Have You Ever Been in Love?

Just_Dave

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Messages
529
Narrative/Back story:
That was the question my young friend asked me and my friends while were driving back from a club on the highway as I was playing Kanye West "Crack Music". We were all talking about different girls we hooked up with, but he was curious. My friend who asked was the hopeless romantic type, he was the one who's too shy to talk to his crush. The question came up when my other buddy Deep South, talked about his former engagement to a woman to whom he wasn't in love with. As a result he asked us the question of whether or not, we'd been in love. When it came to me It kind of caught me off guard since I was feeling tipsy, rowdy, and just trying to hook up with girls. My memories were also running together, of different girl. I wasn't really in a lovey dovey mood. However, I told him I was in love several women at different stages of life. I told him it's the best and rarest drug I've ever been on.

Question:
So I'll ask the question to you guys have you ever been in love and how would you describe it?

My logical answer:
I confused love and lust quite a bit in my early teens, in my late teens I started getting into LTR's and realized you had to actually work to make a relationship, and now in my twenties I know you can't force love or rush it. There are different types of love and how you feel about various women. There's the fresh love and the best love as the rappers, actors, and artists say. That's what I describe as the rarest drug on the planet, when taken with an orgasm it's amazing. I think a lot of guys want to be in love but are embarrassment to admit it, especially in a day in age when they think women are out to get them. Some guys have had their hearts broken and became cold. A former coworker told me once I've had my heart broken I'd become a "dog". Never happened, I just stopped dating and seeking out incompatible partners. I never became cynical and stopped believing in love.

I feel when you're young and watching too many romantic comedies, focusing on the wrong holidays, and seeing too many couples you feel like you're missing out on love. Other times people never received a different type of love from family members, and that affects them in their relationships. I feel the most important love though if you want to be successful with women is learning to love yourself. Otherwise you won't be able to conjure a successful and meaningful relationship with anymore. Don't blame mommy, daddy, your brother or that bully who kicked your ass, your crazy ex girlfriend, or some other random for not giving you love. You shape your life day by day to give and receive love.

My science answer: Falling in love is the result of feeling you have no control over your partner as a result you desire them more. The more invested you become in a person, the more you feel you "love" them.

My comical answer: My dick tells me I'm in love all the time, I wake up the morning after and realize it was wrong very wrong.

Leave interesting or creative responses in the comment section below ;) Hell even share your story about your favorite love experience
 

Whizzy

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
680
Just_Dave said:
Narrative/Back story:
Question:
So I'll ask the question to you guys have you ever been in love and how would you describe it?

My logical answer:
I confused love and lust quite a bit in my early teens, in my late teens I started getting into LTR's and realized you had to actually work to make a relationship, and now in my twenties I know you can't force love or rush it. There are different types of love and how you feel about various women. There's the fresh love and the best love as the rappers, actors, and artists say. That's what I describe as the rarest drug on the planet, when taken with an orgasm it's amazing. I think a lot of guys want to be in love but are embarrassment to admit it, especially in a day in age when they think women are out to get them. Some guys have had their hearts broken and became cold. A former coworker told me once I've had my heart broken I'd become a "dog". Never happened, I just stopped dating and seeking out incompatible partners. I never became cynical and stopped believing in love.

I feel when you're young and watching too many romantic comedies, focusing on the wrong holidays, and seeing too many couples you feel like you're missing out on love. Other times people never received a different type of love from family members, and that affects them in their relationships. I feel the most important love though if you want to be successful with women is learning to love yourself. Otherwise you won't be able to conjure a successful and meaningful relationship with anymore. Don't blame mommy, daddy, your brother or that bully who kicked your ass, your crazy ex girlfriend, or some other random for not giving you love. You shape your life day by day to give and receive love.

My science answer: Falling in love is the result of feeling you have no control over your partner as a result you desire them more. The more invested you become in a person, the more you feel you "love" them.

My comical answer: My dick tells me I'm in love all the time, I wake up the morning after and realize it was wrong very wrong.

Leave interesting or creative responses in the comment section below ;) Hell even share your story about your favorite love experience
I'm going to start in reverse order here

My comical answer: My dick is always in love, the message fails to reach my brain most of the time.

My science answer: The more of yourself you put into something, (aka investment) the more you value it and will pursue it even if your brain tells you not to.

My logical answer: We have all been in love at some point in our lives, whether we want to admit it or not. That feeling like you would do anything for someone special, a feeling that can eliminate even the most powerful logic. However, as time goes on this feeling can leave those hurt by its sting cynical, angry, and bitter. Few can argue that love can bring those under it's influence some of the greatest pleasure, but also the greatest of pain.
 

