High School Problems

[Joniman]

Hey guys, I am new here at GC. I read some of the articles and found them very insightful and different and actually seems like they come from somebody who knows what they are talking about. Anyways, I am in high school right now senior year and I am having a serious lack of social connections and especially friends.

MY BACKGROUND- if it helps
I am from an East African country and I just moved to Maryland 2 months ago. At my new school, I am really having trouble getting to know people and have friends I hangout with. The first 2 weeks of school I didn't have somebody to sit with but after that I found people from my own country and I sit with them at lunch (all girls and one dude and they are sophomores). Back in africa, I was semi popular. I had many guy friends I hangout with(Wasn't good with girls though) But here I don't know why but I can't get friends. I have read the one high school article on this forum here. I came in late 3 weeks to school so new people had alerday made friends too.

Anyways, Anytime I see these guys with these thick beautiful girls, It just hits me and I can't ignore the fact I'm an outcast. I did join a team (soccer) and made some friends there but they aren't that deep friends that invite me out or stuff. We greet and hi five each other but not more than that. The only thing that makes me happy about life now is my family and the prospect of starting over in college.

So sorry for the long intro, These are my questions to anyone that was a bomb in high school. I need serious help so please be as descriptive as u can.

1) How can I change my reputation( even though I had only 2 months of school with these new people) from that silent kid to a social and sexy man? Can i? Be truthful. I literally can't find a partner in most of my classes and am akward when people go into groups. I will change most of my class and teachers 2nd semester so I might have a semi-startover, what can I do better then?

2) Are high schools girls all about looks or status? I Consider my self slightly above average but acne and skinnyness are killing me. I am black with semi rough hair any hairstyles you know of or clothing that is cool and suitable for HS black guy? How can I balance school, gym and nutrition to gain mass?

3. Specific: Like I told you earlier, I hangout with my African group because no one else accepted me. In this group, I really have this Boner for this girl. She is like the hottest girl in school without any makeup yet she is cool and doesn't associate herself with the fake chicks. She a sophomore tho. I don't no the culture but is sophomre-senior dating common or is it unacceptable. Even though she is in my group, I never really initiated contact with her. Sometimes she just calls me out and says stupid stuff like "Ur short" smiling and I am like "huh, I am 3 inches taller than u". But other than that we don't say hi to each other in hallways nor bus stops(I feel like she deliberately avoids my eyes) which is confusing to me. Because I am not popular in the school nor social in my group, I believe that is hurting my chances; if I have a chance. She also likes this guy from another school Anyways again sorry but background info is invaluable, what do u guys recommend? Tips? Steps to take? Or give up on her?

4. I think I have major conversation and overthinking problems. These are my believed problems: Dull Voice, Trip up some words sometimes because I am not used to talking in english, Eye Contact makes me feel tension and awkardness, I sometimes sweat slightly when I don't have answers right away. My major problem though is I can't relate to things to talk about. Like with Other people they talk about football, parties, ... and stuff I can't really relate to. And with my group they are all talking girl stuff like who's cute and who asked out who... and I can only talk to them moderately when they talk bout other stuff. How can I relate to different people? Study them or wat? How do I jump from polite conversation to deep, funny and friendship building conversation?

5. My last question: Is there any high school journal in this forum that shows a major transformation. Or any other websites with high school picking up tips?

Most importantly, Thank you in advance for anyone helping me out.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey well dude firstly, welcome to the boards. If you would like to improve your social skills and are willing to work hard and amart then you are in the right place. Well you listed a number of areas where you think you are currently falling short, but I would boil it down to basically 2 main issues:

1. Not approaching, or, not taking social risks. Sure you can get shot down or the conversation can die down to an uncomfortable silence when you run out of things to say. Or whatever -- many (or most) interactions don't go the way you want! Who cares, you gain experience and sometimes, you have a great interaction with someone you really click with. But you HAVE to put yourself out there. I would try a goal setting exercise here: For the next 2 weeks of schooldays I will initiate a conversation with 3 new people per day, by walking up to them, smiling, making eye contact and saying "hi".

2. Your conversation, you are concerned that you're not relatable and you are having trouble getting people involved and excitedly sharing about themselves (we call this the "hook" -- the point where he/she decides he/she WANTS the conversation to continue rather than just responding to you out of politeness). Well, I found the "Spellbinding" audio course available from www.girlschase.com to be helpful here. But it costs money, I am sure exactly the same information is available in more up-to-date form in site articles. Look up deep diving, baiting, relating, storytelling, female communication style, cold reading, other stuff I can't remember... and try goal setting, e.g. today I am going to talk to at least 3 strangers and use the baiting technique to get them to ask me a question.

As an example to illustrate these points I will share a story. I went to park yesterday with my 3 young kids. There was a bbq going on with a lot of hot Asian women. The hottest one was playing on equipment with her cute friend. I had several opportunities to talk to her but pussied out. Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I then took kids to restaurant for dinner. It was 17.30 and very quiet. Was shown to a table by a cute blonde with an American accent who turned out to be Swedish, had lived in US for a year and had been in Aussie for only 3 weeks. Deep dived, qualified her a lot, etc, was thinking number grab. Then cute Korean waitress started being very attentive, I opened her with a cold read. All told I felt quite the man. Unfortunately success went to my head and I got in my head and FU'd, boring beta responses and reactive body language, well shit happens, I am counting the outing a success cos I got over my shyness and put myself out there and did a few things right, plus made many mistakes which I can correct next time (bad habits die hard unfortunately).

As to some specifics well it sounds like you are having fundamentals issues, make a list of stuff to work on like your fashion, diet, gym, posture, eye contact etc and set some goals. Also your hot chick, if she teases you she likes you. Try to get her alone for long enough to ask her on a date (e.g. lets hang out at the mall this Saturday) and number grab. She may well say no, but that would be a good thing as you would then have mental resolution and could forget her and move on.

Ray

 

[Joniman]

Thanks very much. That was very insight and helpful. Can anyone answer my other questions. And oh the thing is the hot chick I mentioned is in my immediate social group that I talked about and we kind of ignore each other, don't know why. So am I in the friend zone or nah(I don't talk to her but I am always with her indirectly through her friends)