Have you ever worked with a life coach?

[Tony D]

I've always loved my job. For the last ten years I've been coaching pickup, and to a smaller degree, dating and relationships. I love coaching, I'm gifted at it, but I'm getting ... shall we say, bored.

Learning pickup is what I'd consider the gateway drug to self-development. For a new guy who just wants to get hotter girls, it's like a discovering magic is real. It opens up all sorts of intellectual and even spiritual pathways. As a teacher my greatest fulfillment came from watching a student over come their AA and go get a phone number, or more. It's awesome. But then what?

Being a digital nomad these last few years (ten countries visited in 2019) I switched more to phone coaching. Most of the guys with aa (90%) I noticed even though they paid me a significant amount of money, no matter how much motivational speeches I gave them, without me being physically there to stand behind them, they don't take action. All they need to do is go to the mall, and approach a girl, record it and bring it back. The only guys who seemed able to do this, were the ones who had already been doing it. But I'm just not willing to fly across the world to help one guy with his AA. Not for less than a lot of money.

I realized most of these guys if they can't even approach a girl at the mall, probably suffer in so many other areas of their lives. Most of them have good jobs (looking at you engineers) but have very few friends. "Social Anxiety" is one of their problems, but the dating "coaching" when I looked deeper often turned into "counselling" and often "therapy" and the students often fall into reliving past traumas, having to do with their perception of bad parenting.

Anyway... for myself I haven't been fascinated by pickup for a long time. But psychology, hell yes. At the moment I'm power reading three different books on psychology, philosophy and peak performance, as well as taking an online "life coaching" course, which is going to greatly enhance my coaching abilities. I love this stuff.

Business wise, the Tony Robbins "I can help you achieve anything!" model is a very tough sell. Few niches have the sexiness of a pickup coach. Pickup coaches aren't full coaches; they're more consultants. Coaches don't really give advice as much as guide people to make better decisions and take better actions.

I'm thinking I'll niche down, just for marketing sakes. Probably for anxiety. Not necessarily social anxiety, but more likely anxiety for digital entrepreneurs, which is something I know a lot about. The skills I've learned in a decade of teaching gives me quite an edge.

Anyway, I'm thinking out loud. Question: Have any of you ever worked with a life coach, outside of the pickup niche? How was the experience for you?

 

[cruiser]

I have not, but you make an interesting point. Maybe the underlying issue to some of these “girl problems” is just a lifestyl, mindset change which a life coach can help with. Ie guy can’t approach a girl because he’s too nervous, we’ll why is he nervous? Maybe he is an only child and never made friends too shy well whatever the reason is..it’s an Underlying issue!

sidenote tho! I was out one night and met this attractive chick. Ended up being she was a tranny lol..! And she was actually coaching one of her students to be more confident and accept themselves. Careful who you get your advice from is the real story here.

 

[Tony D]

I have not, but you make an interesting point. Maybe the underlying issue to some of these “girl problems” is just a lifestyl, mindset change which a life coach can help with. Ie guy can’t approach a girl because he’s too nervous, we’ll why is he nervous? Maybe he is an only child and never made friends too shy well whatever the reason is..it’s an Underlying issue!

sidenote tho! I was out one night and met this attractive chick. Ended up being she was a tranny lol..! And she was actually coaching one of her students to be more confident and accept themselves. Careful who you get your advice from is the real story here.

Oh, we've all had our Tranny experiences.

Coaching actually doesn't focus on the past. Not much. They're more about changing mindsets, learning to be present, identifying goals and then creating a framework to move towards those goals. It's more an inner game program.

I still believe the only way to overcome aa is to approach. The only way to learn game is to date. But the question is... how can you help someone become intrinsically motivated? So they keep doing the program once the coach is gone? I think you can only discover this through deep coaching work. You can do that work by yourself, or with a coach.

 

[Tony D]

I've been doing some more inner game work (life coaching) with one of my clients. The recurring theme of me telling him what to do, and then him not doing it led me to change my tactics. So I started employing some of the life coaching techniques I've been learning from my studies. First off, by asking him more questions than "consulting" and through this I've discovered:

1. He's hung up on the past (My parents did this to me)
2. He extrinsically motivated (People expect me to have a family in my forties)
3. He's was unaware of how he's created an identity for himself, and of how his ego functions (inner dialogue, social placement)

And all that from one hour.

