I first discovered this site around the time I turned 21. It was the summer of 2012. It was a profoundly seminal moment. I learned a lot, fairly quickly, about dating and life in general. By 23 I was at something like an "intermediate" level by this site's reckoning; I was getting with about one new partner a month on average, and generally had no trouble with day game, cold approach etc.
By 25, the journey that I began back then came to a head. I was over a year into running a successful small business; I had plenty of money, fancy clothes, a nice car, a luxury apartment, beautiful women, blah blah blah... you get the idea. Basically, by my own standards, I had reached a point where I had accomplished all of the goals I envisioned when I set out to practice the advice and lifestyles discussed on this site.
And then, of course, I lost everything. Business = bankrupt. Stuff = gone. Girl = gone. This was about a year ago. To anybody who knows much about life's journey, this story is the opposite of surprising. It's what inevitably happens when anybody reaches his or her goals and fails to keep adjusting them forward.
So I began to rebuild, from scratch, determined to "do it right" this time. I established goals and standards for myself that were finitely measurable, but infinitely unachievable. I totally rewrote my personal code, with new priorities and new policies. It's been hard and good and these days I'm a lot happier than I ever was before, even if my life is far more "difficult".
But this is an earnest request for help, not an attempt to spread my personal fable of everyone-does-nobody-cares. It's been a long journey since that day in 2012, but every day I'm reminded of just how much more I have to learn, and just how much more work needs to be done to unsuck myself from many poor interpersonal practices. To understand what advice I'm asking for, let me share a little bit more about how I got here.
The big shift that happened at 25 pivoted around a particular long-term relationship, that would turn out to not be so long-term. I found myself, rather unexpectedly, dating a 19 year old blonde who made my head spin in a way I had never experienced before with any other woman. It was also the first time since I was that age myself, that I had seriously dated anyone under the age of 21. As I spent time with her and her friends, I noticed something that began to gnaw at me. Here I was, Mr. Big Shot Moderately Successful, surrounded with others like me, and here she was, surrounded by teenage punks and college kids. And while me and my compatriots whittled away at our precious free time with $50 whiskey and angsty, esoteric conversation, she was doing basically nothing all day with her buddies, and she was astoundingly happier than me.
I became resentful. "Easy to be happy when you've got your father's debit card," I thought. Eventually I became openly critical of her and the things she enjoyed: The shows she liked were immature; the music she listened to, too pedestrian; her friends and their idle card games, naive college timewasters. And then she was gone, and she was still happy, and I was still miserable, and I had some hard truth to face.
The past year has been chock-full of lessons for me, but the one most relevant here is this: Sometimes we may see someone at the beginning of a race, and think to ourselves how they seem far healthier, more lively, more energetic and happier than an another person who is limping tiredly across the finish line. And if we don't have the perspective of the path of that race, and we just see those two people side by side, the one at the beginning will likely seem like a lot better and stronger person.
I am tired, fellow readers. This site exists primarily to educate and discuss the practice of "guys being attractive to girls who like guys", and it is only tangentially, though fortunately, that the lessons learned here extend through many others aspects of life. In a roundabout way, I have completed this leg of my race in regards to every aspect but the dating one. If someone had told me the day that girl and I broke up that I wouldn't have satisfying sex again for over a year, I probably would have just given up on the spot. (Thus the importance of taking things day by day.) But the truth is, while I know for a fact that I am 1000% better and more attractive than I ever was before, my success in getting dates with girls has gone down 100%.
Today I returned to this site for the first time in a while, and after reading a few articles, I've already got a laundry list of mistakes I've been making and practices to work on. But I just don't have the energy any more. I keep telling myself to just be patient, that I'm doing everything pretty close to right, that the pieces will fall into place in time, but gosh dang, it's taking a long time. I'm not sure what to do.
I hope some of you may relate to this, and offer some advice or encouragement. Thanks.
Daniel
By 25, the journey that I began back then came to a head. I was over a year into running a successful small business; I had plenty of money, fancy clothes, a nice car, a luxury apartment, beautiful women, blah blah blah... you get the idea. Basically, by my own standards, I had reached a point where I had accomplished all of the goals I envisioned when I set out to practice the advice and lifestyles discussed on this site.
And then, of course, I lost everything. Business = bankrupt. Stuff = gone. Girl = gone. This was about a year ago. To anybody who knows much about life's journey, this story is the opposite of surprising. It's what inevitably happens when anybody reaches his or her goals and fails to keep adjusting them forward.
So I began to rebuild, from scratch, determined to "do it right" this time. I established goals and standards for myself that were finitely measurable, but infinitely unachievable. I totally rewrote my personal code, with new priorities and new policies. It's been hard and good and these days I'm a lot happier than I ever was before, even if my life is far more "difficult".
But this is an earnest request for help, not an attempt to spread my personal fable of everyone-does-nobody-cares. It's been a long journey since that day in 2012, but every day I'm reminded of just how much more I have to learn, and just how much more work needs to be done to unsuck myself from many poor interpersonal practices. To understand what advice I'm asking for, let me share a little bit more about how I got here.
The big shift that happened at 25 pivoted around a particular long-term relationship, that would turn out to not be so long-term. I found myself, rather unexpectedly, dating a 19 year old blonde who made my head spin in a way I had never experienced before with any other woman. It was also the first time since I was that age myself, that I had seriously dated anyone under the age of 21. As I spent time with her and her friends, I noticed something that began to gnaw at me. Here I was, Mr. Big Shot Moderately Successful, surrounded with others like me, and here she was, surrounded by teenage punks and college kids. And while me and my compatriots whittled away at our precious free time with $50 whiskey and angsty, esoteric conversation, she was doing basically nothing all day with her buddies, and she was astoundingly happier than me.
I became resentful. "Easy to be happy when you've got your father's debit card," I thought. Eventually I became openly critical of her and the things she enjoyed: The shows she liked were immature; the music she listened to, too pedestrian; her friends and their idle card games, naive college timewasters. And then she was gone, and she was still happy, and I was still miserable, and I had some hard truth to face.
The past year has been chock-full of lessons for me, but the one most relevant here is this: Sometimes we may see someone at the beginning of a race, and think to ourselves how they seem far healthier, more lively, more energetic and happier than an another person who is limping tiredly across the finish line. And if we don't have the perspective of the path of that race, and we just see those two people side by side, the one at the beginning will likely seem like a lot better and stronger person.
I am tired, fellow readers. This site exists primarily to educate and discuss the practice of "guys being attractive to girls who like guys", and it is only tangentially, though fortunately, that the lessons learned here extend through many others aspects of life. In a roundabout way, I have completed this leg of my race in regards to every aspect but the dating one. If someone had told me the day that girl and I broke up that I wouldn't have satisfying sex again for over a year, I probably would have just given up on the spot. (Thus the importance of taking things day by day.) But the truth is, while I know for a fact that I am 1000% better and more attractive than I ever was before, my success in getting dates with girls has gone down 100%.
Today I returned to this site for the first time in a while, and after reading a few articles, I've already got a laundry list of mistakes I've been making and practices to work on. But I just don't have the energy any more. I keep telling myself to just be patient, that I'm doing everything pretty close to right, that the pieces will fall into place in time, but gosh dang, it's taking a long time. I'm not sure what to do.
I hope some of you may relate to this, and offer some advice or encouragement. Thanks.
Daniel
