hating my coworkers; feeling frustrated and lonely at a good job

[PatriotsRule]

i am a waiter and make great, easy money, but often times i leave work or leave our group after hanging out after work just pissed off at everyone for really no particular reason. last night i was telling myself that everyone there has an attitude that i am growing sick of but then that feeling makes me wonder if i am the one with the shitty attitude. also the managers, while they put me in good position to succeed, dont hold anyone accountable for anything so our new restaurant that we opened together in december is starting to show the filth and lack of protocol that has never been cleaned or established. i feel like i shouldn't be going home so frustrated and lonely after making over $200 in a quick five hour shift, in fact we should be out with each other celebrating our success but that is not the case. its sad to me.

 

[trashKENNUT]

PatriotsRule,

I thought i was the only one. but it is actually a good thing. You must separate work away from friends. You can try to make it good but boundaries must still be there.



Like a girl drawing a line for the friends. Not always pretty but she has to do it.

Zac

 

[PatriotsRule]

Setting boundaries has been difficult for me at work- i thought, opening a great new restaurant together (we're one of the top selling restaurants in our city, maybe top 2 or 3, and #1 out of 23 in our company and we fuckin kill it) we would develop a great camraderie but everyone is truly out for themselves. My "profound thought of the day" is that at the store i transferred from, everyone encouraged each other to be better workers- at my current restaurant, everyone encourages each other to be grimier- how much weed you smoke, what new edibles are on tap, how early into the morning you stayed up and how little sleep you got the night before your double...and here i am reading girlschase trying to make myself a better version of an already intimidated person conflicted with wanting to unite and make friends/meet women. I struggle in that sense, when coworkers want me to do new drugs with them and go on far off adventures for nights and nights- and theyll just straight up tell the managers why we requested that time off. Its the opposite of what i know is good for me. Anyway, i recently read that article about saying "no" and i try to keep that in mind, even when i want to say yes. But its not so rewarding- it makes me feel outcasted.

 

[PatriotsRule]

Btw zacadam i appreciate the response- simple but put in a way that i hadnt thought of yet makes good sense

 

[Drck]

Who you associete with defines you. You don't want to associate with guys who do drugs and have no life, so you are doing the right thing. You are an outcast and there is no way you will fit it because you have simply different motivation, different frame than your coworkers. You know exactly what's good for you, so follow it.

If you need the money for now, do it for money. Save and move on, find people who have similar motivation and similar frame. Keep your frame strong and (as correctly said) keep your boundaries: "It would be great to go out with you guys but I have decided that I am going to work out 6x per week".

So you are a misfit but in a good sense, you don't want to belong to that group forever, eventually you'll have to move on...

If you like restaurant job, think about opening your own place. You'll be your own boss, you'll make more money and you'll be happier as well...

 

[trashKENNUT]

PTrule,

Not setting boundaries can affect a lot of things. This includes

- Guy friends interupting you because you are cool with them.
- Boss thinks that you must obey them even nodding heads.
- Girl friends involving suddenly because you talking to attractive girls
- Girls throwing sudden u-turns at you by suddenly climbing the 'relationship ladder'. (It is more common i assume once you are "high value"/dominant/similarities with the girl)

They say you need a bigger goal/or maybe suffer great loss to set boundaries. This is highly true.

You can't unite people. That is an unfortunate lesson you will learn. But uniting people also indicates that there is something wrong with them. Most people do not handle that perception and beliefs about themselves very well.

I see two things that can happen. If you let your managers know that you don't do drugs, they might use it as leverage with your current friends. If they are those hardworking kind of people, you might be their utility men. It is going to be a tough time... You do not want to be on either extreme side. So thread the line accordingly. You going to make mistakes but learn just as much.

But just be cool and neutral with people. I don't smoke and drink yet people enjoy themselves. The mindset must also be there. Try not to judge them.

Zac