How do I get the motivation to approach women?

[Flowstatic]

So i've been trying the newbie challenge for a while without any success.

I just don't see any point to it all. I've never had a girl tell me I was attractive, never been on a date, never had gf or anything at all. And I'm now in my 20s.

I feel like women will only get annoyed or creeped out if I approach them anyway, so what's really the point?
Alot of the advice on here is to just stop masturbating and in a few weeks you'll be so horny you'll have tons of motivation to talk to women. I don't think it works like that. I'm not some mindless animal, I can control my urges in public. I've tried not masturbating for months and I literally still have no motivation to approach any girl.
The advice on reddit is to seek therapy. Well i've been doing that for years and all my therapists have said the same bs. Just go approach women and you'll be proven wrong! That's a load of crap, I don't have any motivation or desire at all to approach women, so why would I?
Some other advice is to get drunk or high on drugs. Well I've tried that MANY times by now, and it still didn't change my desire at all. I literally felt the same no matter how high I got.
The last thing ppl do is try to scare me w/ the possibility that I'll die alone. To me, that isn't so bad at all. I've literally always been alone, so it's not like it's something new.

But I do want to change things, it's just I don't know how. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where if things don't change, all the resentment built up inside me will make me burst. I want to approach women and have lots of sex, I just can't seem to get the desire to approach any girls at all. I feel my resentment towards women has grown in recent years. It's just that women are so much more privileged than men, they don't have to do anything except look pretty. None of them can relate to my problems, all they have to do is exist and they can get a partner. Ik it's not healthy to hate women, but with the way things are I can't help it.
I don't even know if u guys can relate to this, I doubt Chase or any1 ever dealt with this.

So what am I supposed to do? I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. Is there an article or a solution to help me?

 

[Hue]

So i've been trying the newbie challenge for a while without any success.

Define "trying for a while". What are your metrics? Do you have a journal?

I've tried not masturbating for months and I literally still have no motivation to approach any girl.

Are you exercising?

 

[Warped Mindless]

1) Do you have autism?

2) Go get your testosterone levels checked.

 

[Flowstatic]

Define "trying for a while". What are your metrics? Do you have a journal?



Are you exercising?

Like I can't get past the hi part. I can't go up to girls and ask anything beyond that.
I am not currently exercising since my college semester break started but will again. I am pretty muscular as I went to the gym alot to try to get attention from girls, so that isn't an issue.

 

[Flowstatic]

1) Do you have autism?

2) Go get your testosterone levels checked.

1. I definitely don't. I do have adhd and depression though
2. I did. They are in the low 300s. I'm 21.
Not sure if it makes much of an impact though. I still think of sex frequently and masturbate 2-3 times a day no matter how depressed I get. Pretty sure I have a high sex drive, although I've never had sex b4.

 

[Warped Mindless]

1. I definitely don't. I do have adhd and depression though
2. I did. They are in the low 300s. I'm 21.
Not sure if it makes much of an impact though. I still think of sex frequently and masturbate 2-3 times a day no matter how depressed I get. Pretty sure I have a high sex drive, although I've never had sex b4.

That is waaaaay too low.

I’d seriously look into ways of improving it and if after a few months it doesn’t go up, get on TRT.

 

[Flowstatic]

I've tried for the past year and nothing rly changed. It's weird cuz I never eat fast food, only homecooked and work out every week at least.
What does it matter though? I mean I still get boners every morning and crave sex constantly, so it can't be that big of a deal right? I'm still very healthy for my age.

 

[Hue]

1. I definitely don't. I do have adhd and depression though
2. I did. They are in the low 300s. I'm 21.
Not sure if it makes much of an impact though. I still think of sex frequently and masturbate 2-3 times a day no matter how depressed I get. Pretty sure I have a high sex drive, although I've never had sex b4.

My concern with exercising was the testosterone. As @Warped Mindless pointed out, yours is very low, and definitely for your age of 22.

Also, masturbating that often (especially to porn) is going to both lower your T and crash your dopamine for motivation. I'd stick to masturbating once a week, and on day 5-6 of abstaining, go approach heavily. There's a ton of science on this I'm not just talking out my ass. Google masturbation and T levels + watch Andrew Huberman speak on motivation.


You can't honestly say you've done your part with the newbie challenge if you can't build some usable dialogue after "Hi".

There's a bunch of ways you can take it. Do your homework on the main site and the forum and decide what you're going to say, then commit to it.

 

[Swati]

So i've been trying the newbie challenge for a while without any success.

I just don't see any point to it all. I've never had a girl tell me I was attractive, never been on a date, never had gf or anything at all. And I'm now in my 20s.

