How Did YOU Stay Motivated Before You Started Getting Results?

[Chase]

Hey gents,

We're launching a magazine app in the Apple app store (that's a lot of apps in one sentence), and I want to get more voices in there than just mine and the other writers. So here's a question for the boards, and we'll include your responses in the app for all the guys there to see it and learn from it:

Before you were getting any real results from girls (or right now, if you've still yet to make much headway), how did you stay motivated to continue pushing yourself to do better with women, perfect your game, and perfect your SELF?

Any and all things you thought or did to pull this off for yourself are welcome here. I'm sure you know what *I* did (assuming you read the site and didn't just bop on over to the forums from the mists of the Internet!), but what did *you* do?

Let me know here, and I'll get your answers translated into some glossy-looking high polish format (or whatever they do with apps) and get that out to the masses for awesomeness and enlightenment.

Chase

 

[Richard]

Well Chase -

I think you know my story but I'll post it up anyway.

I stayed motivated to keep learning even when I wasn't succeeding because I wanted to prove to myself (and subsequently my ex girlfriend) that I could do better than her and prove to myself that I was better than the bullshit she put me through. So, I guess you could say my desire to prove her wrong and find another happy relationship was what kept me going because I certainly had enough emotional energy to channel.

Maybe not the best story - but it's definitely one that is relatable by many.

-Richard

 

[NarrowJ]

So the question is: "How Did I Stay Motivated Before I Started Getting Results?"...

Looking back on the first 3 months or so of my journey to improve myself and get better with women, I had ran into a few frustrating roadblocks. The ways in which I handled these and got over the hump were as follows:

1) Every day I'd daydream about what it would be like to have complete control over my dating life. I'd visualize everything down to the most minute detail. This was a very powerful motivational tool for me- to see it, feel it and hear the sounds that accompany the end result. It made it that much more crucial that I actually found success and got to sleep with these beautiful women that had seemed so far out of my reach.

2) I tracked my progress. I literally kept 3 spreadsheets: one for approaches, one for texting, and one for dates. Tracking various things I did or did not do, and the end result. Seeing the metrics increase over time was a huge motivator.

3) Once in a while I'd find that I needed a short break. I'd completely separate myself from all things seduction for a period of 3 days up to a week at times. And guess what, eventually I'd found that even though I was trying to abstain from picking up women... I was doing it anyway! The Art of Seduction was slowly being molded into my everyday life.

4) I wrote field reports. Other men who were in a similar situation as I was at the time would give me props and encouragement, while providing constructive feedback on my interactions. The responses and information I received was invaluable, and this caused me to work even harder so I would have even better stories to tell to the masses.

5) Largely related to #4, I reveled in my accomplishments. If I kissed a girl, took a girl to bed, or did anything else that was a big win, I'd scurry myself to type up the report and gloat a bit about my success.


Those are the main things that kept me motivated and staying on the right track in order to reach my goals with women.


J.J.

 

[Eternity]

I wanted to become a cold hearted player who could step into any situation and women would be drawn to him like flies. Then I would smirk and say something witty/charming/sexual and pull her from her group and into my car towards my place and fuck her like the horny slut she was. That and I saw myself in a club, dressed sharp, sitting down with a girl grinding my cock and whispering in my ear what she wanted to do to me when I took her home. Same thing at a strip club with this aura of sexual experience of having done it all seen it all radiating from me; and an indifferent look in my eyes as this took place. Lastly, I want to pull a stripper and do some coke of her ass a la Hank Moody style, it's on my bucket list, oh and corrupt a virgin into becoming a bad girl with me and every men she ever meets.

These are the images in my mind that kept me going in the past and also today as I keep walking this path and battle the constant depression of the past and today ,which I just finish overcoming this month. Will i achieve all this? Maybe, Maybe not. But I will die trying...

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I would sometimes go online and see pics of guys with hot girlfriends and tell myself one day I am going to be that guy. Like most men here I have also struggled and done poorly for myself in the past but ever since moving to a new location I can say my lay count has went up and I am getting the kind of girls I like. What has kept me motivated is that image. The image of me one day improving enough and attracting a hot girl, taking her out to events and on walks to the beach, and going on vacations with her. Then I started working towards that image.

