Interesting day. Yesterday I spent around 12 hours on a date with my FWB. We were gonna meet up briefly, for a couple of hours, but it turned into an all day thing. It was actually really draining. Try having sex 3-4 times in one day and staying up past your bedtime and missing out on most of your productive endeavors. Kinda shit. I feel insanely recharged on feminine energy, though. She's now at the point where she's really overtly accepting that I am kind of a player but that she wants to keep seeing me anyway. Bit of a backlash because her parents are against casual sex, at least for her. She gets that I can really like her, but I also want to nail some other chicas, too. Even opened up about a lesbian dream she had once. So that was kinda cool. Fucking tiring, though.
The last couple of days in game have been interesting. I'm in a bit of a low energy period compared to normal, but I haven't been calibrating my game to that. As a result, I make these shitty approaches that lack commitment, but don't look right for a noncommittal approach.
That said, this is a great time to dial in my calibration and focus on making low commitment approaches that actually work, which will make my game more efficiently use my psychological energy in the long run. It's funny. I went from too much energy and reaction seeking to too little energy (and still a little reaction seeking, honestly) overnight.
So today, I calibrated my overall energy off of some passerbys, and made a couple of fairly low commitment/incidental approaches that hooked. I think I did one REALLY direct approach (basically, "you're cute, are you up to randomly get coffee RIGHT NOW?"), no dice as she was on her way to work.
I'm actually getting pretty decent at gauging who will and won't engage, but I'm not quite acting on it... so I'm looking at this lull as a chance to get a bit more precise.
The last couple of days in game have been interesting. I'm in a bit of a low energy period compared to normal, but I haven't been calibrating my game to that. As a result, I make these shitty approaches that lack commitment, but don't look right for a noncommittal approach.
That said, this is a great time to dial in my calibration and focus on making low commitment approaches that actually work, which will make my game more efficiently use my psychological energy in the long run. It's funny. I went from too much energy and reaction seeking to too little energy (and still a little reaction seeking, honestly) overnight.
So today, I calibrated my overall energy off of some passerbys, and made a couple of fairly low commitment/incidental approaches that hooked. I think I did one REALLY direct approach (basically, "you're cute, are you up to randomly get coffee RIGHT NOW?"), no dice as she was on her way to work.
I'm actually getting pretty decent at gauging who will and won't engage, but I'm not quite acting on it... so I'm looking at this lull as a chance to get a bit more precise.
I wrote up one of my better entries, IMO, but it got lost in the tubes: Long story short, did a really ballsy but low key direct approach that went to nothing. A few indirects. No seriously interesting results from those.
Very productive day. Energy is recovering. Outcome dependence / expectations are dropping. I haven't had a good self care day in awhile, so I'm focusing the rest of the day on that.
Very productive day. Energy is recovering. Outcome dependence / expectations are dropping. I haven't had a good self care day in awhile, so I'm focusing the rest of the day on that.
Well, I got a pretty hardcore approach invitation from a cute girl in a coffee shop. She asked if it was okay if she sat next to me... Where "Next to me" was a chair 4 feet away with a barrier in between me and it. Seemed like she was going out of her way to talk to me.
I wasn't in the mood, but I figured fuck it. Very good interaction at first.
I got her talking quite a bit, then started interrupting her quite a bit. She was still interested, but starting to feel a bit put upon, I think. I figured I'd wait for/create a high point, get her number, chat a minute, then go. Did basically exactly that. No idea how that's gonna go.
The Good:
I read her initial receptiveness well
She auto invested in getting to know more about me
I remembered to move her, she seemed delighted.
I remembered to ask for her #, and she
The Bad:
Weak statements of intent
Didn't bring the conversation to her enough in the latter half / kept interrupting her
Didn't let it breathe before texting (which I think feels like it would have been the right thing to do).
Said too much impressive shit
Was in a high cortisol / nervous mood and kinda twitchy
Still, eh, overall? Good. I capitalized on her IOIs. I moved her. I told her I wanted to get coffee with her. I got her #. I did a decent job of deep diving / qualifying her. Allnof this while in a kind of shitty mood. Not bad, Haraklus, not bad.
I wasn't in the mood, but I figured fuck it. Very good interaction at first.
I got her talking quite a bit, then started interrupting her quite a bit. She was still interested, but starting to feel a bit put upon, I think. I figured I'd wait for/create a high point, get her number, chat a minute, then go. Did basically exactly that. No idea how that's gonna go.
The Good:
I read her initial receptiveness well
She auto invested in getting to know more about me
I remembered to move her, she seemed delighted.
I remembered to ask for her #, and she
The Bad:
Weak statements of intent
Didn't bring the conversation to her enough in the latter half / kept interrupting her
Didn't let it breathe before texting (which I think feels like it would have been the right thing to do).
