How do I get out of a precedent of paying for meals?

[Mr.Rob]

The last girl I went on a date with I think simply assumed that I would pay for her stuff (which I don't personally have a huge qualm about) and did it in a way where it would have been a pretty dick move to call her out in front of a restaurant, when I'm pretty positive she's just under the impression of old school dating ways and probably has never had to pay for a date.

The meal was like 6 bucks to pay for her so it wasn't a huge issue but I don't want to lose her respect and have a precedent of me covering the bills for women I'm not currently sleeping with.

I'd like to go on date 2 and hopefully seal the deal but I think it might be in my best interest not to pay for her.

How do I approach telling her this without her auto-rejecting or getting in a shitty mood because of it (though if that's the case might be for the better as I don't need an entitled princess).

I'm thinking something along the lines of this.
"Look I don't usually buy stuff for women I'm not sleeping with. I'm sure you simply assumed it last time and that's fine I wasn't going to make a huge deal about it in front of the restaurant. But I don't believe in buying women's stuff for them to be in my company. If you don't understand we can make conversation about it once we sit down."

This still seems a bit cheapskate/jerk (the latter is no biggie on my part).

Any suggestions on how to word this? Things to add/not to add?

Thanks gentlemen!

-Rob

 

[trashKENNUT]

Just dun bring her to any food center. !

Zac

 

[TheWiseFool]

"Hey, I don't it's that big of a deal, but do you mind if we split the bill?"

I'd assume she'd be upset whether or not she agrees, but if she agrees, then she'll get over it along with her attraction for you being much higher/increasing since you got her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Don't expend much energy trying to convince her. Just put it out there. My reason being the law of least effort: one sentence versus two, three or four sentences.

I'm not as experienced as you Rob but I hope I can help out in anyway ^_^

Take care,

 

[Thedoctor]

Rob,

I'm thinking something along the lines of this.
"Look I don't usually buy stuff for women I'm not sleeping with. I'm sure you simply assumed it last time and that's fine I wasn't going to make a huge deal about it in front of the restaurant. But I don't believe in buying women's stuff for them to be in my company. If you don't understand we can make conversation about it once we sit down."

This seems a little too wordy and seems like you're trying hard to explain yourself for something that shouldn't require an explanation. Especially when you're saying something along the lines of "I don't buy stuff for women I'm not sleeping with" which basically is telling her you'll buy her a bunch of things once she starts putting out. WiseFool has the right idea by wanting to make it more simple and not making a big deal of it. A really easy way to address this issue is to just ask the server for separate bills at the start of the date.

No need to over-complicate it, and definitely no need to explain yourself to her.

-John

 

[Mr.Rob]

Wow yeah you guys are on it.

Idk why I forgot about the law of least effort/explaining myself but I definitely did. My original sentence definitely sounds very apologetic/ once you put out I'll buy you stuff like a princess. Lol overanalyzing is a bitch.

But that's why I asked I knew I was forgetting something!

Thank ya for weighing gents.

-Rob

 

[TheWiseFool]

Rob,

Lol overanalyzing is a bitch.

The bane of my existence lol! A gift and a curse!

John,

A really easy way to address this issue is to just ask the server for separate bills at the start of the date.

That sounds so much better... wow haha! You go right around asking her by making up her mind for her right then and there.

Glad to have learned something!

 

[Water]

This used to be a problem of mine. There was a period of time where I got girls to pay for their share of the date or I had them pay for the entire date, both of those are not difficult to do. You simply ask. Or even forget your wallet, which I've accidentally done before, and had the girl pay for the date.

I personally think it is a better idea to pay for the whole date yourself, especially if it is as cheap as you say it is. In my experience, the girls who offer to pay within the first few dates are the ones who will not use you. If she never offers to pay then you know what kind of girl she is. I think spending that extra money is worth figuring that out about her, especially if you intend to keep her around. If you don't intend to keep her around, then you don't even need to be cautious about how you get her to pay.

Also to note, I don't let girls pay even if they offer, I'll usually say, "Don't worry about it, you can get it next time."

 

[Mr.Rob]

Water thanks for the tips/comment. I don't have any personal qualms about paying I'm more so doing it to up my challenge factor. Have her thinking "wow I cannot get this guy to behave like all the other ones, and I seem to like him more than all the other ones".

That and to me paying for a girls meal would be the same thing as giving her a bouquet of flowers or buying her a big heart full of chocolates. It's a gift essentially and what did she do to deserve it? I'm pretty new school thinking here but that's the frame I'm coming from.

Cool to have you on the boards Water.

-Rob

 

[Water]

Water thanks for the tips/comment. I don't have any personal qualms about paying I'm more so doing it to up my challenge factor. Have her thinking "wow I cannot get this guy to behave like all the other ones, and I seem to like him more than all the other ones".

That and to me paying for a girls meal would be the same thing as giving her a bouquet of flowers or buying her a big heart full of chocolates. It's a gift essentially and what did she do to deserve it? I'm pretty new school thinking here but that's the frame I'm coming from.

Cool to have you on the boards Water.

-Rob

I see what you mean. I think in that case, you could try experimenting with this situation then. Pay for dates sometimes and other times get the girls to pay their half of the date, and even other times get girls to pay for the entire date. After wards, judge for yourself which one seems best.

My experiences may differ from yours. I've done all 3 before, and I find that paying for the meals is the most hassle-free way to do it, and it gives me a way to test her character as well, depending on whether she offers to pay or not. If she never offers, then I'm probably going to pump and dump her, I don't need any users in my life right now.

Edit: I've also had girls who paid for the date without asking me for permission to pay. Those are keepers.

And thanks, it's good to be here.

 

[Light]

How to deal with old school dates when it comes to paying while showing that you are a generous charming man:

"I've got this one love, you can treat me next time"

Make sure you're smiling and genuinely are happy to pay.