Hi, I'm Slay! Some Background & Pussyitis

[Raqimus]

You know man I completely understand how you feel, the pressure of feeling like you HAVE to talk to the girl; and when your around people yes it does increase that pressure which makes you feel worse.

I understand freezing, what are you doing are you analyzing the situation? thinking about what to say and how the people around you would react?

Listen people are generally gonna want you to succeed and if you fail well that depends all on you. If your able to get rejected with your head held high and a smile on your face they can't say shit, they know that nothing they say or even if its a little laugh they know it can't get to you so they prolly wont do it. On the other hand if you get deflated and start sulking that would prolly encourage them to laugh a bit.

There was this really fat chick i went to approach one night with my boys, I was just keeping my momentum up and her friend looked cute dunno why i decided to approach her instead; we were on a crowded ass street, people waiting to get into bars and such. I go over to her and say something and she yells shut the fuck up in the loudest voice possible. I said something and made it funny for myself. My boys heard and started laughing and at me and there probably were people waiting in line laughing or something but that didn't matter. I went over and I said something, I walked away with a smile on my face and as much as my boys tried to tool me I just held my frame.

Your gonna get rejected, however how you take that rejection is how the audience is going to react to you, and if you stick with it long enough and keep learning from your mistakes you will find success.

Next time don't think about how you have to get her number or whatever, just focus on saying hi, holding eye contact, and smiling when you first notice, after even 1 or 2 mins anxiety does pop up but it's not trying to hurt you it's trying to motivate you into action. Once you take action it goes away. Hope this helps and welcome.

Edit* Also cut that crying shit out in the middle of the store no need for that, if you really do go in to the bathroom no need to cry right there. Alsoooo start with this viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34

 

[ray_zorse]

Dude you're not gonna hit a homerun first time out, next time maybe smile and say hi. Don't overthink it, no need for advanced shit. Saying hi and smiling is better than nothing!
Ray

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Alsoooo start with this viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34

In case you missed the link above. This will help you build up your confidence. You will get rejected. Everyone does. Learning to not let it affect is what separates the players for the video game players. It is just like working out. At first everything hurts. Then as you build strength the pain doesn't matter because it gives you a rush.

I wouldn't go to Punta Cana because you need to spend a lot of time working on your game. Working from your home base will make this easier.

 

[Skid]

When you've never down any cold approaching ever , and you've read tons of theory maybe even success stories from other guys its really easy to have high expectations when you start. In my experience its really important that you just take baby steps when you want to start , first you need to create a habit for cold approach without it you'll never become comfortable with it. Even if its once per week one hour per week , go the a shopping center or university anywhere were there is a decent amount of attractive women and ask for the time or directions. Do this over and over until you feel comfortable and your doing with with decent eye contact and you're not apologizing. The pressure of having to forge a conversation or even opening direct is way too much when you're starting , it certainly was for me. Took me two weekends of 4 hours of walking around a shopping center before I said hi to a girl. So remove the pressure of trying to have a conversation and just ask the time. THEN slowly expand on that. Oh and if you can try to get yourself into a talkative state before you go out , even if that mean talking to whoever you're living with. Something that really helped me started approaching (it was all solo) was keeping my state in mind and trying to get into a talkative state get out of your head , talk to the people who are trying to sell you stuff on the street and mess with them have fun (politely of course).

Peace,

Skid

 

[Zoro]

Hey man,

As a fellow good looking Hispanic who has also struggled with "growing a pair" I want to help you out.

If you are using porn, quit that shit. yourbrainonporn.com

I call it "the hunger", if you're hungry enough you'll fight a buck with your bare hands for some food.
If you are sapping your sexual energy with porn, then you're left with little for pursuit of the fairer sex.

Most important, and this goes well with having "the hunger", is having a mission that consumes you, a priority over getting laid. Meeting women can be number 2 on the list, but have goals that come first. This lets you know where you stand in life, which allows you to make better judgments when leading women, more outcome independent, and more confident that even if you talk to this girl and get rejected you know you have a purpose in life!

