Guys in here who aren't White, can you share your experience in the game?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have made a lot of friends of other races, mostly Asians and Brown (Middle Eastern and South Asian) but I also have Black and Latino friends. The one thing I am used to hearing a lot from them when they are struggling is that they use their race as an excuse, often.

So hearing all that I would say one of the things I can be somewhat grateful for is the fact that I am a Caucasian male in Western culture and I don't mean this as a way to come off as racist or supremacist but simply based off of what my friends who are of different races have told me. I already told you guys the story about my Punjabi friend who talked to me about the racism he faced from White girls while going to high school in Oklahoma and growing up there and the amount of limiting beliefs he has about them. The traumatic experiences he claims still haunt him. He was apparently threatened for talking to a White girl in high school. That is something else I have noticed, guys who are foreign looking and growing up in places like Oklahoma or Tennessee often have the worst experiences to share. I am still working on helping out my Punjabi friend who is still scared of White girls.

I have found a common trend among men from minority groups, especially Asian and Brown (Middle Eastern and South Asian), and that is that they are scared of approaching White women and see them an unattainable. Many of them point to the fact that it isn't common to see men of their race with White women and from my experience living in different areas of the USA I can confirm they are mostly right. I do see an Asian or Brown male with a White woman every now and then but it is nothing that I would say is common.

Come to think of it, this is how I have seen it, heard about it (from my friends of other races), and experienced it from my own eyes.

1. White girls in high school that are attractive will almost never date their classmates of another race.
2. White girls that are attractive, go off to college, and join sororities will almost never date a guy that is of another race.
3. Once White girls hit the real world and finish college, they become more open minded to dating other races and marrying well off men of other races.

Generally speaking, I see White men going interracial a lot more than White women.

But with all that aside, I want to know a few things.

1. What is your race?

2. How would you say it has played a role in your development over the years?

 

[playa]

This is a very difficult question to answer as it is difficult to ascertain what problems stem from race and what problems stem from my own character in dating. I am black mixed with Ethiopian and typically stick to dating black or hispanic girls however there are people in my family who have dated and even married, some divorced, white girls. But from my own experience the approach anxiety is greater for white girls and I suspect that it is due to social policing
and awkwardness. I think sometimes they are afraid of this when approached however my experience has shown that white girls, those who are approachable are flattered that I have spoken to them however the few experiences i have are not a large enough sample to test the consensus. I dont think they are unattainable with the right persistence however it us more awkward because of social policing, the best strategy is the direct method so she knows the reason you are approaching her in cold approach. Hope this helps.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Asian guy (korean) here, I have had the toughest time with White girls of all races but I noticed it is more because of the kind of White girls I have went after. SInce I am a tall guy with an athletic build and considered good looking for my race, I go after the White girls that are generally viewed as attractive. In college most of these girls are in sororities which means the cliquishness goes way up and they don't want to be seen with a guy of another race.

I have seen White guys that were GDIs have success with sorority girls because they fit the mold, the All American looks with the outgoing nature that these girls are attracted to but I am not one of those White guys. It is an uphill battle for sure especially in an area like high school and college where everyone is already cliquish and obsessed with their status. Fortunately I have some promising things going for me after college because I have had a lot of luck with women on vacations and those I met in the big cities.

The Social Policing part is so true, society especially if you are in a college town or small town and city stares at you up and down if you are a minority with a good looking White girl. Not sure how it is like in big cities but it seems to me like no matter where you are people will give you a tough time for being an Asian or foreign looking guy with a White girlfriend, at least everywhere in America.

I do have a lot of limiting beliefs about this because well, you just don't often see a Scarlett Johansenn or Heather Graham with a guy that isn't White.

 

[Humay]

Central Asian guy here. (or at least central asian look)

I think all non-white people have a disadvantage at the beginning, as white skin has positive connotations of wealth, western-values and other things women like. Non-white people (apart from east asian people) also have some social stigma attached to their look. Especially if they are Arab-looking, pakistani or black. If you don't pull off the pre-opening well, women feel distrustful and wary of your presence.

However, as you become more advanced, your appearance definitely feels like a huge advantage, especially if you're originally from a small, lesser known country (like myself).

Hope that helps

 

[Novacane]

African-Canadian individual here, the experience dealing with woman in general of a different ethnic origin can at times be daunting. Seeing as how there are some social quirks involved with the term "black", not to say that it has any impact on what one can do when approaching woman I guess what it boils down to is how you are viewed by the one you approach, some may submit to social pressure some could care less with that being said being of a different ethnic origin can be a benefit, especially when you don't let any pre-formed stigmas or stereotypes affect you. There is my two-cents. aha

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

That is something my South Asian friend keeps mentioning, that men of his race lose on both fronts. He says:

1. They don't have the intelligent and successful stereotypes going for them that East Asians do.
2. They don't have the masculine and alpha male stereotypes that Latino and Black men have going for them.

