- Joined
- Oct 13, 2014
- Messages
- 31
Warning - life story ahead.
So, after this fiasco https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=10539, I've managed to fail my first year classes.
This is pretty damn bad. Worse is the fact that this isn't the first time - sort of. Let me explain - two years ago, I started university in the UK at 23, after years of struggling with severe depression, during which time I made a lot of bad personal decisions, most of which involved passing over opportunities or pushing myself, in favor of hiding in my room whilst wallowing in self-pity. I was frantic to get to university (simply because in my mind, it was the benchmark for 'progressing' in life) - I wasn't ready, as I hadn't yet learned to manage my depression. Part-way through the year, I realized I was missing far too many fundamental mental skills and elements of emotional stability, and that I was neither understanding my school material nor motivated enough to pick myself up.
I decided higher education was not the right place for me, and went to the university for help - they advised me to take a year out, saying they'd hold my place and I could return to university later on. This was a good decision - over the next year, I returned to my native state and country (California) where I reconnected with my estranged father while working service jobs until I landed a role at a non-profit organization specializing in rehabilitating youth with behavioral health issues using wilderness survival training and compassionate communication. As an off-shoot from working a 9-5, I found the discipline to exercise quite seriously (getting some very noticeable results), start thinking about my fashion, and, as I started to get attention from women, finally lose my virginity. At the end of it all, I still felt that university would be a good place to be, as the skills I'd have to develop while living alone and self-motivating for study would be important for my future career and well-being.
Well... that didn't go so well. Partially because I panicked and picked a degree randomly, which ended up being extremely difficult and not playing to any of my strengths, which I ended up hating (Finance with Psychology) but not doing anything about. Partially because the system in the UK is so different from the US (majors are picked upon entry, degrees are set to complete in 3 years, all examinations occur at the end of the year - no midterms and very few end- of- term exams) - I needed to seek more help from my teachers. And mostly because I didn't take responsibility, and became far too distracted by my desire to get laid (which I did, including a memorable session where two girls performed with each other for my amusement - I'm now in a fairly serious, open relationship with a partner I'm quite satisfied with).
I'm faced with what to do next, and my gut is telling me to... try again with a Film degree. That if I don't, I'm going to regret it many years down the line. The thought came up because I did a few classes before I'd decided on my degree major, and really enjoyed it - to the extent that I kept in touch with the head of department, who allowed me to unofficially sit in on an introductory class (uncredited, of course). The content felt instinctive for me to follow, and I could contribute quite effortlessly - plus, I was really interested by the research and the reading we were assigned. Career-wise, I spoke to a successful female friend who took the the course and landed a high-paying role in an advertising firm straight out of school - she advised me that the course is pretty general, but if you focus on the organizational and project management aspects of the degree (i.e. attach yourself to other people's projects) and network extensively, it's a good trade degree which teaches a lot of writing and research (the former being something I've excelled at in the past).
Needless to say, everyone around me, including the non-instinctual parts of my brain, are advising against this VERY strongly. They feel (and with good reason, I'll fully admit) that I've not demonstrated any capability to make the grades. They believe that university is a bad place for me right now to be for this reason, and that I should be working instead - if I choose to return to university, that I should do it in the US where there's a more flexible degree system. And that I should return home and think about 'rooting' myself closer to family (which I admit, has never been a pleasant thought - but I absolutely see the benefits). The fact that my study in the US might be cheaper or even close to free (due to my mother's financial status) is another positive in that argument, and that I'm 26 and not getting any younger is perhaps reason to 'stop trying things out' and just get on with things.
Thinking about it, I really do feel the desire to study and make the grades this time; because I have a more visceral idea of what it means if I do make it (help me network with professors, be able to study something I've always liked, and a chance to learn to write which I've always loved), and if I don't (failure. again. at 28-29. Services jobs, a steady 9-5 and a quiet life where I'll settle in a reasonable suburban neighborhood with church and elementary schools nearby, with time for hobbies). But, I'm aware I'm an emotional, erratic and impulsive person, and - as my mother keeps saying - I don't want to make a stupid decision that will affect me for the next decade.
Purely because I want an unbiased opinion - do you guys think I'm being dumb as well as stubborn if I choose to try again?
And if you've read to the end, my goddamn blessing upon your house, and may your days be filled with beautiful women who fulfill your every carnal desire.
