How do I stop beating around the bush. . .

[Black]

After months (or a lifetime if you wish) of breaking my head trying to understand why I fail with girls and why at the same time average guys think, because of looks alone, that I should be awesome - I stumbled into something.

I went out to the beach with some friends and two things happened:

1) a girl in our group kept touching my chest, telling me I'm "hot" and so on. This was so overt that it blindsided me and so I deflected her advances like a scared toddler for lack of a better answer. Later I was told she had been for real: she did have a boyfriend but wanted to get a kick out of having sex with me.

2) a girl I had met online came to our group to talk to me, but I got tense, staggered, she lost interest and another friend butted in and lead her - all this within seconds.

I just had a conversation with this friend about what happened and he saw me stagger in both cases - also had seen the second girl lose interest just the way I saw it.
This was good because this guy turned out to have been banging dozens of girls over the last years and, unlike the random guys who think I should be "awesome with girls", he was standing right there seeing what happened and how I failed.

___________

I read the articles about fundamentals and chasing/investment (amongst others) and I understand them.

. . . but i see that 75% of the times I'm overly anxious, come across unatural (most likely "unconfident" as my friend put it) and end up:
- investing too much, leaning in, offering help, pumping my value for no reason at all, talking too much, etc. . .
- deflecting the conversation topic from "you and me" to something boring, some problem no one cares about, whatever...
- breaking circle, offering to introduce her to friends (wtf?!)
- at odds with sexual tension and defusing it

I basically lose track of leading and everything else I should be doing - I just reset to beating around the bush over and over and over.

For my friend it's very easy to "be himself" and "be confident" - after all he knows he can get girls 'cause well. . . he already gets them.
. . .but my gut reaction is very strong, like a beginner boxer who knows he should not flinch and still does it.

So what the hell do I do? Meeting girls right and left for another year with 0 results?
Maybe it was necessary, but from now on it sounds like I should be more efficient.
Maybe if I focus on just a couple things at the time?

 

[milfhuntah]

Seems like you're smart guy, but you kind of completely lose it once it goes to action, eg you go to auto-pilot(you have knownledge, but can't apply it). This has happened to many guys, including me: at one point, I don't think and fuck up very badly, in whatever I am doing(seduction, business, etc..),

this "auto-pilot" or w/e it is, comes from lack of self-control. It's kind of equivalent when you first start fixing your posture and after a while you fall back to your old patterns(eg not holding your posture correctly). Not saying that auto-pilot is bad, it's useful and natural, but you need to change your "auto-pilot habits".

Within first year you should be very concious of everything, this concious phase is to make sure you train your new patterns and hold them(this might not seem too natural at first - you feel weird, others kind of think you're robotic), but at one point you will feel natural and you don't need to think about this conciously.

A good way to make sure you give your "higher brain" time to process surroundings is to get watch, it will vibrate on your leg/hand every 5 minutes. Once it vibrates, you will feel "self-concious" and then you think how it's going, and run through the "what's wrong, what would Chase say? How am I feeling? Can I do something that will improve the situation?",

DO reinforce patterns you feel empowering: don't talk too much, don't pump up value for no reason, etc..
DON'T reinforce patterns you don't feel empowering.

do it for few months and at one point, you no longer have that specific pattern, you've replaced it with something other. If you now quit this "watch" thing, your new patterns should become part of you, even if you're on auto-pilot.


There's few things that might help you fast:

1) sleep with the hottest hooker you can find - you'll get over your anxieties and "putting women to pedestial" thing.
2) go out on day and prove that you're not scared: hug/high-five/scream/sing complete random strangers.
3) start going to gym and lift HEAVY weights(deadlift&squat), I can promise you'll get more testosterone and grow a little more "alpha".

Last point is how I actually started with my first approaches:
Once my testosterone was super-high(read; felt super-horny), I imagined women naked and just went and talked with them. Remember; I had all the anxieties/no-confidence, heart pumping from pre-approach adrenaline, etc.. but soon as my "primitive" brain took over, I completely forgot my surroundings. It made me look smoother too.




ps, both girls wanted your cawk deep-deep in their vags.

 

[Mr.Rob]

like a beginner boxer who knows he should not flinch and still does it.

Yeah and after that boxer takes 200 hits to the face and flinches everytime he eventually learns not to flinch and ducks correctly instead.

Fuck comparing yourself to your friends that are good with women and quit judging yourself as being a failure. Everything you do, despite outcome, is awesome!

All your lacking is field experience and reference points it's the only way you're going to learn to stop "flinching".

Good luck

-Rob