How do I get over this-I feel like it could have been love at first sight, but I never approached.

[hater58]

I am posting this as an offshoot to @Water's post https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/preventing-and-ending-unhealthy-obsessions-with-girls.23098/


I cannot get over my crush of over 3 years from college. There was this really pretty girl on the soccer team who was 2 years younger than me. To summarize it, the first time I saw her in the dining hall, before all of this started, I remember thinking, "she has an ass to die for".

Anyway, the second semester of my junior year this girl noticed me and definitely began to develop a crush on me. To me it felt like a love at first sight scenario chase described in the article below. I have never experienced anything similar with any other girl. Every time I can remember use being within eyeshot, we locked eyes for at least 1-2 seconds and experienced that moment of recognition. There were several times that this happened while she was eating with her boyfriend and she was checking me out while with him. It seemed like every time I glanced over at her, she was staring at me. I already thought she was super hot, and since I was always exchanging glances with her, I became completely obsessed with her.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/love-first-sight

I fantasized about dating her and having sex with her nearly every day for maybe an hour, for a year. Eventually in my last semester of college (she was broken up with BF at that point) I was at a dance party and she was with a friend of mine and one of her other friends near me. The second time I looked back at her she was standing 8 feet in front of me, giving me one of the fuck me eyes looks but I bitched out and I didn't talk to her. A few weeks later she got back together with her old boyfriend and I never took my shot with her. She was standing next to my housemate that night, and she was from the same place that my parents went to grad school (I knew because of her facebook), so it would have been an easy way to start the conversation.

I keep looking back to that night 28 months ago and wondering how my life would have been different if I had gone up and said hi to her. She was so beautiful and I feel like I will never have a chance with a girl like her again, and I threw away the opportunity of a lifetime. I ignored the feeling at my own peril and now I wish that I was dead. I obsess and feel horrible about it every day.

I know it sounds ridiculous but I just don't think I can stop pining over her.

 

[Zoro]

I threw away the opportunity of a lifetime.

It's true, you missed out on the experience of maybe dating this girl. But it's very possible (and likely if you put in the effort) that you will have great experiences with other girls, probably ones that will eclipse the potential experience you would have with this girl. You will happily forget about this girl.

This is the start of the journey. The pain of inaction. It leads to taking action, once you will not tolerate inaction any longer.

I've been where you are, and you can overcome it. Start by telling yourself you can do it. I have a deep belief that I will have great experiences with women, and I do, probably because of the belief.

And I have no good reason to think that I should. There isn't anything special about me, other than I believe in myself and allow myself to dream as big as I want and go for it.

I'm not just an optimist, I'm a super optimist. Become a super optimist, and get the solid advice from here. It'll keep you grounded while your dreaming big.

If you catch yourself thinking about her, try and redirect your thoughts to your potential and a new belief in yourself.

 

[Train]

Not ridiculous at all. I've been where you are before. I know it feels like you won't find another girl like her. And that feeling of loss can be overwhelming. But it's not an accurate perception of reality. Trust me.

I've had this oneitis happen on 3 separate occasions. If anything, the 2nd and 3rd times show that there's more girls out there.

Put yourself out there. And just observe. You'll see there's plenty of attractive girls around the corner.

Look up GC articles on oneitis and abundance mentality. I think they'll help.

You're young, bro. You have plenty of time to grow, learn, and have fulfilling relationships with women. But you have to shift your thoughts away from her and to more productive things. Time heals but you have to let it by letting go of this girl.

 

[trashKENNUT]

It happens :/

I lost this one girl around 2014,2015. She was legit hot, every work mates of mine finds her hot and the fact that she was pleasant.

One female coworker was pissed that she like me.

I think that's one of the first few girls that break my mental frame of every hot girl needs to be bitchy, feel distanced.

She was legit hot and pleasant. I found her linkedin recently. She's not so hot now.

It happens. Just approach other women. Move on.

 

[Zoro]

I've had this oneitis happen on 3 separate occasions. If anything, the 2nd and 3rd times show that there's more girls out there.

lol well said. Shows how irrational oneitis is if you can keep getting it.