Said too much impressive shit
Was in a high cortisol / nervous mood and kinda twitchy
Still, eh, overall? Good. I capitalized on her IOIs. I moved her. I told her I wanted to get coffee with her. I got her #. I did a decent job of deep diving / qualifying her. Allnof this while in a kind of shitty mood. Not bad, Haraklus, not bad.
Next day text (kind of similar to the previous one, it's a format I'm testing):
Me: So. I'm just going to put this out there. You seem very feminine but subtly...proactive. Like your interior world is very outgoing, but stifled by surface level or conditioned restraint. I want to see more of that, and understand it better.
In text, that's actually fairly big. Last sentence was a bit off.
I am valuing this girl very much, probably more than is appropriate, so my initial text draft was about twice as long...but whatever. I also felt some reluctance or anxiety in sending it -- ie, I wanted her to respond, and I felt that by not being proactive I could delay potential rejection / bad feelings. Naturally, I sent it anyway, but I'm trying to be aware of things like that. I'm actually pretty excited to have had that small opportunity to execute on my discomfort. Woo for building indifference!
Me: So. I'm just going to put this out there. You seem very feminine but subtly...proactive. Like your interior world is very outgoing, but stifled by surface level or conditioned restraint. I want to see more of that, and understand it better.
In text, that's actually fairly big. Last sentence was a bit off.
I am valuing this girl very much, probably more than is appropriate, so my initial text draft was about twice as long...but whatever. I also felt some reluctance or anxiety in sending it -- ie, I wanted her to respond, and I felt that by not being proactive I could delay potential rejection / bad feelings. Naturally, I sent it anyway, but I'm trying to be aware of things like that. I'm actually pretty excited to have had that small opportunity to execute on my discomfort. Woo for building indifference!
Today turned out surprisingly well.
As you may be able to tell from my posts, I've had several shit days internally since Friday. Big mood crash and 12 hours of random adventure and fucking staying up late with the FWB, giving blood, and not drinking enough water destroyed my energy. I spent the entire weekend recovering.
I actually passed up a couple of good approaches early in the day today. Just straight didn't step to. I was still somewhat in my "crashed mood" mode.
I ended up having a bit of a confrontational meeting at work and thanks in part due to the mood and frame control in pickup I managed to turn it around, get the adversarial dude on my side, and turn it into a win win. Basically made it clear I wasn't going to accept his "you fucked up" frame by using his own words to support my case, then flipped it into an, "I believed this was the priority you had for me; you clearly had a different priority for me, and I want to fulfill that priority because I now know that's what you need from me."
And then within an hour had made major, measurable headway to achieving the task he was stressing about. Easy peasy.
This was still pretty stressful but gave me a bit of a win which boosted my testosterone and made me feel like conquering the world.
I then spent the entire car ride after the post-work gym trip yelling "Wooooo!" to get myself unstifled. I was going between that, laughing my ass off at how ridiculous it was, and giving my voice box a bit of a rest. Just pumping my own state. Making peace signs at the drivers around me, whatever. Just random shit that popped into my head.
Got to the dinner restaurant. Engaged the cashier a bit. Did a quick, noncommittal approach on a fairly cute girl, asking her what her dog (who she was holding) was getting. She was clearly kind of nervous and just wanted to get by and live her life. Voice was super stifled. I let her do her thing.
I then went to charge my car, do some work on a side project, and get hot chocolate. Went to the hot chocolate place. Pretty cute girl at the register, not thinking much of it. Two Russian chicks are there occupying her attention. They move over to the register and she lays out there stuff in front of where I'm standing...I notice one of them glancing over at me and playing with her hair.
Me: Hm, I guess I'm taking up the loading area.
Her: I'm sorry!
Me: You're apologizing to me? ...I'll take it!
We laughed
Her: I just thought that since you were standing there first...
Me: You're forgiven.
We chatted a bit more, then she and her compadre finished up. There was also a kid making gestures at me that turned out to be theirs, I made a comment and moved on. I think that her friend didn't like me, but whatever. I just let them go on their way.
The cashier, on the other hand, was hilarious and fun. We chatted about drinks and so on, and eventually at one point:
Her: I actually prefer the chili drinking chocolate.
Me: So you like it...hot.
Her: Haha, I guess so. (her eyes started twinkling here)
Me: I think I'll have that.
Her: Do you want whipped cream?
Me: ...Do I ever. (bedroom eyes)
Her, smiling and looking down a bit, then making eye contact again: Anything else?
Me: How about your number?
Her, grinning and eyes still twinkling: Are you serious?
Me, shrugging: Yeah, why not?
She then grabbed a piece of receipt paper, and wrote out her phone number, name, and a quick pronunciation guide.
Her: I'll even tell you how to pronounce it, since people often get it wrong.
Me: Hm?
Her: It's (blah)
Me: That's what I would expect. What do people usually say?
Her: (Some other, stupid pronunciation)
Me: Ouch.
We then chatted on and off a bit as she made me my drink, parted ways...I texted her before leaving:
"Haraklus here. I also like it hot."
We've been texting since. I'm about to wrap it up. Night, GC.
