- Joined
- Jul 17, 2014
- Messages
- 6
Hi Chase (and others),
I recently discovered the website and these boards. I have been piling over posts on game and relationships and have talked to a lot of my friends about this and I am still spending a lot of time on this so I decided to post and see if i can get any solid advice for my specific situation.
I was dating a girl that lives 65 miles away for about 4-5 months. I am 35 and she is 33. It started casual. We hit it off on the first date (we had really good sex) and our relationship was mostly based on very good sex. I don't think we met once and didn't have sex. She reached multiple orgasms every time and was very into it. One month into it, we mostly saw each other on the weekend but we would pretty much spend most of the weekend together living like a couple. She met my friends and she included me in her life right from the bat. The week we would each go to our homes and jobs due to the distance and communication through the week would be limited to maybe one phone call and a few texts (neither of us was good on the phone). Throughout, we did enjoy each other's company and we did have feelings for each other and I think we were more serious than a casual relationship. I truly believe we were into each other and I really like this girl.
About 4 months into it, I got bogged down with work and other concerns, so I neglected her a little more than i should have. Failed to reply to some texts, stood her up once when she was with her friends for a few hours without notice etc. She complained a couple of times but I blew her off. She also had complains that i am being elusive and not letting her in my life (although she would not ask specific questions - I just did not volunteer information about what i was doing/feeling/thinking)
Then on a couple of occasions, I ended up treating her like a booty call. She wanted to make plans for the weekend, i was not committal and blew her off, and then on Saturday evening I went to her house. She let me in (she was a bit drunk) and although pissed off, she let me have sex with her. I think she still enjoyed it but was obviously pissed off at me for "disrespecting" her and "failing to communicate" and "being deceiptful" with her and treating her as a "last priority". (her words). The next day, she told me we were at a crossroads in the relationship but i joked around about it and dismissed the question and told her that i want things to be as they were with no pressure.
She then got a bit cold with me (but not super cold). I could still lead her but she was a bit reluctant and hesitant. It seemed to be the beginning of her auto-rejection phase. The colder she got, the colder I got and the week we were apart we didn't communicate much. The following weekend was the first weekend she preferred to see her girlfriends than me. I got pissed off and went to see her anyway unannounced, that pissed her off even more because I did not "respect her space". We still had sex but the magic was gone out of that as well. She did reach an orgasm but then she was tired and wanted to go to bed (in previous times, she would reach many and she would not stop until I was done as well and was overly concerned about pleasing me). She did not want to cuddle either, which used to be her favorite....
Upset that the sex was not as good as before and that she gave me a cold shoulder overnight, i confronted her and she told me that she may have lost trust in me and was not sure if she could regain it. She told me she is trying to decide and that the jury was still out. In a knee-jerk reaction to regain what was lost and being a needy Alpha, i went into a tailspin, did a complete 180 degree turn and and I showered her with clingy attention. I panicked. So what followed was flowers, love notes etc. telling her that I am crazy for her etc.
The next week she had a scheduled week off to go see her family far away. She told me she needed time to think about it. I let her be. Sent her maybe 2-3 cute/clingy text messages but that was it. She replied with hours-delay in a cold way. The day she got back, I wrote her an email that i wanted to see her for coffee and talk about things. She called me back that evening and told me that she got my email and that she does not think this will work and that she thought we should stop seeing each other.
I went into panic mode again and lost it. I pleaded with her that I do not want to lose her but she was firm. Polite (she was always polite) but firm. I told her that I would go down to see her and she tells me in person and she warned me not to. I told her i did not care and that she cannot tell me what to do and what not to do. In the end, i was so blindsided with emotions so I drove down that night to see her although she had warned me that she would not open the door this time (both previous times she did and we ended up in bed). I went anyway.
I stood outside her house for a while knocking. She would not reply. In the end, after A LOT of knocking, she told me to get away or she would call the cops. I told her that she can call the cops and (being the drama queen) that "i would go to jail for her if i had to". I told her that i only wanted to talk to her and look at her eye-to-eye in the doorstep but she refused to open and told me that she does not trust me and that I disrespected her. She warned me SEVERAL times and i challenged her to call the cops. In the end she did. The cops came, She told them that she just wanted me to leave and not arrest me or anything, so we exchanged pleasantries and they told me to leave. So things got a bit extreme.