 

[hater58]

I really appreciate the support-honestly it is making me feel a lot better to have shared this and gotten some sympathy. If I had posted this on reddit everyone probably would have just told me that I was chode. It wasn't something I am comfortable sharing with friends.

Realistically unless I find a similar girl there is no way I can forget about her completely but I can try to cut down. Obviously there are tons of other girls out there though, but for the way my life has gone I just feel like it was one in a million.

I just feel like if I had gotten with her, even if things didn't work out between us, my confidence would have skyrocketed and I could be in a much better place than I am right now, having much more success with other women. When I go on dating apps and it goes badly which always happens I just want to cry. Perhaps I need to seek therapy.

 

[Zoro]

I’ve heard that women tend to deal with this kind of thing better because they talk about it with their friends. Social support ain’t no joke.

I’m actually dealing with a similar situation, because that girl from my FR hasn’t texted back in a day (I am a chode) and I’ve told my friends already.

I’m lucky to have friends like them, but I literally built a solid social circle myself. I recommend you find some friends who got your back in game and women, it’s a huge help.

also, unless you put some serious work into your pictures on dating apps, I would drop them. They can kill your self confidence because it’s a warped fucking dating market, meet women in real life!

 

[Train]

It's a great first step to share this with other supportive people. You're on your way.

Therapy could do you good. I would also suggest investing more in yourself (passions, hobbies, social groups, etc). Give yourself more reasons and ways to derive joy out of life aside from women.

Don't worry about dating apps. You're not alone. It's not great for a majority of men.

You may not see it now, but this girl (or any girl) doesn't hold the key to your happiness. You do. It's all in your values and mindsets.

 

[hater58]

@Train I will look into therapy and ditch the apps. I have some hobbies (fishing mostly) but right now I don't have time to do much of anything because my actuarial exam is coming up next month and Im not as prepared as I should be (Tests I have to do for work). Unfortunately that hobby and my profession are very male-dominated, though.

 

[Mr STIF]

I really appreciate the support-honestly it is making me feel a lot better to have shared this and gotten some sympathy. If I had posted this on reddit everyone probably would have just told me that I was chode. It wasn't something I am comfortable sharing with friends.

Realistically unless I find a similar girl there is no way I can forget about her completely but I can try to cut down. Obviously there are tons of other girls out there though, but for the way my life has gone I just feel like it was one in a million.

I just feel like if I had gotten with her, even if things didn't work out between us, my confidence would have skyrocketed and I could be in a much better place than I am right now, having much more success with other women. When I go on dating apps and it goes badly which always happens I just want to cry. Perhaps I need to seek therapy.

Brother, welcome to the journey where you heal yourself. Just like RSDTyler will say you need to nourish yourself.

Forgive yourself and be determined to develop your skill to an extent where you never miss out on any IOI's.

Experience is practice. Gold is common and diligence is for those who want diamonds. Have no regrets for the past instead learn a lesson from it and be prepared to approach it from a different angle.

I love this game for it's losses and wins. I decided to win a long time ago and with practice you can play the winning game of getting the woman of your dreams.

 

[hater58]

There is definitely solace in knowing that this type of thing is pretty normal

 

[hater58]

I am still unable to get over it to any measurable degree I have decided to try therapy, hopefully that will help.

 

[Slick]

Being thirsty like that won’t get you anywhere. About a year ago, this one model looking chick started talking to me out of no where when I was on vacation. I talked to her and could have brought her back to my room. But I don’t look back and think “she’s the hottest girl I’ll ever get, I have to capitalize on it now or regret it forever”. You have to feel like she’s not that special and eventually there will be even hotter girls in your life. This is the abundance mindset.

 

[hater58]

I blew it and it is done. My only chance ever to have sex with a hot college girl was wasted. There really is no way to spin it into a mostly positive way, it just sucks to mull over and I cannot stop. I must try to focus on the present but the does not discount the opportuity lost and the mediocre endless pining that persists. I will be starting therapy in 2 weeks so hopefully that will help, as I said before.

 

[Glow]

GFTOW