How do I Bring up A Girl's Past?

[Bboy100]

Ok, so I've noticed that some of my most successful deep dives are those which involve the girl talking about her past. And also when she talks about her relationships (both ex-bfs and with her friends). Oftentimes, girls will volunteer this information on their own. But when they don't, its largely left out of the conversation.

How do I bring up topics like family, past bfs/relationships, her views on sexual promiscuity, her friends and their relationships, what she's looking for out of her dating life etc. without looking like I'm trying to Probe/Psychoanalyze her?

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Bboy one possible way is to break into the subject indirectly through yourself. For example regarding family.

You: It has been a while since I have talked to my brother. I need to give him a call and see how things are going. We were pretty tight as kids but as you get older life gets in the way.
Her: I know what you mean.
You: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Her: Yes, I have...

Now the ice is broken on the subject and you can start to deep dive. Note if she would have said No the you could have deep dived about her parents etc. This way she won't feel like you are asking 20 questions.
Use the same general approach for the other topics.

BDSC

 

[Raqimus]

Bboy one possible way is to break into the subject indirectly through yourself. For example regarding family.

You: It has been a while since I have talked to my brother. I need to give him a call and see how things are going. We were pretty tight as kids but as you get older life gets in the way.
Her: I know what you mean.
You: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Her: Yes, I have...

Now the ice is broken on the subject and you can start to deep dive. Note if she would have said No the you could have deep dived about her parents etc. This way she won't feel like you are asking 20 questions.
Use the same general approach for the other topics.

BDSC

Thats very smooth way to break open the subject. Would've asked if she knew what i mean so she could then say yes or no, then go from there; gonna have to give your way a try!

 

[Lotus]

It's also important to remember to come off as non-judgemental. If she thinks you are going to, she's likely going to distort the truth or lie about certain things.

 

[Estate]

I think it's worth mentioning to be careful with this.

When you bring up the topic of dating, exes, number of partners, etc... it tends to open women up, definitely.
Everyone has a history and these are emotional things.

However, it might not always be evoking the type of emotions you want to be doing.

Some topics are often let be.

For example. I don't know why but people seem to insist on having the talk about number of ex partners.
Unless both parties have roughly the same, it's going to change how you look at each other and cause tension... is she higher, is he higher... what does that mean? If it's equal... but a high number... is that good for the guy but bad for the girl? Doesn't matter what the answer is... it just leads to more questions which open the person up, but doesn't bring you closer. At least that's my perspective.

Also, on ex partners. Everyone can talk for hours about their exes. But if they talk positively about them, does it lower how she things of you that you're making her think of positive things about this person? If she talks badly about an ex... where do you go now? Are you trying to be a white knight? Are you trying to evoke negative feelings which might transfer onto you or just in her general mood?

It's definitely a way to open people up. But it might not always yield the result you want or expect.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

I love hearing about a girl's dirty past. As soon as they give even some glimpse of it, I hone in and expose that shit in all its dark glory. I want them to tell me about their love of anything nasty.

If conversation turns regretful or sad, I nod my head and move onto a different topic, but not before leaving her with a good lesson/feeling from the negative experience.

Once they mention something good, I gaze at them lustily, smile devilishly and watch them get all giddy and nervous telling me about their dirty/fun/positive past. It's a lovely mix of emotions that women crave - nervousness, excitement, pleasure, and mystery.

Slept with a girl this week after a 25 minute date that involved me just listening to her flip flop between admitting she's a slut and hiding behind a mask of purity. One minute she'd say she had a lot of fun in Spain and South America (of course sleeping with Hispanic men), but then I'd probe her lovely darkness deeper and she'd say, "well, I'm probably not as crazy as you think I am! Haha, I didn't even start dating until after college." What she didn't mention until after we slept together is that she went dick-crazy at that point and slept with like 30-40 guys (she claims to not remembering an exact count).

Of course, I suspected something like this and just looked at her like "we both know you're lying." I was inside of her soon after.

