, be careful to not come off as needy or desperate. Do this type of eye contact, don't do that other one. Best approach from this angle and not from that one. (Outer game)

Sasha Daygame: Go approach the girl and say whatever the fuck you feel and want! Don't worry how you come across. (Inner game)

Personally, i trust Chase more, but there is another great contributor here named Drck who is more calibrated between Outer and Inner than Sasha Daygame, but his philosophy is more similiar with Sasha's than with Chase's philosophy. The thing is that Drck, has very solid points in what he teaches and is very convincing to me-I like his way of thinking, but his advice is a little bit different from GC, and it is creating me conflicts in my mind. GC is like advocating to handle almost everything manually, while the "inner gamers" (Drck, Sasha Daygame, James Marshall, RSD, Leo Gura) advice to let some things get handled automatically.

- There might be other conflicts that i was thinking of, but now i can remember only these two. I am curious to know what i am missing. Because I am stuck between the categories which i call "Experienced beginner in theory" and " Very early intermediate in theory". I believe there are more categories than Beginner / Intermediate/ Advanced, even thought i havent named them properly, but i hope you get me.

Note: I am using "Sasha Daygame" only for the purpose of explaining what i mean by "inner game"

Important note!:

I am not trying to underrate somebody here - especially Chase and GirlsChase. For your information, my life has changed radically since finding GirlsChase and applying their advices. Neither I am trying to undervalue any of these schools of thought. Please, don't post anything like: " If you don't like what GirlChase says, then leave" - No, no, i definitely resonate and agree with GC advices, i am just confused a bit.

 

[Smith]

There's a principle behind every "technique", but it's very easy to mental mastrubate on "inner game" theories then go out and talk to people. I found it easier to operate from basic principles of "you're enough", "be congruent", "be present"...etc. than calculating what I should say to a girl, and from my experience that usually works better too, not just in terms of results, but in terms of how much I actually enjoyed the interaction without needing anything from the girl. You gotta be willing to alienate some people by "being yourself" in order to find girls you can truly have chemistry with. However, that doesn't mean all the "outer game" is bs, because I found that I picked up all these "outer game" behaviour naturally as I go out a lot either through instinct, experience or trial and error. For example, your voice and eye contact usually get better as you go out more, because you learned that when you look into someone's eye and project your voice they pay attention to you more, and you learn how to be not too eager when the girl's acting cold because in the past, you acted too eager and it made you look too try-hard, then you realized she didn't do anything to deserve your attention. You learn little things like this when you go out. Notice in the last example, the principle behind it is "you're enough".

Another example is on physical escalation. You can learn all the "outer game" techniques on how to escalate, but if you're not comfortable with sexuality and you get nervous and stuck in your head, you'll always be in the wrong vibe when you escalate, and emotion is very important in seduction. So instead of focusing on the techniques for escalation, start from being comfortable with your sexual desire and do what you feel like in the moment when you're turned on, i.e. start touching her!

Sometimes I still have to resort to looking for advice from GC, James Marshall, 21C..etc, when I'm stuck. It could be that I was just uncalibrated to the girl without realizing it. Sometimes you still need people to point out things to you when you're learning and that's ok.

 

[Drck]

Actually, i'm finding it hard to connect the inner game with the outer game.

>>>> IMO it's not inner vs outer, it is both. It's like asking whether you are more of your mind, or your body. You are simply both, two sides of the same coin...

Think about it as if you were a pilot flying an airplane. You have to watch your gages inside the plane (your mood, anxiety level, desire, belief system, confidence, feelings towards her), you have to follow a flight plan, but you also have to watch what's going on in outside the plane (how you approach, your eye contact, how you look overall and so on). As if that wasn't enough, you also have to watch what's going on with the another plane (the girl itself, what is her mood, reactions, actions,...), how close or far it is, whether it leads or follows, whether it is way above or too much believe you, whether it is crashing to the ground - or into you...