PinotNoir

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
747
Location
USA
I would say yes, but just once.

Similarly to you, the first girl I ever dated and had a relationship with in 8th grade felt like love; we both said "I love you" to each. But, looking back on it, it wasn't near love at all haha; it was more of like a "strong like" or less.

But, I did form a relationship with someone in my 20s that I considered love (or whatever you want to call it). I saw straight through her, like a translucent vase, and I loved her despite the various cracks/faults/flaws that I saw, and she loved me back. But, it didn't last. I think I loved her more than she did me though, and that is not a healthy relationship, nor a relationship that I want to ever be in for the long-long-term. Preferably, I'd want a relationship where we are chasing each other equally, or she is chasing me more than I am. The former is rarer and more difficult to sustain, while the latter has the possibility of yourself losing interest.

In a hippie sense, I think with perfect information and infinite amount of time I could probably grow to love anyone. Hitler would be tough and probably take a lot of time though (if even possible). Of course, this would be love-love and not romantic-love.

I think I will have romantic-love again in my life, but it's almost like a wax figurine -- it's always changing as I grow and gather more experiences. The romantic-love I have in the future may be completely different than the love I experience now. I don't know.

Do you think that you will find future love? Or do you think that your rational mind and PUA-influences will not allow it to happen or see it as silly/unrealistic? Do you think true romantic-love even exists as stories say? Or is it all foolish nonsense?
 

TheWiseFool

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 28, 2013
Messages
295
Long story short, have I ever been in love? Yes.

However, if anyone knows how I write my posts, I don't like short and sweet. So prepare for a monologue of sorts boys...

I will surely remember this girl for the rest of my life; she will remain forever idealized in my memory.

I was in love, only once, as well. I remember the first time I saw her. I wanted to get help with a chemistry lab from a girl who lived right next door to me on my freshmen hall. I walked over looking down at my chemistry book calling out the girl's name, "Hey *I'll call this girl Aurelia*, you mind if I ask you a question?" I hear a, "Yea sure," from a girl with a high, squeaky voice. I look up and there before me is this girl who is looking right back at me. She has somewhat wavvy dark hair, I don't know what ethnicity she is but she has this unique face, she was wearing what would turn out to be what I would identify her by many times in the future as she would always be wearing something like this, a yellow shirt, a baby blue cardigan, a floral skirt, dark leggins, and what I would call, "Jesus sandals." When I saw her, the first thing I thought was, "Your not Aurelia...." and gave a confused look. Before I could say anything she says, "Oh hullo," as a nervous grin spreads across her face. She reminded me of the shy girls who guys didn't pay much attention to in high school; the kind of girl who spent more time focusing on her studies and getting good grades rather than partying like a rockstar every weekend in some kids basement. I note that she is really cute before saying "Hi" in a confused manner and turning my attention to Aurelia who is off to the left of me sitting at her desk working on the lab. Aurelia says hello and introduces me to her friend, Isabella (I'll call her Talia from now on), and mentions how the two are connected to one another. I am already thinking this girl is cute, but when I hear her name, I sort of swoon in my heart because I loooove that name. So beautiful! Anyways, Aurelia answers my question promptly and I depart for my room.

As it turns out, I have more questions as I have no idea how to do this lab. Aurelia invites me to come over with my stuff and work with them. I am thinking, "Great this is awesome! Smart people for the win!" I bring over some gummy bears because I wanted to bring something to the table. The girls are excited and we all chat and laugh together about how frustrating the lab is and how worried are about getting the format right. Eventually we get it done and I leave the two to whatever they have to do as I am not too keen to socializing with others whenever I am in a new environment, I prefer to observe from the sides and analyze threats and possible allies (typical INTJ). I thought that I would only see that girl then and I would always see her as "Aurelia's friend Talia " and that was it. Boy was I wrong. I'd soon find out just how important of a role this girl would play into developing me into who I am today.

At first, she was just another girl who I was aware of as being attracted to me. She would pop her head into my doorway now and again without Aurelia which weirded me out because I didn't really know her, but this girl was just very forward and didn't seem to see or act like anything was wrong with what she was doing. I didn't know how girls show attraction back then, so when she invited me to her room we ended up just having amazing conversation rather than any escalating towards anything. I wanted to know a person before investing into them, I needed to know what I was getting into. I was looking for a girlfriend, not a quick hookup. Someone that had qualities of a someone you'd end up marrying.

