How Do Alphas Behave Around Other Alphas?

[foggy]

I'm pretty curious. Theres a bunch of alphas hanging out in a group with each other. How do they treat each other? I have not had this experience yet. There must be an alpha of the group of alpha males, right? What happens when they look at each other? Do they hold eye contact for ages until one of them unwillingly breaks it? Do they constantly shit test each other to see where they fit amongst the group?

 

[Drck]

The expression Alpha is quite outdated because our society is rather complex. So it should be taken with some reserve, eg it is difficult for one person to be alpha in more groups. Say you work hard and you become a supervisor at work; that's your alpha position. You still have another bosses above you though, so you are still a beta from their point of view. However, you may go to fitness and compete against heavy lifters. You will be easily beta. You may go to many different groups and have different "position" in each group. Note that it is different among eg wolfs, they simply have only one group and one Alpha....

Nevertheless, Alphas usually have strong opinions and they express themselves differently, so many times they may not like each other (especially if they don't agree on fundamental issues).

A good way is to watch political debates, see the most recent republican one. Each candidate is "Alpha" in his own group, but they have to compete against others on the podium. Donald Trump is currently at Alpha position as he is the most popular, the others rather appear like just barking dogs, most are viciously attacking him everywhere they can to de-throne him and get his position. So who wins? Usually the strongest one, but as you can see it is still quite complex - they no longer compete physically as wolfs do, they have to have good communication skills to express themselves, they have to have good social skills to be likable, they have to be able to form strategic coalitions to win different demographic, they have to have lots of money, they have to be intelligent to push the right buttons at the right time and so on....

In normal life it is not as extreme, but there might still be quite competition. A good Alpha will not try to win by too much dominating the group, he will rather try to form good coalition, lead by example, and make people follow him. Bad Alpha will be more of an asshole, lots of guys will rather avoid him as they don't want to keep fighting constantly for leading position.

Anyway, Alpha position usually requires lots of effort, it gives you good access to girls, but at the same time you are constantly doing extra work. There are better ways to get access to girls, without participating in the whole Alpha position or social ladders....

 

[Rusty]

Haha... yes. "Alpha".

It's such a man's term. My friends throw it around a lot. And they're not even PUAs or discuss PUA theory...

What I have observed is that men who are socially savvy and at peace with their own "value" (that is, they don't feel the need to flex their social muscles or assert authority over others), they are some of the most charismatic, laidback, mysterious, charming and likable fellows to talk with and hang around.

These are men who have no need for external validation and are comfortable in their skin, so to speak, because they've reached a level of competence and ability that allows them to access whatever they need or want (for the most part).

That is what I consider "alpha". It's not always about dominance, it's not about control. It's about navigating social situations with savvy and grace, as well as being considerate of others needs. Getting what you want and need without having to suck "value" or hurt people in the process.

But that's my view of it.

The ones that are really "alpha", aren't concerned with being "alpha". They just are, whether they developed it without conscious awareness through their life experiences or men who have actively built themselves to be strong, socially calibrated and savvy leaders. They understand not everything is or needs to be a pissing contest.

That being said, everything they do tends to radiate confidence and charisma. They shake hands firmly, not to intimidate, but to greet people with presence. A firm handshake, in my view, signals genuine interest in another person. It shows you're there, in the moment, and focused on that person. They make good eye contact because it shows people they're listening and interested in what they have to say.

They can assess other people and make quick and accurate judgments of others, not to manipulate or use them, but to understand them better and help manage and create a better social experience for people around them.

All in all, they lead, they have presence, they're social savants and they care about people. That's alpha to me. That's how alphas act.

 

[Estate]

I'm pretty curious. Theres a bunch of alphas hanging out in a group with each other. How do they treat each other? I have not had this experience yet. There must be an alpha of the group of alpha males, right? What happens when they look at each other? Do they hold eye contact for ages until one of them unwillingly breaks it? Do they constantly shit test each other to see where they fit amongst the group?

Actually I've found the total opposite to this if you're talking about actual confident, social, alpha guys.

The experience I'd have would be sports teams back home, rugby coming to mind but take a football team here.

There's a certain comeradery (sp?) involved. There's a certain amount of banter and ribbing involved and you learn to give and take in equal measures. But really there's some underlying respect that the whole group are working together or have the same goals or somehow have commonality and are pretty confident in themselves not to get upset by the ribbing or feel "Amogged" to use a PUA term.