So in essence it is all the same thing. For example, in inner game you increase confidence, and that will be automatically reflected in your outer game (in analogy, you increase the RPM of the motors inside the cockpit - and as a result the plane increases its speed from 300 to 500. Or you change a flight plan, and the directions of the plane will also change, that's just given.

In outer game, you approach a girl, say something, and you realize that she has different reactions that you expected. So you have to go to 'inner' game, analyze what is her feelings (based on how you feelings and what's your insight into women's mind) and based on that you create a plan of action - either move forward or next her. Also, because you keep approaching and approaching different girls it will also increase your (inner) confidence. In analogy, if it is a nice weather outside you can just fly on an autopilot, even without using your gages. But if you get into clouds and heavy rain (e.g. high emotions, unusual shit tests) while there is a strong side winds that are pushing you off of your direction (her damn BF shield), and you can't really see much outside (because she is quite confusing), all you have is your inner gauges...

Either way though, you always fly the plane, and if you want to be a great pilot you are simply aware of both, inner and outer world...

With that being said, I am rather an introvert, I spent lots of time on e.g. Buddhism which in essence is focused directly on the "inner" world, so maybe that's where the differences might appear the most... My intentions are also little bit different, for instance I have no desire to be that mysterious guy whose got everywhere many hot girls following him, nor I have desire to have sex at fifty different public places with hundred different women... So it always depends...

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One day i read here that you should really express and transmit your sexual energy, to not be ashamed of your sexual intentions, literally letting her see the hunger for sex through your eyes because this way you ll increase attraction, while the other day, somebody else says that you shouldn't go like this because you ll risk of being seen as needy or desperate for sex thus decreasing attraction.

>>>>> that's difficult because there is lots of variables to consider. Say for example that I am an asshole, and I meet a guy who wants to teach me how to be a bigger asshole because he realized that many girls like assholes. Is it going to help me? Not really. I could increase my asshole-ness by 80% but it won't help me to get more girls at all. But the same guy may help 10 Nice Guys to get many girls. So am I wrong, is he wrong, or are these 10 NG wrong? Nobody is wrong, we are all right - except different things apply to us. Maybe I and the asshole guy could learn more from those nice guys, because there are also many nice guys with pretty girls....

Or imagine you meet a natural guy and try to explain him how to approach girls in a sexy way, how to talk to them and project sexual energy, what is logistics and so on. Some may not even understand what you are talking about.. They simply go out, have fun with girls - and then take them home without any plan...

Similarly with other things, like sexual energy. For example, today I am well aware of my sexual energy. Before I was within a group of girls, and based on reactions I was considered as quite sexy and attractive, and that was very flattering. I was the 'hot' guy, girls were hitting on me. But at that time I was in 'dating' mode, e.g. Looking for a long term GF - and just couldn't get any girl at all. How is that possible? I could follow the advice here and actually even increase my sexual energy (improve my looks, smiles, walks,...) but would that help me to get those girls to become my GF? Not at all. In contrary, I realized that I actually have to lower my sexual energy to get a GF, which is quite in contrary what you may read. On the other hand if I only wanted to sleep with the girls (and no GF) as a lover, all I had to do is move fast for a fast closure... In other words, the girls were already decided to sleep with me fast even before I had any sort of a "date" with them - while my mind set was to get them to the date, and then and seduce them during the date... See? All work was done already, many were already seduced - yet I was stuck on how to date them... I was stuck in my head, and of course the natural reaction was to increase the sexual energy even more...

So that was my problem at that time, I projected too much sexuality, I was 'open' to too many girls - while I was looking for only one. The correct solution for that time was to decrease my sexuality and focus on perhaps just one or two girls only, to be rather casual guy who fits into a BF frame...

But see, there might be another guy(s) within a group of girls, and their sexual energy is too low. They may not have any fundamentals. They may have never gone to fitness. They may be shy with low self esteem, they may be depressed, down,... So the only solution for them is to - obviously - somehow increase their sexual energy...

