Helping nice guys, who are genuine friends. I just can't.

[trashKENNUT]

My friend just broke up with his girlfriend.

I think the relationship lasted two days, if official. Perhaps was longer than this (Don't laugh, i know it's terrible ). i used to advice him about women. But i realize that when it comes to relationships, people don't liked being advised. Lucky enough for me, Chase is very good at threading the lines between not being too in your face and too soft. He knows how to help you get across.

But Chase can't help you get across. You have to do it yourself. Just like i can't help him.

I think this happens with all of us. WE want to be the best footballer on the planet (as an example), but yet we project ourselves outside, rather than be the person that we are dreaming to be. So this is our mistake, most of humanity mistake.

1)Projecting ourselves as "out there". If we want to be something we like, we have to "be" that person, and imagine that we are.

Most of us project ourselves as "out there", Only when we "be" in our minds, then our inspiration or the feeling part comes in and it becomes one. IF you not feeling it, chances are you are not thinking about the end result. I think i figuring this secret out. Now it is to make this work consistently.

Zac

 

[Improvementalist]

My friend just broke up with his girlfriend.

I think the relationship lasted two days, if official. Perhaps was longer than this (Don't laugh, i know it's terrible ). i used to advice him about women. But i realize that when it comes to relationships, people don't liked being advised. Lucky enough for me, Chase is very good at threading the lines between not being too in your face and too soft. He knows how to help you get across.

But Chase can't help you get across. You have to do it yourself. Just like i can't help him.

I think this happens with all of us. WE want to be the best footballer on the planet (as an example), but yet we project ourselves outside, rather than be the person that we are dreaming to be. So this is our mistake, most of humanity mistake.

1)Projecting ourselves as "out there". If we want to be something we like, we have to "be" that person, and imagine that we are.

Most of us project ourselves as "out there", Only when we "be" in our minds, then our inspiration or the feeling part comes in and it becomes one. IF you not feeling it, chances are you are not thinking about the end result. I think i figuring this secret out. Now it is to make this work consistently.

Zac

I have a friend who's basically gone all cynical on women.

"I can't ever get a girlfriend.."
"Might just as well quit here.."
"Logistics suck anyway so why even bother?"
"I'm starting to get older and older, and still I don't have a gilrfriend.." (He's 24 by the way. Has been to one date, but he picked a bad location - a friggin' gas station cafe when there's a city with plenty of great cafe's just a few miles away from there. Also, bad logistics for a date, outside the city.)

I've tried to help him, encouraging with words like:

- You can get a girlfriend. You just need to keep on trying and be strong. It's all about the attitude!
- Hey, you're the one who's gotten more kisses from girls than me. Don't give up.
- When you eventually find a girl who really cares about you, logistics won't be a problem. Love knows no borders.
- Stop whining. You have plenty of time. We are both young. And I guess you didn't even know that the value of a man keeps on groving year by year as we become older.


I've even invited him to my place an head to a bar with me (we live in separate cities) and show him these new techniques, let me be his wingman and try to show him how it's done (even though I'm too just learning these things). But he's so deep in the blues.. "You live so far away.. Logistics.."

As you can see, he's not even prepared to come visit me. This has continued for several years. I don't know why, maybe it's the logistics.. Maybe he isn't just invested in me anymore, and I'm the fool here, hanging when I should actually let go. We've been friends for quite a few years - around 10 or a bit less to be precise.

So yeah, sometimes you just can't help your friends if they can't even help themselves.

(And yes, I've spoken with him of the risk that he's actually having a depression, 'cause he's negative in other aspects of life also. But he's denied it.)