It blew my mind that he was unaware of the most basic self development concepts.

I ran this exercise. I asked him to imagine what his life would feel like if he could "let go" of his past trauma, and be the person he wants to be. Of course, he liked this alot. Then I had him imagine all his perceived failings, and of course, this felt bad. Then I asked him which feeling was more powerful.

"The bad!"

"Do you like feeling that way?"

"No, I don't actually."

We went deeper, exploring why he gave so much time and energy to the bad feelings, and so little to the good ones.

Most of us motivated negatively: "I don't want to be lonely" rather than positively: "I want an amazing sex/love life."

Negative motivations don't work nearly as well. Compare "I don't want to be fat" to "I want an amazing body."

Anyway. I'm hoping that this work can lead to some better results. But it's going to take time.

 

[BigPapa]

If I were you , I would get some formal education in psychology , it should not be too expensive if you are willing to study outside of the states , plus the girls there are quite hot and intelligent , so for sure you will enjoy your time back to school

life coaching , pick up , psychology , more or less are the same thing , there is always a bad thing that happened in the life of whomever you are trying to help improve , and from my point of view getting some formal education will make you look more legit , which is quite important when you ask people to share with you some embarrassing things about their life

my 2 cents .

 

[Tony D]

If I were you , I would get some formal education in psychology , it should not be too expensive if you are willing to study outside of the states , plus the girls there are quite hot and intelligent , so for sure you will enjoy your time back to school

life coaching , pick up , psychology , more or less are the same thing , there is always a bad thing that happened in the life of whomever you are trying to help improve , and from my point of view getting some formal education will make you look more legit , which is quite important when you ask people to share with you some embarrassing things about their life

my 2 cents .

Maybe one day. But for now I'll just keep teaching myself to the best of my ability.

Coaching is quite different than psychotherapy. I do want to learn a lot more about all the schools of psychology, but shit... I want to learn about everything. Too much to learn, too little time and resources.

 

[BigPapa]

You can do whatever you are doing while also studying

when I was younger , I was working full time a corporate job while also getting my university degree , and I am not the smartest cookie in the jar . Sure it sucked , but after a while you will get used to it .

we like it or not , we live in a very very shallow world

 

[Tony D]

You can do whatever you are doing while also studying

when I was younger , I was working full time a corporate job while also getting my university degree , and I am not the smartest cookie in the jar . Sure it sucked , but after a while you will get used to it .

we like it or not , we live in a very very shallow world

We live in a shallow world because people want to see a degree? I suppose. I don't plan to ever be anything but self-employed. I'd get the degree for the knowledge I'm just not willing to dedicate four years to it. I'll most likely be advertising for clients in this area in about a month from now. New website... I'll get some beta clients on coaching for reviews and experience, and I'll be off.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Makes sense to Branch out and master new terrains and break out of the routine.

Interesting work with that one client, sounds like there might be some potential there and something you might be able to parlay into pickup coaching in the meantime.

Hope the switch over works man, though would hate to lose you as a GC coach in the near future.

 

[Toby2030]

He shouldn't use time on a degree. As long as he has good marketing, and good reviews he'll be fine. I don't have experience with a life coach yet, although I'll probably get one in the near future. RSD Max's new company is about starting coaching businesses fror scratch. You might want to check out some of his videos for inspiration. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqLhQ8t1MK8nkfWTrBh1wYA/videos

Good luck with your company!

 

[Tony D]

He shouldn't use time on a degree. As long as he has good marketing, and good reviews he'll be fine. I don't have experience with a life coach yet, although I'll probably get one in the near future. RSD Max's new company is about starting coaching businesses fror scratch. You might want to check out some of his videos for inspiration. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqLhQ8t1MK8nkfWTrBh1wYA/videos

Good luck with your company!

Actually it was Max's videos that inspired me to evolve my coaching practice. I'm planning to hire him in the near future.

I'm just finishing up a life coaching certificate course. I have about 40 hours left. I've been giving out free sessions to friends and family, to pretty awesome results. I'm helping a few paid clients with deep inner game issues, guys who although they've taken bootcamps, are not finding any "motivation" to practice. This is a deep issue I think I'm making progress with, and will be my focus in the success with women area.