As you may be able to tell from my posts, I've had several shit days internally since Friday. Big mood crash and 12 hours of random adventure and fucking staying up late with the FWB, giving blood, and not drinking enough water destroyed my energy. I spent the entire weekend recovering.
I actually passed up a couple of good approaches early in the day today. Just straight didn't step to. I was still somewhat in my "crashed mood" mode.
I ended up having a bit of a confrontational meeting at work and thanks in part due to the mood and frame control in pickup I managed to turn it around, get the adversarial dude on my side, and turn it into a win win. Basically made it clear I wasn't going to accept his "you fucked up" frame by using his own words to support my case, then flipped it into an, "I believed this was the priority you had for me; you clearly had a different priority for me, and I want to fulfill that priority because I now know that's what you need from me."
And then within an hour had made major, measurable headway to achieving the task he was stressing about. Easy peasy.
This was still pretty stressful but gave me a bit of a win which boosted my testosterone and made me feel like conquering the world.
I then spent the entire car ride after the post-work gym trip yelling "Wooooo!" to get myself unstifled. I was going between that, laughing my ass off at how ridiculous it was, and giving my voice box a bit of a rest. Just pumping my own state. Making peace signs at the drivers around me, whatever. Just random shit that popped into my head.
Got to the dinner restaurant. Engaged the cashier a bit. Did a quick, noncommittal approach on a fairly cute girl, asking her what her dog (who she was holding) was getting. She was clearly kind of nervous and just wanted to get by and live her life. Voice was super stifled. I let her do her thing.
I then went to charge my car, do some work on a side project, and get hot chocolate. Went to the hot chocolate place. Pretty cute girl at the register, not thinking much of it. Two Russian chicks are there occupying her attention. They move over to the register and she lays out there stuff in front of where I'm standing...I notice one of them glancing over at me and playing with her hair.
Me: Hm, I guess I'm taking up the loading area.
Her: I'm sorry!
Me: You're apologizing to me? ...I'll take it!
We laughed
Her: I just thought that since you were standing there first...
Me: You're forgiven.
We chatted a bit more, then she and her compadre finished up. There was also a kid making gestures at me that turned out to be theirs, I made a comment and moved on. I think that her friend didn't like me, but whatever. I just let them go on their way.
The cashier, on the other hand, was hilarious and fun. We chatted about drinks and so on, and eventually at one point:
Her: I actually prefer the chili drinking chocolate.
Me: So you like it...hot.
Her: Haha, I guess so. (her eyes started twinkling here)
Me: I think I'll have that.
Her: Do you want whipped cream?
Me: ...Do I ever. (bedroom eyes)
Her, smiling and looking down a bit, then making eye contact again: Anything else?
Me: How about your number?
Her, grinning and eyes still twinkling: Are you serious?
Me, shrugging: Yeah, why not?
She then grabbed a piece of receipt paper, and wrote out her phone number, name, and a quick pronunciation guide.
Her: I'll even tell you how to pronounce it, since people often get it wrong.
Me: Hm?
Her: It's (blah)
Me: That's what I would expect. What do people usually say?
Her: (Some other, stupid pronunciation)
Me: Ouch.
We then chatted on and off a bit as she made me my drink, parted ways...I texted her before leaving:
"Haraklus here. I also like it hot."
We've been texting since. I'm about to wrap it up. Night, GC.
I'm noticing that boldness over text seems to be pretty mediocre. And pushing for a date early to younger girls screams fuckboi unless they are very, very on. I am going to try the comfort-building road a bit as that is the furthest outside my realm of experience and I think that it's a current weakness in my text game. I know that if I get a girl out on a date, I have a very, very good chance of getting her turned on and investing in me.
However, it seems to me like the more a girl is turned on by me on first meet, the more guarded she is about meeting up without some serious comfort building. I could be wrong. But that's my current experiment.
However, it seems to me like the more a girl is turned on by me on first meet, the more guarded she is about meeting up without some serious comfort building. I could be wrong. But that's my current experiment.
A few approaches today. It's actually been a breakthrough period in understanding my actions.
The shit that has been fucking me up is congruency. I try to act like I'm chatty when I'm not in a chatty mood, and then it looks wrong and tryhard. I made my game smoother/lower effort while in a non-chatty mood and at least got some non-bizarre opens. Not super intent on writing a long one, but I got my approaches in with no numbers or any real action. I'm pretty happy as I stepped to during some out of state moments and started rebuilding momentum.
The shit that has been fucking me up is congruency. I try to act like I'm chatty when I'm not in a chatty mood, and then it looks wrong and tryhard. I made my game smoother/lower effort while in a non-chatty mood and at least got some non-bizarre opens. Not super intent on writing a long one, but I got my approaches in with no numbers or any real action. I'm pretty happy as I stepped to during some out of state moments and started rebuilding momentum.
So, I'm going to expand on yesterday now that I have more time/energy.