Also helps to read the success stories of others and watch movies where guys are doing well with the opposite sex, Don Jon's addiction was my personal favorite because here was a guy a small group of friends and out in the real world who would go to clubs and pull due to his nice physique and charm.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Chase,

I actually like psychology, and how people interact. Since young, i have always been fascinated as to how people smile, laugh and feel angry, when i say this, and when i say that. For me, i always like it. It's boring to most people i perceive, and especially guys who are new to pickup or pickup artist find it ridiculous to note down on small meticulous things but i like it. Perhaps one of the reasons why i am not so prolific with girls because it's more of a job, a great job which is fun, something i love to do, for me. Sometimes i observe people's interaction, like seeing how the guy gets rejected and looking at what he said, and why she behave that way and this way. and btw, don't worry, i won't make it obvious if i am observing you. I do just enough to learn from you if you're a quality person. (OMG, i'm a creep!!!)

I am a keen observer. I appreciate sociology as an art perhaps. I probably should ought to look for a job, as an "Observer Researcher"!!! but importantly. If i'm on the flow (happy), i can't convey a lot on how i attract girls. It's hard for me, because as what you (Chase) noted on being a natural vs pua. i'm more of a natural.

Zac

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I started early (back in high school) unlike a lot of the guys here and for me I just kept myself busy with hobbies and sometimes at night I would go to sleep envisioning success. One day I would have a Meagan Fox lookalike by my arm and we would go places together but till then I would work towards being the kind of man that hot girls like. For example, I see pictures of guys with hot girls and it sometimes inspires me, makes me believe one day I will be that guy.

 

[Estate]

I'll try keep mine short and sweet.

As a teenager I never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl until I was almost 19. I "lucked" into meeting a few girls in college who I thought were great at the time but looking back, I just had such a scarcity of any interest from women that I clung onto the women who did pay me attention. After college I have had 2 amazing girlfriends, I didn't know about GC at the time but I had read about game and at least moderately improved my results. Unfortunately things didn't workout longterm with those women but I knew now I could meet much more amazing women and didn't need to settle for just anyone who would pay me attention.... but it would take work to really find these women and get over some insecurities in the back of my mind.

As a few years went by pretty much all of my friends began to settle down in their mid-twenties. The same guys I knew who would tell me of their dream women over a few too many beers and try to chat up some good looking women at the bar, all seemed to finally give up. It was "time we all settled down". Within the space of 12 months, they all put a ring on the next girl who came along. While they are happy they are no longer having the play the singles game they grew tired of, I just couldn't feel envious of the relationships or the women they settled down with. Their lives became mundane and boring. They spend their time fawning over women I felt they could do much better than, and women much less than what they once desired.

I would be told over and over again I should be like them, settle down. I can't be "playing games at my age". Instead of feeling bad for myself though, it really just motivated me. I knew I had it in me to meet and attract great women, but I was shy and quiet, I needed to put in much more effort than more out-going guys. It wasn't my looks, height, style or anything like that, I got a lot of compliments on those things... but I just didn't want to "settle". While I do want to "settle down" eventually, I have been content for a while now of having some fun on the journey to meeting that special one. I don't feel I need to rush into settling down just because its the thing to do. I want to settle down when I feel it's right and I've met the girl I desire.

 

[Dylan]

Chase and everyone,

Rght now I'm going through a dry spell. The girls I've slept with since before I learned about GC were either my ex-girlfriend or "getting lucky". I figured that I could carry on lucking it out now and then through my good looks (I know I'm a good-looking guy) or actually try to fulfil my potential.

So I started approaching - but I wasn't progressing very far because my approaches were too far apart to learn too much. Every approach has value - at the beginning, the idea of going direct on a girl scared the life out of me, and it took ages to summon up the courage. But I realised that even though that was a step forward, I wasn't making solid progress because my approaches were not following each other.

So, a few weeks ago I set myself a new challenge - hit 20 approaches a week, come hell or high water. If I'm going to make progress, the approaches need to be made thick and fast.

