Handling Neediness (Advice needed!)

[terminator92]

I have always had a problem with neediness. I have lost many a girl in the past due to getting needy. Over the past 2-3 years I have learnt to handle it better. But even nowadays it comes out when I meet a woman that to me is very hot or that I really like. I met a girl off the street 2 months ago, who I think is very hot and I really like and it has been going great with her. She complies with whatever I plan and goes out of her way to meet me.

But I feel that despite her being so compliant I am getting needy, even for the silliest things like her sometimes taking a bit long (3-4 hours) to reply to my messages even when I know she is working! I knew there was something seriously wrong with me when I was anxious that she did not reply to me when she was on public transit on her way over to my house to have sex!!!

I know that the cure to this is GFTOW (Go find ten other women). So I have started a 30 day approach challenge and I am posting about it here in my journal. Apart from this what other measures can I take to not get needy with this girl. I feel if I keep going on like this, I will blow it with her by doing or saying something stupid even though this girl is completely into me. It is like my logical brain knows that but my emotional brain keeps wanting reassurance that she is into me.

What is weird is that if a girl pulls away or does something to piss me off I delete her messages, delete her from my brain and move on with my life. But it is when the girl has not done anything to piss me off or rather when things are good that I have a desire for constant reassurance of the girl being interested in me.

How do I handle this? Should I make it a point to only text her at certain times? Or some other thing without coming across as If I am doing something drastic suddenly to just get a reaction from her. Because I want to do this for myself as I know it is my problem as this has happened with other girls before and has nothing to do with her. Any advice would be great. I have been reading all the articles on Neediness on GC over the past couple of days.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@terminator92 dude! You will get better with this with experience and confidence. Currently your mental model is slightly off and you should work towards fixing this. A mind shift would come easily with experience giving you more confidence...

This is what meeting more girls will do to you, you'll grow abundance and this means this one girl won't be so special or precious to you.

You can cut contact if they pull away, so you know you can become unattached just as easily as you've became attached. This is a good sign that you're not going to be super hung up and you're already prepared for this scenario. Ultimately you need to chill out dude.

If she's working she's working, if she's busy she's busy. You can't control this. You need to become busy, you need stuff to do. This takes priority away from one girl. This makes you sexier because you're in demand, busy, have stuff going on. You're cool dude. If you're preoccupied doing stuff for you you won't even notice. If you find yourself thinking about her or looking at your phone switch your focus. It'll be difficult at first but you'll grow used to it.

You should frame this in your head that she should be missing you. Don't be emotional about it, be unfazed and cool and you'll stand out over the rest when you keep your cool and understand.

In your mind you've got to be the best dude she's ever met, she'll struggle to replace you because you're such a sexy man. You won't worry about what she's doing or who she's texting because she doesn't want anyone more than you. If she does good luck to her.

Don't drastically change, it's an emotional response. If you text a lot, slowly start texting less. If you don't text to much anyway keep it that way. Alot of this depends on your relationship and texting style/ habits

 

[terminator92]

Yeah part of the problem is definitely options so I have started approaching regularly. Apart from that, I think I always let my emotions do the thinking and used to go by if it feels right, it must be right. But I am training to go against my emotions and gut with regard to this and follow the advice that you guys give on here.

You should frame this in your head that she should be missing you. Don't be emotional about it, be unfazed and cool and you'll stand out over the rest when you keep your cool and understand.

Yeah this has happened. When I was actually busy for a couple of days and did not reply regularly she texted me more and sent more emoji's and told me she missed me etc. But I find it hard to manufacture this thing and not text even when I can but I am working on it.

In your mind you've got to be the best dude she's ever met, she'll struggle to replace you because you're such a sexy man. You won't worry about what she's doing or who she's texting because she doesn't want anyone more than you. If she does good luck to her.

Thanks for this! I am trying to etch this into my mind so that I don't worry about losing her to some other guy. Going to stay strong today and cut out the unnecessary texts I send throughout the day asking how her day is going and other banal details etc.

 

[Bismarck]

I can relate to you terminator.

It seems that only total reliance on yourself and the success of your approaches/the quality of your game will do to tame your neediness.

Context-dependence (e.g. getting laid due to your job such as working in a hostel reception in a big tourist destination) will not placate neediness more than temporarily.

Getting laid and the quality of the girls you bed, not to mention the frequency and type of relationship you end up with will still be outside of your control.

So the 30-day challenge is a splendid idea, as this will help you to adopt a true abundance mentality.

You’ve already answered your own question: the work (it should be fun, too!) isn’t to cease as soon as you wet your dick. Keep truckin’ until you’ve got a harem.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@terminator92 dude! I'm going a little off topic from your OP based on your reply but definitely cut out routine how is your day texts. This is boring, it's not value providing and definitely needy. Be considerate at times by all means with something like hope you've had a great weekend or hope you're not to tired today, but avoid routine questions that dude's ask all the time if you want to stand out.

Unnecessary texts kills your attraction, makes you boring and way to attainable. It kills mystery, ruins conversation when you actually meet and gives her the constant attention that ironically you're craving. This will eventually make her create distance on you like you've noticed in the past. This is where your emotions betray you.

Emotions betraying you is another issue, your unnecessary text game is another issue but it overlaps with neediness and manifests in over emotional stimulation and investment. Cut this out slowly and you'll regain your power in this, you'll also notice you gain more validation by doing so.

 

[terminator92]

Unnecessary texts kills your attraction, makes you boring and way to attainable. It kills mystery, ruins conversation when you actually meet and gives her the constant attention that ironically you're craving. This will eventually make her create distance on you like you've noticed in the past. This is where your emotions betray you.

