Socializing High Status Dudes Dont Laugh?

[Searcher]

Friend 1: Yeah anime is cool

Me: Yuh I agree

Friend 2: Nah that shit is lame

Friend 3: (Turning body from other conversation and joining) Yeah it can be lame at times not gonna lie

F 1: Hell nah bro you just havent found the right one.

F 3: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime.

F 1: Yeah true

F 3: Kaiderman do you watch anime?

F 3 set you up for the joke.
These small digs over time will make the others lose respect, it's like death by a thousand cuts.

Always call them out or straight up insult them (if they try to back off or say you are over reacting, tell them they started the whole "joke" thing and why are they backing off like a pussy now).

In your case you could have said something like "Busy with your Mom these days" (With a smirk).
Or
Even flip him the middle finger.

 

[Winston]

F 3 set you up for the joke.
These small digs over time will make the others lose respect, it's like death by a thousand cuts.

Always call them out or straight up insult them (if they try to back off or say you are over reacting, tell them they started the whole "joke" thing and why are they backing off like a pussy now).

In your case you could have said something like "Busy with your Mom these days" (With a smirk).
Or
Even flip him the middle finger.

That is indeed overreactive and will give bad social results.

Cool friends tease each other all the time. If you cannot smile at a tease aimed at you then you are uncool.

If it is funny, it is funny. If you react with aggressiveness, you kind of prove the point to everybody that you are indeed lame. If you react with the flow of the group, you demonstrate to everyone that it is only a silly joke.

But no need to reward him too much, smiling (with an implied meaning "good joke, my friend") is probably better than outright laughing. And tease him back on some other topic at some other point in time.

 

[Chase]

@Kaiderman,

F 3: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime.

F 1: Yeah true

F 3: Kaiderman do you watch anime?

Me: Yeah

F 3: Perfect example.

Everyone Laughs or says “DAMNN”

Me: Hell nah (while laughing as well)

Conversation continues

He could do that because you made yourself an easy mark for this type of thing. If this happens a lot then he probably knows you well enough to know you're not going to be giving any complicated answers when he asks questions, so you're an easy one to set up then knock down.

Things that paint you as an easy mark here:

• You're just a passive participant at this point of the conversation, "yeah"ing or "nah"ing as other people drive it. All he needs is a "yeah" to get to his punchline, and he knows you're good for that
  
  
• When you are made a punchline out of, you don't know how to come back from that. So again, easy to win some free points by dunking on you

You can totally defuse humor like this by seeing it coming and not yeahing or nahing.

Rule: if someone says "X is [bad thing]" then says "Hey man, do you like X?", both "yeah" and "nah" are reactive.

"Yeah" is reactive because now you are one of the [bad thing] people. "Nah" is reactive because now you're falling into his frame, trying to not get labeled by him as one of the [bad thing] people.

e.g.:

Him: Dildos are for fags. Kaiderman, you have any dildos in your room?​

​

You: Nah, man. F that shit.​

It's a bit of a double-bind. Presumably you do not have dildos in your room, because you're a dude. However, just saying "No way!" makes it look like you're trying to defend your masculinity, and falling into his frame.

"Yes" and "no" are both bad answers when someone has just labeled something, then asked you if you are guilty or not of the thing he has labeled. You need to get out of that frame.

Look at this:

Him: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime. Kaiderman do you watch anime?​

​

You: Only the really lame ones, man.​

You knew where he was going and lapped him at his own game. He can try saying something about how "Yeah, see, that proves it, haha" but you come out of it having dunked on him rather than the reverse.

Or:

Him: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime. Kaiderman do you watch anime?​

​

You: Why, you gonna tell me I need to start watching day time talk shows or something? What you watch, Dr. Phil?​

This is a standard response to this kind of attack I use often: "Why, are you going to tell me I need to [lame/weak thing]? What do you do, [specific example of lame/weak thing]?"

It a.) doesn't answer the question, so deprives him of any ammunition for another attack while derailing the one he was on, b.) turns it back to him, putting him on the defensive now, c.) saddles him with something even lamer he now must defend against.

See how instead of "yeah" or "nah" you are going on the attack instead?

This is the difference between a passive participant of a conversation, who is easy to dunk on for points, vs. an engaged participant who is going to dunk on you if you slip up and make the wrong move around him.