When you're as young as you are, it can be really hard to know your mission. That's fine, your mission now is to find your mission. Keep that in mind and set smaller goals, like dabbling into things and what not.

I also recommend doing this exercise. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/0 ... 0-minutes/

Other things you should be mindful of are bad habits. Make sure you are eating well, sleeping well, exercising (build your testosterone!) and unplug from electronics when you can.

Hope this helps, as it has helped me!

 

[ray_zorse]

Don't worry dude, it's just approach anxiety, we've all had it at one stage or another in our journey... Franco described it taking like weeks of going out, to get up the courage to do his first daygame approach in a shopping centre (IIRC), and look at him now And, you know, it often happens that when we don't hit target we feel bad... for example I broke my diet the other day and I feel bad and have spent the last few days munching away constantly, finishing the kids' meals etc, and I don't feel good about this -- will need to reset my goals ASAP... that's why you stopped approaching and started hiding out in the hotel room. Well, fuck it, the only way to tackle it is to get back on the horse You could of course keep doing the self-harming behaviour until it becomes untenable again, but it's better not to.

You did very well by getting out and saying hi to a lot of girls, and gathering some positive reference experiences! That's totally awesome man, something that took a long time for me to build up to as a novice. It appears you could tackle the newbie assignment from about day 3~4 now that you have this experience under your belt. I think the next step after "hi" was "hi, how's your day going". Get to it

Ray

 

[ray_zorse]

Good man -- and remember that while you are getting your license you can still be approaching... you can get your mum to take you to the mall, you can get a bus, you can also just be practicing your conversation with everyone you meet... a useful exercise is next time you buy something in a shop, do it like this:

You: hi there, I like your eye makeup, you look fabulous [or some other genuine compliment]
Her: thankyou!
You: I'm Slay, what's your name?
Her: I'm [her name]
You: (shake hands)
You: I haven't seen you here before, do you always work here at XXX time? [or some other question like how was your day, has it been super busy etc... or, has it been a long shift for you? what time did you start... etc]
Her: ohh (blah blah... talking about her schedule)
You: great! yeah so I'll have a coffee with one sugar please
...
(if you get on well, you can say to her as you're leaving the store, "bye darling!" and blow her a kiss, this is more advanced though, haha)

The compliment and the introduction are really helpful for snapping her out of autopilot and getting her relating to you person-to-person rather than server-to-customer.

Now as to your question, well firstly you should set goals that are achievable, I think the term is "progressive desensitization" or something of that nature, you're basically just expanding your comfort zone ever so slightly each time you go out. Don't set the goals too weak, for instance you already found that just saying "hi" to girls becomes less satisfying after a while. But secondly yes, if you find yourself getting in the moment there's no reason to eject early. In fact, check out this quote from Chase's ebook, which I always keep in the back of my mind:

TIP: You will never “master” opening, or any other part of seduction. There is always more to learn. Focus on learning the complete process, rather than just parts of it

One issue that men who study the social arts encounter is that they work on the beginning parts of their interactions while ignoring later parts. Rather than working on the whole of their interactions with women, they only focus on the beginning. Having a broader approach progresses the encounter quicker than working a little bit on everything and viewing a seduction as one whole series of steps to be completed, rather than different stages of learning to be mastered one at a time. Some men take the approach of mastering an opening first, then worrying about repartee and rapport later on, and then once that’s mastered they move onto the next stage. These men progress the slowest of any men using any learning strategy.

It takes years to master opening. I’ve spent time with some of the best seducers in the world, and I don’t know if I’ve encountered anyone who was an absolute master. You could spend entire years only working on opening and never moving beyond that. It’s just as important to be focusing at least a little time on pulling fairly early on in one’s education on seduction as it is to focus on opening.