Where I see what you described is more like in PUA circles. Just a lot of posturing by pretty insecure guys. Years ago I went to meet with a PUA "lair" on a night out. I thought at the time it would help me but they creeper me out big time. It was basically what you described. A lot of guys TRYONG to be the MOST alpha of all. But if you stood back, they were not very cool guys. Each needed to validate himself by tooling the others and nobody seemed to really get along.

I see it in business too. A lot of middle management trying to command respect or people in my bracket as a young professional trying to appear above their station. That comes more from trying too hard to be something they're not.

Just a personal perspective on it.

 

[Rage]

I'm pretty curious. Theres a bunch of alphas hanging out in a group with each other. How do they treat each other? I have not had this experience yet. There must be an alpha of the group of alpha males, right? What happens when they look at each other? Do they hold eye contact for ages until one of them unwillingly breaks it? Do they constantly shit test each other to see where they fit amongst the group?

Actually I've found the total opposite to this if you're talking about actual confident, social, alpha guys.

The experience I'd have would be sports teams back home, rugby coming to mind but take a football team here.

There's a certain comeradery (sp?) involved. There's a certain amount of banter and ribbing involved and you learn to give and take in equal measures. But really there's some underlying respect that the whole group are working together or have the same goals or somehow have commonality and are pretty confident in themselves not to get upset by the ribbing or feel "Amogged" to use a PUA term.

Where I see what you described is more like in PUA circles. Just a lot of posturing by pretty insecure guys. Years ago I went to meet with a PUA "lair" on a night out. I thought at the time it would help me but they creeper me out big time. It was basically what you described. A lot of guys TRYONG to be the MOST alpha of all. But if you stood back, they were not very cool guys. Each needed to validate himself by tooling the others and nobody seemed to really get along.

I see it in business too. A lot of middle management trying to command respect or people in my bracket as a young professional trying to appear above their station. That comes more from trying too hard to be something they're not.

Just a personal perspective on it.

My experience aligns 200% with this.

From years playing soccer and a few years in the gym, I see what camaraderie can be built by men working hard on something purposeful together.

And you see the emptiness and insecurity/lacking of guys in various other realms who aren't putting the same work in, are weaker within, and are trying to create a veneer of something/someone they are not.

 

[Richard]

My experience is pretty spot on with what has already been said; Estate did a great job summing up and verbalizing a lot of what I find to be true as well.

I'm not a fan of terms like Alpha, Beta, high value, low value, etc. and I instead tend to call men who are "Alpha" as men of value instead of "high value," and when you're in a group of people who understand what their value is and how it relates to the group at large then you have a lot of fun and joy. I understand my value as a person and thus in most groups I tend to stand out as the head of the group (a position I do not favor either) because I simply understand my value, not because I push my "value" onto other people.

In groups of "alphas" who feel they need to be "high value" then you have a lot of heads banging, arguments, and attrition. These guys feel like they need to constantly show their value by shit-testing everyone and acting outrageously asshole-ish and while it works, it does not bring the group together.

I've been in situations where I was the head of the group who was conflicted with other men who were trying to overtake being the head of the group and it caused nothing but problems. I've also been in groups (mostly with our own T Vaunswa) where everybody understand their place at the top and things just meshed. If somebody makes their way to the head of the group I do not fight it or try to overthrow them, I run with it and still share my value with everyone else who are also sharing their value.

So, to answer your question: real alphas act in ways to share their value and bring up the group value when around other alphas while. It's quite rare to find a group like this but when you do you almost feel compelled to jump into the fun without an invitation.

-Richard

 

[Jackson Joe]

Ah well they usual get on grand, but then there's normally a fight as to who goes through a door last!!

 

[Dylweed]

If a few alpha males got together and had convo none of them would be trying to play a game of who is more alpha. They would all just be focused on the conversation. 1 of them would probably end up being the one who is less reactive than the others and technically he'd be the alpha but none of them would be consciously thinking about any of that bullshit. They'd just be having fun.

 

[Skid]

I think its really important to first define the term alpha. I think a great way to describe it is socially powerful and all the things that we associate with that : leading , getting compliance from people , they also qualify themselves to you if that are not equally socially powerful. I agree with Drck how it becomes complex because if you're the manger at a workplace then people are sorta forced to let you be the most socially powerful - usually. So I think its best "measured" outside of social circles. How good are you at meeting and leading new people etc..

The most socially powerful men follow then law of least effort. Why fight over who is the most socially powerful when you can just be comrades and chill? Its less effort. Once you start putting in effort to prove your better then you've lost. In my experience guys who are socially savvy just respect each other and get along fine.