There was another great example here on GC recently: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10743#p52924
Those pretty blond bombshell girls were having a rather casual, down to earth BFs, nothing unusual, regular good guys, not too fat, not too skinny and so forth. I've seen it many times, these guys just wake up, they comb they hair, perhaps shave, put decent clothes on - and that is it, that's as sexy as it gets. Perhaps the most unusual thing is, that there is nothing unusual. So why aren't these blond girls with more eccentric/hot/rocker style guys? Because they are not simply looking for them as a BFs. They MIGHT sleep with them, but not necessary want them as long term BFs... Now imagine this casual, down to earth guy hears somewhere that he should become more sexy, that he should be more of a hot rocker ... He would waste months and years developing this new lifestyle - with virtually no benefits at all....

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So everything is just relative, what works for one guy may not necessary work for another. One guy is extrovert, the other introvert. One is looking for a great GF and stable relationship, the other for 500 lays. One has a corporate job, another owns his own business. One is skinny and needs to gain some muscles, the other needs to lose 50 pounds of fat. ... Each obviously requires different strategy, different approach,... So Experiment, try different things, find what works best for you, find out what you want... As always, keep it simple on yourself - sleeping with girls shouldn't be a difficult science, it should be natural and easy thing. Work on fundamentals, that will give you plenty of sexual energy, plenty of independence. Approach girls, talk to girls, that will give you plenty of confidence. Lift weights, join martial arts, that will give you even more confidence. Aim for sex, don't get stuck on one girl, and sooner or later it will happen. Throw some sexy smiles, mysterious appearances, or rocker jacket at those girls, text them some sexy stuff and enjoy - but IMO there is no need to spent 20 months on it...

 

[Anonymous]

There is no one perfect way of approaching this aspect of your life. I wouldn't say one is wrong or better, it all depends on your style and personality.

Regarding whether you should be more bold and open, or what to say, or whether you'll come off desperate or needy... it doesn't matter what you do on the outside if internally you lack the mental fortitude to withstand social pressure and your own anxiety/nervousness.

If what you are saying and doing is in line with your self-image, then you will be at ease and "congruent". When you say or do things that aren't "you", you know this, and you feel off, you feel "incongruent". Whatever you're feeling, it will transfer or get picked up by the other person's brain because of mirror neurons and stuff. It's physiological.

So there are a couple of solutions. Either stretch yourself and do things that don't feel right until your new baseline accommodates for it, so that your self-perception can handle your new persona and actions, or find material, ways of talking, moving, etc. that fit your baseline personality. The former will lead to a lot of discomfort and a lot more trial and error, where you're really pushing your comfort zone until you're able to handle the new and unfamiliar behaviors and are assimilated to your new self and personality.

The easier way is just to find teachings/methods/material that resonate with you are and take what works or fits you.

It all depends on how much you want to stretch yourself, or change parts of your personality. But I don't think there's really a wrong way to approach this, unless you're being really creepy and manipulative.

 

[ray_zorse]

I think a lot of good advice has been said here, I'm going to jump in b/c my experience is a bit different and I want to share it.

Well firstly I will take a big step into the past and explain my dad: He is a nuts and bolts guy. Give him a circuit board to design, a house to build, a car to fix/engine to recondition... he'll happily discuss techniques and methods, operating principles... the only real way we spend quality time together is when we are working on something (e.g. I bought a new bank of circuit breakers for the house where my wife lives, i was a bit scared to install it but I had committed to the purchase, he encouraged me, and talked me through the process, giving me lots of useful tips from experience).

However, he is emotionally cold, he wasn't loved as a child, sent off to boarding school at earliest opportunity where he was regularly caned for following his interests such as making fireworks, practical jokes etc... if I say something like "I missed you while I was overseas" or try to give him a hug, he sits there woodenly and doesn't know what to do.