From that night on she would pop her head in my door here and there to say hi, she had this quirky personality about her that I'll always remember because it set her apart from all the other pretentious girls I went to high school with. I found myself beginning to fall for this girl. Her optimism, her passion for life, her clothing style, her smile, the little freckles that dotted her face, her love of her heritage and family, and she liked to write (She as the one who got me into writing poetry and journaling, geez.... the feels are too strong). God, I am so glad I can think about her or even write about her without any pangs arising in my chest or aching in my heart. I think the way we became really close was that during chemistry lab, me and Talia would sort of check on each other and confer about what to do next in the experiment when we didn't know what to do. There would be times where we'd mess up and we'd laugh together about how difficult it was or restarting an experiment. I loved the way she would never give up. She would mess up or have to restart her experiment and would shake her hands up in the sky as if to say, "Why God why?!?!!?" before sighing and getting back to her work. She always spoke with her hands in little ways, she was this free spirit and I would later learn that possessing such qualities is not good for a man who wants a woman all to himself.

I soon found myself becoming so entwined in who Talia was that I started to become a bit courageous by attempting to spend more time with her, any time I could get I wanted it and needed it. You can see how love is beginning to take a hold of my heart. I just loved and enjoyed how I felt about her and seeing her smile. I could tell there was something going on between us and I started falling for her more and more and more. Note that much of my descriptions are in the head; my experience, my interpretation, my conclusions. I was just so naive back then, I chuckle at it, but there is a little bit of pain behind it. We just gotta keep telling ourselves things to keep on going right? Just enough until we forget, until we can look back without fear of falling backwards, without fear of regressing.

Something that through me off about Talia was that I didn't see her outside of chemistry lab or working or times when we'd work on the chem lab. I didn't know what her social life was like outside of the social circle we shared. She was also flakey, something she prefaced at the start. I began ruminating over where she could be, who she was with, when I would see her again, why hasn't she introduced me to any of her friends even though I already know who they are by deduction (rumination). I'd feel sad when she was away, and extremely happy when she was present. Note: operand conditioning surrounding presence and absence, goal of seeing the other person smile, goal of receiving feel good feelings. In addition, I unconsciously classically conditioned myself to associate chemistry with Talia because working on the chem lab meant working with Talia.

Not long after taking note of this, I realized that Talia was using Aurelia to get the work done, just like I was. I mean sure, the two spend time together during XC because they are the less popular ones, I know for a fact because my high school crush was one of the popular ones. I felt used and neglected and started ignoring her and just saying hey and making it clear I was trying to get over her. She ended up taking note of this and pointed out to me that my behavior was making her sad which somehow caused me to let her back into my life and we started spending more time together. It confused me. Her behavior. I just wanted to figure it out. Note: mystery is important tool in creating love. If the individual doesn't know where you are, they will ruminate or create some sort of meaning to make sense of the lack of present information.

Skipping ahead, I became madly in love with her. We exchanged rather lengthy and beautiful emails over winter break and I had visited her once, driving about an hour and a half to visit her. NOTE: I invested a lot haha. Even though Chase says emails or texts don't establish rapport, I think they do if they are the right kind. I know for a fact that there was entwining between us. If it be platonic or romantic or unconditional I don't know, but there was deep care for each other over the days leading up to arriving back at school. I decided I was going to tell her how I felt. I couldn't keep it inside my head anymore. All I would think about was, "When are we going to talk again? I can't wait to see her." Even if I told her I cared about her more than I would for any sort of friend, that was enough. I just knew if my heart that I had this deep care for her. A care that left me wanting to be with her always, to spend the rest of my life with her.

And second semester started. My roommate had left so I had a double all to myself. The room was my playground. I built up the courage to ask Talia if she could stop by my room later because I wanted to tell her something. She said sure and there was no resistance or anything. I'm sure she knew what I was going to say. Time passed and I wasn't expecting her to stop by, but eventually a knock came at my door and my heart was beating so fast. I was going to do it. I was going to tell a girl how I felt about her. All of it, no filter. I had to get rid of this feeling before it consumed me.