I received a text back from the woman whose number I got on Thursday saying she was willing to meet but she only dates people who share her core beliefs and she didn't want to lead me on. I told her:
Me: I respect your forthrightness.
Me: I don't share your core beliefs.
And let that sit.
I didn't text the woman whose number I got on Monday until the evening, then it went like this:
Me: Meet any charming strangers today?
Her: I have not. I've just been at school. I'm at trapeze class now. You?
Me: Yes. I'm worried for my virtue."
We then chatted a bit, but she ended up not being down as she was auditioning for a play. Our senses of humor and the way we speak aren't totally in sync (I get the impression I'm way more playful than she is), but she seems to be digging it. She told me yesterday that she would be free today, so I plan on texting her a bit earlier in the day and seeing what's up. Whatevs.
Now, approaches.
I opened a girl in the park I walk through in the afternoon who had a dog following her off of a leash, running around. I said, "You trust your dog." with a bit of a cocked eyebrow.
She said, "Thanks" in a really sweet voice.
I...what? Hahaha. Whatever, she probably didn't hear it very well and was trying to be polite. I found it pretty hilarious.
Next, I think, I opened a girl I met in the grocery store briefly.
Then there were quite a few other minor ones. Finally, one that I found pretty hilarious was this punk rocker girl dragging along two pretty average, lame-looking guys who had narrowly avoided getting into a fight with a tweaker in a top hat wearing a tail. The whole situation was hilarious.
She ended up having an angry rant and I kind of teased her and vibed with her a bit. I actually opened on one of her male friends, who was leading the pack, and commented that the cat tail dude seemed like a friendly guy and I was glad to see him out making friends. I was actually pretty fucking attracted to her, but it was getting late for me and I just wasn't quite sure how to deal with the TWO male friends and whatnot, so I let that one trail off.
I received a text back from the woman whose number I got on Thursday saying she was willing to meet but she only dates people who share her core beliefs and she didn't want to lead me on. I told her:
Me: I respect your forthrightness.
Me: I don't share your core beliefs.
And let that sit.
I didn't text the woman whose number I got on Monday until the evening, then it went like this:
Me: Meet any charming strangers today?
Her: I have not. I've just been at school. I'm at trapeze class now. You?
Me: Yes. I'm worried for my virtue."
We then chatted a bit, but she ended up not being down as she was auditioning for a play. Our senses of humor and the way we speak aren't totally in sync (I get the impression I'm way more playful than she is), but she seems to be digging it. She told me yesterday that she would be free today, so I plan on texting her a bit earlier in the day and seeing what's up. Whatevs.
Now, approaches.
I opened a girl in the park I walk through in the afternoon who had a dog following her off of a leash, running around. I said, "You trust your dog." with a bit of a cocked eyebrow.
She said, "Thanks" in a really sweet voice.
I...what? Hahaha. Whatever, she probably didn't hear it very well and was trying to be polite. I found it pretty hilarious.
Next, I think, I opened a girl I met in the grocery store briefly.
Then there were quite a few other minor ones. Finally, one that I found pretty hilarious was this punk rocker girl dragging along two pretty average, lame-looking guys who had narrowly avoided getting into a fight with a tweaker in a top hat wearing a tail. The whole situation was hilarious.
She ended up having an angry rant and I kind of teased her and vibed with her a bit. I actually opened on one of her male friends, who was leading the pack, and commented that the cat tail dude seemed like a friendly guy and I was glad to see him out making friends. I was actually pretty fucking attracted to her, but it was getting late for me and I just wasn't quite sure how to deal with the TWO male friends and whatnot, so I let that one trail off.
Interesting day yesterday.
I think I opened probably 4-5 girls. The best of the day was a girl in the grocery store I visit after work. I'm really focusing on extremely low effort / high sprezzatura approaches, like, not putting much more effort than turning my upper body to someone into 90% of my approaches. It's congruent with the lower energy/more calm mood I've been in the last week or so.
Anyway, there's a pretty cute girl in a crop top sweater with a baby tee underneath. Frankly, she was way, way overdressed for this city. She was also standing right next to the Kombucha (where I was going anyway). So, I stepped up next to her, leaned forward to grab my Kombucha without looking at her, and said, "You are way too fashionable for this city...you're not a local, are you?"
She told me she wasn't, we chatted a bit, I asked her if she was from LA, she said she wasn't but that she had lived there. She also said she was moving back to California pretty soon. An excerpt I clearly remember:
Me: What do you do?
Her: A little bit of this, a little bit of that.
Me: Nice. You can do a little bit of this and a little bit of that anywhere. Mobility.
Her: Yep!
Later on, I asked her when she was moving, and she said "tomorrow". I told her that I wouldn't ask her to coffee then, she said thanks, and that she would, but she was in the middle of the move. Cool. Validation, I guess.
There was also a barista later in the day that was somewhat cute (pretty average, maybe a 5-6, but I liked her vibe a lot, she was highly feminine), I considered asking her out but sided against it as I don't want to get too dependent on hired gun shit.