Yeah I never did this with other girls I have been seeing over the last year. I had managed to weed this out, but I have let it creep back because this is the hottest girl I have been with up until now in my life. That's why I am fucking up. But yeah I cut down on this big time today and will tone it down further in the coming days. I have also realized I have to replace this constant texting with some other activity I am completely indulged in.

I get very needy when I am holed up in my house, even if I am working or studying. I would have loved to be outside working at a cafe but this goddamn virus has ruled out that option. I feel the least needy just after my approach session, it feels empowering and even if I don't get any tangible results it gives me the feeling that I am on my purpose and building my life.

I will move the approach sessions to earlier in the day as the heat of the summer is receding as well. This will help me get a nice natural high early on in the day.

@Bismarck @Fluxcapacitor
Thank you guys so much for your advice and support. The ironic and funny part is that my brain does not want to accept how good it has been with this girl. It feels that I do not deserve this. She just texted me today that she is looking forward to cooking for me naked after we have sex on Sunday and spending time with me. And here I am asking for advice on how to not be needy!!! Like how fucked up is my brain?? LOL

 

[Bismarck]

Cooking for you naked after giving you her chocha? She's a keeper.

(Which doesn't mean you shouldn't keep pushing to add more sweeties to your rota)

 

[Mr STIF]

Have a gf and fuck other girls, then regularly, have some SNLs and SDLs. But to do the above- you need abundance in reality which will transform your mindset.

My next rule when I work on my logistics would be: have a gf and keep cold approaching, have a go-to social circle activities and build a real bad boy lifestyle.

Neediness free life, Man. I love the thrill of a new woman in my bed.

Never break your chain of cold approach because of a new woman. There's more the game got to offer more than one rabbit hole.

Keep digging and don't get hung up, so many nuggets along the way.

Cheers Man.

 

[terminator92]

Cooking for you naked after giving you her chocha? She's a keeper.

(Which doesn't mean you shouldn't keep pushing to add more sweeties to your rota)

Hahaha yes keeping her and looking to add more girls to my rotation!

Never break your chain of cold approach because of a new woman. There's more the game got to offer more than one rabbit hole.

Keep digging and don't get hung up, so many nuggets along the way.

Yes! I used to always stop approaching as soon as I got a strong lead not going to do that this time around.

 

[Mr STIF]

Hahaha yes keeping her and looking to add more girls to my rotation!

Yes! I used to always stop approaching as soon as I got a strong lead not going to do that this time around.

it's a robotic pattern of heading into the comfort zone. Abundance takes a lot of work, drive and motivation.

Game should be your lifestyle. Just imagine a soccer team who scored a goal and refused to press attack(they become very frightful(needy)whenever the opponents strike an attack). Why? Because they'll just want to protect that one goal. What if they equalize? What happens? What if their confidence builds up and a mad substitution came in, started throwing dangerous crosses towards the second bar? A 'tap in' or an 'own goal' could occur.

Now, compare that soccer team to another team that just kept scoring and racking up goals. Maybe three goals, they feel enthusiasm pouring from their skin pores. They hold possession, communicate with ball with least effort and charisma(swag).

Eventually, your girl friend would smell that vibe off you, and started being all needy and wanting you for herself(needy).

 

[terminator92]

it's a robotic pattern of heading into the comfort zone. Abundance takes a lot of work, drive and motivation.

Game should be your lifestyle. Just imagine a soccer team who scored a goal and refused to press attack(they become very frightful(needy)whenever the opponents strike an attack). Why? Because they'll just want to protect that one goal. What if they equalize? What happens? What if their confidence builds up and a mad substitution came in, started throwing dangerous crosses towards the second bar? A 'tap in' or an 'own goal' could occur.

Now, compare that soccer team to another team that just kept scoring and racking up goals. Maybe three goals, they feel enthusiasm pouring from their skin pores. They hold possession, communicate with ball with least effort and charisma(swag).

Eventually, your girl friend would smell that vibe off you, and started being all needy and wanting you for herself(needy).

Wow! Thanks a lot. That is a great metaphor.

Game should be your lifestyle

Finally I have realized this. I have not made a commitment to Game as one of my life priorities to get this part of my life handled and develop a true abundance mentality. I have till now viewed Game as a distraction and something I use just to get some female company/sex and then stop it till I need it again. But now I see how this area will always be a problem for me and how not being able to have the dating/sex life that I want will always color my life decisions and make me make bad decisions. I want to reach a stage where having girls in my life is a given and that never comes up in my mind when I am looking to make important life decisions like where I want to move to or live in, in the future with my professional and other life goals in mind.

I am scared otherwise I will end up not making a decision that I really want to make in order to hang on to a girl and then end up rationalizing why that was the best decision. I see so many of my friends and others not into Game doing that and it scares me!

 

[Dimension]

Hi .

I am naturally really suspicious and having trust issues and in that regard i can appeal needy (Although i know how to control my emotions well and be able not to show my true emotions , because we all know being too needy will get things ugly really quick ) Genuinely i have lot of options available and i can manage evolving from simple sex to relationship (We all know that in relationship our emotions get involved , therefore we tend to lack rationality , of course if there are feelings and deeper emotional connection attached , we do wanna hold to it tight and not let go , so we are doing anything we can and without knowing we put lot of pressure on our partner .

Being needy coming from trust issues and being too emotional and suspicious , have these constant thoughts id she find someone else , is she playing games with me ? Etc ...

Maybe you should give this person you with a chance and give her some chance to prove you wrong , that she is actually focused on you and she does want to build relationship with you . Gotta always keep in mind that people are different , especially women and men ..Woman are acting trough emotions and memories you and her create together , don't be that guy who is trying to chain your partner , because it will do no good , neither for her or you .

Keep yourself busy, because in that way you can control your neediness better .