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Help me understand what went wrong

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Sup guys, I posted a LR about a black girl a few weeks back. I'm going to try and be specific with this post to get some insights on what went wrong. I honestly wanted to pursue this girl as a potential girlfriend. So although I am a little disappointed, I am more looking at this as a learning experience. I actually had my FWB just over and writing this post was on my mind the majority of the time lol. So here we go!!

I met up with her again almost two weeks later (this past weekend). She went back home for Thanksgiving and then we both got sick so that's why we didn't hang out up until now (2 weeks total).

A recap from the first meet up. I picked her up from campus, we went and got a drink, went back to my apt, and then went to home base.

The plan for our second meet up came earlier in the week. We decided to wait until the weekend as we were both busy. The day of she is texting me and sounds excited to hang out again. But, she throws me a curveball before our plans were set in stone like 4 hours before we were to meet...

She asks me if I can bring her to the grocery store so she can pick up groceries before we hang out. Now, I understand that I should have probably told her that no I couldn't, but I instead obliged. I didn't mind too much actually, I thought it would be a fun little pre-cursor for when we actually did hang out afterwards. However, this ended up taking like an hour and a half and it was kind of snowy out as well. So I mostly regret it for the time investment.

As we leave the grocery store, I tell her let's grab a bottle of wine so that we can chill and drink some at my apt after we drop her groceries off. So we go to the wine store and grab a bottle. Note, she doesn't drink beer so that's why I suggested wine. So after we drop off her groceries and are on the way to my apt, she asks me if "I am going to let her watch the movie this time", said with a flirtatious smile. Since during our first time hanging out, we only made it to the 20 min mark or so.

We end up back at my apt and everything is going well. We pop open the bottle, sit on the couch, and start to dive into another great convo. We eventually put on a movie and cuddle up on the couch. I think we make it 15-20 mins into the movie before I start kissing her and playing with her boobs. I stop and we watch the movie a little more and then I go at it again. It's getting more hot and heavy and she tells me she wants to have sex but also wants to watch the movie as well. I tell her I will pause the movie and then we proceed to go to the bedroom.

After that, we eventually come back out and watch the rest of the movie. After the movie, we have sex again. By this time, its after 1AM. I have been with this girl since around 6:30 PM. I tell her its getting late and I should bring her back.

Everything is still going smoothly. I bring her back to her on campus apt, and then she kisses me before exiting the car, just like the first time.

I ended up texting her the next day saying "I had a fun time with you again :)"

No response.

Fast forward to today. Nearly 5 days later. I figured something was up. I texted her asking her how her week is going and saying I would like to see her again before she leaves for break. She replies about an hour later and tells me she has been busy with finals week and she rather not hang out because she met someone she wants to date exclusively.

Now, I immediately think this girl is full of shit and its just a cover up for something that turned her off about me which is why she doesn't want to hang out with me again. The reason I think this is because she didn't even text me back on Sunday.

One other note, the second time we had sex I guess I was a little too rough. She said i made her vagina sore lol and that I didn't have to be rough all the time. I still made her cum though.

Now, my personal opinion is that she got turned off for one of the following reasons, thus making up the excuse to not hang out with me again.

1) We spent nearly the whole night together and she wanted to stay over, and was mad that I brought her back to campus.
2) I fucked her too hard and she was turned off by that in some way.
3) She thinks I just wanted her for sex and wanted to stop.

So, I'm not sure if any of those are correct or she legit found someone else, which to me, seems highly unlikely given her school schedule, and she works like 30 hrs a week as well and the time frame for which this all happened. And she met up with me TWICE. You would think if she was turned off then she would of not hung out with me the second time.

Any thoughts?
thanks.
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
IMO she didn't like the sex (2), and it is possible that she thinks you only wanted sex (3).

You have to realize the frame that you are setting when you meet a girl. GC teaches you to be sexy man and nail the girl asap, on 1st date if possible. So if you follow this direction you will most likely appear exactly that way - a guy who wants a quick sex only.

Then you have sex with her. First time she wanted to have sex but at the same time wanted to watch movie. So there was no romance involved. Second time it was rough. There was really not much romance in rough sex either (meaning you didn't really appeared like a lover). You satisfied yourself with sex that you wanted, but she wasn't satisfied. Most likely, for her it was just a sex, maybe just fun - but not intimate love she would expect from someone who wants to be closer to her (Lover or BF).

Then, the next day you text her: "I had a fun time with you again". So, my guess is that most likely she interpreted the "fun" as just a sex - no romance involved.

So, IMO you presented yourself like a guy who just wants to fuck, pump and dump, have some "fun" here and there - but not really a guy who is romantic lover or BF
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Drck said:
IMO she didn't like the sex (2), and it is possible that she thinks you only wanted sex (3).

You have to realize the frame that you are setting when you meet a girl. GC teaches you to be sexy man and nail the girl asap, on 1st date if possible. So if you follow this direction you will most likely appear exactly that way - a guy who wants a quick sex only.