Anyway, I have been brought up as a nuts and bolts guy and this is why outer game and "fake it till you make it" really resonated with me. Explain how to do something and I will happily go and practice it. With tons of practice (I have been a seducer 1yr and approached 2000+ women), you can get your outer game down. At the same time a dude like Bboy100 doesn't have to grind it out and approach 2000+ women to get laid because his inner game is on point (from what I can determine), he just needed a basic grounding in GC principles and knowledge. For myself OTOH my inner game was a real mess (nice guy syndrome, many insecurities, negative self talk, shame spirals, overeating etc, a lot of which I wasn't consciously aware of), so my progress has been much slower than it ought to be. Hmm so I've laid 7 new women this year and had countless makeouts / FU but I feel my inner game is only just BEGINNING to catch up to where it objectively should be. Although tons of women want my dick (last few days I received text from thirsty women at 5am and 2am after I'd already gone to sleep dammit), I somehow still don't truly believe I'm a sexy-ass mofo yet.

One thing to keep in mind is that inner game is A LOT harder than outer game. When you're starting so far behind the 8-ball as I was, outer game is definitely more helpful because it can get you laid and start the cycle of positive feedback and positive reference experiences that helps you to regain confidence, particularly if you're coming from negative reference experiences with girls as I was. BUT, you reach, and I have already reached, a point of diminishing returns from outer game. Therefore the best thing I could do now is to focus on meditation, being present, and mental reprogramming through affirmations. However, I am still scared of being alone with my thoughts and to some extent am a "human doing" rather than a "human being" -- like my dad with his projects and workaholism. So I make excuses.

For inner game I suggest "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover, and "Healing the shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw. Actually, Ezio, the read I get from your posts is we might be in something of a similar place, can u relate?

Ray

 

[Mr. oblivious]

What I generally do is not taking everything as 100% absolute , as someone who is not in the top tier of pick up I typically just try and stick to the guide lines.

Pretend your an aaspiring chef with 0 experience, at the beginning your going to want to follow the recipe strictly but once you gain more experience screwed up and succeeded a couple of times you may decide your going to add a bit more tumeric and useless curry powder

I think that same principle applies to pick up from going out with some natural friends I noticed they're totally different but they Both pulled results you can tell the frame work was there for both of them they went talked/danced with girls but the manner in which they did it was different .

I beleive the content is too try make you the best you, you can be not a clone of chase , narrow , anataman or other authors and PuA's

 

[Ezio]

Thank you for the feedback to all of you. Frankly, a great insight from each of you.

As far as it goes to the point 2, what i understood is that all these guys ("inner gamers"), like Sasha, RSD, James Marshall and so on, who have their videos, are not really wrong. Let's say that if i am at point A, there are many ways to reach point B, you just have to find which one suits your personality better. Is that correct?

For me, i'm not really sure what my personality is, i feel both like Strong Silent Type/Laid back and Energetic Fun Type. I believe i am an ambivert. I like both James Bond's style and lets say RSDTyler's and maybe Sasha's style. I feel like i am one of the two extremes but i don't know which one I really am and which I am just pretending to be to myself. How do i find out which one I really am? Only through field experience? Or maybe just create a new persona with the traits i want to put in, like J.J said?

Also, the other thing is that like i thought, Chase's stuff is, in fact, more of an advanced approach to the seduction and life itself as well.
Therefore, I think that Chase talks more scientifically about his stuff, which leads to the thing that i won't deny that there are still things unclear. For example one's real potential to reach a certain thing-in our case, landing a high quality girl with stunning physical attributes, combined with intellegence and excellent personality. To be honest, my big goal in seduction, is landing such a girl, with both looks and personality being simultaneously priorities. So talking without emotions and philosophy, is one's potential to reach a certain goal at some point heavily affected by the external factors? Both mental and looks being the factors. An autist or a person with a deformed face, would not go far, in my opinion. I think there is where biology kicks in. Even I personally, having the most empathic feelings, wouldnt want a mate like that, because of simple fact that the result of the offspring wouldnt be a good one. . The autist and the other guy, are of course extreme examples, but what i want to say is-how much is one limited by external biological factors? Or is this only a limiting belief of mine? If so, feel free to point it out and i ll see to take care of it. (<< Not a crucial question, just curious to know the answer on a scientifc level)

Radeng,

Chase focuses more on teaching his process. Other gurus focus on the mental aspect of not giving up and fighting through all the rejection it takes to get your own process down.

