How direct should you be?

[How_Direct]

Wondering how direct/honest you can be about being interested in women. I recently met a girl that I like and we seem to share a lot of personality traits. We connected over sharing really detailed insight on really random conversation topics, which was pretty cool. Anyways, our last (and first) meet up was also with another girl in a class, and since we were all working on homework together, I didn't have a good chance to ask her out. I didn't want to do it in front if the other classmate to avoid social pressure.

I did get her number to set up our next study session which will be the three of us again in a couple days, and Im planning on texting her today or tomorrow to see if she wants to grab a drink afterwards. My question is how direct can I be? I have natural tendency to be aloof, but I can be pretty blunt just as easily. Can I just tell her that she's really interesting or intriguing when I ask her out? Or would that work against me? I could keep it simple with something like " hey *her name* this is telomere, wondering if you want to grab a drink with me after studying tomorrow." Something more direct and honest would be "hey *her name* this is telomere. If you're free, we should grab a drink after studying. TBH you seem like a really interesting person, and it would be fun to continue our conversations from last time". Any opinions?

 

[Richard]

I'm a big proponent of direct daygame; and "being direct" isn't about being blunt, it's about SHOWING her your intent. Basically, the term "direct" simply means that she has a clear idea about what it is you want or are looking for, something which you don't necessarily need to say out loud or explicitly.

You shouldn't ever need to say "Hey, I want to fuck you." Anyway, the takeaway here is that when you're face-to-face with a woman you're direct by not beating around the bush and showing her what your intentions are so... when she grab her number she knows what she's getting in to. Just for future reference.

In this case, when you're texting a girl to set up a date; you want to exchange 2-4 texts before setting up the date the first few times. This is ESPECIALLY true if you got her number without her knowing what your intentions are (which it sounds like since this was homework-related). Plus, given your example of "Hey <XYZ> this is Telomere" it makes it sound like you haven't texted her yet? Plus, if you already have plans to meet up and study with her then why not just ask her to grab a drink with you after studying and skip the texting?

That part is a little vague - if you can clarify exactly what's going on between you and this girl with the texting, and studying, etc. then I can probably help out a bit more.

-Richard

 

[Telomere]

Thanks for your help. I see how my explanation of the situation is a little confusing lol. So she's been in a class I'm taking, and since me and a couple friends were meeting up to study a couple days ago, I figured I'd invite her. I invited her over email (everyone in the class can access everyone else's email address) and told her when and where we were studying. Before inviting her, we had only talked once briefly while leaving class. Anyway, she came to our study session, and I got her number to add her to a group chat with my other two friends in the class, so we've communicated as a group over the app, but I haven't directly messaged her.

As a group, we've already set another time to study two days from now. The reason why I want to ask her over text is because there's almost no chance I'll get an opportunity to ask her out for a drink in private, so I'd almost certainly have a social obligation to invite my other friends if I did it during our study session. Since we established rapport I was planning on asking her out after our first study session a couple days ago, but she went straight away to her car before I could get a chance to ask her in private. Texting her later seemed like a better idea than chasing her down. She's charming, but she also has some weird socially awkward moments, so I don't want to put any pressure on her by asking her her on a private date in front of my other classmates.

So the real reason for my question is that since I got her number under the pretense of setting up this next group study session, I don't want to make her think that im asking her to a group event. I want to clearly and concisely tell her that I think she's a really interesting person and that I want to get to know her better in a private setting.

BTW I'm the same person as op. Just forgot my password

 

[Richard]

Awesome, thanks for the clarification; seems my initial idea on the situation was accurate.

So, a few options then;

You could tell her as the study session is wrapping up that you want to talk to her afterwards for a few minutes and then when your friends/classmates are leaving you say something like "We'll catch up with you guys later" and then proceed to talk to her.

If that doesn't sound realistic or doesn't sound like something you want to chance then I'd text her and reference something specific she did from the study group, if she says something funny, etc. then reference that in a text message.

You could also shoot her a text relatively shortly after the session comes to a close for the night; "Hey XYZ, thanks for the coming out to study. <insert reference to something she did here>" and then exchange a few texts and ask her out however you see fit.

Because this is more social game, it's safer for you to text her within a specific context to get the ball rolling and then after building some initial comfort you can swing things in whatever direction you want; in this case, the study group is an easy context to reference.

-Richard

 

[Telomere]

If that doesn't sound realistic or doesn't sound like something you want to chance then I'd text her and reference something specific she did from the study group, if she says something funny, etc. then reference that in a text message.

There's something from our last get together that would work perfectly for this. Thanks for the suggestions!