I can't remember the whole thing, but it felt like we were in a relationship. I knew that win or lose, I did what I wanted to do. I did something other than silently admiring. And I told her. My original plan was to tell her that I had feelings for her, but it turned out into this long speech of all the things about her that I love, which I won't get into because I can't remember anymore. She sat patiently and silently and just listened and had her sweet smile on her face. The whole time I was thinking, "Yah! Woohoo!" But when I finished, she had this sort of pain on her face. And I can't even remember what it was, but in my head all I see is her saying that she's sorry. And my heart broke. She maneuvered the conversation to something else, to another girl. We had conversation about other things before we realized it was getting late. However, she did ask me if things wouldn't be different after that. But I told her the truth. I warned her about myself. What I would do even if I didn't want to. How even though in that moment I told her everything is fine, don't be surprised if I don't talk to you, if I don't acknowledge you. Things will be as if you and I never met, as if she isn't even there, that she is invisible to me. Just thinking about that reality hurt me so much that I made it a rule. After tonight I didn't want her to speak to me, make any effort to spend time with me, the only time she could ever speak to me is if she wants to say hi or hello or how are you and that is it. It hurt her but she knew I needed it. She knew I would have a rough couple of days. In my naivety I didn't consider the rough time she would have. How even though she doesn't love me romantically, I hold a place close to her heart. And there I was cutting her out of my life; No warning, nothing. That is the worth. It's like unexpectedly receiving a call notifying you of the death of a loved one. You didn't have time to prepare yourself mentally for what was about to happen. You are just left with the broken pieces of your life, left to pick them up and piece them together. At least manage to do so because the pieces would never seem to fit like they used to.

Many times after that she'd reach out to me and tell me she misses me and I tried to make it work but it just didn't. I remember the last time we spoke was when she told me she made out with a friend of mine who I looked up to. That, crushed my heart. The only reason why she would do anything like that was to make us separating each other out of each other's lives easier or she wanted to see how I would handle her saying something like that. When she told it to my face, I wasn't fazed. I said okay, made no big deal of it, and she left. But I was furious when I thought about it more. I wrote to her and told her this is it, the last time, blah blah blah.

And the story goes on for 1 more school year. I do want to make note that we were able to end things off the right way. Gaining peace, no bitterness. I can look back and recall that the last time we spoke was just as she said, "I hope that one day we'll be able to pick up things right where we left off." I wouldn't say it was exactly where we left off, but it was pretty damn close. A deep love and care for one another, wishing each other the best in life and all the love and excitement that it has to offer.

Looking back at this now, I feel really sad for myself. But it needs to happen. There are the few outliers out there where the first time is the charm; when two people meet and carry on until marriage. But for most people... the first time isn't always the best one. I was no exception. But I don't regret it. I needed this experience. I needed to grow. I am thankful for all the events that took place. I became someone that she would look at and think, "Why did I let him go?"

I remember reading on a yahoo answer post, "How long does it take to get over someone?" One of the answers was 2 years. I didn't believe it at the time, but it took about that long. Nothing can withstand the test of time. All things meet there end. But I've also found that the end is never the end, only the start of a new beginning. For anyone who reads this in the future... you'll survive. I remember times when I just didn't want to live anymore. I was missing a piece of me. For a very long time I was trying to fill that void with something, anything. New friends, new women, new experiences, new look, new anything but the guy I was at the time. I realized that I was trying to fill this void in my heart with Earthly things. It really is true that to cure oneself of any sort of mental illness, you need divine intervention. God saved me. I know someone of you don't believe in God, but God took away all the pain I had and all my problems and set me free. Here I am today and I just can't believe how a year earlier I was barely functioning man. I am certainly a hypocrite, but I know God is the only person that can fulfill all my wants and needs, the void in my heart, the need to feel loved, to feel accepted, to belong, to possess a purpose, to have meaning in life.

I'm glad I can die knowing that I had the chance to experience something so inherently beautiful, words cannot describe its beauty. I do not believe love can be described in words; it is something that is felt with the heart, experienced from the very core of your being, your soul, your spirit. When love finds you, you'll know. It'll find you when you least expect it.
 

daviddreamer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 5, 2014
Messages
173
Yeah I'm in love with my current LTR. We may consider marriage and kids.
 

Verisimilitude

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
463
Although I've told girls I love them, I never think I've been in love. I've had huge crushes on girls and had serious feelings, but never love.

I actually don't believe in love. I think love is something that we create with our own emotions in our heads, not as a result of attraction or caring etc. You give yourself the loving emotions. If you can detach from those and realize that it isn't the girl, its having the closeness with someone you fuck and you're attracted to (the girl doesn't matter), then you can detach from those feelings.

Or maybe I'm emotionally fucked up. But I've never been in love, and I don't think I ever will be.
 
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