So he can't get the benefits that an Asian guy would get if he was to go after White women (seen as less threatening, not having any stigmas attached to him) and he can't get the benefits that a Black or Latino guy would get (seen as sexually appealing). These are his words, not mines.

What he claims is that it is mainly White western women who seem to have much of a grudge against him, that they are the ones actively avoiding him but I feel this has to do with the racism he faced in Oklahoma and still hasn't overcome. From what I have seen, it isn't like he is a virgin that hasn't kissed a girl. The guy has dated attractive Latinas, top tier Indian and Middle Eastern girls, an Asian girl that turned heads, and even a Russian girl.

So to narrow it down, it isn't like his fear is of women who are White. He says he fears women who are White Western women but ironically those are the kinds of women he is attracted to as well.

I haven't known too many White women that had an active hatred of South Asian males. On the other hand I haven't met any that preferred or had an interest in getting with a South Asian guy either.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Something he does bring up is comparing himself to a White guy. He says that growing up, the guys in high school who were considered attractive and hot were all White. In media only White guys are shown as hot. Then he says that most guys he has known in real life that were well regarded for their looks were mostly White.

The beauty standard seems to depress him even though he is a good looking guy but I think I know what is actually going on here.

I have seen Asian, Black, and Latina women tell him he is good looking and he is a good looking guy. Most of the South Asians I talk to regard him as highly handsome. White women on the other hand aren't as quick to tell him he is hot or even give him as much attention. He has actually been approached by women of other races but White women are the ones that never approach him and put him through shit tests right at the start. It's like some kind of a vicious cycle.

I want to help him and try to tell him that White women are just the same but the experiences he has with them and the ones I have seen him have show otherwise. So it's like I am telling him to ignore his experiences and just forget about them.

 

[Grand Pooba]

My ex-girlfriend (Asian) told me in the middle of our relationship that she never, ever imagined being with a brown guy, and, as I was her first experience with a man in every way, always thought her first would have been with an Asian or White guy. Those were her words. I didn't make a big deal out of it at all, but it got me thinking...some women are open minded, and some aren't. Some will offer you the chance to be with them once they see your redeeming qualities and think there's a good shot at it working or the two of you having a good experience together. Oh, and if you're tall, built and handsome, are good when she's with you, and give her an amazing time in bed and satisfy her physically, then that helps the process.

I think it's important to screen women for this, and you don't bother wasting your time with the ones that have some judgement of you that's probably wrong anyway. Sometimes you'll meet a woman who never imagined being with you but is willing to take the chance because she's...open minded.

I've had only moderate success with American white women (except for the ones that actively seek out minorities) but have found many Europeans (especially eastern Europeans and Scandinavians) and some white Latin girls to be pretty into me. In college I definitely I had more hook-ups (some led to sex, some didn't, can't say I was all that experienced back then) with white American girls than any other demographic.

There is something to be said about the inferiority complex, though. It's easy to get sucked into (and I definitely did and still battle with it sometimes), but it's not good for your psyche if your goal is to succeed. Be the exception to the rule.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Do you think there is a reason as to why you have had moderate success with American women?

 

[Grand Pooba]

Do you think there is a reason as to why you have had moderate success with American women?

Back then, as this was in college, that was one of my main social circles. I also did a LOT of drinking and socializing, going to parties and meeting tons and tons of people in those events, including tons of American women. I say moderate success only because I didn't act on all the opportunities I had (which I regret but have forgiven myself for)...some women threw themselves on me and I didn't move forward with them even though they were cute and the current me would have done bad things with them.

It's a little different now, I'm far quieter and more introverted than I used to be, and I'm trying to build my experience and game from the ground up.

Is there a reason? I don't know...but I don't really make a big deal out of meeting them or getting psyched out over them.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

So Ozzo, you believe most of the times it was your fault and if you had tighter game you would have done well and not the fact that these girls hated you for your ethnicity?

My Brown friend seems to have decent game and he is good looking but he struggles with White girls, especially the kind he admires the most so both of us are getting an impression it is society induced and stereotypes against his race.

 

[Grand Pooba]

So Ozzo, you believe most of the times it was your fault and if you had tighter game you would have done well and not the fact that these girls hated you for your ethnicity?

My Brown friend seems to have decent game and he is good looking but he struggles with White girls, especially the kind he admires the most so both of us are getting an impression it is society induced and stereotypes against his race.

Fault...yeah, I suppose. I don't think this has anything to do with tighter game, either (as a couple of people have noted, GC is not a "game" website, it's about improving yourself and becoming a real man). What happened with me is that I was being myself and doing my thing, opportunities presented themselves (very obviously) and I didn't go for them. Some I didn't recognize at the time, and some I simply ignored because my self confidence was low and I was stuck in my own head. Sometimes I worried about potential after effects (fall-out, etc). I'd earlier in college been called "creepy" a few times and, because my self esteem was low, that really got to me back then and I ran away to my detriment. I was actually stuck in a victim mentality, and if I could have gone back and done it again I would have probably had crazy success.

Try reading this article, your friend as well.