I feel like women will only get annoyed or creeped out if I approach them anyway, so what's really the point?
Alot of the advice on here is to just stop masturbating and in a few weeks you'll be so horny you'll have tons of motivation to talk to women. I don't think it works like that. I'm not some mindless animal, I can control my urges in public. I've tried not masturbating for months and I literally still have no motivation to approach any girl.
The advice on reddit is to seek therapy. Well i've been doing that for years and all my therapists have said the same bs. Just go approach women and you'll be proven wrong! That's a load of crap, I don't have any motivation or desire at all to approach women, so why would I?
Some other advice is to get drunk or high on drugs. Well I've tried that MANY times by now, and it still didn't change my desire at all. I literally felt the same no matter how high I got.
The last thing ppl do is try to scare me w/ the possibility that I'll die alone. To me, that isn't so bad at all. I've literally always been alone, so it's not like it's something new.

But I do want to change things, it's just I don't know how. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where if things don't change, all the resentment built up inside me will make me burst. I want to approach women and have lots of sex, I just can't seem to get the desire to approach any girls at all. I feel my resentment towards women has grown in recent years. It's just that women are so much more privileged than men, they don't have to do anything except look pretty. None of them can relate to my problems, all they have to do is exist and they can get a partner. Ik it's not healthy to hate women, but with the way things are I can't help it.
I don't even know if u guys can relate to this, I doubt Chase or any1 ever dealt with this.

So what am I supposed to do? I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. Is there an article or a solution to help me?

are you drinking tap water? If you have no motivation to approach girls, then why are you on this website?

LMFAO you masturbate 3-4x a day off of random porn stars on a screen you wonder why you aren't motivated to approach IRL ROFL

I bet you walk around tired 80% of the time you are awake, and half of the time you thinking about porn. quit porn first, then think about the IRL socializing. you currently have a chemical imbalance, you're brain probably half working as well. I bet your grades are bad too. anyways. retain your semen, slowly stop porn, or go cold turkey NEVER watch it again. then you will be able to approach girls with the advice you get from GC

do you workout? probably not.... I doubt you'd be able to when you releasing yourself 3x a day

 

[Will_V]

So i've been trying the newbie challenge for a while without any success.

I just don't see any point to it all. I've never had a girl tell me I was attractive, never been on a date, never had gf or anything at all. And I'm now in my 20s.

I feel like women will only get annoyed or creeped out if I approach them anyway, so what's really the point?

You've clearly got a lot of psychological frames about yourself and girls that are negative and inhibit you.

Meditation is the best thing I've found for releasing the mind from any kind of emotional straitjacket, whether it's social anxiety, depression, recovering from bad experiences etc.

That's what happens when you have these issues - your mind becomes frenzied with incoherent negative emotions and thoughts that swamp you. And if you force them away they usually leave you with a dead, tired, fatigued feeling where you have no motivation for anything, because they are still there feeding on your energy away from your awareness.

You have to become emotionally active and aware without losing control, and that's where I've found meditation useful. Meditation gives you a degree of separation between your identity and your thoughts, enough for you tor realize that they aren't one and the same, and that makes it possible to begin the process of releasing them.

Alot of the advice on here is to just stop masturbating and in a few weeks you'll be so horny you'll have tons of motivation to talk to women. I don't think it works like that. I'm not some mindless animal, I can control my urges in public. I've tried not masturbating for months and I literally still have no motivation to approach any girl.
The advice on reddit is to seek therapy. Well i've been doing that for years and all my therapists have said the same bs. Just go approach women and you'll be proven wrong! That's a load of crap, I don't have any motivation or desire at all to approach women, so why would I?

My advice is to find a way to enjoy women without living in the pain of needing something from them. Sure, you can't turn off your needs, but you can find moments to just enjoy them for what they are - the way they talk, move, act, do silly stuff. Without applying any judgement or allowing negative thoughts to find root in anything you see.

Once you start enjoying the presence of women it's very natural to want to interact with them, talk to them, touch them, etc. This is the only real basis you need for seduction to begin.

Some other advice is to get drunk or high on drugs. Well I've tried that MANY times by now, and it still didn't change my desire at all. I literally felt the same no matter how high I got.
The last thing ppl do is try to scare me w/ the possibility that I'll die alone. To me, that isn't so bad at all. I've literally always been alone, so it's not like it's something new.

But I do want to change things, it's just I don't know how. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where if things don't change, all the resentment built up inside me will make me burst. I want to approach women and have lots of sex, I just can't seem to get the desire to approach any girls at all. I feel my resentment towards women has grown in recent years. It's just that women are so much more privileged than men, they don't have to do anything except look pretty. None of them can relate to my problems, all they have to do is exist and they can get a partner. Ik it's not healthy to hate women, but with the way things are I can't help it.
I don't even know if u guys can relate to this, I doubt Chase or any1 ever dealt with this.