This was a missing piece to my puzzle, lots of gurus don't want or are not able to explain and point this out. I think there should be an article for this, even here in girlschase, elaborating it even more.

To a beginner, the sentence: "Go out and don't care what girls think about you and eventually, you ll get better"-doesn't explain that the reason why it will get better is that you will get a process and your own tactics or techniques and so. What a beginner thinks is that he will get a better because he doesn't care, meaning that he doesn't need a pattern, process and something like that of his own. I believe this is what gurus often miss and thus they create a vacuum wherein the beginners sink. Even I didn't realize it myself, until you pointed it out. It is not that the gurus are saying the wrong thing, it is that they are thinking that people will get what they imply-which often does not happen. For example, I am a person who needs things to be explained to, often in absurd details, for implications that normally are supposed to be understood without too much explanation.

Drck and Smith,

I am still confused about expressing sexuality also in non-interacting situation without coming off as a pervert. For example, checking out(even staring a bit) a girl's tits or ass while passing by her in the street.

Or checking out(not staring) hot neighbours and guests(very distant "family" or just friends) who are dressed provocatively, who might come to your home for a visit. After all, it is not my fault if somebody shows her ass dressing tightly or showing half of their tits out and then expects me to pretend like I don't have a dick.

The other aspect is verbal sexuality. How free and explicit am i supposed to be with my sexuality verbally when I am interacting with people, no matter if it is my father, my mother, neighbour, friends and the rest of people, even with a girl i'm trying to seduce or one i am not trying?

What do you guys define as expressing and being comfortable sexual desire, or being comfortable with your sexuality? What does "projecting too much sexuality" mean?

I'm sorry if you have already answered these questions and i am not understanding, but i need some more clarification.

J.J,

So it means that it is possible and that one is able to change his persona and the baseline of personality. Is that correct?

Ray,

Yes, I can relate a lot.

I have never had a strong father figure. I am 20 years old now and the closest person to the father figure was my grandfather, but he died when I was 14.
I have never had male support in my life, in case i would have a fight or mess with somebody. Most of other people would have an older brother, cousin or a tough father or a family person they could rely on.
My father is a nice guy, introvert, not communicative and not a fulfilled person in the field of life. He is a very good person at heart, but it doesn't count when it comes to helping a child's psychology. He and all my family would criticize me and make me feel like shit in case i messed physically with somebody, even if i was the victim or the one attacked. In essence they could be right, but in real life it doesn't work like that-there are things like masculine energy that needs to be expressed. If I would compare myself with him, I would conclude that I have more wisdom than him when it comes to life, thus I could be more of a father figure to my own father than he to me. He also feels awkward sharing his emotions with me, something very similiar with your father's.
So, he can't help me, because he can't help himself. As we are sharing about our fathers and background.

This way, i was forced to play it on the safe side, avoiding things and conflicts, not expressing my masculine energy, being a little bit withdrawn.

Simply put, I did not have and I don't have a family backbone. I still crave it to these days. And anytime I try to get some advice from my other family members, like my uncles, it comes off like whining and complaining and they either won't care to give me an answer or listen to me or they have the wrong advice-mostly they don't care enough-they just stare and then change the topic.

Therefore, I have got a weak inner game.

So, yes we could be in a similiar place, but ONLY MENTALLY.

As it goes to practice or experience, if I was able to do the things that you have already done, like fucking 7 girls and having countless makeouts, and only countless makeouts alone, I would be considered a legend and casanova among my circle and friends and even without that external validation, my confidence would sky-rocket. And 2000+ approaches? Man! That is a huge number and 2000 kilometers size of balls! Whenever you mention it, I feel proud with you.

