Having trouble changing my lifestyle. Overlapping relationships.

[MichaelAndrewLo]

I am a 26 year old male from the US. So far in my life I've had 5 serious girlfriends and 2 one niters. I first started with girls when I was 17 at the end of high school. I mostly like foreign girls with accents. Have been with 2 american girls, French girl (my longest relationship of 3 years), Uzbek girl, Somalia, and 2 Vietnamese girls. They have all fallen deeply in love with me early on and, except for my first girl who I waited 1 month to sleep with, were all girls I slept with within a week of meeting them. I was not surprised by the advice on this website that women respect men they sleep with the fastest. It's a good feeling and the relationships have been great...for awhile.

The main issue I am writing this post about is related to the "2 year drop" as it's called on this site and the overlapping of relationships. I have cheated into every one of these relationships and though I'm not proud of it, it seems natural to me. It has involved very little work (simply meeting a girl about my life with no expended effort, it happens "naturally") and provides the next conquest after the relationship drop off. However, at this point I am getting tired of the "routine" I have settled into as I can now tell when I'm going down that road again as just yesterday I met a gorgeous 21 year old american girl who appears to be what I want and like very much. We almost slept together but I stopped it because I was feeling guilty that I'd hurt my current girlfriend, who has been nothing short of amazing to me. I like having a girlfriend but there is always that drop off and at this point, no matter how great she is, I am realizing it will keep me satisfied in the end. I am a scorpio man and I know I am happiest in a relationship, and I simply wouldn't be happy just quickly sleeping with girl after girl with no time to create an inside world between us. I do like to grow something but it always ends. I'd honestly like to stop cheating on the girls I'm with but I don't see an alternative. I don't see myself just going to breakup with a girl to find the next one as I always have the deep hope that I can have both, but it never works out that way. I'm just putting this out there in for another pair of eyes to clearly see what I am not sure I'm doing wrong. Personally it doesn't FEEL wrong, it just seems like a bad habit to be in for me at least.

 

[Marty]

Hey Mike,

You know what? I wouldn't sweat it, honestly.

I've overlapped almost all my relationships too, and I've never remained exclusive to any girl that I've been in a relationship with (and neither, frankly, have I ever promised to do so). Never seemed to do me or the chicks any harm in the long run. A couple of 'em even used to laugh about it.

I'd just do what feels right to you and is in line with your values. As a very accomplished and internationally practicing psychiatrist told me a few years back, sex and "morality" do not make good bedfellows. What he essentially meant was that feeling guilty over what comes naturally to you is a guaranteed recipe for upsetment. You're not going to find life fulfilling if you're constantly fretting about some externally-imposed set of values that you never signed up for and don't even buy into.

I used to sweat it when I was your age, too (and for many years after). Now I just accept that's how I am, in common with many, many people of both sexes, and that I was only made to feel guilty about it because those with more restrictive values tend to be the ones that shout the loudest.

Oh—and I'm a Scorpio too.

-Marty

 

[MichaelAndrewLo]

Hey, thanks for the advice Marty. My parents are christian missionaries so that probably has something to do with how I have been feeling about my life. Thank god for this website though!

 

[Marty]

My parents are christian missionaries so that probably has something to do with how I have been feeling about my life.

Oh boy. Buy yourself a copy of The Red Queen by Matt Ridley, and let's see if some hard science can take the edge off of that indoctrination a bit.

I was delighted to see this a while ago on Chase's recommended reading list and to know that he enjoyed it as much as I did.

 

[MichaelAndrewLo]

Thanks Marty, I ordered that book. Looks like it's just what I need to read.