Help with Indirect-Direct

[BarryS1]

The first two months of approaching I used direct openers (are you single?) during daygame, but got bored after awhile. Switching to indirect-direct dramatically reduced my results by third-parties interrupting before the direct phase. I have not gotten any phone numbers or dates after changing openers. At first, I thought the problem originated from the Holiday season with more couples and groups. I encountered two types interruptions:

1) Employees/shoppers nearby hearing my opener and joining the conversation (w/in 6-10 sec. usually).

- The girl never gives me attention again, but keeps talking to the third party.

2) Employees/shoppers getting TOO close (w/in 5 ft.).

- Looking through my journal all three girls I approached with people around her caused her to say “Ummm….thanks” and walk away.


Here’s an example of each happening on the same day last week.

Example of #1 – Sunday X-Mas shopping

At the electronics section in Target trying on beats headphones when a girl (mid-30s, brunette, HB-9, no ring on hand) approached me. She had a playful demeanor, loud voice, and did not seem in a hurry.

Girl: Excuse me. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about these headphones would you?

Me: I’m looking for my second pair actually.

Girl: Oh, cool! I’m so lost with all these choices.

Me: Sounds like you were waiting for someone to come by. Do I look like someone who knows about headphones. (Tried to do something sexual, but came off as a normal joke)

Girl: You know, you do look like someone who knows about headphones.

Me: Oh really, well let’s see what I can do. Is this a gift?

Girl: Yes it is a gift for my son, he plays guitar blah blah blah

Me: Cool, but don’t you know these headphones are powerful? Anyone can get hearing damage. You must be one of those cool mom right?

Girl: Haha yeah! I’m a cool mom.

(Two guys get within a 5 ft. and start staring so I bring her to another aisle)

Me: You know, I bet there’s another selection in the next aisle, lets go.

(In the next aisle)

Girl: I do not see any here. Are you sure it was this aisle?

Me: Actually I… (About to say the DIRECT part of the opener)

Girl’s phone rings, she picks up, heads back to shopping cart, and talks about item in cart w/ someone on the phone. The MOMENT she gets off the phone a guy (early 30s and by himself) opens up to her with a soft voice and she listens. The guy talks and talks and talks until I leave after waiting for over 1 min.

Ex #2 – Same day

In the toy section of target and see an athletic girl (blonde, mid 30s, HB-9, no ring on hand) walking by my aisle. I estimate the position of her next aisle and begin browsing through the toys. She appears on my left side rolling a cart, then steps around to the right.

Me: Hi

Girl: (Looks over)

Me: (Holding up two action figures) Which action figure looks the coolest to you? I got a 12 y.o. cousin.

Girl: (utters a warm laugh) Hmmm…idk. (Starts rambling on about the features of the two)

Me: Sounds like you have experience picking out toys.

Girl: (Laughs again…) Oh, I always spoil my nephew. Look at all this stuff.

Me: What’s in your cart? (walks over) Wow, no wonder there’s so much space on the shelves!

Girl: Yeah I did a number on the place! (Laughs)

Me: So I… (About to say the DIRECT part of the opener)

I get bumped by a guy moving through the aisle with a kid and noticed two groups standing within 2 ft. of the girl. We were surrounded by people and precedence did not give me the courage for pushing forward. I bid her farewell, chose a toy, and went to the cash register.


The girl constantly laughs during the dialogue and I’ve encountered several girls doing this in daygame. Perhaps she’s trying to be upbeat or socially polite to get me to move on.


Anyone else having this problem with indirect-direct?

 

[Mr.Rob]

Just deliver the direct part and quite hiding the banana mane. Your problem is that your doing regular indirect and don't get a chance to go indirect direct. Change that and then reply back with your findings.

 

[Franco]

Barry,

I'm going to have to agree with Rob here. It sounds like the second approach might have just been a bit unlucky, but you definitely waited too long to do something with the first brunette chick. I didn't see a single phrase you said that indicated any direct interest in her romantically. She probably had no idea you were even trying to hit on her.

You need to deliver the direct part as quickly as possible. The longer it goes on without delivering it, the harder it's going to be to just do it!