Thus, we could be similiar in self-worth and inner game. I don't have a good one. To you, it might mean that you are not acknowledging your achievements and success enough. I might be totally wrong but sometimes you give me the impression that you are underrating yourself. You can be modest but in general you should feel more prideful of what you have done and let that sense of successfulness carry with you in all your interactions. This doesn't mean you are trying to put somebody else lower than you, you are just claiming the seat that you deserve.

I have started reading the "No more Mr Nice Guy", as you have suggested me earlier aswell, but I am procastinating because I got an impression at the start of the book that he is going a little bit superficial and that the author doesn't have a style of writing that I enjoy. But, despite of that, I ll finish reading this book. Maybe he goes deeper later in the book and even if he doesn't, i will read it.

Regarding to "Healing the shame that binds you", it is on my queue.

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Again, thank you all!

 

[Anonymous]

So you know all that advice about "be yourself"? It's not all wrong.

There's nothing wrong with being "yourself". But if being yourself isn't getting you the success or results that you want, then you have to make changes, that's the bottom line. The problem is that the pickup community entices many men into this false premise of getting women by presenting a fake image of themselves and manipulating women through psychological and social tactics as the foundation of their pickup.

We all use "techniques" and there are social and psychological principles at work when we interact with people. The reason why using pickup techniques and other advice can get dicey is if the student doesn't understand the principles and the ethics behind everything. It's not really talked about. Because the dating experts and gurus in the self-help dating realm are trying to push product or push their workshops and seminars or that their philosophy is the correct one.

At a high level, in the most simplest form, all dating advice (good dating advice) follows similar principles and concepts. There's nothing really "new". There's no perfect way to go about it. So just find a "guru" or "expert" that resonates with you, and make everything your own. Find a way to personalize it, test it, and ensure its validity for you. What works for one guy doesn't work for another, and largely the reason is because of personal values and belief systems. It has to be aligned to your identity and values.

Really, the simplest path to getting this area of your life handled is being brutally honest with yourself and learning to overcome your personal weaknesses and accepting yourself. Also known as "real" inner game. When you can reach a point where you're fully honest with yourself about your shortcomings and weaknesses, and you are comfortable, yet still pushing yourself to become a better man, that is when you will see the most growth.

When you're living your life and pushing towards solid goals and embracing yourself and enriching your identity, you will radiate real self-confidence and self-assuredness. Your emotional strength will be enough to stand alone, without any gimmicks or crutches. You won't feel the need to create excuses or a false premise to interact with a woman, and your honesty and direct intentions will often be more powerful in attracting a woman then any constructed lines, or routines or rehearsed patterns.

So in a nutshell, just find what resonates with you, don't apologize for your natural personality, and work to enhance positive traits in yourself, and mitigate the negative ones, the traits that are not conducive to anything.

 

[Chase]

Interesting thread here, gents.

Ezio-

Simple way to think about inner vs. outer game philosophies (taken as separate from one another):

• Inner game: if you can get the right mindsets, the right actions will flow automatically forth from this. This supposes that you unconsciously already know all the right things to do socially (from having picked them up over the years watching actors, celebrities, cool guys in your social circle, etc.), and you just need to let yourself feel comfortable enough to act that way by adopting the right mindsets. This is a sort of "unconscious game", where if you can make yourself feel well, you can then perform well with women. It relies on emotional states.

• Outer game: if you can follow the right actions, the right mindsets will flow automatically forth from this. This supposes that if you follow the steps, your mindsets will begin to change once you start producing different results for yourself. It is "conscious game", where you are more mechanistically learning what to do and not to do. This sort of game works better for guys who are "normal" or "only slightly messed up" mentality-wise, because it doesn't fix the really bad head cases with deep-seated causes. It relies on logic and discipline.

Obviously, the reality is there's a feedback loop between the two: the better you feel, the more you will unconsciously adopt correct actions; likewise, the more you can train yourself to take conscious correct actions, the more you will get good feedback and improve how you feel. The healthiest approach incorporates some of both of these two schools of thought; how much you need probably depends on the guy.