Or:

Him: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime. Kaiderman do you watch anime?​

​

You: We talking lame anime or badass anime?​

Almost anything other than "yes" or "no" scrambles his jokes, and a lot of things let you block the shot entirely.

But let's say he catches you slipping and manages to dunk on you. You can still come back:

Him: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime. Kaiderman do you watch anime?​

​

You: Yeah.​

​

Him: Perfect example.​

​

You: Dude, until you've sat there with your full-sized anime pillow wife watching DBZ, you ain't lived.​

That's agree & amplify. Shows you aren't put off by the attack at all. Or:

Him: Well its not lame really theres just a lot of lame niggas who watch anime. Kaiderman do you watch anime?​

​

You: Yeah.​

​

Him: Perfect example.​

​

You: Hey man, it's better than that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy shit you be watchin.​

Portray him as worse than you with the "It's better than the [even weaker/lamer thing] you do." (doesn't matter if he does it or not... it actually sets up the exact same scenario he just put you through, where if he says "yeah" or "hell nah" he falls into your frame)

Preferably though, you are engaged enough and have enough practiced responses that you're not doing damage control after being dunked on and instead are blocking the shot before it can go in.

Chase

 

[Warped Mindless]

High status people people laugh a lot. Get into the nearest country club filled with politicians, CEOs and executives, lawyers, etc. There is always a group of them sitting or standing laughing about something.

I laugh a lot because I love life. Never stops me from getting laid. Don’t overthink it.

 

[DarkKnight]

I agree with Chase.. and I also believe in attacking the other guy on his own turf. Because what you get is that people like this keep firing shots at you and this is cheap and easy because they just have to try harder and more, however when you fire back at them and they start to become humiliated there is suddenly a cost to antagonizing you. Although also depends on the person, some people become even more bold and annoying, those I tend to shut down because I do not feel obligated to keep listening to people being obnoxious, but that is just me and perhaps not applicable by everyone out there.

 

[Will_V]

Great post by @Chase. Another thing I would say about this topic: a good way to figure out your current position is to see if you have the power to determine if a thread is going to be funny or 'serious'.

High status people can laugh at their own expense, or they can ignore a joke/remain perfectly serious and make everyone check themselves. Low status people on the other hand are always beholden to whatever context has been determined by everyone else, and if they try to put a check on everyone, they will be really piled on to prove to them their lowly position. When they follow along (as they tend to be accustomed to doing), they may be blissfully unaware that everyone was ready to make sure of it.

See what happens if you rebuff a joke by simply ignoring it or acting as if it were too lame to laugh at, or using one of the kinds of responses Chase mentioned. It's also a test of your frame control - can you pull off the right subcommunication? If they then try to needle you and try to get you reactive, can you maintain the frame and handle them? It can teach you a lot about others but especially about yourself - about how to be a man apart, why it's always a good idea to be ready to occupy an independent frame, how being able and comfortable to do so makes people look at you differently, and how to to open up in the right ways so you can be apart but still loved, respected and trusted.

 

[DarkKnight]

High status people can laugh at their own expense, or they can ignore a joke/remain perfectly serious and make everyone check themselves. Low status people on the other hand are always beholden to whatever context has been determined by everyone else, and if they try to put a check on everyone, they will be really piled on to prove to them their lowly positio

A small caveat I want to add with this. Status is contextual and a lot of people cannot reliably sense someones level. We tend to assume that everyone is intelligent, this is not the case. Sometimes we for instance have greenhorns who test your patience and for them it is a bit more difficult to interpret nuances.

Just writing this for the people who believe they are "low status" due to some environment or group of people who does not correctly discern your true value. Also in some environments you will simply not be liked and despite that people know you are strong or high status they will not give you your due. They will never admit it. People can be really clueless or stubborn.

Or how about low class thugs who think you are some weak nerd because you chose to pursue an education. We have plenty of examples.

What I am trying to get at is that being high status does not always bring compliance from groups of people and dealing with them is contextual, status can be contextual and sometimes people can gauge you entirely wrong.

 

[Will_V]

A small caveat I want to add with this. Status is contextual and a lot of people cannot reliably sense someones level. We tend to assume that everyone is intelligent, this is not the case. Sometimes we for instance have greenhorns who test your patience and for them it is a bit more difficult to interpret nuances.

Just writing this for the people who believe they are "low status" due to some environment or group of people who does not correctly discern your true value. Also in some environments you will simply not be liked and despite that people know you are strong or high status they will not give you your due. They will never admit it. People can be really clueless or stubborn.