- Franco

 

[BarryS1]

Mr. Rob,

I noticed you used an indirect-direct approach in the LR with the older girl at the bookstore (awesome read btw). Your indirect dialogue had a similar length as mine until the direct line, but the location was different. A crowded store probably has a shorter escalation window than a bookstore. I cut down the direct dialogue today during a daygame approach at a home goods store. I did not get a phone number or date, but created the best interaction with the indirect-direct method!

Walking through the store entrance, I spotted a conservatively dress girl (blonde, late 30s, customer) staring at me in line at the customer service desk. Later in a busy aisle the same girl walks by, sporadically changes directions while near me saying “oops” (w/ eye contact), and walks back the way she came. I think she tried hovering, so I located her in a deserted aisle and approached from the side.

Me: Hello!

Girl: (Looks over w/o expression)

Me: Does this seem like a sophisticated picture frame to you? (holding it out) I’m not sure which one to choose.

Girl: (Talks quickly) Oh yes, you can see the embellishment here… blah blah blah (Takes the frame from me)

Me: Wow, I never thought about it that way. Thanks for your help on the frame, but I thought you were cute as well and wanted to say hi.

Girl: (small smile) Oh, thanks (Hands frame back).

Me: Well, my name’s Barry by the way (Extends hand).

Girl: I’m X. (Takes hand, but releases grip shortly).

Me: Looks like you haven’t made much shopping progress yet. Your bag looks empty.

Girl: Oh, I got a couple little knick-knacks, look. I’m just trying to decorate for New Year’s.

Me: Going all gold I see. I’m trying to add some sophistication to my place by adding some picture frames to the dinning room.

Girl: Hmmm, that’s nice. (starts turning away)

Me: Hey, I’m not sure what you are doing after decoration shopping, but we should grab some coffee next door at the starbucks in Safeway.

Girl: (Open-mouthed in surprise) Oh! Um, I gotta pick up my daughter right now, but nice meeting you. (Walks away).

Franco,

I went direct faster and got a better interaction with the girl! The approach had a different energy (more natural, less exciting) than a direct opener. I’m gonna use the indirect-direct opener with faster closing and gather data before coming up with any conclusions. This was my first time going for an Insta-date so closing was not smooth. I’ve always asked for a date at a later time and a phone number.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yeah your right Barry I did use a rather long time between delivering my direct statement and that's because
-I had all the time in the world with no one around to interrupt and she was settled down in the same section for quite a while at this point.
-I could have delivered it immediately after asking where the "equestrian sports" section is but I was kind of just having fun letting it linger, thus building pressure having me talk to her without having a real reason.
-Lastly I think my fundamentals were fairly in order and she probably had an idea that's why I came to talk to her... though not 100% on this one.

As far as your interaction went nice job pulling the trigger Barry. Though you probably didn't have to invite her to coffee so soon into the interaction as it didn't seem like she was all that interested (as evidenced by her body language) in the first place. Which no worries here I talk to a lot of girls and most of them aren't interested in me. Though then again it doesn't hurt to propose a date because you never know what they might say (as evidenced from my last LR).
All in all I say keep it up until you come across a girl that actually likes you back. You can definitely ask every girl you talk to on a date if you want to btw, I know I used to and still do sometimes just to get used to trigger pulling. Though I recommend you try and find out 3 semi unique things about her before you try and get a number (don't have too do this but it will up you chances of her not flaking after getting her number, obviously for insta date this need not apply). That means finding out other stuff than why she's where you met her, physical features you can see, and what she has to buy (though why she chose those items could work .

Hope to see some field reports from you soon.

Over and out,

-Rob

 

[BarryS1]

Thanks Mr. Rob, it seems the further I get away from direct openers, the more sexual vibe is required. Haven't started studying that material yet and need to start reading articles again (I probably read 4 from Sep. - present). It's hard reading aloof/cold girls like that one, but I wanted to shoot something crazy out.

Though I recommend you try and find out 3 semi unique things about her before you try and get a number (don't have too do this but it will up you chances of her not flaking after getting her number, obviously for insta date this need not apply). That means finding out other stuff than why she's where you met her, physical features you can see, and what she has to buy (though why she chose those items could work .

The three topic items is a cool performance metric for deep-diving. Trying to get the optimal timeframe for daygame interactions, but that might be a good place to start!

Thanks again!