Also be aware that different people teach mindsets differently. One guy will say "Don't care what other people think; it doesn't matter!" while another guy will say "Quit focusing on the people who aren't on your side and focus on finding the ones who are" (I'm in the second guy's camp). I think folks who are absolutists like the first bit of advice better ("Nothing anyone says about you ever matters!"), whereas folks who are relativists like the second bit of advice better ("What people say about you matters, but only if they're people you ought to listen to").

I've noticed that guys who are absolutists struggle with some of the mindsets on this site, just like I would struggle being thrown into an absolutist learning program. I'm pretty sure these are just programmed-in, unchangeable settings in the brain - you believe in absolutes, or you believe in relativity. Most of the guys running pickup companies tend towards absolutism, and very frequently their customer base does as well (RSD's a good example - pretty cut-and-dry absolutism from top to bottom there). Used to have arguments about this with a mentor of mine, with him trying to argue that relativism is bad and wrong and me trying to point out that absolutism is useful in some cases but misleading in others (the meta-argument there is an absolutist arguing that relativism is absolutely useless, and a relativist arguing that absolutism is sometimes useful, sometimes not).

As for the "sexual vibe" thing, well... you're approaching it from an absolutist position, but it's not absolute across all men

Think of it like this...

• If she really likes you, a sexual vibe will turn her on
• If she's on the fence about you, a sexual vibe may push her off of it, one way or the other
• If she's not attracted to you at all, a sexual vibe will creep her out or alarm her

As your fundamentals improve, more women like you in a stronger way right from the start, so sexual vibe and eye contact work better and better. I mix mine with very warm eye contact, so it's usually received well, however even I still *occasionally* get a girl telling someone I come across too strong and it weirds them out that they felt like I wanted to bang them. I probably wouldn't recommend using this too liberally in an office setting, since mixed objectives (e.g., women who want to "keep it professional" with you) will make things dicey. That was mostly where my complaints came from in the past (that said, I also seduced and slept with women I worked with, so... mixed bag). I don't do offices anymore so don't really run into this now. When you only meet women socially, there's not really much downside to leaving "sexy" on all the time.

Exception: when you're a pure beginner who's terrible with women, leave sexy until later, since it's more important (and easier) to build positive platonic experiences with women before you start trying to build sexual/romantic ones. At some point you've got to turn it on though, and move from focusing on being "liked" to being "lusted after".

Chase

 

[Drck]

Hi Ezio,

Just to add to the good answers above, focus on simplicity. When you want to gain lots of muscles and strength, you have to lift progressively heavier and heavier weights. You start low and each time you add just a pound or two. You have to eat well, lots of protein, and you have to focus mainly on CORE exercises such as squats, deadlifts, overhead press and rows. These will stimulate ALL major muscles in your body, those are efficient moves and you will have huge gains fast. Later on you can add dips and pull ups, there is really no need to do much else..

Eating crappy food, trying to lift as much as you can the first week, doing things like treadmill, calfs, crunches and isolated exercises for biceps or wrists just won't do it - those are only supplemental to the core. They will get you exhausted, you'll spent lots of effort and time with minimal gains. So if the core takes 80-90% of your time and effort, the rest takes only 10-20%.

The same with seduction. Focus on CORE 80-90% of your effort.

So here is your CORE in seduction:
Fundamentals, confidence, leading and making decisions - at least once in a while. Trust yourself, believe that you are a great guy. Have balls invite her out or home, even if there are no vibes. Relax, meditate, and lift weights, get the testosterone pumping. Have Abundance mentality, talk to as many girls as possible. And once she is interested and compliant, simply push for the last 5%. Obviously don't chase.

If you do all of that, you are already sexy. It's the same like if you lift heavy weight 5x5 persistently for several months - there is just no way that you won't gain lots of muscles and strength, you just don't need crunches or isolated exercises, as all of those muscles will be exercised as well... Your whole body will simply get strong....

The rest is all the fancy stuff - walking and talking sexy, facial hair, openers, texting, clever pulls and so on... It's good to know it but the above is much more efficient, faster and much more important... Focus most of your time on the core, and you'll be fine in no time...