So, after this fiasco https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=10539, I've managed to fail my first year classes.
This is pretty damn bad. Worse is the fact that this isn't the first time - sort of. Let me explain - two years ago, I started university in the UK at 23, after years of struggling with severe depression, during which time I made a lot of bad personal decisions, most of which involved passing over opportunities or pushing myself, in favor of hiding in my room whilst wallowing in self-pity. I was frantic to get to university (simply because in my mind, it was the benchmark for 'progressing' in life) - I wasn't ready, as I hadn't yet learned to manage my depression. Part-way through the year, I realized I was missing far too many fundamental mental skills and elements of emotional stability, and that I was neither understanding my school material nor motivated enough to pick myself up.
I decided higher education was not the right place for me, and went to the university for help - they advised me to take a year out, saying they'd hold my place and I could return to university later on. This was a good decision - over the next year, I returned to my native state and country (California) where I reconnected with my estranged father while working service jobs until I landed a role at a non-profit organization specializing in rehabilitating youth with behavioral health issues using wilderness survival training and compassionate communication. As an off-shoot from working a 9-5, I found the discipline to exercise quite seriously (getting some very noticeable results), start thinking about my fashion, and, as I started to get attention from women, finally lose my virginity. At the end of it all, I still felt that university would be a good place to be, as the skills I'd have to develop while living alone and self-motivating for study would be important for my future career and well-being.
Well... that didn't go so well. Partially because I panicked and picked a degree randomly, which ended up being extremely difficult and not playing to any of my strengths, which I ended up hating (Finance with Psychology) but not doing anything about. Partially because the system in the UK is so different from the US (majors are picked upon entry, degrees are set to complete in 3 years, all examinations occur at the end of the year - no midterms and very few end- of- term exams) - I needed to seek more help from my teachers. And mostly because I didn't take responsibility, and became far too distracted by my desire to get laid (which I did, including a memorable session where two girls performed with each other for my amusement - I'm now in a fairly serious, open relationship with a partner I'm quite satisfied with).
I'm faced with what to do next, and my gut is telling me to... try again with a Film degree. That if I don't, I'm going to regret it many years down the line. The thought came up because I did a few classes before I'd decided on my degree major, and really enjoyed it - to the extent that I kept in touch with the head of department, who allowed me to unofficially sit in on an introductory class (uncredited, of course). The content felt instinctive for me to follow, and I could contribute quite effortlessly - plus, I was really interested by the research and the reading we were assigned. Career-wise, I spoke to a successful female friend who took the the course and landed a high-paying role in an advertising firm straight out of school - she advised me that the course is pretty general, but if you focus on the organizational and project management aspects of the degree (i.e. attach yourself to other people's projects) and network extensively, it's a good trade degree which teaches a lot of writing and research (the former being something I've excelled at in the past).
Needless to say, everyone around me, including the non-instinctual parts of my brain, are advising against this VERY strongly. They feel (and with good reason, I'll fully admit) that I've not demonstrated any capability to make the grades. They believe that university is a bad place for me right now to be for this reason, and that I should be working instead - if I choose to return to university, that I should do it in the US where there's a more flexible degree system. And that I should return home and think about 'rooting' myself closer to family (which I admit, has never been a pleasant thought - but I absolutely see the benefits). The fact that my study in the US might be cheaper or even close to free (due to my mother's financial status) is another positive in that argument, and that I'm 26 and not getting any younger is perhaps reason to 'stop trying things out' and just get on with things.
Thinking about it, I really do feel the desire to study and make the grades this time; because I have a more visceral idea of what it means if I do make it (help me network with professors, be able to study something I've always liked, and a chance to learn to write which I've always loved), and if I don't (failure. again. at 28-29. Services jobs, a steady 9-5 and a quiet life where I'll settle in a reasonable suburban neighborhood with church and elementary schools nearby, with time for hobbies). But, I'm aware I'm an emotional, erratic and impulsive person, and - as my mother keeps saying - I don't want to make a stupid decision that will affect me for the next decade.
Purely because I want an unbiased opinion - do you guys think I'm being dumb as well as stubborn if I choose to try again?
And if you've read to the end, my goddamn blessing upon your house, and may your days be filled with beautiful women who fulfill your every carnal desire.
