How do I answer "What are you looking for" type of questions?

[Michal]

Hello,
recently, I have had troubles with girls asking me (either on date or like 20 minutes after approach - most of the time direct) "what do you want" or "what are you looking for" or any variation like "are you looking for a serious relationship?" or on Tinder "do you think his is a hook up app or not" or "so hook up or something else". This bugs me, because I have to decide and based on that, I know that if I answer it correctly, we might move things further, but if I dont, there is no way anything will happen most of the time (and most of the time I answer wrong).

I guess my intentions are not that clear so she asks this way. But I usually open directly and when I open indirectly I ask her out. But I remember an article from Chase or Colt Williams where he mentioned that it is a provider/lover test and you pass it by not passing it basically. Because she expects you to say something like "yea, I want a serious thing". So you disqualify yourself as a potential boyfriend which means she deals with you as a lover.

Last couple of dates I got this, I questioned it with "You mean in general or... with you in particular?" (sometimes with a smirk on my face). And they all (3 now) went the general path so I said that one day I want to have a family but not at this point that I want to see what is out there. But I dont know how to approach the date after this because I am not sure if the questions pop up because of my unclear intentions. But we are on a date. How would it be different if a girl asked me this for example in class where we just talk/flirt?

 

[ray_zorse]

They might be genuine. One thing that it took me a while to realize in PU is that a direct opener is not really good enough as a statement of intent, it's quickly forgotten... and if you then spend the rest of the conversation and/or the date relating to her on a friendly level then she may well wonder your intentions. I had a lot of dates that were like friendly hangouts and obviously they did not lead to sex. So you need to be continually showing intent, the best way to do this is strong eye contact (never looking away basically... read the article on not breaking circle)... and plenty of touch... gentle sexual and chase framing... keep it about sex. At least that's the advice I give people who don't have their dating process down yet, as you get better you can rely more on your fundamentals to convey attraction, right now you need every tool in your arsenal or you'll look like Mr. Boring Nice Guy. Okay so that's the summary of how to handle it, if she's for real and genuinely wants to know your intentions. On the other hand, if it's a shit test the important thing is not to commit yourself (remember you don't know her well -- you are auditioning her -- a film director wouldn't commit to specifics about the role during an audition would he?)... lately I've been saying something like "I'm open minded to something more"... this was when asked "is it just about sex for you?"... it's fine to be open minded, that's no information.
Ray

 

[Dude909]

This is alike a shit test. The key is not to answer it seriously, that's how you fail.

Note that a girl who is a little bit interested typically will not start shit testing you so early on.

 

[Orelfius]

There's an article from Chase about the 5 ways to handle a challenge.

The 5th way is to meta it and frankly, you could take word for word the answer he shows in his example. It would be a perfect answer for all that kind of questions.

 

[Fuck This]

It is an opportunity to make the girl qualify herself, served up on a platter.

"I'm looking for someone I feel a physical connection with who also stimulates me intellectually and is supportive of my personal and professional growth."

Is basically telling her to turn you on and give you the freedom to do your own thing and not hold you back. Then you talk about how you have goals you want to accomplish and that your time is limited and you want your time with someone to be passionate and adventurous because that is how you live your life. You aren't making any promises but leave the door open.

You speak in general positive terms rather than negative. "Support", "Stimulate" etc. Be prepared for her to ask how you think that should be done and you reverse it by saying "How would you do that?"

 

[mb1]

Hey I had this twice recently! Both were girls CLEARLY interested in sex. It seems to me that they brought it up when I'd been slow to set a sexual frame, and they are attracted, but want you to turn the heat up now.

TwoRocky's totally right, it's a great opportunity to get her to qualify to you, but I'd just add that it's mostly an invitation, at least in my experience.

Another opportunity could be to chase frame her. For one who was smart and would pick up on subtext, I didn't address it logically at all and just disqualified myself as a boyfriend. Anyone overhearing our conversation would have thought it didn't flow at all, but we both knew it was a response to her saying under the surface "so are you going to fuck me or what? I didn't meet you on Tinder to bring home for the holidays"

 

[mb1]

Teddy Pendergrass actually solved this through a chase frame / framing intent as wanting company in the lounge seduction skit at the end of his song. His album cover even includes preselection. I believe art is a powerful peacock tail that leads to groupies with mathematical precision. https://youtu.be/uzYM01Smsug