I then had a date later in the evening with the girl from Monday. It was...interesting. We met at the city square near where I met her. We walked for awhile. She did most of the talking. I occasionally threw in some stuff, "I'm divorced". Mostly I asked questions, told her she was pretty, and directed the flow of the interaction.
I noticed that when we were walking and talking, and not making eye contact, I actually felt fairly distant and closed off. I said we should sit, we did, I straight up told her,
Me: "Something about this seems off. I don't know what it is. I have a feeling, like I'm about to know what it is, but it's not quite there yet."
Her: "You let me know when you figure it out."
We make a bit of idle chat, then,
Me: "It's eye contact. When we were walking, I couldn't see your face, and it felt off."
Her: "The height difference doesn't help, either." (I'm about a foot taller than her)
Me: "Height differences are weird sometimes. I mean, I love them -- especially during sex -- but they lead to awkward situations sometimes."
Her: "Like what?"
Me: "Like you looking a guy straight in the Adam's apple, like not being able to see each other when standing, like me not being able to rest my chin on your head, that sort of thing."
Her: "Yeah, I can see that. I'm pretty short...and I think you're one of the tallest people I've interacted with in awhile."
Me: "Really? Jeez, you should see some of my friends."
I also pretty regularly dropped statements of intent, which she generally responded well to.
Me: "I like your lips. Keep talking."
Her, smiling: "Thank you" and then she kept going.
Me: "You hair is striking. Like...I actually got a little turned on when you flipped it out."
Her: "I didn't even really flip it!"
Me: "Whatever! Like I said, it's striking. Literally. Just hitting things everywhere with its majestic body. Karate hair." (she does karate)
We laughed and moved on.
She didn't comply much with overt physicality, though, although she didn't shut it down, either. The way she put it was, "You aren't in yet...but you totally could be."
Later, at my car, she was like,
"You get a hug."
Me, laughing: "Aww, shucks."
After a moment:
Me: "Kiss me on the cheek."
Her: "No."
Me, displeased grunt and stepping away slightly: "Mmm...You can't kiss me on the cheek. Hm."
Me: "Fine."
I then grabbed her around the waist and started pulling her in.
Me: "I am not about to kiss you."
Her: "I don't believe you!"
Me: "Eye contact. Give me eye contact, that can substitute."
We then made eye contact for a good long time.
Her: "You are an interesting person."
Me: "Shut up. Eye contact."
Her: "I didn't break eye contact!"
Me: "You're distracting me from it."
We then continued to hold it for awhile longer.
Me: "Thanks for warming up my hands, by the way."
Her: "You should have worn your jacket."
Me: "No."
She finally, then, moved her eyes.
Me, still looking in the same eye: "And there's the broken eye contact."
Her: "No, I just switched eyes!"
Me: "Mmm, kind of a break."
I then relaxed my hold on her and pushed her away somewhat. She hugged me again.
Me: "Have a good night, chica."
Her: "You, too!"
Then we parted ways. She sent me a text after I went to sleep that night saying she had fun and would definitely do it again.
During the date, a couple of times, she had said things like, "You haven't earned that yet." when I demanded a fairly high level of compliance from her. I didn't like the way she phrased it, earning. I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly what it was during the date, though. This morning, though, I figured it out.
The total post-"date" text exchange:
Her: I had fun walking and tlaking with you. I would definitely do it again sometime.
Me: Hmm, to be honest, I'm a little ambivalent about this "earning" business. I get wanting to be sure, needing to know someone better, letting attraction build...But I am realy not interested in earning or impressing anyone. I'll show up and be me, but that's about it.
Me: So assuming you can tone down the posturing just a bit, I'm game.
Her: That's all I want. Just be you.
I haven't responded -- I don't feel particularly inspired to at the moment, but I'm sure the feeling will come. I think that this was pretty decent, but my frame control could be better. I've noticed that a lot of girls who won't even kiss me on the first date will be begging for my cock on the 4th, so we'll see. I do like this one. I haven't really talked about it here, but she seems like a badass chick.
Anyway. Gonna keep opening those girls, getting those leads.
I think I opened probably 4-5 girls. The best of the day was a girl in the grocery store I visit after work. I'm really focusing on extremely low effort / high sprezzatura approaches, like, not putting much more effort than turning my upper body to someone into 90% of my approaches. It's congruent with the lower energy/more calm mood I've been in the last week or so.
Anyway, there's a pretty cute girl in a crop top sweater with a baby tee underneath. Frankly, she was way, way overdressed for this city. She was also standing right next to the Kombucha (where I was going anyway). So, I stepped up next to her, leaned forward to grab my Kombucha without looking at her, and said, "You are way too fashionable for this city...you're not a local, are you?"
She told me she wasn't, we chatted a bit, I asked her if she was from LA, she said she wasn't but that she had lived there. She also said she was moving back to California pretty soon. An excerpt I clearly remember:
Me: What do you do?