As for me in daygame, phase 1 was getting to the point where I could open and have a conversation, phase 2 was focusing on being more sexual and expressing attraction and doing/saying sexy things, phase 3 was noticing my interactions were too 20-questions-like, and so adding a focus on cold-reading, phase 4 was noticing I was having great interactions but not asking for the date, and so focusing on getting more comfortable with asking for a date in every interaction. In nightgame phase 1 was noticing I was having great interactions but she was soon going cold and moving away, so focusing on moving girls and getting investment, phase 2 was noticing that I was tending to get in a very high-energy state and having great interactions where I was dancing with millions of girls and getting heaps of awesome preselection, but never doing anything with it because I was having too much fun (this is still a problem but it's kinda a good problem).

So, it's a balance, certainly have your MAIN focus on one specific area at any given time. In a way this is unavoidable because you won't actually KNOW what you need to improve until you've had repeated experience with a particular sticking point. And anyway, you can't keep everything in your head at once, so you'll improve faster if you focus on a particular area to improve on, and check how you did after every interaction. It's good to set fun goals for yourself too, like "today I will say something sexual in the first minute of every conversation" or "today I will compliment everybody who serves me before asking a question or giving an order". On the other hand, unless you're having a bad day or comfort issues (in which case it's fine to just meet your goals and eject/go home), always push your interactions

Ray

 

[ray_zorse]

Affirmations and visualizations are badass.

Street stops are a bit of a special case IMO, you basically have to go direct (as Chase says -- what other reason could you have for stopping a woman in the street), and so it's best done when you have some attraction to express. If anyone knows a way around this I would like to hear it, cos I want to get better with guys and with being social generally. But complimenting someone's kids or dog is good because it's a little bit situational rather than just going balls-out direct. If she's hot I say this: "Amazingly cute! (pause until she acknowledges the compliment) Also your dog! (she laughs)".

Yeah well you need to check your attainability, it's not something I've had a lot of experience with since I tend to over-invest and be too attainable/a nice guy/low value. In what way did you not invest in your girl? Attainability tech is basically being warm to your girl and making her feel special and valued. Such as asking her a lot about herself, qualifying her, using strong eye contact and touch, not breaking circle, also being less PUAey and more honest, telling her some intimate things about yourself instead of deflecting, etc... and hitting escalation windows, if you don't lead her/move her/ask for a date/escalate touch, she thinks you don't care.

Ray

 

[Skid]

Slay ,

Good work making those babysteps man! You seem to have to right attitude just keep at it. I've gone through a lot of patches where I haven't wanted to invest in a girl at all because I'm scared I'll kill the attraction she has for me , so I'll just cut her off. Like ray said work on your attainability when that happens.

Ray ,

In all my experiences on a uni campus with regular daygame it really does not matter how you open whether this is a pickup or your randomly talking to some dude. We tend to naturally attract people who we will get along with. Whether that's a girl in a pickup or some random dude that was walking around with a shirt that was your favorite band - walk up to him say something like dude you have sick taste in music and go from there. A good vibe is infectious. I've tried stopping moving girls without saying anything just making hand signals and watch her guess what it I'm trying to say to her. Obviously this depends on how much of a rush she is in and a campus is probs easier but yeah. It really does seem that you can make anything work , as long as you have the vibe and social power/practice to pull it off. Last year I met one of the coolest guys I've met at uni , he was walking around campus talking about a game I liked I inserted myself in there with something relating to it , and next thing I know we're are playing pool in the uni bar. Though to be perfectly honest this guy is way more charismatic than I am. But yeah you get the idea. Complimenting a woman its probably the fastest way to get the right vibe going , but it still will show up I feel if your fundamentals are good.

 

[HellAtlantic]

Personally I think the best thing you could've done was actually cry in the store. That was the best thing to do. Why? You didn't approach because you wanted to save yourself from *possible* humiliation and rejection. But since you didn't approach and missed out on the girl what happened? You cried in public and were left feeling by humiliated anyway. What did you save yourself from by not approaching ? Nothing. You were better off approaching because in the end you still wound up with negative feelings. And just for the record it's a Hollywood myth that girls will reject you in the most humiliating and insulting way possible. Even the girls who aren't into u will be flattered that u approached.