That's mainly what motivates me - a relentless focus on the numbers. Numbers are easy for me to work with, and it's far harder to lie to yourself with them. That's what motivated me to go out and do 10 approaches today, through a combination of day and night game in a new club, despite feeling tired and depressed. I've got another 10 approaches to do tomorrow at least to hit my weekly target (I couldn't day game in the week because I was working late).

I'm trying not to be bitter or disheartened - as I was saying to Franco elsewhere, I've so nearly had sex with a number of girls this year only to fall at the last hurdle. That has been really frustrating, but I'm trying to treat all those times as learning experiences and I'm going to change my process next time using what I've read and learned.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's worth the work I'm putting in because I'm not getting the rewards I want, but I couldn't give all this up now that I know about it, and knowing that I'd be going back to a powerless, lonely existence.

The other thing that motivates me is the knowledge that learning game is improving my life in other ways. I'm working on my voice, my walk, my posture and confronting my fears on a weekly basis. It's motivated me to hit the gym regularly. I recognise that this is about reinventing myself.

And the 20 approaches a week? I hit 11 the first week in June, 20 the next and I'm halfway to 20 this week.

Dylan

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Well I am not getting results at all and honestly I have a hard time staying motivated. I feel like one of these days I just going to quit because I will never be able to have the kind of girls I want due to the way I look. My mind is just too fucked up from all those years being a lonely virgin that I worry about myself sometimes.

 

[Chase]

Cheers for all the replies here, gents. Interesting stuff all.

It's especially interesting for me to see the DIVERSITY of different strategies here - everyone's got his own unique tool or blend of tools for staying motivated.

If I had to class them, it'd be:

• Richard: competitiveness, defiance
• JJ: visualizing, tracking, and taking pride in achievements
• Eternity: clear end goal
• Fuji: role models
• Zac: curiosity
• Kenshin: end goal, role models
• Estate: competitiveness, defiance
• Dylan: numbers, competitiveness (challenging self)

Altair, it sounds like you're in need of a strategy that fits your own inclinations and is something you can get excited about personally - each of these strategies appear to different folks, for instance (tell Zac to become a religious tracker when he's in it for the curiosity, or tell Eternity to try defiance, and either guy is left with something that doesn't really work for him).

(if I had to class myself, it'd be mostly defiance ["I can't do this? I keep failing over and over again? I'll SHOW you I can, world! I'll do this for as long as it takes to make it work"], with competitiveness with myself and others and using numbers/metrics to motivate)

All these are quite neat!

Chase

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Chase,

Already told you about this before, but for me it was two things - one more recent than the other. The earlier, first one, was to snag my ex-girlfriend back when I met her again (which I still didn't, but all for the best). The latter, more recent reason, is that if I couldn't master seduction, I'd lose faith in myself to learn anything else - building businesses, mastering martial arts, becoming a great computer programmer. Personal pride and credibility, I suppose.

~Nick

 

[Mr.Rob]

Whats up Chase,

Two things for me.

The first thing that caused my motivation was the fact that some red head, wanna be white rapper (no offense) decided to get better with women by meeting them via cold approach and succeeded and is now a sexy man women dream and lust over. If he can do it I can too. (Proof that if one man can do it so can I).

The second thing that did for me was the fact I had no other option. I had just cut myself off from a negative cesspool social circle and had no real connections to meet women through (no invites to parties etc.). In essence I burned my boats and it was either go out and meet women or stay home, masturbate, and cry in my closet. I have to say it gave me no way out and when you have no other option you make shit happen. (Burn the boats/Sink or swim)

Then I'd go back to reading stories you wrote about in your blog, and other sources, talking about how you went from worst to first in your dating life and the adversity you faced along the way. I have to say those are still extremely powerful inspiration sources to keep my motivation tanks full.