Her: A little bit of this, a little bit of that.
Me: Nice. You can do a little bit of this and a little bit of that anywhere. Mobility.
Her: Yep!
Later on, I asked her when she was moving, and she said "tomorrow". I told her that I wouldn't ask her to coffee then, she said thanks, and that she would, but she was in the middle of the move. Cool. Validation, I guess.
There was also a barista later in the day that was somewhat cute (pretty average, maybe a 5-6, but I liked her vibe a lot, she was highly feminine), I considered asking her out but sided against it as I don't want to get too dependent on hired gun shit.
I then had a date later in the evening with the girl from Monday. It was...interesting. We met at the city square near where I met her. We walked for awhile. She did most of the talking. I occasionally threw in some stuff, "I'm divorced". Mostly I asked questions, told her she was pretty, and directed the flow of the interaction.
I noticed that when we were walking and talking, and not making eye contact, I actually felt fairly distant and closed off. I said we should sit, we did, I straight up told her,
Me: "Something about this seems off. I don't know what it is. I have a feeling, like I'm about to know what it is, but it's not quite there yet."
Her: "You let me know when you figure it out."
We make a bit of idle chat, then,
Me: "It's eye contact. When we were walking, I couldn't see your face, and it felt off."
Her: "The height difference doesn't help, either." (I'm about a foot taller than her)
Me: "Height differences are weird sometimes. I mean, I love them -- especially during sex -- but they lead to awkward situations sometimes."
Her: "Like what?"
Me: "Like you looking a guy straight in the Adam's apple, like not being able to see each other when standing, like me not being able to rest my chin on your head, that sort of thing."
Her: "Yeah, I can see that. I'm pretty short...and I think you're one of the tallest people I've interacted with in awhile."
Me: "Really? Jeez, you should see some of my friends."
I also pretty regularly dropped statements of intent, which she generally responded well to.
Me: "I like your lips. Keep talking."
Her, smiling: "Thank you" and then she kept going.
Me: "You hair is striking. Like...I actually got a little turned on when you flipped it out."
Her: "I didn't even really flip it!"
Me: "Whatever! Like I said, it's striking. Literally. Just hitting things everywhere with its majestic body. Karate hair." (she does karate)
We laughed and moved on.
She didn't comply much with overt physicality, though, although she didn't shut it down, either. The way she put it was, "You aren't in yet...but you totally could be."
Later, at my car, she was like,
"You get a hug."
Me, laughing: "Aww, shucks."
After a moment:
Me: "Kiss me on the cheek."
Her: "No."
Me, displeased grunt and stepping away slightly: "Mmm...You can't kiss me on the cheek. Hm."
Me: "Fine."
I then grabbed her around the waist and started pulling her in.
Me: "I am not about to kiss you."
Her: "I don't believe you!"
Me: "Eye contact. Give me eye contact, that can substitute."
We then made eye contact for a good long time.
Her: "You are an interesting person."
Me: "Shut up. Eye contact."
Her: "I didn't break eye contact!"
Me: "You're distracting me from it."
We then continued to hold it for awhile longer.
Me: "Thanks for warming up my hands, by the way."
Her: "You should have worn your jacket."
Me: "No."
She finally, then, moved her eyes.
Me, still looking in the same eye: "And there's the broken eye contact."
Her: "No, I just switched eyes!"
Me: "Mmm, kind of a break."
I then relaxed my hold on her and pushed her away somewhat. She hugged me again.
Me: "Have a good night, chica."
Her: "You, too!"
Then we parted ways. She sent me a text after I went to sleep that night saying she had fun and would definitely do it again.
During the date, a couple of times, she had said things like, "You haven't earned that yet." when I demanded a fairly high level of compliance from her. I didn't like the way she phrased it, earning. I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly what it was during the date, though. This morning, though, I figured it out.
The total post-"date" text exchange:
Her: I had fun walking and tlaking with you. I would definitely do it again sometime.
Me: Hmm, to be honest, I'm a little ambivalent about this "earning" business. I get wanting to be sure, needing to know someone better, letting attraction build...But I am realy not interested in earning or impressing anyone. I'll show up and be me, but that's about it.
Me: So assuming you can tone down the posturing just a bit, I'm game.
Her: That's all I want. Just be you.
I haven't responded -- I don't feel particularly inspired to at the moment, but I'm sure the feeling will come. I think that this was pretty decent, but my frame control could be better. I've noticed that a lot of girls who won't even kiss me on the first date will be begging for my cock on the 4th, so we'll see. I do like this one. I haven't really talked about it here, but she seems like a badass chick.
Anyway. Gonna keep opening those girls, getting those leads.
Got both my approaches done today. Both of them had intent and were basically sniper shots with no warmup. One was a cute cashier I've flirted with before...dropping pretty heavy hints. She muttered something indistinct when I asked her to get coffee, then when I asked, "What?" she double-darted her eyes to her supervisor just behind me within earshot. Then said 'see you soon' and caressed my hand. Hah. I wasn't really sure what was up, so I just assumed it was a polite brush off and rolled with it. I very pointedly said, "Have a good day" and moved on. Ain't no thang.
