Hard Pushing Over Text?

[PrettyDecent]

Recently got my phone to start working today, so I wanted to start practicing more texting skills.

Anyways, I met a brunette, very laid back, and we went on to have a great conversation and connection. She told
me to text before I left, so I did. I wanted to try and get her out tonight because I'm leaving the country wednesday, and she has work tomorrow. Here's a transcript of the convo:

Me 1:21 : Hey [chick], glad to have met you - Nick

Her 1:29 : Hey dude, you too!

Me 1:50 : Not sure what you've got going on tonight, mysterious brunette. But if you're free, you should accompany for a night out!

Her 2:01 : Unfortunately I'm desperately poor and I've promise my housemate a night in watching horror movies tonight.

Me 2:29 : Right. Well, I promise you won't have to pay me for tonight . Could you tell your friend that you'd reschedule? I'm about to leave Australia for a while, and if we couldn't hang out tonight, then it realistically wouldn't be ever. Which would blow, because you seem like a cool gal.

Anyways, that last text message I sent was pretty painful to paste here. Text game is not my forte, lol. She didn't respond after that, and the realization I had was hard pushing does NOT work over texting. I don't think any type of pressure would, really.

Any thoughts on this? Maybe when it would work? Would love to hear your ideas...and also what I could have replaced my last text with, without the hard push?

Cheers,
Jake

 

[Franco]

PD,

Generally, any type of pushing or neediness needs to be avoided over text -- why? Well, because that's exactly what it comes across as to her: pushy and needy.

I've seen some confusion on the boards before about members wondering why you don't "be assertive" and "lead" over the phone, just like you would in person. The problem is, girls don't see text messages or phone calls as a form of you being "confident" and "leading." You're not there in person, so there is no element of fundamentals or emotional cresting involved to help give the "hard push" what it actually requires to succeed. You are not there in person, and she's not sexually excited by you right at that exact moment when she reads your text. She could totally be thinking about something else besides you when she receives a text like that, so when she does, she looks at it and goes, "Man, this guy must be desperate. Maybe he's not who I thought he was..."

So in summary, save techniques such as the hard push for in-person situations where there are many other things that can be used to work to your advantage. As far as texting, you need be as non-needy and carefree as possible. Otherwise, you'll end up with a lot of girls who stop responding to your texts!

- Franco

 

[PrettyDecent]

Franco,

Yeah, that definitely made a lightbulb go off for me, thank you!

So I'm just trying to figure out whether it was
A.)

Me 1:50 : Not sure what you've got going on tonight, mysterious brunette. But if you're free, you should accompany for a night out!

That inviting her out tonight made me look pushy/needy and I should have replaced it with "Cool . Well let me know when you're free sometime, and we can grab a bite to eat."

B.)

Me 2:29 : Right. Well, I promise you won't have to pay me for tonight . Could you tell your friend that you'd reschedule? I'm about to leave Australia for a while, and if we couldn't hang out tonight, then it realistically wouldn't be ever. Which would blow, because you seem like a cool gal.

Or if it was this text that made me seem needy/pushy, and I should have replaced this with "No worries, [chick] . Let me know when you've got a free minute."

Jake

 

[Franco]

PD,

That inviting her out tonight made me look pushy/needy...

Nah, nothing wrong with that. Your chances of her complying with that before you've bedded her, however, go slightly down if you try to invite her out the day of rather than beforehand.

Or if it was this text that made me seem needy/pushy, and I should have replaced this with "No worries, [chick] . Let me know when you've got a free minute."

It was definitely the second text. And a better reply would be, "No worries! You can imagine yourself cuddling with me when you get scared tonight "

Or, if you're more conservative, just this:

"No worries, [chick] . We'll try again soon"

Never ask a girl to let you know when she's free open-endedly because she probably won't do it, and it also makes it seem like you have a lot of free time if you're giving her permission to dictate when you're available. You simply end the conversation and hit her up the next week to see what she's up to.

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Franco:

Some great advice in this post, especially this:

You're not there in person, so there is no element of fundamentals or emotional cresting involved to help give the "hard push" what it actually requires to succeed. You are not there in person, and she's not sexually excited by you right at that exact moment when she reads your text.

Thinking over my past interactions and their success or lack of it, it ties in exactly... the more I can do in person, the more compliance I get, by a long shot.

I wanted to ask about this though:

Never ask a girl to let you know when she's free because she probably won't do it, and it also makes it seem like you have a lot of free time if you're giving her permission to dictate when you're available.

How does this fit with the normal GC advice of asking a girl how her schedule's looking after proposing a date, rather than specifying a concrete time?

thanks
-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

How does this fit with the normal GC advice of asking a girl how her schedule's looking after proposing a date, rather than specifying a concrete time?

Good point here. I corrected my post to now say the following:

Never ask a girl to let you know when she's free open-endedly because she probably won't do it, and it also makes it seem like you have a lot of free time if you're giving her permission to dictate when you're available.

Asking her when she's free for the week is fine, but having her decline and then asking her just to hit you up whenever she gets some free time is not. A busy man won't wait around until a girl texts him; he just simply texts her again the next time he has some free time to see if she does as well.

Thanks for pointing that out!

- Franco