-Rob

 

[Smith]

Hey Chase,

I wasn't really motivated until I read one of your articles (so thanks!). Two years ago, I was just a guy who studied really hard to try to get into a health professional course, and when I did get in. I didn't know what else to do and I still felt empty, like my life was lacking something (obviously women). So I basically sit around doing nothing to improve myself for 6 months and blame how unfair the world is until I finally came across GC. Now I believe in making stuff happens instead of waiting for it to come to you, and that has improved my life in all other aspects as well. I've rarely give up on anything once I'm committed, because from my own experience, I believe if you grind hard, it'll eventually happen. And there's nothing else in life, like seduction, where u essentially have unlimited tries until u succeed.

-Jake

 

[Mr.Rob]

And there's nothing else in life, like seduction, where u essentially have unlimited tries until u succeed.

Lol Smith that's a cool philosophy, ya that thought in itself almost creates a bit of abundance.

 

[maximus6004]

I became.over weight and lost in my life as we transitioned it if public school things weren't so easy... hated my life and at one point in my life, I went two years without sex, without even touching our kissing a girl.... I forgot what ir was like I saw my friends getting all the girls. To be honest with you a hundred percent death is my factor. When I just want to give up. When every inch of me just can't take failure anymore, my mind goes crazy and I realize I will never have this second again, or mine or day and to let it go to waste to me us the scariest thing. To be on my death bed and think what if its depressing.

I still get scared sometimes and make stupid mistakes with all the success on top of it and sometimes it gets tough to make sure I'm on the right path.... but this site and the forums are the best thing that happened to me. It has increased my life ten fold, im.with beautiful woman now, I can actually talk to people my weight is under control I'm communicating to the point and easier(law of last effort) people thrive around me.... I still have so much to go and doubt I will ever stop learning, I have started my own business travelling. Learning and reading articles and trying it, reading books..... it's all thanks to this site, what keeps me going now is eventually getting to the point where people week look up to me. I came from way worse situations than most of the guys here and had a hard learning curve, even my story telling is becoming better, and its all to this site. It's emotional that someone like chase cared enough to put this together for guys like me.... I couldn't be more thankful. Truly thank you!

 

[BarryS1]

An eye-opening experience last year highlighted my platonic nature towards the opposite sex. At 21 years old, I tried hitting on a woman for the first time and got friendzoned. I was a complete pushover and always labeled a ’nice guy'. The results showed because my first kiss occurred at 19 and date at 20, both initiated by women.

What motivated me:

1) I had something to prove - changing my personality and appearance was possible. I was furious at myself for never making any personal improvement effort.

2) I wanted to get my emotions back and stop thinking about a particular girl. 6 months after getting friendzoned, I was not productive and unable to concentrate on anything but the incident. I truly felt if I didn’t start approaching women, my bitterness would over-run me.

 

[R.A.D.]

When i was in a very bad spot with women i tried hating them, ignoring them, manipulate them, etc. but the simple fact i realized is that i love and enjoy being with women and every little success i have with them, outweights any ammount of failure. So after a while every bad result is just a valuable lesson.

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

I lost my motivation long ago.

Now, approaching is just a habit.

 

[Astigmatic20]

I had a long pain period prior to getting to my first lay. There were times where I doubted myself as to whether I'll get good at Game or even be attractive to a girl.

I thank my friends in the community for helping me with my Game despite my other AFC friends who would make fun of me & even thought I was weird since I wanted to get good with women. They even pitied me to the point where they were offering a hooker for me to lose my virginity. I didn't want it to go that way. I literally trudged myself through failure after failure without any reference experience because I believed in myself that I can get results with women without succumbing to all the societal brainwashing.

Perhaps one of my main inspirations to push forward despite the pain & heartaches was one of my favorite NBA players, Dirk Nowitzki. In an era where NBA players have no sense of loyalty (cough Lebron cough), he stayed with the Dallas Mavericks and literally carried his team to the championship 5 years after he lost the 2006 Finals. He also did it by beating the Miami Heat, which was the team that he lost to during that allegedly-rigged finals.

He did it the hard way. But the hard way leads to a more satisfying & fulfilling victory. I know that if I'll just do it the easy way, I will never develop & grow as a person. Failure only happens when one gives up...it doesn't exist for the person who perseveres.