 

[Tony D]

Makes sense to Branch out and master new terrains and break out of the routine.

Interesting work with that one client, sounds like there might be some potential there and something you might be able to parlay into pickup coaching in the meantime.

Hope the switch over works man, though would hate to lose you as a GC coach in the near future.

Yeah I already am. I have phone coaching clients who came to me for consulting, ie, what to do, and I've shifted their focus to "why haven't I taken action?" I closed some longer term, inner game coaching. I'm learning a lot I'll try to share in articles in the near future.

 

[Carousel]

Psychologists in my country are generally clueless about therapy. I have seen them lecture about use of SSRIs against trauma and anxiety (these are different systems than depression) or tell people with major social anxiety that they just have to think positive. I have zero respect for that profession these days as they are very often not able to cure people, prescribe that SSRIs that make people suicidal or homicidal and generally seem to be in the pocket of Big Pharma. Even Jordan Peterson (an excellent therapist from what I understand) complained about how ADHD was a constructed diagnosis resulting in the unnecessary drugging of a lot of young boys just acting on their natural instincts. So don't waste your time studying that.

I am unsure what your laws are regarding formal qualifications and therapeutic work, but trying to get certifications in TRE, meditation, hypnotherapy etc may be worthwhile. You will learn a shitload.

 

[Tony D]

Psychologists in my country are generally clueless about therapy. I have seen them lecture about use of SSRIs against trauma and anxiety (these are different systems than depression) or tell people with major social anxiety that they just have to think positive. I have zero respect for that profession these days as they are very often not able to cure people, prescribe that SSRIs that make people suicidal or homicidal and generally seem to be in the pocket of Big Pharma. Even Jordan Peterson (an excellent therapist from what I understand) complained about how ADHD was a constructed diagnosis resulting in the unnecessary drugging of a lot of young boys just acting on their natural instincts. So don't waste your time studying that.

I am unsure what your laws are regarding formal qualifications and therapeutic work, but trying to get certifications in TRE, meditation, hypnotherapy etc may be worthwhile. You will learn a shitload.

The coaching community is full of people who studied to be psychologists, or therapists. The general consensus is that "emotions aren't illnesses."

I've been working with some particularly hard case students. Guys who even though they've taken multiple bootcamps and have a desire to go out and improve, can't seem to get past their anxieties. I realized that motivational speeches and more tactics just weren't cutting it. So using the life coaching frameworks I've been helping them to find their core motivations, and no surprise... it's not getting laid.

One guy I'm starting out with finding what other areas of his life he's motivated to action. Roller blading seems to be the only hobby he has. His self-identification words, his adjectives are "Easy going, calm, nice." When I ask him to picture himself in the future, he still says "Calm, peaceful, happy." Which isn't necessarily the vision needed to be pulling hot girls from bars. Not at first anyway.

Most men who succeed with this pickup thing have very, very clear visions of what they want, who they will be when they get there, and what they're going to do to achieve that goal. Most of these men I work with on inner game issues have no plan at all. Life coaching helps raise self-awareness, so they better understand their own belief systems, and psychology.

Often these men have very low self-esteem. They approach women and the women know it. So a guy can start, like Jordan Peterson recommends, by simply cleaning their room. I'll get some students to start by taking care of the other anxieties, the things they want to do, but aren't. If that's calling their neglected parents, doing their taxes, writing a song, asking for a raise at work, starting a mediation practice, or going shopping for new clothes. We help them to find their real intrinsic motivations, and get them moving forward, if not towards pickup, at least somewhere.

I finished my life coaching course. Next I'm studying CBT, and NLP.

 

[BigPapa]

If you keep up doing good work tony we will end up having a lot of competition haha

Leaving the jokes aside , i think is great that you are following your passions and even getting paid for it

 

[Carousel]

Regarding time orientations, have a look at this one:

Time Orientation and Suitable Romantic Pairings

I recently had a girl invite me to watch Sex and the City with her. She'd newly discovered the television show after never having really watched it before, and was suddenly addicted. "Ugh," I said. "No thanks. But knock yourself out." "Come on, please!" she protested. "It's so much fun!" "Fun...

www.girlschase.com

This is very relevant for therapy also. Jordan Peterson made a similar point, most traumatized individuals are caught up in the past. I believe the same goes for victim mentality.