Handling the Inevitable

[thecloudsandrain]

Hey guys,

I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month. Started out casual and then turned into a serious relationship. We always meet on the weekends because her schedule doesn't allow her to meet during the week, and my my schedule also doesn't allow us to meet during the week either.

So every weekend she generally picks an activity for us to do and then finds a hotel for us to stay at for the night. This week is different though, I decided that maybe I could take more of a leadership role and more initiative by planning this weeks activity, but I have yet to schedule any hotel stays. We go to hotels because we can't spend the night at my place and we can't stay the night at her place.

The problem is one day I know I'm gonna want to go to a hotel and she's going to say "not tonight, I don't feel like it," or something along those lines.

I feel like saying "OK, that's fine" would be a bad response, losing me a frame battle and setting up a bad precedent.

How would you guys deal with it?

clouds

 

[thecloudsandrain]

Well, I thought it would come in the future, but it actually came tonight. Let me tell you the story.

Last week I thought I was being a little aloof. My girlfriend always told me she couldn't really tell by how I acted whether I liked her or not. I was aloof because I wanted her to like me more. Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to make myself a little vulnerable and express my feelings so I sen the message:

Me: missing you! A week feels like a year! (kiss)

The next day I sent her a message asking what she had ate that day and her response was:

Her: Honey, I'm thinking that maybe this weekend we can't see each other. I have several things to do at several different places. Can we meet next weekend? But I wanna give you these gifts.

I told her it was fine and that we could meet each other next weekend. She sent me a message 2 days later saying she missed me. I responded that I missed her and we talked a bit. Over the weekend I didn't contact her. I didn't contact her until Tuesday the next week. I basically said I missed her and she said she missed me and felt like we hadn't seen each other in a long time. I started setting up our meet for the weekend when she dropped this bombshell:

Her: Honey, do you really want to see me?
Me: What made you ask this question?
Her: I don't know. Am I always asking strange questions?
Me: It's not a strange question, but there's always a reason or feeling behind every question, so explain.
Her: Actually I was asking myself do I really want to see you. I'm sorry, please don't misunderstand my words. You are good, I'm happy when I'm with you. It's myself. You said you were starting to get a little frustrated going to different countries. I think maybe it's the same for me when it's relationships.
Me: If you don't know if you want to be with me then lets break up. Actually lets just end it.
Her: You don't like me so much either, right?
Me: I'm in this relationship because I chose to be with you. I spend time with you because I like you and I'm happy when I'm around you.
Her: hen why did you say break up?
Me: I don't want a girlfriend if she doesn't want to be with me.
Her: No, Honey, I'm happy with you too! You can feel that.
Her: I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I'm not functioning right tonight.
Me: "You don't like me so much either, right" either means also, so do you not like me?
Her: No. ....I'm out of my mind tonight,could we forget about it?

Well, safe to say I've dodged a bullet and I feel like I'm still in the drivers seat, but man-o-man has it left me feeling a little less secure. I WILL NEVER TELL THIS WOMAN I MISS HER EVER AGAIN!!

The thing is, was this just her crazy shit testing me or does she really have these doubts, and if she does have doubts are they still in her mind. I guess I'll find out eventually. I guess I just act like this never happened.

Clouds