Or how about low class thugs who think you are some weak nerd because you chose to pursue an education. We have plenty of examples.

What I am trying to get at is that being high status does not always bring compliance from groups of people and dealing with them is contextual, status can be contextual and sometimes people can gauge you entirely wrong.

Good point, my point was more about friend groups and long term social circles (and even family). With new groups and acquaintances it takes a while for things to reach equilibrium.

 

[Beck Bass]

Low value people will also use laughter as a way to gain favor build rapport (laughing at jokes that aren’t funny) which high value people won’t do either.

Yeah, this, high value people don't need validation (or anything, for the most part) from other people, so there's no reason to laugh at something that isn't legit funny, while most people will feel pressure to laugh to not make other people feel bad (or just to kiss some ass really).

 

[pickup243]

I’ve time and time again noticed that when a dude I see as really cool and high status really lets himself go with a laugh, his “aura” of charisma seems to deflate a decent amount.


This isn’t just me either, the people who laugh the least - at least in my experience - tend to be respected a decent amount more as long as they’re sufficiently social / charismatic otherwise (The people who dont laugh and arent social tend to be avoided / talked about negatively). This seems quite important as it can make or break peoples perceptions, and can kill your interactions with girls.


I tend to laugh a lot (sometimes awkwardly) and also really let myself go with it. However, I’ve also noticed on those great days when I’m coming across as super magnetic and high status, I tend not to laugh as much as well even if everyone around me is letting themselves go with a laugh.


Do cool people just not laugh as much? What’s the nuance?

You should be smiling but she needs to know you hold serious high-value beliefs about yourself. Your frame is serious; your communication is playful. The two must balance each other out into the right cocky, smirky, attractive attitude. (playful frame + playful communication = clown; serious frame + serious communication = serial killer; serious frame + playful communication = attractive flirty guy).

 

[PureGold]

I’ve time and time again noticed that when a dude I see as really cool and high status really lets himself go with a laugh, his “aura” of charisma seems to deflate a decent amount.


This isn’t just me either, the people who laugh the least - at least in my experience - tend to be respected a decent amount more as long as they’re sufficiently social / charismatic otherwise (The people who dont laugh and arent social tend to be avoided / talked about negatively). This seems quite important as it can make or break peoples perceptions, and can kill your interactions with girls.


I tend to laugh a lot (sometimes awkwardly) and also really let myself go with it. However, I’ve also noticed on those great days when I’m coming across as super magnetic and high status, I tend not to laugh as much as well even if everyone around me is letting themselves go with a laugh.


Do cool people just not laugh as much? What’s the nuance?

Cool people laugh when they truly want to laugh, not when others are laughing

 

[HoofHearted]

High status people people laugh a lot. Get into the nearest country club filled with politicians, CEOs and executives, lawyers, etc. There is always a group of them sitting or standing laughing about something.

I laugh a lot because I love life. Never stops me from getting laid. Don’t overthink it.

I love this response so much. Not laughing? What the fuck, I can't even imagine. I laugh every day.

Back to original guy, now. I can tell you what wouldn't be cool-- Wanting to laugh but not doing it because you're worried about how you seem.

Or...

Being so goddamn inattentive as to not notice the absurdity or delight in so many things. Living. This shit is hilarious and we've all just gotta deal with that fact.

So my experience is exactly opposite. The people I look up to the most laugh frequently, and it isn't lost on me that they're often with the women I want.

 

[Kaida]

This is one thing I’ve also noticed with girls when making them laugh:

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I find that not laughing as hard as the girl does when you tell a joke / something funny happens is actually very effective at regulating the amount of entertainer vibe you put out. When she laughs you almost always want to be moderate to slightly lower energy then her.

Obviously don’t stand just there poker faced, but dont completely match her energy level either. Think about the facial expressions comedians make while the crowd is laughing super hard. Its always a slight smile or maybe even a chuckle. But never a full blown laugh like the crowd does.

In my experience, not laughing as hard as her can give you a more authoritative vibe as an older brother / father archetype (think about how a father would look at a daughter while she’s laughing super hard at something. Its always a slight “isnt-she-adorable” type grin and is almost never laughing as hard as her)

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Just a small nuance I noticed and think may be helpful. Any pros feel free to add if you think I missed something