Then you have sex with her. First time she wanted to have sex but at the same time wanted to watch movie. So there was no romance involved. Second time it was rough. There was really not much romance in rough sex either (meaning you didn't really appeared like a lover). You satisfied yourself with sex that you wanted, but she wasn't satisfied. Most likely, for her it was just a sex, maybe just fun - but not intimate love she would expect from someone who wants to be closer to her (Lover or BF).

Then, the next day you text her: "I had a fun time with you again". So, my guess is that most likely she interpreted the "fun" as just a sex - no romance involved.

So, IMO you presented yourself like a guy who just wants to fuck, pump and dump, have some "fun" here and there - but not really a guy who is romantic lover or BF


Drck, I appreciate you taking the time to read through and make a comment. I think I was on the right track but you totally nailed it with your response. It makes total sense to me now and why she didn't text me back the next day and also why she said she would rather not hang out when I texted her later in the week. I can see how she probably interpreted the word "fun" as sex only, but i truly meant the whole experience of hanging out with her. I guess in this particular situation, I wanted to let her know that I liked hanging out with her again, but not set the expectation as "boyfriendy".

Also, I am a little mad at myself for making her feel that way when that was not my intention at all. Lately, the girls I have been sleeping with have been wanting it rougher, so that is how I have been having sex. Also, this girl is really skinny, and most girls I sleep with are not skinny like her (have some cushion), so i probably needed to take into account her slim figure when fucking her rough.

This also brings to surface another issue I have been dealing with of late, which is my sexual expectation I set for myself. Through reading GC, I have it engrained in my brain to give a girl a great experience in the bedroom and make her cum, and quite frankly, it can be tiring to make a girl cum. So, having always trying to be "at the top of my game" really makes sex not that enjoyable for me as my main goal is to make her cum. This stems from the fact that it is important to lay a girl well, and continue to do so when continuing to hang out with her.

Going forward, I will be more aware of this and try to communicate better with the girl to see how she likes it as opposed to assuming she wants it harder.

As for the girl in general, I'm guessing I can chalk this up as a loss and move forward? It probably wouldn't be a socially calibrated move to try and "win her over", and although I think we had a great connection, more girls will always be on the horizon.
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
Yea, that's the whole point of relationship, you have to share, you have to satisfy her, you have to take care of her,you have to make her cum...

And then you have to be with her... Sure, it is great for some while, but what then? In my experience, she will become more and more demanding. She will want to domesticate you. She will do it slowly, over period of time so you don't really realize, but one day you wake up and you realize that you are acting like a pussy, just to keep her happy. Once you start setting up strong boundaries, all of the sudden you'll realize that there is lots of fighting - she is always the one who is hurt, and you are always the bad one who causes all the problems. And the Blame Game is on, the Neverending Blame Game is on - the more sorry you feel for her the more she blames you...


You are the one who does most household stuff. Will she clean up? Cook? Wash clothes, including yours? Fuck no, not if you live in USA...

So Fuck that, who needs woman like that?

Honestly, I have no idea if others have the same experience, but I do and I see it everywhere around. Pussyfied men and entitled women, that is what I see most of the time....

So don't stress it man, do what you do and what you like, that's more important than being with that pussy. None of them worth it. Different faces, skinny or fat, stupid or educated, but give it a time and you'll see that inside they are all the same...
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
So I did something that I probably shouldn't have and I texted her earlier today to give her a genuine message about not only wanting her for sex. I conveyed the message in a socially savvy way and I placed the burden on myself and made it clear that I wasn't looking for a response.

Either way, she responded literally the second I texted her. And, I was pretty much correct - she thought I only wanted sex. I did some cringe worthy shit and apologized for letting my actions assume I only wanted sex. I did it more or less to speak my mind and my truth, and although it seemed like the beta thing to do, It was something I wanted to communicate to her. The whole texting interaction was just 10 mins or so. I was going to let the thread die with her last message, but my emotions got the best of me and I told her I would still like to see her again but understand if she is hesitant or doesn't want to.

No Response.

After letting the dust settle and reflecting, I'm glad I sent her the message even though my ego was not having it. The one thing I shouldn't have done was send the last text, which in my opinion, was too much for that moment in time after what I sent. I basically put the power back in her hand and killed intrigue.

Having gone through this experience, I will probably never send a series of texts like that again. Although I did it in a real mature and healthy way, there really is no point in even digging deeper. Just take the girl at face value when she basically says she doesn't wanna see me again instead of taking the bold move and letting her know that I know why she got turned off - which in itself, is a risky thing to do to begin with - but fuck it, you live and learn.
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
Yes, texting back and forward long texts with a girl is not good. You are giving her the power to turn you down anytime she wants, she'll simply stop responding, and you'll be all anxious thinking and analyzing what went wrong, what you should have done better and so on. Well, nothing went fucking wrong, this is exactly what she wanted, to push you to a position where she has the power and you are in doubts about yourself.

Speak your mind and truth is good, it gives you the edge. It is the authentic you, you are not faking or pretending, you are not trying to impress someone, you are just comfortable in the way you are - and that's your power. Just keep it short and brief. You don't want to text too long, you want to talk to her face to face...
 
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