The other was a professional/hipster looking young woman charging her car at the same charging station as me with a fairly unusual car. I asked her how it was and we chatted about it a bit. I told her she was cute and she seemed kind of pleased and kind of alarmed. I figured, fuck it, I have nothing to lose, and asked her to grab coffee with me while our cars charged. She turned me down, said she brought her laptop and she was going to do work there in her car. I told her I did the same...but that twenty minutes for coffee was something I could spare. She said "Sorry" and I let it be.
That last one was actually pretty fun. It was kind of off/bad, I wasn't FEELING the persistence or the escalation too much, but I had a very blaise "what the hell" attitude and just went for it. Love that feeling.
The other was a professional/hipster looking young woman charging her car at the same charging station as me with a fairly unusual car. I asked her how it was and we chatted about it a bit. I told her she was cute and she seemed kind of pleased and kind of alarmed. I figured, fuck it, I have nothing to lose, and asked her to grab coffee with me while our cars charged. She turned me down, said she brought her laptop and she was going to do work there in her car. I told her I did the same...but that twenty minutes for coffee was something I could spare. She said "Sorry" and I let it be.
That last one was actually pretty fun. It was kind of off/bad, I wasn't FEELING the persistence or the escalation too much, but I had a very blaise "what the hell" attitude and just went for it. Love that feeling.
That last approach was actually extremely productive for me to think about, mostly because I can very obviously see what I did wrong, or at least what I could have done better. My I dropped only one blunt, nonspecific statement of intent not worked into the greater context of the situation. Which is to say, I called her cute right before asking her to join me for coffee.
This is something I do a lot, but has actually never worked for me. Given the level of failure and it has, combined with the amount I do it, that says something. Basically, I think it's too much at once. I think that dropping those more specific statements of intent would be a good starting point. She was obviously a total nerd which I'm really into, I could have thrown in a "that's hot" when she mentioned her really intellectual job, then moved on to another topic quickly before she could form any logical objection, for instance. A physical compliment would probably also be good -- she was really petite, and I liked that, so I could have thrown that one in, too. Again, sandwiching it between other pretty interesting stuff (and we had a fairly good conversation). Instead of coming off as an uncaring, impersonal pickup attempt, I think she would have felt much more connected and valued from that. Oh, well. Live and learn, baby, that's what it's all about.
This is something I do a lot, but has actually never worked for me. Given the level of failure and it has, combined with the amount I do it, that says something. Basically, I think it's too much at once. I think that dropping those more specific statements of intent would be a good starting point. She was obviously a total nerd which I'm really into, I could have thrown in a "that's hot" when she mentioned her really intellectual job, then moved on to another topic quickly before she could form any logical objection, for instance. A physical compliment would probably also be good -- she was really petite, and I liked that, so I could have thrown that one in, too. Again, sandwiching it between other pretty interesting stuff (and we had a fairly good conversation). Instead of coming off as an uncaring, impersonal pickup attempt, I think she would have felt much more connected and valued from that. Oh, well. Live and learn, baby, that's what it's all about.
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2012
- Messages
- 288
Honestly dude I don't want to have to "say" directly my intent unless things are getting sexual as fuck.(as in saying raunchy shit, ya know?)
Have you tried showing your intent through nonverbals and stuff like that? From what I hear, mastering nonverbal is the best in the long run since it works at a subconscious level and what not.
Your thoughts?
Have you tried showing your intent through nonverbals and stuff like that? From what I hear, mastering nonverbal is the best in the long run since it works at a subconscious level and what not.
Your thoughts?
I've personally found statements of intent to be extremely powerful. They're a skill like any other, you can do them well and you can do them poorly, but I've flipped a ton of girls with statements of intent done well.
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2012
- Messages
- 288
Im down to take a look.
I actually have a bunch of dates lined up for next week so I'll put it to use.
Also... in your experience is it important to text during the interim? With one girl I'm not gonna see for like a week, actually a bunch of em....
I actually have a bunch of dates lined up for next week so I'll put it to use.
Also... in your experience is it important to text during the interim? With one girl I'm not gonna see for like a week, actually a bunch of em....
So, my experience with cold approach is actually pretty limited -- I had done maybe 4-5 real cold approaches before this journal, the rest had basically all been warm approaches. And texting has always a pretty weak part of my game. Like, REALLY weak.
As such, I've been focusing on it, and what I've found is that for younger women (like...college age), it's much easier to get them to meet up again if I give them some comfort-building texts. Basic 'hey, hope the rest of your day went well, shaving my cat's teeth was a pain but worth it', whatever. That kind of stuff. Not a ton, but a handful of natural-feeling exchanges when I feel like it. I think this comes down to relatability being a weakpoint for me with many of these girls. You may not have that issue because you're also in that age range and more a part of their social world.
