Have no problem getting dates, but failing to get past first date over and over

[killerman]

Right, I've run into this serious problem now. Basically over the last 3 weeks i've been cold approaching like crazy and have had a whole ton of dates. I mean it's been so easy getting dates it's been ridiculous. During these 3 weeks I've been on 10 dates with 10 different girls but the problem is that I just cant get past the second date. And the really frustrating thing is I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. What's even more frustrating is that in the past before I got into pickup I used to have a lot more success and frequently got past the first date and got laid by wearing really average casual clothes and not paying any attention to fundamentals or game. But since getting into pickup and working on dressing really well, having good posture, piercing eye contact, working out at the gym, working on my voice and conversation my results have got drastically worse, it's just insane. I've tried using more touch on my last couple dates, but still I get the same results. Another problem is my inability to deep dive and engage them in interesting conversation. Many times when I ask girls what their passion is or what their dreams are or what they want to do in the future, they dont give any impression that they want to do anything exciting saying that they dont know what they want to do, and just simply coming across as very boring with nothing going on in their lives or just giving the classic answer - "I dont know". this is frustrating as I want to get into REALLY good conversation but it just seems like it's such a struggle getting there. What's strange though is that I was much worse with conversation in the past yet despite that I got better results, which is just crazy. Any ideas or tips what to do?

 

[skin_man]

Re: Have no problem getting dates, but failing to get past first date over and o

hey Killerman

What's even more frustrating is that in the past before I got into pickup I used to have a lot more success and frequently got past the first date and got laid

That is really interesting. Don't let up though. It's only cause you are getting more in tune and in control of your seduction rather than the throw it in the wind appraoch you may have used before. It's encouraging to have that as a prior experience.

What's strange though is that I was much worse with conversation in the past yet despite that I got better results, which is just crazy. Any ideas or tips what to do?

To answer this I'd use this analogy: A guy was a quaterback for a training session and throughout the session he was a BEAST. He would not lose any balls and when he tackled , they gave way. Right away, the coach signed him up and began showing him these routines all professional quaterback players go through. His results got bad. In fact he almost quit just before he realised it: he was too much in his head. Initially, he had the drive and it was pure. Now he had to get out of his head and it would mean doing some push-ups and so on, just to get blood pumping before beginning again. He posted his short testimonial on YouTube.

I hope that helps. Be in the moment - you've had solid date setups, I bet it wasnt like that before. TIme to relax and enjoy the date. Also: write down your process for the date itself and follow it. Flip floping about where to go and what to do makes conversation more tense but being aware of what next you have for the date would free you to go on easy mode with it.

Enjoy!

 

[Smith]

Re: Have no problem getting dates, but failing to get past first date over and o

Many times when I ask girls what their passion is or what their dreams are or what they want to do in the future, they dont give any impression that they want to do anything exciting saying that they dont know what they want to do, and just simply coming across as very boring with nothing going on in their lives or just giving the classic answer - "I dont know". this is frustrating as I want to get into REALLY good conversation but it just seems like it's such a struggle getting there. What's strange though is that I was much worse with conversation in the past yet despite that I got better results, which is just crazy. Any ideas or tips what to do?

Agree with skin_man. Is your conversation fun and free flowing? Are you relating to the girl? It doesn't even have to be about their deepest dream, especially with younger girls. It can be about the most silly thing that has ever happened to your both. Lower the standard for how good your conversation has to be. A lot of my conversation is just fluff talk that pumps mine and her emotional state. You can have a lot of fun creating fantasies with a girl. Be in the moment, don't think ahead. Say whatever you want to say.

 

[ray_zorse]

Re: Have no problem getting dates, but failing to get past first date over and o

Yes, well as others mentioned you have to avoid being the friendly guy, and your conversation will reflect this (steering towards sexual or intimate topics, getting her sharing on those things, sexual humour, sexual and chase framing, also qualifying her on sexual stuff and setting non-judgemental frames)... so will your body language (not smiling or laughing too much or being the entertainer guy, not leaning in or investing too much, having a slightly bored demeanor, using sexual smiles, half closed eyes, strong sexual eye contact, pregnant pauses, getting in her space, being intense and managing sexual tension, moving languidly, your sexy/dominant walk and posture, speaking slowly in a husky bedroom voice, rewarding her with incidental touch).

But those things were already mentioned, my real question is regarding the title of the post, "failing to get past first date", are you trying to sleep with her on the first date? Informational dates are good and I often aim for these with students from the uni, cos meeting at the campus for a coffee during the day is low investment for them, but they require special handling (which I am not great at) and really, unless you have some particular reason not to, you should be trying to meet them later in the day, pull them to one or two different locations (I use 2+ but I've been criticized here for making my dates too long-winded and that's probably fair) and then home, once you set your mind to this kind of plan it's probably best to persist till she flat-out refuses or runs away (in which case 2nd date is pointless) or you seal the deal (in which case it becomes a post sex retention issue, which is also full of surprises but beyond the scope).

Ray

 

[killerman]

Re: Have no problem getting dates, but failing to get past first date over and o

But the problem is that I don't feel I'm getting more in tune with my seduction at all, not one bit. In fact I feel like I'm getting worse all the time, and going backwards. Had the 11th date tonight and looks and I'll bet there aint gonna be a second. Problem is now I feel I've got a psychological problem, where I experiencing the loser effect. The thing is I'm getting attractive girls on dates so they're clearly interested so how the hell am I messing up? Once again, the conversation tonight wasn't free flowing at all, and it stopped and stalled too much. I know that being sexual is key but how do i get sexual out of nothing? What about bringing up sexual topics completely randomly? Would that work?

 

[Smith]

Re: Have no problem getting dates, but failing to get past first date over and o

Problem is now I feel I've got a psychological problem, where I experiencing the loser effect. The thing is I'm getting attractive girls on dates so they're clearly interested so how the hell am I messing up? Once again, the conversation tonight wasn't free flowing at all, and it stopped and stalled too much. I know that being sexual is key but how do i get sexual out of nothing? What about bringing up sexual topics completely randomly? Would that work?

The problem is you're trying too hard to impress the girl, and this happens to me sometimes when I'm on a date with a really good looking girls. When the conversation isn't free flowing and you can't think of anything to say, it's usually because you're trying to impress and you're not present in the moment. You're filtering yourself too much. Aim at getting a reasonably flowing conversation going first then sprinkle a little bit of sexuality in there. "Whatever you have to say is interesting purely because she wants to know what you find interesting." This advice from RSD Tyler has helped me a lot.

Getting sexual is not as hard as you think, but it does take a little of conscious effort to do it if you don't do it often. Think of a topic and just add sex into it. She told you she wanted to learn surfing. You can teased her she just wanted to check out guys on the beach. If she responded well, then you can even take it further and talk about having sex on the beach. You can practice this with your guy/female friends everyday, just to get your creative juices flowing, so it's not like an on/off thing you do, but make it a thing you do naturally.

My final tip for you is meditate. Don't let your past experience affect you. I bet you're already thinking about how bad your date is going to go before you even go on the date, and it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because you're stuck in your head all the time. Be present. Follow the process and move things forward. You don't even need an amazing conversation to sleep with a girl.