How Do I Maintain My Confidence/Self-Esteem?

[Ken]

Hello,

For the past few years or so, I’ve been having difficulty maintaining my confidence. I find that it’s fleeting, it always comes and goes. It always ebbs and flows.

So here’s the question: How do I maintain my confidence/self-esteem consistently?

 

[James D]

I think no one is 100% confident all the time.

But there's a baseline confidence level or average confidence that you should try to keep reasonably high.

In your periods of low confidence, are you feeling unconfident about your performance in specific fields like picking up girls or business etc?

Or do you mean you internally think less of yourself in those moments?

 

[Chase]

Build wins into your schedule.

Confidence comes from how much winning you're doing versus how much losing.

Everyone has a streak of bad luck every now and then. When that happens and you realize your confidence has taken a drubbing, you need to sit down and ask yourself what you can build into your day that gets you more or less guaranteed wins -- actually satisfying wins that will build it back up again.

That's good for general confidence. Then you also have domain-specific confidence.

So like... if you've been sucking with girls and both overall confidence and girl confidence is low:

• Pick a sport, hobby, exercise, or skill you want to be better at that you can work on on your own and do it for 30 minutes a day. Make note of your progress.
  
  
• Pick some fundamentals you want to improve: clothes, hair, walk, posture, eye contact, etc. Work on that every day. Note your progress.
  
  
• Find something you want to learn that's cool and useful: a new language, to draw, to write better, etc. Work on that 30 minutes a day. Make note of your progress.

Do that for 2 weeks straight and by the end of week 2 you'll be feeling like a champ.

Then you need domain-specific confidence. For that, just pick anything you know how to do with girls that you can be assured of reasonable success in, and start there. If that's just making eye contact and smiling at girls you pass on the street, start there. If it's making small talk with waitstaff, clerks, and the like, do that. Then start setting slightly more ambitious -- but still small and achievable -- goals. Go up from there.

By orienting your life around incremental victories, you start to win, win, win all the time, and your confidence starts going up and up, both in general, and in the specific domains you get your wins from.

See also:

How to Be a Dominant Man: What You Didn't Know About the 'Winner Effect'

Dominance is a touchy topic. It's positively loaded with cultural baggage - in the West, we're averse to both the idea of being dominant over others and of others being dominant over us. It has all kinds of ill-favored connotations that most would rather just avoid. I'm throwing all of that out...

www.girlschase.com

Goal Setting

Goal setting is one of those things that isn’t a tactic, isn’t a technique, and isn’t a methodology, per se, for getting girls or having relationships. It isn’t a cool new trick a guy can go out and employ and net himself a cute, sexy new companion right away, or a means of making the girls he...

www.girlschase.com

How to Take Your Self-Esteem to the Stratosphere

A little while back, in "How to Find the Woman You Most Want: A 10-Step Process," Vaughn commented as follows: “Hey chase I've been looking around but I couldn't really find an article on self esteem. I have low self esteem and inferiority complex. I always compare myself to others like ALL the...

www.girlschase.com

Chase

 

[TestY]

Build wins into your schedule.

Confidence comes from how much winning you're doing versus how much losing.

...
Do that for 2 weeks straight and by the end of week 2 you'll be feeling like a champ.


Chase

Thanks for the great post!

 

[HoofHearted]

Hello,

For the past few years or so, I’ve been having difficulty maintaining my confidence. I find that it’s fleeting, it always comes and goes. It always ebbs and flows.

So here’s the question: How do I maintain my confidence/self-esteem consistently?

Do you have a specific example of what you mean? These aren't exactly concrete terms.

 

[Ken]

I think no one is 100% confident all the time.

But there's a baseline confidence level or average confidence that you should try to keep reasonably high.

In your periods of low confidence, are you feeling unconfident about your performance in specific fields like picking up girls or business etc?

Or do you mean you internally think less of yourself in those moments?

I think both feeling unconfident in specific fields and internally thinking less of myself.

 

[SteelbookCollector]

ya i've heard some people say, a mans value is supposed to come from his own life, not from women, but its okay for a womans value to come from men.

 

[Ken]

Do you have a specific example of what you mean? These aren't exactly concrete terms.

In addition to what I mentioned before, most of this is caused by porn addiction that I am trying to get over.

 

[HoofHearted]

In addition to what I mentioned before, most of this is caused by porn addiction that I am trying to get over.

Who knows. Beware though. Anybody who has ever told me they have a porn addiction doesn't actually seem to have one.

Oh, they look at porn too much, that's true. But they almost always have other bullshit going on that is the actual problem, not the poor innocent porn that catches all the blame.

They tend to blame the porn so they can continue being a shithead elsewhere, secretly and undercover.

I don't know you or your problems. Just a general reminder to all of us that we need to be a lil more real with ourselves sometimes.

 

[Spyce D]

Who knows. Beware though. Anybody who has ever told me they have a porn addiction doesn't actually seem to have one.

Oh, they look at porn too much, that's true. But they almost always have other bullshit going on that is the actual problem, not the poor innocent porn that catches all the blame.

They tend to blame the porn so they can continue being a shithead elsewhere, secretly and undercover.

I don't know you or your problems. Just a general reminder to all of us that we need to be a lil more real with ourselves sometimes.

I second this .

Sometimes , addiction can be a result of some issues in our life that we don't address and hence hide behind cheap pleasure to avoid pain .

Have dealt with a lot of b.s. this year .

And somehow emerged as far more confident cuz I was willing to confront it .

 

[SteelbookCollector]

The Rational Male brings up good points