So what am I supposed to do? I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. Is there an article or a solution to help me?

The only way I know of to flourish as a man is to have the perspective that everything can be yours if you find a way to get it. To be able to enjoy the fact that the only price you have to pay is the pain of failure when you do something wrong, and the pain of the loss of fantasy when you become aware of reality, and as long as you can sustain these two the entire world could be yours for the taking.

Women have no such agency, no such drive. They are competed over, but they can only say 'yes' or 'no'. They are born for submission to what comes along that is worthy. That means that the offer has to come first, and even when it does, they are not really in control. In relationships they must maneuver from the bottom, with a dick inside them, barely managing their own swirling emotional state, and using a limited capability to try to influence something far more powerful and capable than they.

For you as a man there is no such 'opportunity'. You must fabricate your own offers, make your own advances, win your own victories. But when it comes, you are the one on top, thrusting, dominating, satisfying yourself, with the knowledge that if one victory is possible, it could be expanded into a thousand.

Getting the first victory is the hard part, and for that you must suffer like a man being tested by the gods - brutally, but with unbreakable faith in the journey and where it leads. You must sacrifice what you are now for what you could be, and let go of whatever does not survive the encounter with reality (which you have withheld yourself from meeting thus far), and tirelessly develop what gives you the smallest victories until it constitutes all of you. This is the sacrifice of the young man to reach his potential, and if you are no longer so young, well you had better just do it anyway as if you were, if you want to become the man you expected yourself to be back when you believed in yourself.

 

[Flowstatic]

are you drinking tap water? If you have no motivation to approach girls, then why are you on this website?

LMFAO you masturbate 3-4x a day off of random porn stars on a screen you wonder why you aren't motivated to approach IRL ROFL

I bet you walk around tired 80% of the time you are awake, and half of the time you thinking about porn. quit porn first, then think about the IRL socializing. you currently have a chemical imbalance, you're brain probably half working as well. I bet your grades are bad too. anyways. retain your semen, slowly stop porn, or go cold turkey NEVER watch it again. then you will be able to approach girls with the advice you get from GC

do you workout? probably not.... I doubt you'd be able to when you releasing yourself 3x a day

I don't use porn

 

[Flowstatic]

Meditation is the best thing I've found for releasing the mind from any kind of emotional straitjacket, whether it's social anxiety, depression, recovering from bad experiences etc.

Ok. So how do I meditate then? Do I just sit down for like 10 minutes and think about nothing everyday or something? I did try that for a few months but nothing rly came of it.

And if you force them away they usually leave you with a dead, tired, fatigued feeling where you have no motivation for anything, because they are still there feeding on your energy away from your awareness.

Yes exactly thank u! Nobody ever articulated it so well! I do have negative thoughts when approaching women, but I always force myself to remove them and focus on the positive. But it doesn't make a difference, I still feel so numb and depressed. Like it doesn't matter. Even without thinking anything.

My advice is to find a way to enjoy women without living in the pain of needing something from them

what's to enjoy? Who cares about them other than sex. I mean that's why men approach right, the only thing that can make the anxiety and humiliation from rejection worth it is the chance for sex?

 

[Swati]

I don't use porn

Д like that maters when you releasing your semen 3-4x a day. Porn is byproduct of getting you to releasing your liquid, depleting yourself. Your are a perfect example of not understanding the power of semen retention, and believing ONLY nofap from porn candidate. thinking rubbing one out is somehow better when done without porn

 

[Flowstatic]

Д like that maters when you releasing your semen 3-4x a day. Porn is byproduct of getting you to releasing your liquid, depleting yourself. Your are a perfect example of not understanding the power of semen retention, and believing ONLY nofap from porn candidate. thinking rubbing one out is somehow better when done without porn

I don't cum when I masturbate, I stop just before

 

[Will_V]

Ok. So how do I meditate then? Do I just sit down for like 10 minutes and think about nothing everyday or somehting?

Meditation is best when you are emotionally activated or 'triggered' in some negative way. The best way to do this is to confront or get close to a source of your anxiety, such as approaching a woman. This will trigger your emotions which you can then begin to take control of.

The process I use is:

1. Sit somewhere with your back straight, head up and facing straight ahead, like 'sitting at attention'.
2. Start breathing slowly and regularly, and focus on your breath.
3. Anytime your mind wanders in any way, don't react, just bring it back to your breath.
4. Stay completely still, breathing slowly, deeply, and regularly, and focusing on it.
5. Do this for at least 5 minutes at a time, I use a phone timer.

Your mind will attempt to seize your attention in all sorts of ways and with all kinds of emotions and bodily reactions, but your attention must remain calm and always on your breath, and your body must not react but instead stay still. Slowly your mind will calm down until it is tranquil without expending effort.