That very night, in a surprising manner, I sat down and wrote to her a "farewell email".
Her calling the cops, I figured i will never see this girl again.
The email covers ALL the topics here:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... riend-back
The funny thing is that i knew nothing of this sort of "game" or had no intention of doing this to get her back. It just came out from the heart but it is textboook for a farewell email under "#1 - Screw you jerk" scenario. (although I am not sure if i am a #1 scenario, or a #2 scenario due to the late-arrived neediness)
In a surprising manner, a week later, she replied to my email (although I asked for no reply - the email was more of a farewell forever email and that i will never bother her again). She told me that she "does not know how to reply / what to say and that she appreciates all i wrote and that she hopes I am well".
I never replied. (there were no questions).
It's been a week (two weeks since breakup) and still radio silence on both ends. I was advised to let things cool off or do NC to get over her.
If she had not replied, I would think this was a lost cause but I DO want this girl back. I objectively think she is marriage material as a person. She was cool and we were compatible. I am a difficult person and although i can get game, she is quality and I want to put the work to get her back if possible.
A couple of things of relevance here:
1) We are not connected at all. No facebook friends, no common social circles, no common friends, nothing. We live 65 miles away in a heavily populated area, so If there is no direct contact, I will probably NEVER see her again. I don't have her number any more (deleted it that night)- just her email.
2) She came out of a 10 year relationship with someone who had cheated on her repeatedly. I never cheated on her but I think she has trust issues because of that. She is still in contact with him still, although she had told me in our heyday that she would NEVER take him back but she loves him because they know each other since kids (never met the guy and he lives far far away).
Do you think i should contact her lightly and try to build "friendly communication" and in what way? Or should i maintain NC and if yes, for how long? Should i tell her that maybe we can be friends and see where that takes us? In all honesty the relationship was heavily sexual, we were never friends but this was probably my fault because I was aloof. I think she wanted to all along. I am confused as to where this fits in and what the best course of action is.
Thanks.
I recently discovered the website and these boards. I have been piling over posts on game and relationships and have talked to a lot of my friends about this and I am still spending a lot of time on this so I decided to post and see if i can get any solid advice for my specific situation.
I was dating a girl that lives 65 miles away for about 4-5 months. I am 35 and she is 33. It started casual. We hit it off on the first date (we had really good sex) and our relationship was mostly based on very good sex. I don't think we met once and didn't have sex. She reached multiple orgasms every time and was very into it. One month into it, we mostly saw each other on the weekend but we would pretty much spend most of the weekend together living like a couple. She met my friends and she included me in her life right from the bat. The week we would each go to our homes and jobs due to the distance and communication through the week would be limited to maybe one phone call and a few texts (neither of us was good on the phone). Throughout, we did enjoy each other's company and we did have feelings for each other and I think we were more serious than a casual relationship. I truly believe we were into each other and I really like this girl.
About 4 months into it, I got bogged down with work and other concerns, so I neglected her a little more than i should have. Failed to reply to some texts, stood her up once when she was with her friends for a few hours without notice etc. She complained a couple of times but I blew her off. She also had complains that i am being elusive and not letting her in my life (although she would not ask specific questions - I just did not volunteer information about what i was doing/feeling/thinking)
Then on a couple of occasions, I ended up treating her like a booty call. She wanted to make plans for the weekend, i was not committal and blew her off, and then on Saturday evening I went to her house. She let me in (she was a bit drunk) and although pissed off, she let me have sex with her. I think she still enjoyed it but was obviously pissed off at me for "disrespecting" her and "failing to communicate" and "being deceiptful" with her and treating her as a "last priority". (her words). The next day, she told me we were at a crossroads in the relationship but i joked around about it and dismissed the question and told her that i want things to be as they were with no pressure.