So, for me, I feel like "texting a lot" of easy to respond to, comfortable/warm texts works for me. Mind you, "a lot" is maybe 3-7 round trips of texting, including meetup planning, before the cycle is done for the day or next couple of days.
I'd also say that if they're already happy to meet up with you, fuck it. Don't change!
And perhaps the most important part is to remember to experiment and try new things until you find what works for you. Maybe you seem insanely comfortable and available in person, and texting them extra comfort bores them. Maybe you're insanely high value and have such an intense energy that girls feel like if they meet up with you again, it will overwhelm them, so they need lots of comfort and encouragement. Texting is like a supplement for your existing ability to generate comfort and attraction, IMO.
As such, I've been focusing on it, and what I've found is that for younger women (like...college age), it's much easier to get them to meet up again if I give them some comfort-building texts. Basic 'hey, hope the rest of your day went well, shaving my cat's teeth was a pain but worth it', whatever. That kind of stuff. Not a ton, but a handful of natural-feeling exchanges when I feel like it. I think this comes down to relatability being a weakpoint for me with many of these girls. You may not have that issue because you're also in that age range and more a part of their social world.
So, for me, I feel like "texting a lot" of easy to respond to, comfortable/warm texts works for me. Mind you, "a lot" is maybe 3-7 round trips of texting, including meetup planning, before the cycle is done for the day or next couple of days.
I'd also say that if they're already happy to meet up with you, fuck it. Don't change!
And perhaps the most important part is to remember to experiment and try new things until you find what works for you. Maybe you seem insanely comfortable and available in person, and texting them extra comfort bores them. Maybe you're insanely high value and have such an intense energy that girls feel like if they meet up with you again, it will overwhelm them, so they need lots of comfort and encouragement. Texting is like a supplement for your existing ability to generate comfort and attraction, IMO.
I am actually not finding any good resources on statements of intent. Essentially, though, the idea is to get the idea that you're interested in her sexually into her head -- which can be done with body language, but that only works just so. I've personally found verbal game to be much more flexible, but that may be because for me, physical escalation tends to happen all at once towards the end of the interaction, but I still want her to get sexual vibes before then.
My method is generally to say something mildly sexual sandwiched between non-sexual comments as part of the overall flow of conversation -- ideally, it won't even be very noticeable. Something like...as I'm turning with her to point at something, I'll make facing her part of my turning, and say something like, "Hmm, you have really nice lips", and then before she's done figuring out how she feels about that, I'll point at the thing that I was turning her towards. If you sandwich enough of these in to the interaction, she gets so used to you saying/doing sexual things, she'd feel pretty stupid for suddenly rejecting it later.
Not rejecting a sexual comment is, for a woman, a form of compliance in and of itself, as I see it. However, because with verbal game, I can easily distract her / keep the conversation moving, I actually have control over her compliance to a large extent. So, it can be used (when you're in the right zone) to build up a large amount of compliance, and fill her head with sexual thoughts.
Eventually, her being receptive to sexual talk and behavior becomes the most congruent (and least effortful) thing to do, so she'll just go along with it.
I do want to stress, though, that your own mental state is key to this, and so is keeping the conversation moving. You don't want to make a sexual comment, stop, and give her "DID YA LIKE THAT? BECAUSE I REALLY NEED YOU TO LIKE THAT" eyes. You want it to be almost an afterthought, not at all a big deal, and then give her something else to distract herself with. That way, she's never forced to make a response to your sexual comments until she's in so deep that it gets past her surface-level filters.
My method is generally to say something mildly sexual sandwiched between non-sexual comments as part of the overall flow of conversation -- ideally, it won't even be very noticeable. Something like...as I'm turning with her to point at something, I'll make facing her part of my turning, and say something like, "Hmm, you have really nice lips", and then before she's done figuring out how she feels about that, I'll point at the thing that I was turning her towards. If you sandwich enough of these in to the interaction, she gets so used to you saying/doing sexual things, she'd feel pretty stupid for suddenly rejecting it later.
Not rejecting a sexual comment is, for a woman, a form of compliance in and of itself, as I see it. However, because with verbal game, I can easily distract her / keep the conversation moving, I actually have control over her compliance to a large extent. So, it can be used (when you're in the right zone) to build up a large amount of compliance, and fill her head with sexual thoughts.
Eventually, her being receptive to sexual talk and behavior becomes the most congruent (and least effortful) thing to do, so she'll just go along with it.
I do want to stress, though, that your own mental state is key to this, and so is keeping the conversation moving. You don't want to make a sexual comment, stop, and give her "DID YA LIKE THAT? BECAUSE I REALLY NEED YOU TO LIKE THAT" eyes. You want it to be almost an afterthought, not at all a big deal, and then give her something else to distract herself with. That way, she's never forced to make a response to your sexual comments until she's in so deep that it gets past her surface-level filters.