Women have amazing pasts. And they're so, so dirty. Learn as much of it as you can, and get her to admit every dirty detail

- Hector

 

[Bboy100]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

If conversation turns regretful or sad, I nod my head and move onto a different topic, but not before leaving her with a good lesson/feeling from the negative experience.

Once they mention something good, I gaze at them lustily, smile devilishly and watch them get all giddy and nervous telling me about their dirty/fun/positive past. It's a lovely mix of emotions that women crave - nervousness, excitement, pleasure, and mystery.

My experience has been similar. I've had a lot of girls volunteer information about their pasts. This has always had a strong and as far as I can tell based on results, positive emotional impact. I don't always end up sleeping with girls just because I have this type of conversation (although, I don't recall ever sleeping with a girl who didn't bring up relationships/exs/dating/sex in some way or another), but I always end up doing something...if I can't close, it usually has to do with my clumsiness when it comes to dealing with LMR and/or bad logistics.

Another similar type topic girls will bring up is what other guys do/have done to chase her (I'm guessing this is to impress me/convince me that she's a desirable girl). This also works to my advantage because its really easy to point out why what those guys are doing is wrong and what they could do better- this instantly communicates that "I get it" and I'm not just "another guy" because if I know why the stuff most guys do is creepy/weird/awkward better than she does (and I usually do), it implicitly shows that I probably won't exhibit that same type of behavior. Also, it seems to create intrigue/mystery (i.e. it leaves them wondering: how does he know so much about girls which other guys seem to be completely clueless about?)


My problem is that so far, I've never actively been the one to bring up these topics because I'm unsure of how to do it.

As soon as they give even some glimpse of it, I hone in and expose that shit in all its dark glory.

Ah, so it sounds like I've been doing it right. I'm guessing there aren't many socially savvy way to initially bring it up yourself. You just kinda have to wait for her to volunteer at least some information on her own?

However, it might not always be evoking the type of emotions you want to be doing.

It's also important to remember to come off as non-judgmental.

I think these two things are related. I feel like this will only bring up negative emotions if A. It looks like I'm trying to probe/judge her or B. I give her more attention/reward her for talking about a negative topic
Ex. rewarding topics like how she really misses her ex-bf or how all guys are assholes is probably not a good idea. But if she brings up how she or "friends of hers" have hooked up with other guys quickly or topics like her sexual fantasies etc. I'll probe deeper (no pun intended!).

If you just want sex, none of those topics are relevant at all. What is your intended outcome?

As stated above, it seems in my experience that its been helpful. Additionally, information about past relationships/the way she treats guys feels like a good way to screen girls for MTRs and LTRs.

Having said that, I'm open to hearing different perspectives on this too. Why would you say they are they not relevant?

 

[Estate]

Guys,
Way over analyzin here.

Anat man has a good point but his game is ultra tight.

OP doesn't sound quite there so bringing up exes and negative emotions will generally work against you. There's just no need. There's a million other things to discuss.

 

[Troy]

Bboy,

I'd avoid getting too deep in a girls personal life ( ex bf's, hookup numbers etc) until I've slept with her. I like knowing EVERYTHING, it's how I build a connection. The more I know is the less " judgmental " I become to xyz person. I think that's the main reason girls will willingly tell me their deepest secrets. People in general I'm surprised will choose me over their best friends to tell their tales.

I'd say ONLY ask about her past after you've fucked her ( and definitely find out before getting into a relationship).Beware though it can backfire. You have to remain 100% non judgemental. And you'll need to be able to change the topic to greener pastures quickly if the conversation gets weird. Trust me, knowing her past can bring her closer to you . There is less secrets and she becomes comfortable being her true self around you.

Knowing her past can tell you what she was like and what she could possibly be in the future. Ahh avoid negative vibes when discussing her past.

Finally if it's just a casual girl, forget about knowing her past . There are far more positive and interesting topics to discuss , find them.

Troy

 

[Estate]

Yeah, honestly. Have met a ton a women... some of them are very open and/or have interesting stories.

Other girls just have completely fucked up views of past relationships. In one way it's a good screening tool. If a girl makes wild accusations and fucked up reviews of exes... run.

But I know that's not what your going for here.