Meditation is not about combating or replacing bad thoughts with good ones, but about removing the control of thoughts over your attention and body - allowing them to exist, but without permission to do anything you have not allowed them to do.

 

[Will_V]

what's to enjoy? Who cares about them other than sex. I mean that's why men approach right, the only thing that can make the anxiety and humiliation from rejection worth it is the chance for sex?

I find women very pleasing to be around. First of all I don't take them seriously, so their rejections are like getting rained on while walking home - unpleasant but not life-altering. They are too silly to be trusted as a source of any real judgement - I mean, just listen to them talk for a few minutes.

They are pleasant to look at, their giggles and excitability makes my balls tighten, and teasing them is loads of fun. When we're in bed I'll enjoy satisfying all my urges to pull her hair, spank and squeeze her, put things in her mouth, and of course fuck her silly. And the best thing about it is that they enjoy all of this immensely and end up wanting more.

And in relationships, the sense of levity, enthusiasm, hope, and peace they can bring in difficult times (when you lead them well) is, well, once you've experienced it you'll realize how indispensible it is.

They are nature's gift to the men who suffer the journey of actualization.

 

[Swati]

I don't cum when I masturbate, I stop just before

OH WOW DUDE!!!! YOU ARE A MASTER AT MASTURBATION, YOU DESERVE A TROPHY!!!

 

[Chase]

@Flowstatic,

Testosterone is responsible for the drive to do difficult things, endure, overcome obstacles, and win.

How to Be a Dominant Man: What You Didn't Know About the 'Winner Effect'

Dominance is a touchy topic. It's positively loaded with cultural baggage - in the West, we're averse to both the idea of being dominant over others and of others being dominant over us. It has all kinds of ill-favored connotations that most would rather just avoid. I'm throwing all of that out...

www.girlschase.com

When it is low, you will not be motivated to do things that are hard to you... and learning to get girls when you don't know how is VERY HARD at the beginning (it gets easier and easier the better at it you get).

You are going to be chronically unmotivated until you fix those hormone levels. The brain responds to hormones... you know how you feel when adrenaline hits. It is the same on high testosterone: suddenly you just want to do things, overcome obstacles, win, succeed. When those levels are too low you just don't care that much and can't get yourself over the hump of resistance.

My suggestions on raising T-levels are here:

10 Ways to Raise Male Libido/Testosterone + 4 Things to AVOID

These unconventional science- and experienced-based tips from a skilled seducer will take your libido to the stratosphere… assuming you follow them. Last week I talked to someone who’d just tried testosterone replacement therapy (TRT). He’s actively dating and bedding new girls, but he wanted an...

www.girlschase.com

Good luck, man.

Chase

 

[Zoro]

A lot of good stuff here.

Unless you’re practicing sexual kung fu and channeling energy up your spine (which I know you’re not because doing that would energize and enliven a man), I’d cut your masturbation habit. Seems like you’re doing it compulsively, which potentially could be fucking with your dopamine levels (a big motivation killer). Consider other ways you could be fucking with dopamine levels (video games, too much phone use, smoking weed, etc.)

I agree with everyone here that your test levels are probably another factor in your motivation.

Some more things to consider with test levels: make sure you’re sleeping well. Get sunlight on large areas of your body. Make sure you’re eating quality animal fat. Manage stress levels (Short article on stress and test). Make some NOISE, literally yell, look up “how to do a haka” and do that, you need to free up your life force and that will help.

might want to get involved in some competitive arenas as well. Sports or martial arts, even chess. Even though losing can negatively affect testosterone, learning how to keep playing after a loss is valuable, and winning boosts testosterone. High testosterone people love to compete, so I imagine if you force yourself to compete, eventually you will start to build it. Total bro science here And while working out regularly is great, it can be pretty robotic, another reason I think you could use something more invigorating. Even something like dance class. (Salsa and Tango are SEXY.)

I also suggest you give us more info on your life, your habits, your day to day. Something is off here.

Again stop wielding the pork sword, unless you’re willing to learn the ancient arts of sexual transmutation, right now you’re abusing your sexual energy which will kill your motivation to meet sexy women.

One last thing, your view on women might also be demotivating. If the only value you see in meeting women is sex, then you’re going to have a hard time enjoying their presence enough to actually get laid. Yes women have a lot of great qualities beyond the bedroom, and maybe you need to venture out more and meet some of these divinely exquisite feminine creatures. You find the right one and even a smile can melt that icy blackened heart of yours.

 

[Zoro]

I feel my resentment towards women has grown in recent years. It's just that women are so much more privileged than men, they don't have to do anything except look pretty. None of them can relate to my problems, all they have to do is exist and they can get a partner. Ik it's not healthy to hate women, but with the way things are I can't help it.

uh oh. Who’s going to tell him?