How do I reverse people who do otherwise.

[trashKENNUT]

Sometimes,

You will meet unsavory insecure people who use their power to attack you in public. Given an example, My law teacher who teaches me Business law used to pick me on for something about my hair when i was in high school.

At the time, the thing about this is that it is fucking irritating. Because it is "right", but the thing is I have done the hair cutting for them (since my school is where we can't have long hair). IT happens with teachers, where they occasionally shoot students for no reason. You done the job for them, but then they are not cool and use drama to keep insisting on it 'doesn't meet requirements'.

and today, it happens with work too where the job is needed to be done but it's like you can't exactly reject it but it is not your task either.

So do i use social cunning? I have to, you know.

Zac

 

[Nuncle]

Hi Zac

To deal with such people is a learning process. It's not something you can suddenly decide to do and then do it.

You have to learn to do it bit by bit, making mistakes along the way, just like pick up. And just like pick up you have to really commit to the process of learning.

You will get a little better at handling such things with each occurrence, as long as you say to yourself "OK this time I will do a little better at it than last time".

It's probably not as difficult as learning pickup but it's still pretty difficult and the learning pattern is much the same.

One thing you have to do is to make yourself more hard hearted, which of course is not a universally good thing.

You also have to internalise the belief that these people are screwing you over and are therefore worthless. This allows you to become angry and express that anger.

As I say this takes work.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Nuncle,

One thing you have to do is to make yourself more hard hearted, which of course is not a universally good thing.

You also have to internalise the belief that these people are screwing you over and are therefore worthless. This allows you to become angry and express that anger.

As I say this takes work.

Yea... this takes work. and it does. I still have this compassion. You need to be neutral. Some women/people do need to be treated like males/neutrals. (Chase, you are so damn right.)

Society loves labels though. Hard hearted is a label, Like what you said, it is not accepted as a universally good thing, but it is also not possible to make people walk all over you all the time.

this takes work.

Zac

 

[Richard]

Zac, I'm a little confused, what exactly are you asking?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Zac, I'm a little confused, what exactly are you asking?

I never write well, sometimes emotions get into me. Apologies.

I have this terrible tendency to run into insecure people who have power to ask me to do things and i have done them. Things are good but then after awhile, they will say "things do not meet requirements" or they will use drama by being attacking me in public saying i do not do my work and at times, because i am self assured, a certain person come and advice me to do this way and say "thank you" out loud. Usually i counter that with the same loud expression of "Thank you".

I don't know how to explain it, but it's a vibe thing i am giving off that makes some people irritated. I can't point out exactly. Maybe i am too relax and not seen as "hardworking" and need to shovel sand infront of them. That's how it goes. I need to learn to handle this kind of "nitpicking".

Zac

 

[Richard]

Ah okay. Usually, I offer advice like this to women because they naturally are more likely to be the victims of situations like this. When someone is out to jab at your emotional side, work ethic, any personal attacks at you, it is best to do one of two things, and I use both for different reasons, moods, whatever it may be. They are:
Humor and Self-depreciative understanding.
With humor, you make light of the situation by making a mild joke out of it, a genuine joke at that because it takes away any personal attack someone can throw at you because you're showing that it doesn't phase you and thus, they lose their momentum to move forward.

With self-depreciative understanding you beat them to the punch and point out the flaws or errors you've made or that they think you've made, thus taking away their chance to say it. I stuck to humor until I learned this in Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Basically, everyone looks for attention, and a feeling of importance in their actions. This comes in a negative and positive array, a bad boss will scold you publicly for your work because he's looking like a big shot, while a kinder more socially attuned boss would inspire his workers, level with them, influence them to work hard, which is then reciprocated upon him. Take a look at the book if you've got the time, it'll help wonders

 

[Richard]

Examples of both...
HUMOR
Wrote a half-assed essay on Pride and Prejudice for AP Lit, my teacher was having a bad day, and said something like this to the entire class:
"Richard! One of my most stellar students, has failed to write a COMPETENT essay. Richard! What do you have to say for yourself?"
Me: "Well Ms. P! I imagine Ms. Austen would've been quite happy with my essay, after all, what you call a lack of effort is actually planned satire"
Went something like that, and she was mad that I had one upped her but she never did anything like that again, and even gave me a good grade on an assignment I cared nothing about.

Same situation with another teacher, I had to write a short report on the Intermediate Value Theorem in calculus, and admittedly, I wrote it about 3 hours before it was due, and that week my teacher had been harassing me about everything because I continually did good in class without taking notes. However, when I handed my essay in, I told her before hand what I had did wrong in my paper, what was a little hazy, and what she could expect, and suddenly my fire breathing teacher had turned puppy, and openly thanked me for my honesty, and said she'd keep it in mind while reading. After receiving the essay back, she wrote a note along with it saying "Great job Richard!"
Another thing pointing out your mistakes does is, I forget exactly how the book explains it is, people naturally downplay the seriousness of the situation, a boss who may criticize your work after explaining the flaws you know about will sympathize and suggest its not as bad as YOU, Zac, may yhink.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Zphix,

Self-depreciation, Kay, i get it. "Carry balls" is the term we call here in Asia. But mine is serious when people starts attacking and put me in a spotlight where i already self-depreciate.

Maybe i am victim mentality, but i really do self-depreciate. For my case, this are not cool people and they don't downplay the stuff when i already self-depreciate and humor, not at all. I even get criticize by this idiots in the past. So thank you for that!

Luckily i only meet a few people of this type in my life. Talk about not being socially attuned.

Don't worry about it man, I figure this out.

Zac

 

[Richard]

I was wondering if the cultural differences would affect things or not, however, if you have got the time, check out that book I mentioned, it goes into a lot of detail on how to deal with people like that.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I was wondering if the cultural differences would affect things or not, however, if you have got the time, check out that book I mentioned, it goes into a lot of detail on how to deal with people like that.

I think cultural differences might be a factor. But things are generally the same around the world for social interaction, just tweaks here and there. I check that book out.

Zac

 

[Marty]

At last, a subject I feel qualified to talk about!

It's been about 20 years since I was in school, but what I remember about teaching staff is that while some are very talented and I remain grateful to this day for their efforts, others are there simply because they can't really do anything else. At your age, you still have massive potential, and they presumably envy you that. I'd let it ride: water off a duck's back.

And if you do decide to engage in social countermeasures, remember the same two principles as for dealing with the schoolyard bully, viz.:

1. Don't let anyone see that he is getting to you. Keep cool, hide your emotions if you have them and don't reward him with sadness, anger, frustration or any other reaction he may be trying to elicit.

2. If you do decide to retaliate, you must ensure your threats are credible. That means overwhelming force, totally disproportionate to the original provocation. Think Hiroshima in exchange for Pearl Harbor (but in a refined, socially adept context of course).

 

[trashKENNUT]

Marty,

1. Don't let anyone see that he is getting to you. Keep cool, hide your emotions if you have them and don't reward him with sadness, anger, frustration or any other reaction he may be trying to elicit.

2. If you do decide to retaliate, you must ensure your threats are credible. That means overwhelming force, totally disproportionate to the original provocation. Think Hiroshima in exchange for Pearl Harbor (but in a refined, socially adept context of course).

This is really good. This is essential. It's a social thing that can sometimes either make or break you.

Zac