She then got a bit cold with me (but not super cold). I could still lead her but she was a bit reluctant and hesitant. It seemed to be the beginning of her auto-rejection phase. The colder she got, the colder I got and the week we were apart we didn't communicate much. The following weekend was the first weekend she preferred to see her girlfriends than me. I got pissed off and went to see her anyway unannounced, that pissed her off even more because I did not "respect her space". We still had sex but the magic was gone out of that as well. She did reach an orgasm but then she was tired and wanted to go to bed (in previous times, she would reach many and she would not stop until I was done as well and was overly concerned about pleasing me). She did not want to cuddle either, which used to be her favorite....
Upset that the sex was not as good as before and that she gave me a cold shoulder overnight, i confronted her and she told me that she may have lost trust in me and was not sure if she could regain it. She told me she is trying to decide and that the jury was still out. In a knee-jerk reaction to regain what was lost and being a needy Alpha, i went into a tailspin, did a complete 180 degree turn and and I showered her with clingy attention. I panicked. So what followed was flowers, love notes etc. telling her that I am crazy for her etc.
The next week she had a scheduled week off to go see her family far away. She told me she needed time to think about it. I let her be. Sent her maybe 2-3 cute/clingy text messages but that was it. She replied with hours-delay in a cold way. The day she got back, I wrote her an email that i wanted to see her for coffee and talk about things. She called me back that evening and told me that she got my email and that she does not think this will work and that she thought we should stop seeing each other.
I went into panic mode again and lost it. I pleaded with her that I do not want to lose her but she was firm. Polite (she was always polite) but firm. I told her that I would go down to see her and she tells me in person and she warned me not to. I told her i did not care and that she cannot tell me what to do and what not to do. In the end, i was so blindsided with emotions so I drove down that night to see her although she had warned me that she would not open the door this time (both previous times she did and we ended up in bed). I went anyway.
I stood outside her house for a while knocking. She would not reply. In the end, after A LOT of knocking, she told me to get away or she would call the cops. I told her that she can call the cops and (being the drama queen) that "i would go to jail for her if i had to". I told her that i only wanted to talk to her and look at her eye-to-eye in the doorstep but she refused to open and told me that she does not trust me and that I disrespected her. She warned me SEVERAL times and i challenged her to call the cops. In the end she did. The cops came, She told them that she just wanted me to leave and not arrest me or anything, so we exchanged pleasantries and they told me to leave. So things got a bit extreme.
That very night, in a surprising manner, I sat down and wrote to her a "farewell email".
Her calling the cops, I figured i will never see this girl again.
The email covers ALL the topics here:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... riend-back
The funny thing is that i knew nothing of this sort of "game" or had no intention of doing this to get her back. It just came out from the heart but it is textboook for a farewell email under "#1 - Screw you jerk" scenario. (although I am not sure if i am a #1 scenario, or a #2 scenario due to the late-arrived neediness)
In a surprising manner, a week later, she replied to my email (although I asked for no reply - the email was more of a farewell forever email and that i will never bother her again). She told me that she "does not know how to reply / what to say and that she appreciates all i wrote and that she hopes I am well".
I never replied. (there were no questions).
It's been a week (two weeks since breakup) and still radio silence on both ends. I was advised to let things cool off or do NC to get over her.
If she had not replied, I would think this was a lost cause but I DO want this girl back. I objectively think she is marriage material as a person. She was cool and we were compatible. I am a difficult person and although i can get game, she is quality and I want to put the work to get her back if possible.
A couple of things of relevance here:
1) We are not connected at all. No facebook friends, no common social circles, no common friends, nothing. We live 65 miles away in a heavily populated area, so If there is no direct contact, I will probably NEVER see her again. I don't have her number any more (deleted it that night)- just her email.
2) She came out of a 10 year relationship with someone who had cheated on her repeatedly. I never cheated on her but I think she has trust issues because of that. She is still in contact with him still, although she had told me in our heyday that she would NEVER take him back but she loves him because they know each other since kids (never met the guy and he lives far far away).
Do you think i should contact her lightly and try to build "friendly communication" and in what way? Or should i maintain NC and if yes, for how long? Should i tell her that maybe we can be friends and see where that takes us? In all honesty the relationship was heavily sexual, we were never friends but this was probably my fault because I was aloof. I think she wanted to all along. I am confused as to where this fits in and what the best course of action is.
Thanks.
