HER: I'll let you know when I'm free....

[girlsfollow]

This is im sure a frustrating convo which MANY guys have had so would be good to get some input in public.....

So very fit cute young girl that does a sport with me at university (but I don't know well at all only spoken briefly a few times - shes outside my friendship group) gives little or very subtle indication of liking me in person. She messages me on facebook quite a bit - she initiated the conversation over fb.

I get told by her friend that she likes me - so I started to reply more - after a few messages back and forth I asked when she is free and told her to text me giving my number...

She texts me "hey its x" -

We text back and forth and again she is super fun and replys quickly etc, I say we should go for a drink for her to restore her cool girl image after being a wuss the other night and not coming out....she says yes sure

I ask her when would be good for her next few days and she says " haha i see (in response to my previous text) ......I'm quite busy because I have a cheer competition next sunday so busy training but once I know when I'm free I'll let you know x"

I've not replied - that text was last night. My theory is that I might have progressed a little too quickly since before her friend talked to me I had been putting very little effort in - this rather rapid push might have been a little too fast considering this is within a close extended social circle where everyone knows everything...I am planning to maybe text back today or tomorrow and possibly give her a call - no longer asking her out over text. I was considering teasing her for being a bit of a dork for being so busy and apparently not having any free time...

 

[Franco]

GF,

I didn't see anything you did wrong here (barring any missing information). When you asked her out, I probably would have left out the "to restore the cool girl image yadda yadda" as it comes across as indirect and "hiding the banana" so to speak. That might have influenced the answer, but it's hard to say.

I would just try to hit her up one more time for a drink or coffee next week, but don't throw in any mumble jumble. Just be direct about it that you want to get together with her. If she says no again that time, then just don't message her again. If she's not interested, she probably will drop contact, but if she is, she might contact you again at some point and try to set up the date herself.

- Franco

 

[JimmyB]

girlsfollow, sounds like this girl really likes you and is willing to take initiative. Also sounds like she's legitimately busy if she has a big cheer competition. If you give it time, she may be the one to contact you - not messaging for a while couldn't hurt you. But when you do, be very direct about wanting to be with her, like Franco said no hiding the banana, teasing and stuff...you already have her, just make a meeting work out. If you know she likes you, get her to meet up without the games and don't give in.

 

[Drck]

"I asked when she is free and told her to text me giving my number ....... I ask her when would be good for her next few days and she says " haha i see (in response to my previous text)"

>>>>> In general, don't ask her - tell her. By asking her you are signaling that you are indecisive, hesitant, that you don't know what you want. You share the decision and responsibility with her - you are less dominant. You are not leading, you are asking her to help you leading.... She then mirrors your hesitancy: yea, I'm really busy but I'll let you know when I'm free.... Which basically means that you have no clue if she is interested or not. It is just MAYBE.

By telling her you are setting up more dominant frame. Yo are telling her: hey, I know exactly what I want (I want you). Are you interested or not? It is either YES or NO, there is no maybe. You decide on your own, without her, and you are taking all the responsibility of the outcome....

The same with: SHOULD (go for drink), WOULD, COULD... Maybe we should go out or maybe not.... Maybe we could this week, maybe not... Maybe next month, maybe not. You don't know and she doesn't know either...

So basically change:
"We should go for drink, when would you have time?" to something more specific, for example: "Let's go for a drink - do you prefer Monday at 6 or Tuesday at 8?" Or if it is too pushy for you, try something like: "I'm free on Tu at 8, why don't we go to XYZ?"


Just a subtle change but now you are presenting yourself as more dominant. You know exactly what you want and when, you setup a dominant frame and she needs to follow you because you are leading.You don't really give her choices other than YES (Yes Monday or Yes Tuesday?). If she doesn't want go out with you she has to say NO, or make some silly excuse/flake. If she likes you, she will say yes to Monday or Tuesday, but most likely she will offer any other specific day/time. Then she will be excited to see the guy who can lead... Girls love dominant guys who take the lead ...

Don't worry about it though, if she likes you it's not really such a big deal, you did great, keep going...

 

[girlsfollow]

GF,

I didn't see anything you did wrong here (barring any missing information). When you asked her out, I probably would have left out the "to restore the cool girl image yadda yadda" as it comes across as indirect and "hiding the banana" so to speak. That might have influenced the answer, but it's hard to say.

I would just try to hit her up one more time for a drink or coffee next week, but don't throw in any mumble jumble. Just be direct about it that you want to get together with her. If she says no again that time, then just don't message her again. If she's not interested, she probably will drop contact, but if she is, she might contact you again at some point and try to set up the date herself.

- Franco

Yeh everything is fine - interesting thing about not hiding the banana - I suppose its just because this is quite high risk social game - I thought I made it clear? This is at my uni - so I need to be a little more subtle wouldn't you agree?

In response to the last poster - I actually got the "we should" line from chase - I quite like asking her when she is free cause it means I get to choose from when she is free rather than me listing when I am free to have her not be - then chasing!

All a little irrelevant now since I've arranged to meet her near me at 8 tomorrow. My question now is - should I keep the date format the same as for just any girl or should I throw in a little more diversity just because this is a very shy girl and she is in close social circle with me?

I could take her to a fair ground rather than just a drink - but its quite far about 40 mins each way - so if she's coming to see me its a little out of the way!

Having read this I think I will try to keep things simple and follow my standard plan - no extras needed - would you agree?

Did I mention this girl has a SMOKING body that ass is amazing! Only downsides - shes very shy, 18 and she is in my extended friendship circle.... this is probably the main thing I can see affecting my frame - i'm worried about how it will be perceived by her and our friendship group if I push things forward quickly....

 

[girlsfollow]

all ended well - we went for a drink and from the start she was saying we could do whatever I want - decided to keep things simple

Came back to my place and I relaxed her enough that we could do what she had wanted all along..... NO RESISTANCE!

She's only ever been with one other guy - her ex

She was very submissive and let me lead - all went wonderfully happy customer - she really enjoyed it that was clear - but she didn't quite come - I was fingering her to squirt - I could feel she got really close but then it started to hurt her - maybe I was a little too rough... I think once shes more relaxed next time she will come fine....

 

[Franco]

Glad this one worked out, gf. It seemed like you had it in the bag; you just have to make sure you don't shoot yourself in the foot by being too indirect about it. Women love direct!

- Franco